67
I didn’t remember how long we did that before falling asleep.
When I opened my eyes, it was already morning and my body was fresh and clean. Cedric, who was sleeping holding me as usual today, was also fresh and clean…
It seemed like he had washed me instead after I passed out yesterday.
“Urgh, ugh.”
My body felt like it had turned into a stone. It was hard to move even a finger, and my waist and inside there were also a bit sore. I should rather be grateful that he washed me.
Right. It would be stranger if my body was fine.
After doing that so much… yesterday.
Moreover, what I experienced yesterday was my first! experience. Of course, it would be the same for Cedric, but are alphas and betas the same?
Even our stamina is different, and I was even in the receiving role, so enough said.
‘Sigh.’
I just gave up on moving. I enjoyed the coziness while being held in Cedric’s broad, warm embrace.
“…”
All things considered, yesterday’s events… were good.
It ended up being my first experience, and it would be a lie to say it wasn’t difficult at all and I did regret it slightly in the middle, but still all those complaints ended with ‘it was good.’
This change in myself felt surprisingly fascinating. When had I ever imagined I’d end up like this with a man? And with a friend… no, with someone I was worse than friends with.
I stared intently at the handsome face placed right in front of me. I remembered once wanting to touch his dense, dark eyelashes that fell in soft curves, so I gently stroked them with my fingertips.
They felt quite resistant since they were so thick.
‘Even if I plucked one or two, it wouldn’t show.’
Then I rolled my eyes down.
His well-shaped lips had a faint flush. Soon, yesterday’s events came back clearly to my awakening mind one by one, making me embarrassed for no reason and my cheeks heated up.
It was morning so I was already pitching a tent, but instead of subsiding, it seemed like it would get even harder, which was truly embarrassing.
After doing so much yesterday, again.
I wasn’t in a position to say anything to Cedric.
‘Sigh.’
I felt deep self-loathing toward myself for having perverted thoughts from morning when my stamina wasn’t even up to it and I was groaning.
I plan to give an answer to Cedric’s confession soon, and since we like each other, what could be the problem…
‘Still, there should be some moderation.’
This isn’t like being a pervert obsessed with sex.
After erasing the perverted thoughts and controlling my mind, I carefully separated from Cedric and got out of bed. A sore pain spread along my spine, but moving a little seemed to loosen my muscles and was rather better.
After washing and coming out, Cedric was sitting up with a disheveled face. When I was approaching to give a morning greeting, he also seemed to sense my presence and turned to look at me, then smiled brightly.
“Good morning.”
His eyes narrowed slightly and the corners of his mouth curled up softly. It was the same face as usual. It definitely was. But why does that face white as morning sunlight look erotic today…
‘Huh?’
I suddenly sensed danger.
In an instant, as if cold water… no, hot water had been poured in, my head overheated. Just seeing Cedric’s smiling face made my heart race and blood rushed downward.
I started to seriously worry.
If it were just my heart trembling because I liked him, I wouldn’t know, but it didn’t seem to be just that.
I quickly turned my gaze elsewhere.
“G-good morning.”
“Yeah. Hug me.”
“Huh?”
Without time to calm down, I was surprised and turned around to see Cedric spreading his arms asking for a hug.
I couldn’t refuse that either, so after hesitating I slowly approached and hugged him, and he chuckled and pulled me tightly into his arms.
“Eddie. Is your body okay?”
‘Ungh.’
Right after, the sensation of lips touching my ear and warm breath felt sensitively, making me flinch and tremble without knowing it. Reflexively, I quickly separated my body from his.
“Ah, I’m fine, I’ll go down to the dining room first!”
Then I left the room almost like running away.
My face felt like it would burst, so I kept taking deep breaths and controlling my mind on the way to the dining room.
‘Phew.’
It’s like my body isn’t mine. This body being more sensitive than usual is also confusing. Did I really break something after being tormented too much yesterday?
It would be one thing if it was a situation where I was getting in the mood, but it would be troublesome to react randomly like this without any timing.
Cedric would probably gladly accept it, but… I can’t do it. Embarrassing is embarrassing, but my stamina can’t handle it.
‘Still, it should be okay after some time passes.’
I vaguely thought so.
But I had to change that thought during the meal.
“We have to go home tomorrow.”
“Right. It feels like the time was too short.”
“I’m sad, Lili. I don’t want to send you away.”
“Hoho, we can meet again, you know.”
While continuing such conversation, Cedric suddenly wiped my mouth with a handkerchief… and because I had been unconsciously conscious of Cedric the whole time, I felt another reaction coming from that contact with him.
“…!”
I unconsciously pulled my head back.
Cedric’s hand that had been wiping froze in mid-air.
“Ah, th-thank you.”
I quickly buried my nose in the food. I felt dizzy. A strange sense of self-loathing was a bonus.
And I realized. Right now, that guy to me was stimulating just by existing.
He was like a walking aphrodisiac.
The biggest cause would be that my body had become more sensitive than usual.
My head and heart didn’t calm down and kept stirring. Yesterday’s events kept coming to mind, making me embarrassed. I just chewed on my poor fork with my teeth.
Actually, couldn’t it be helped? Yesterday everything was really my first time. It was the first time I’d ever had such a relationship.
Moreover, it was a thrilling experience I’d never have again. Since the person I shared that experience with is right next to me, my senses are naturally more focused than usual.
All the parts that touched him came up hotly, so inevitably…
‘Ugh.’
Moreover, since we came on a trip together, there was no time to naturally distance myself and adapt to this situation. Since we were using the same room almost every day, there were no conditions for that either.
I don’t know if the meat is going down my mouth or my nose. I frowned deeply. Disappointment and confusion about losing self-control mixed together, making my mood sink.
Now it seems I need to keep this body that heats up even from slight contact with Cedric a little away from him.
Just a little, just a very little. Without showing it, of course…
If I said I needed some alone time, Cedric would definitely interrogate me, and if I couldn’t answer that, he’d probably end up hurt.
But if I honestly confessed that my body was reacting, he’d definitely say “Then we can just do it, right?”
If I told him it was because doing it with him was difficult, he’d probably become dejected thinking it was his fault for pushing me…
‘I don’t want to make him worry for no reason.’
It wouldn’t take long to calm down.
Once this time of excessive reaction passes and psychological stability comes… when the lingering soreness subsides, like earth hardening after rain, my heart will also harden more firmly and definitely be okay.
Just like the first kiss was difficult but I quickly got used to it.
‘…I should say I want to sleep alone for a few days.’
And during tonight, I decided to take some time alone and leisurely think about how to confess to Cedric.
* * *
Edgar suddenly started avoiding Cedric.
At least Cedric himself was feeling that way.
He avoided his touch, couldn’t make eye contact, and even made an uncomfortable expression right after he wiped his mouth, so.
But he tried to restrain his emotions, telling himself it was probably just his own delusion, that he was just misinterpreting his actions.
Even when his suggestion to go for a walk was rejected and his reactions were lukewarm when spoken to during card games with everyone, he consoled himself that it probably wasn’t avoidance.
Yesterday was definitely good.
He could barely make eye contact today, but when they occasionally did meet eyes, it didn’t seem like he disliked it either.
What was the problem? What could be wrong?
Cedric repeated the anxiety and questions that stuck inside his chest and wouldn’t leave, only chasing Edgar’s gaze that wouldn’t return.
After doing that all day, it was already night.
Riette yawned and stretched.
“I’m sleepy. Shall we put away the cards and go to sleep?”
“Ah, yeah. Let’s do that.”
Edgar reacted a beat late and helped organize the cards. When Gareth and Riette were putting the half-organized cards in the box, Cedric handed cards to Edgar.
Then he flinched and glanced at Cedric once, then averted his gaze again and just took the cards.
Edgar’s ears were burning red.
“…”
Normally he would have thought he was just embarrassed.
Because of his strangely distancing behavior and what happened yesterday, Cedric wondered whether Edgar was really just embarrassed, or if he was having such reactions because he felt awkward about yesterday’s events, but was actually avoiding him because he was uncomfortable.
Soon they dispersed and went up to their respective rooms. Cedric followed the silent Edgar and asked.
“Eddie. It’s okay to share a room today too, right?”
Then Edgar, who was noticeably startled, looked back at Cedric hesitantly.
Of course, the eye contact was brief.
Edgar said in a somewhat awkward voice.
“Um… can I sleep alone for a while? It’s nothing serious, I’m just a bit tired! I want to roll around on a wide bed by myself.”
“…”
“…Is that okay?”
“…Alright.”
“Yeah! Then see you tomorrow.”
Edgar walked away with steps that seemed relieved and light. Cedric, who had been quietly watching that figure, couldn’t easily move his feet. To be honest… he was in a very shocked state.
His anxious gaze fell to the floor.
‘What did I do wrong?’
Maybe I pushed too hard yesterday… was he disappointed?
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
