Han-gyeom slowly lifted his head toward the place Won-hyeok was pointing at. As he carefully mulled over Won-hyeok’s home being inside that building and the words he’d just said, Han-gyeom let out a gasp. Won-hyeok merely wore a relaxed smile.
“I’m really okay!”
“…Huh?”
“Sunbae, you’re tired. You just gave me a ride, so you really don’t have to treat me to anything like that.”
Once again, Han-gyeom couldn’t help but be impressed by Won-hyeok’s character. To think he was trying to buy him coffee because he was grateful for being driven home. And at this late hour, while tired, it wasn’t easy to be that considerate.
“No, it’s not like buying coffee is such a huge deal…”
“And actually, I don’t really drink coffee well. If I drink it often, my heart starts beating really fast, so I don’t really put it to my lips.”
Han-gyeom scratched the back of his head.
“And if I drink it at night, I can’t sleep well either. So it’s okay, really.”
The easy smile had long since vanished from Won-hyeok’s face, as if it had never been there to begin with. With a look of utter disbelief, he slowly blinked.
“So you’re not coming up?”
“Yes! You need to rest too, sunbae.”
“You did understand what I said, right? I said let’s go to my place.”
Han-gyeom shook his head hard from side to side.
“I can’t impose on you! Hurry and go inside. I’ll stay here and watch.”
Gripping his bag strap tightly, Han-gyeom’s eyes sparkled again. He was so determined to personally see Won-hyeok go inside that his face was starting to feel hot. Left with no choice, Won-hyeok turned his steps away, but his expression still looked blank.
Before entering the officetel building, Won-hyeok punched in the shared front-door passcode with a series of beeps, then turned his head. Han-gyeom smiled, lifted a hand, and even gave him a little wave.
Soon the door opened and Won-hyeok went inside. Even from far away, his steps looked so drained that Han-gyeom became convinced once more that studying today really had been exhausting for him.
As he came out of the alley, Han-gyeom habitually opened his phone calendar. After selecting today’s date, he neatly typed in, “The day I walked sunbae home for the first time,” and saved it. Then, on a whim, he flipped quickly through the previous month’s calendar. As he came back to today’s date, Han-gyeom realized something.
A calendar that had been completely empty just a few months ago was now, lately, packed full of special days.
[The day sunbae joined the club]
[The day I first shared a meal with sunbae]
[The day I first visited sunbae’s house]
[The day sunbae and I ate alone together for the first time]
[The day sunbae got my glasses fitted]
[The day I started dating sunbae]
[The day of my first date with sunbae]
And so on. Looking at the calendar filled to the brim with memories made with Won-hyeok, Han-gyeom clutched his phone tightly in both hands. His heart pounded. The thudding beat in his chest felt unfamiliar and loud, yet so overwhelmingly full.
It was the first time in his life Han-gyeom had realized a person could feel this happy just from being connected to someone. He had thought that simply being able to look at Won-hyeok from afar was enough to make life enjoyable. And now, for Han-gyeom, Won-hyeok’s existence was, more than anyone else, what made it possible for him to have joyful days—literally a source of energy in itself.
Sometimes, dating Won-hyeok—a man who lacked for nothing in looks, academic background, and financial means—felt like a dream, but every time his heart surged like this, Han-gyeom was reminded that this was neither a dream nor an illusion.
“I always just keep receiving from sunbae…”
Won-hyeok helped him simply by existing. But on top of that, he bought him meals all the time, got him exam files, and lately, while studying together, he would even look over Han-gyeom’s assignments whenever there was time. Watching him do all that while never once neglecting his own studies made Han-gyeom admire him all over again.
“I need to become someone who suits sunbae too.”
Whenever he thought that, his shoulders naturally slumped. No matter what he did, he’d never be able to catch up to perfect Won-hyeok in every way—but even so, Han-gyeom had no intention of staying unchanged and complacent in this situation, in this reality where he’d become his favorite’s lover. Won-hyeok’s words telling him not to try hard had long since been erased from Han-gyeom’s mind.
Walking along the dark road, Han-gyeom searched the internet.
[Clear contact lenses]
Pushing up the glasses that covered more than half his face, Han-gyeom immersed himself in a sea of information.
“There are so many kinds…”
The variety of lenses was far greater than he’d expected. And the price range was just as wide as the selection. Since he’d never once in his life considered wearing lenses, being flustered was only natural. It felt like he’d have to ask Han-ul about it later when he saw him. Just as he was about to stop searching and put his phone away, a call came in.
[Mom]
Han-gyeom’s steps, which had been steadily carrying him down the main road, came to a complete stop. It was rare for his mother to call. Ever since he’d become independent, the more time passed, the less often they used any means of contact other than text messages.
“H-h-hello.”
—Can you talk?
A calm voice came through the phone—familiar, yet a little unfamiliar too.
“Yes.”
—Have you, by any chance, seen Han-seo recently? He came up to Seoul a few weeks ago.
So there had been a reason she’d called after all. Han-gyeom had long known she wouldn’t have called just to ask how her son was doing.
“I saw him not long ago. He came all the way to my place.”
Han-gyeom deliberately emphasized that Han-seo had come to him in person. Then he heard her clear her throat softly. She was the one who had given him the address directly, so it was entirely possible.
“But that was the last time.”
—Really? He didn’t say anything then?
Han-gyeom hesitated for a moment. He almost said that his brother had extorted the money meant for his living expenses and tuition like some thug, but stopped himself. What would that be other than tattling? Besides, for it to be called tattling, there had to be some effect from saying it. Even if he did tell her, there was a high chance she’d just say, “Is that so?” and brush past it without a care.
“Yes. Did something happen to him?”
They weren’t blood-related brothers, but they weren’t complete strangers either. So Han-gyeom asked with just a tiny bit of concern—really no more than ant droppings’ worth.
—No, not that. We can’t really get in touch with him, and he hasn’t come home at all. Ahjussi is very worried. So I thought maybe he’d been in contact with you, but if you don’t know, then that’s that. I’ll hang up now.
The moment her business was resolved, she seemed to have nothing more to say, and she hung up first with a lifeless farewell. Han-gyeom stared blankly at the screen that read call ended, then weakly shoved the phone into his pocket.
He’d been in such a good mood just moments ago. Feeling something akin to the loneliness that sometimes came over him like this, Han-gyeom shook his head hard as if to shake it all off.
And then he walked briskly toward home.
***
Lately, big and small changes had appeared in his once monotonous daily life. Of them, the two biggest changes were that he had started dating Won-hyeok, and that he’d gotten a haircut.
And one of the smaller changes was that these days, whenever he walked around, he could often feel one or two gazes on him from somewhere.
Han-gyeom had a required major course first period that morning, and as usual, he opened the classroom door and went in. He set his bag down in a middle seat and sat, pulling out his notebook and major textbook, when someone tapped him lightly on the arm from the side.
Startled, he turned his head and saw two classmates smiling as they stared right at him. They were the same classmates who, during the first week of the semester, had made a huge fuss saying an actor named Kang Hoon had married their favorite celebrity.
“Han-gyeom, did you cut your hair?”
“Huh?”
“I wanted to ask a few days ago. I was right, wasn’t I?”
Han-gyeom slowly nodded.
“It really suits you. I think this is the first time I’ve seen you with your hair cut.”
And it wasn’t just those two. The classmates sitting behind him who overheard, as well as the ones in front, all turned their bodies around and jumped into the conversation as if they’d been waiting for it.
“At first I didn’t even recognize you.”
“Same. You should’ve cut it like this way earlier. Seriously, why were you hiding that face? If I had a face like that, I would’ve been advertising it everywhere.”
At the compliments flying at him from all directions, Han-gyeom kept turning his head in a daze. He was so flustered he didn’t know which question to answer or how. To begin with, this was the first time he’d ever received this much attention from his classmates. His presence had been so faint that there were still plenty of people in the department who didn’t even properly know his name.
“Um… does it really suit me? I’ve never cut my hair like this before, so I can’t really tell.”
Answering each compliment with thanks, Han-gyeom worked up a great deal of courage and asked the question. When he’d first shown his haircut to Won-hyeok and asked if it suited him, Won-hyeok hadn’t actually said anything. The conversation had flowed in another direction, but even so, Han-gyeom was still anxious. Whether this style really suited him or not.
So this was a very good opportunity to gather an appropriate range of opinions from a third-party perspective.
“Totally.”
“Way better. Seriously, a hundred times, a thousand times better.”
“Don’t grow your hair out again.”
His classmates each gave him a positive response, one after another, while raising their thumbs in approval.
“Th-thank you.”
Han-gyeom smiled faintly, embarrassed, scratching his head. And at that moment, the eyes of the classmates who had been interested in his changed image widened all at once. The expression on his face—with that shy flush rising on it and the smooth curve of his lips lifting into a smile—was something they’d never seen from him before, and beyond that, it was a sight that made it impossible to look away regardless of gender.
Soon the professor came in, and the noisy atmosphere quickly settled down. But after hearing praise from his classmates, Han-gyeom gained just a little confidence.
Maybe it would be good to ask Won-hyeok one more time too.
With that happy thought, Han-gyeom listened to the lecture, then packed up his things and stood. As he was about to head out of the classroom, a few of the classmates who had spoken to him earlier gathered beside him.
“Han-gyeom, do you want to have lunch with us?”
“Huh?”
“If you don’t already have plans, let’s go eat.”
Just as Han-gyeom was panicking, a hand suddenly shot out from behind, grabbed his shirt, and yanked him straight backward.
“You done?”
“Huh? Sunbae! O-oh, hello.”
The instant Han-gyeom recognized Won-hyeok, a huge smile spread across his face.
“Yeah. Hi.”
Won-hyeok accepted the greeting easily as he pulled Han-gyeom over to his side. The classmates around them seemed to recognize him and busily exchanged looks.
“If you’re done, let’s go eat lunch.”
Won-hyeok’s voice was a little louder than usual. It was loud enough to echo through the hallway, naturally enough for the people who had just invited Han-gyeom to lunch to hear it too.
“Yes, let’s go. Ah, guys. I already had plans…”
“Oh, then it can’t be helped. Let’s eat together next time.”
The classmates waved at Han-gyeom. Saying they’d see him in the next class, Han-gyeom walked out of the building side by side with Won-hyeok. Then, without warning, Won-hyeok grabbed Han-gyeom’s bag strap and led him toward a resting bench set up right in front of them.
“Sunbae?”
The moment Han-gyeom stopped walking, Won-hyeok started rummaging through his own bag.
“Han-gyeom. I have something to give you.”
“To give me? Me?”
The corners of Won-hyeok’s lips lifted gently, and then he pulled a cap out of his bag and plopped it onto Han-gyeom’s head.
“Th-this is a hat?”
“Yeah. I bought one because I thought it’d look good on Han-gyeom. What do you think?”
Han-gyeom could hear Won-hyeok’s warm laughter spilling down over his head. As he laughed, he pressed down on the cap he’d placed on Han-gyeom’s head, patting it snugly into place.
