Chapter 5. Haetae (8)
For a moment, only the crackling sound of burning firewood could be heard. When Eckart handed him the warmed milk, Ronen obediently accepted it. He must have been cold indeed.
The loosely worn clothes he was holding together with his hand slipped down carelessly, and when he lowered his head to drink the milk, the inside was clearly visible. Behind Eckart, who had turned his body away completely, Ronen’s voice settled down.
“I want to ask why you came so early today.”
When there was no answer from Eckart, Ronen sipped his milk and added,
“…I wondered if something had happened. Like if the fact that you’re hiding me was discovered.”
“…No.”
“Then that’s a relief. I’d hate for you to be chased by the guards because of me.”
Come to think of it, Ronen had been speaking informally at some point, but Eckart didn’t pay much attention to it. After choosing his words for a moment, Eckart opened his mouth.
“The knights’ names were put on the list. Everyone was confused, so… we decided to take some time to listen to God’s word.”
“It’s just punishing sinners anyway. Of course, the standards change from time to time by human measure, but they’re clearly sinners mentioned in the scriptures, so I wonder if there’s really a need to listen to God’s voice.”
Ronen replied in a nonchalant tone. Unlike himself, who kept doubting whether this was truly an act of justice, it was confusing that Ronen, who was destined for the execution platform precisely because he was a sinner mentioned in the scriptures, still believed in and followed God’s will.
“…Don’t you resent it?”
“As for resentment, I should rightfully resent my past self who was tempted by immediate food and warmth and pushed myself into the abyss. In the end, it’s the path I chose.”
Ronen replied in a self-deprecating voice and added,
“Do you resent God?”
“How could I.”
“Then?”
“I too resent myself for being so weak that I dare to doubt God.”
“…So you were human after all.”
Ronen let out a bitter laugh. Eckart slightly turned his body to look at him as if asking what that meant.
“An angel sent down to carry out God’s will by punishing sinners… I thought of you as something like that. You were called the angel of death on the battlefield too. I thought you wouldn’t waver even a little.”
Ronen’s face was dyed orange and flickered here and there. It was like a desert sun, and Eckart fell into thought for a moment. Soon he opened his mouth and continued calmly.
“I merely moved according to my lord’s orders. Because I’m a knight before being God’s servant… and in the end, it was a war that someone had to bear someday. Just as we called them heretics, in their eyes we were heretics, and if we hadn’t moved first, they would have crossed the sea.”
“…You’re saying they were also preparing for war?”
“Yes.”
Ronen looked surprised and dazed. Eckart clenched both fists and said,
“It was to protect everything precious to me and our beliefs, so I thought it was my destiny that I should gladly accept. But now the situation is different. This is really…”
Eckart’s face slightly frowned. Ronen, who had momentarily lost his words and was now looking down at the empty cup, moved his lips.
“So that’s why you’re keeping me alive? Because you don’t know yet… what’s right?”
There was no answer. Ronen, who had been repeatedly swallowing sighs, put down the cup. He sat up and looked down at Eckart, continuing,
“…Your path is clearer.”
Eckart looked up at Ronen. When their eyes met, a resolute voice dropped down.
“If this is God’s will, then follow it.”
***
Day broke. Black smoke rising in the distance could be seen. It covered the sky, making it impossible to distinguish whether it was smoke or dark clouds. It occurred to him that the sky had been continuously dark lately because of the smoke.
The line waiting for execution was still long. Day after day, sinners met their deaths without cease. However, what had changed was that the number of people flocking to the execution ground to watch had decreased by more than half. The crimes that violated the scriptures didn’t end with prostitution, and it had become impossible to know who among them was a sinner.
Duran, the city of pleasure, was gradually becoming a city of death. Only crumpled news sheets rolled around in the streets that were always bustling, and no more laughter could be heard.
Eckart stood at the village entrance, looking at the desolate streets. The sight was so different from just a few months ago that Eckart had to force his reluctant feet to move. The road to the square was long and painful.
He could see the sinners waiting for their turn. As he scanned them one by one, he stopped. He saw a familiar face. Here too, and here too, were faces he knew. The familiar faces increased one by one until finally they were all there.
He absolutely couldn’t watch his former colleagues being executed. It was agonizing. Sweat poured down like rain, and he was so dizzy he could barely breathe. If he, the commander, showed such a state, the other colleagues would surely waver too. Because of him alone.
Even while being so shaken, Eckart tried to compose himself. But flames rose and screams filled with pain tore through the sky. Instead of firewood, human bodies turned to ash. The face of the one writhing was also familiar.
“Commander! Save me! Commander!”
Eckart shuddered and opened his eyes. Instead of the sky covered with black smoke, he saw an old wooden ceiling. Breathing urgently, he sat up, and the blanket covering his body fell away. Drip, drip. The sweat that fell left marks.
He crumpled his face and bent his upper body. When he covered his face with both hands, he could feel it was soaked with sweat.
The surroundings were dim as day was just breaking. He could see Ronen sleeping, breathing evenly with a soft whistling sound. His heart became even more chaotic. The one who should lead colleagues to the execution platform was hiding a sinner who had committed the same sin, no, an even greater sin, and feeling relieved that he was still safe.
He let out a deep sigh and lowered his head. If only he could let go. If only this place were a battlefield, so that he would be seriously injured and forced to retreat.
Eckart recalled a musketeer who had retreated after being seriously wounded. He was tremendously skilled. His reflexes were like those of a beast, making it seem as if he moved purely on instinct.
That’s why it was unbelievable when he suffered such a serious wound. Watching the back of the musketeer preparing to return home with wounds too severe to recover from, Eckart overlapped it with his back that he had glimpsed in the barracks.
It was a back filled only with pain. His shoulders were so heavy as he wept and prayed. It was the day he had cut down a young boy who had rushed in to save his father. Eckart also clearly remembered the sorrowful scream of the father who lost his child before his eyes.
Watching the musketeer leave the battlefield like a defeated soldier, thinking that he shouldn’t have been wounded like that, perhaps… He seemed to have thought that too. What nonsense that was. He must have had such thoughts because he was so weak.
If only they were demons. If they were truly sinners who had succumbed to demonic temptation, if they all transformed into demons, it would have been better. Then it wouldn’t have been so agonizing.
Even until day fully broke, Eckart couldn’t escape from his heartache.
Originally, Eckart had planned to head to the Papal Court as soon as day broke, but perhaps because of the dream, his feet absolutely wouldn’t move. So he bought time with the excuse that Ronen might refuse to eat again and he needed to watch over him.
Ronen woke up when meal preparation was in full swing. He sat up drowsily, buried deep in the blanket. He looked at Eckart with a dazed expression, then after a while showed a face completely awakened from sleep.
Then he flopped back down, so Eckart approached and felt his forehead. He was worried that his body might be unwell from washing with cold water the night before. Fortunately, there seemed to be no fever, but… gradually he was developing one.
“…I’m not sick. I was just confused for a moment.”
“Confused?”
“I smelled food in my sleep and thought someone had brought a meal. I was about to ask for water since I was thirsty, but instead of little cute Osian, there was some huge man who seemed to reach the ceiling…”
There seemed to be bewilderment visible on Ronen’s face. Instead of asking further, Eckart brought him water. Ronen readily accepted it.
“Thank you.”
Ronen sipped the water while watching Eckart finish preparing the meal. It wasn’t anything grand to call a meal. Eckart wasn’t particularly good at cooking, and was a man accustomed to making do roughly on the battlefield.
During the day, dried foods. Even those he often couldn’t eat or had no appetite for, filling his stomach with water alone. Desert nights were cold, so when the sun set, they would share stew made by boiling dried ingredients.
So the foods Ronen ended up eating were all like that too. Plain and crude dishes without a single spice. At most, he would add some consideration by including undried fruit or meat.
This time too it was stew boiled with meat, and Eckart ladled it into a bowl and placed it on the table. Then he handed him a spoon, and Ronen, who seemed to hesitate, accepted it.
“…What about you?”
Ronen, who had thought he would soon ladle his own portion and sit down, looked up at Eckart with a puzzled face as he didn’t move.
“I’ll eat later.”
After answering like that and closing his mouth, Ronen didn’t ask further. Ronen, who had been looking down at the bowl for a moment, slowly scooped up the stew. He awkwardly lowered his head and even leaned forward to meet it, but drip, drip, he spilled the stew. It was the same when he tried again.
Thinking it was probably uncomfortable to hold the spoon with both hands, Eckart untied his wrists. With both hands now free, Ronen wiped the stew from the corner of his mouth with his hand. Eckart couldn’t take his eyes off the sight of him licking his fingers with his tongue.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
