Chapter 135
The two stopped walking when Cha Yoon and Joo-ah were no longer in sight.
“Shall we talk here? We can’t hear the others’ voices anymore,” Da-bin suggested. Seo-jung faced her in agreement.
“You said it was about the X nomination date partner, right?”
“Yeah. Since we’ve been on dates with other people since coming to Jeju Island.”
While Da-bin had been focusing on dates with Woo-jun before, since coming to Jeju, she had been on quite a few dates with other male cast members due to the circumstances.
Considering the unique nature of dating shows where participants focus solely on emotions away from reality, it was possible that new feelings had developed during these dates.
Da-bin nodded as if understanding Seo-jung’s meaning. Seo-jung spoke directly.
“Who do you want to go on a date with? I’ll choose whoever you want.”
“Then… well, I want you to choose Woo-jun for me.”
After seeming to ponder for a moment, Da-bin spoke as if she had made a decision.
“You want to have your last official date with Woo-jun too?”
“Yes. Going on dates with other people made me more certain about my feelings.”
Those words about becoming more certain about her feelings echoed in his mind, mixing with strange emotions. It was because he was reminded of how easily he wavered at just one word from Cha Yoon, unable to properly find his bearings. Seo-jung nodded silently for a while.
“Alright. Then I’ll choose Woo-jun. I hope things work out well for you two.”
“Having my ex-boyfriend cheering for me makes me feel even more encouraged?”
Seo-jung smiled at Da-bin’s playful voice and her patting her own shoulder. Just as he was about to suggest going back in, thinking they had mostly finished discussing what he wanted to ask…
“So, what about you, Ki Seo-jung?”
“Huh?”
“I mean, who do you want to go on a date with? It’s not fair if I’m the only one talking.”
“Ah…”
Seo-jung only then realized that Da-bin also had to choose his date partner. As if he hadn’t thought about it at all, Seo-jung blinked, and Da-bin clicked her tongue as if she had expected this.
“Tell me if there’s someone you want. I’ll choose whoever you want too.”
“No, I’m fine.”
“What kind of answer is that? Is there really no one you want to go on a date with?”
As she asked again, Seo-jung was about to nod but hesitated. It was because Cha Yoon’s face flashed through his mind.
At that moment, he realized that while he had been on dates with other people several times, he had never properly gone on a date with Cha Yoon.
Thinking about it, it was natural. Above all else, they were both men.
Nevertheless, he kept replaying the image of Cha Yoon comparing the dates he had been on with just the brief moments they shared returning to the X House together.
No, to be honest, this was all just an excuse. Even if Cha Yoon hadn’t brought it up, Seo-jung’s feelings would have been the same. Cha Yoon was the only person he wanted to go on a date with.
Sensing Seo-jung’s complex feelings, Da-bin spoke up again.
“Is there someone you’re thinking of? Who is it? Tell me.”
As Da-bin looked at him encouragingly, Seo-jung almost blurted out Cha Yoon’s name. He bit his lip, pressing down on it. Suppressing his surging emotions, he feigned a calm voice.
“No. There’s no one in particular.”
“Really, no one?”
“Yeah.”
“Then can I really choose whoever I want for you? You’re really okay with that?”
“Yeah, I don’t mind.”
Hearing Seo-jung’s unchanged response, Da-bin sighed deeply and rubbed her eyes.
“Seo-jung, you think too much.”
“…”
“Sometimes it’s okay to act on what your heart tells you, not your head. No one will think badly of you for that.”
He was at a loss for words as she spoke as if she had read his mind. Da-bin stared at Seo-jung, who was quietly looking at her with wavering eyes, then let out an “Aish” sound.
“I gave you the choice, but you said you didn’t want it. So don’t blame me later.”
“Why would I blame you?”
“Right, I guess you wouldn’t.” Da-bin shook her head and rubbed her arms.
“Let’s go back in now. It’s getting chilly as evening falls.”
“Wear this on the way back.”
“No, it’s fine. I don’t want to make Woo-jun misunderstand.”
“Let’s hurry back.” Seo-jung followed Da-bin’s gesture and started walking.
When they arrived back at the X House common area, they followed the sound of people’s voices. Soon they saw several cast members gathered in a circle in the spacious living room.
Seo-jung unconsciously looked for Cha Yoon’s face, but for some reason, he wasn’t visible. Where did he go? He wasn’t visible on the way back either. Just as he was thinking this reflexively…
“Da-bin unnie and Seo-jung oppa are here?”
“Yeah, where are the others?”
Da-bin asked as she found a seat, responding to Sae-young’s welcoming words.
“Cha Yoon oppa went for an interview, and I’m not sure about the rest? Maybe they went to sleep?”
So he went for an interview. Seo-jung nodded at the clue about Cha Yoon from Sae-young’s words, when Sae-young waved her hand to get their attention.
“No, that’s not the issue. What do you two think about this?”
“About what?”
“It’s about something that briefly came up in the movie we watched today…”
Sae-young began to explain. It was about the protagonist’s pet in the movie, and to summarize:
Unlike before, the protagonist became busier with work and had less time to spend with their pet. Their guilt and sorry feelings towards the pet, who was left alone at home every day, kept growing. Then one day, they find someone who could provide a much better environment for the pet and start considering whether to give the pet away.
“So, I’m curious if you understand why the protagonist is considering this.”
“I thought it would be a light topic, but it’s heavier than expected.”
As Sae-young finished speaking, Da-bin, who had been listening attentively, nodded slightly and responded. Seo-jung also empathized.
“So, what do you two think? Do you understand why the protagonist is thinking this way?”
As Sae-young looked at them expectantly, Seo-jung thought carefully. From the perspective of someone who doesn’t have a pet, he wasn’t sure if it was right to comment on such an issue, but ultimately, Seo-jung couldn’t understand the protagonist’s dilemma.
It’s human nature to want to give more to those we love. As such, it must have always weighed on their mind that they were making more and more sacrifices instead of giving more. However, Seo-jung couldn’t comprehend how that led to the conclusion of giving the pet up for adoption to someone else.
“Honestly, I don’t understand. I have a dog at my family home too. Sometimes I think, ‘Wouldn’t he be happier if he went to a different home?’ But no matter what, that doesn’t lead to the thought of ‘I should send our baby somewhere else.'”
“I agree with Da-bin. Rather than thinking that way, isn’t it better to do your best within your means to make up for feeling sorry?”
“Right. And above all, what pet would want to be sent to a different home? For pets, their current owner is their family. They’d want to stay with their current owner until the end.”
“As Da-bin said, that’s probably not what the pet wants either…”
Seo-jung, who had been nodding and agreeing with Da-bin’s opinion, had to stop mid-sentence. He felt something was odd.
Unaware of Seo-jung’s hesitation, Sae-young nodded vigorously and said,
“Wow, Da-bin unnie, well said. That’s exactly how I felt.”
As Sae-young clapped, saying Da-bin had perfectly expressed her feelings, Da-bin smiled at her as if finding her cute and picked up a can of beer. After taking a sip to wet her throat, Da-bin continued speaking.
“Honestly, we’re limiting it to pets, but broadly speaking, all human relationships are the same. There are quite a few cases where people do something the other person doesn’t want at all, thinking it’s for their sake. We see it in media, and in real life too.”
“…”
“But that’s actually just a mistaken idea. How can something be for someone’s sake if they don’t want it in the first place?”
“…”
“If you really want to do something for that person, you should do what they want. Not what you want to do for them.”
While other cast members’ voices were heard agreeing with Da-bin, only one person, Seo-jung, couldn’t say anything. It was because all of her words sounded as if they were directed at him.
There was nothing wrong with what Da-bin said. In fact, it wasn’t different from what Seo-jung had thought. To Seo-jung, love wasn’t about leaving, but about staying by someone’s side, and doing what the other person wanted.
But had he really done that for Cha Yoon’s sake? The time he had spent in the X House since the moment he lost his memory flashed by quickly. And along with it came doubt. Doubt about whether the numerous decisions he had made for Cha Yoon’s sake were really what Cha Yoon had wanted.
Unable to bear his increasingly confused feelings, Seo-jung stood up from his seat. The cast members, who had already moved on to a different topic, turned their attention to Seo-jung.
“Seo-jung oppa, what’s wrong?”
“I’m going to head to bed first. I’m a bit tired.”
Seo-jung barely managed to say this before turning around and leaving the common area. He couldn’t remember how he had walked to his room. Only after the door to his room closed and he was completely alone in the space could he finally stop moving.
Seo-jung breathed heavily. His pupils still shook violently, as if representing his heart.
Was I really wrong? But I never once didn’t think about Cha Yoon. I always wished for his happiness. As doubt sprouted in what he had believed and acted upon like a truth, it felt like the ground firmly beneath his feet was shaking. Unable to bear the growing dizziness, Seo-jung closed his eyes tightly.
How much time had passed like that? With a “ding” sound, his phone rang. He slowly checked his phone.
! 1 hour left until the Likability Store closes.
It was a notification about the Likability Store. A place he had never used in the past three days, a place that had no connection to Seo-jung. He was about to turn off his phone, thinking it was a meaningless notification. But he hesitated, and not long after, he launched the application.
Seo-jung read the number written at the bottom. 93. It was his likability points that remained unused. After thinking about something for a long time, Seo-jung slowly moved his finger. At the same time, a notification window popped up on the screen.
50 likability points will be deducted for purchasing ‘Message Revival Ticket’.
Seo-jung read the usage instructions for the item in the inventory and then wrote a name in the blank space at the very bottom.
Whose heart do you want to know about?
Cha Yoon
Confirm Cancel
After writing the name, Seo-jung pressed the confirm button with trembling hands. Soon, a pink loading screen passed, and an icon named ‘Secret Mailbox’ appeared. And when Seo-jung checked the ‘Secret Mailbox’, he couldn’t help but hold his breath.
Sender │ Cha Yoon
Thanks to you, I feel really good
Sender │ Cha Yoon
Make sure to apply medicine to your injury.
Sender │ Cha Yoon
Let’s try to live well according to the rules we set together
Sender │ Cha Yoon
No matter how much we fought, this isn’t right. How can I be the only roommate who doesn’t know something everyone else knows? I’m really hurt. Let’s talk when you come home in the morning.
Starting with “Thanks to you, I feel really good” that arrived on the first day, numerous anonymous messages and messages he had never seen before were gathered in the Secret Mailbox under Cha Yoon’s name. Seo-jung swallowed and started reading the messages one by one.
Sender │ Cha Yoon
I’m really sorry. For saying unnecessary things. I was wrong, so please stop being angry and look at me just a little…
The endless stream of messages ended with a message presumed to be sent by Cha Yoon just before the accident. Twenty-one. That was the number of messages Seo-jung had received from Cha Yoon.
There were two things that could be understood from the number twenty-one. That Cha Yoon had really sent him messages every single day without fail. And that no more messages had come since the day they arrived in Jeju Island.
Cha Yoon’s behavior before and after Seo-jung’s memory returned was clearly opposite on the surface. But if you looked just a little closer, you could tell. It was like some kind of signal. A signal asking for love from him, asking to be seen by him.
So whether he had lost his memory or not, Cha Yoon had always been saying the same thing. That he loved Ki Seo-jung. That he wanted to be with him.
What have I been doing all this time? You never wanted me to leave, you never wanted that. Why did I think about such a simple and easy problem in such a complicated and difficult way? What was it all for?
Seo-jung finally admitted it. That all the actions he had taken hoping for Cha Yoon’s happiness had been completely meaningless.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
