#171
I felt a sensation of my body growing cold. However, in contrast, my nape felt hot and painful as if burned by fire. As if only my neck remained in my entire body, all nerves and sensations were concentrated there.
“Ugh… hnngh…”
The sound of crunching was clearly audible in my ears. It was the sound of my neck bones being crushed. It was a sound I couldn’t forget until death, no, even after death.
For some reason, I didn’t completely lose my senses until the final moment. I could feel everything – the monster’s breath as it devoured my body, and the hot blood spurting out.
I instinctively covered my neck and curled up in shock. I couldn’t believe I had experienced and recalled the moment of death.
I realized for the first time how easily a person could die.
Forgetting is a blessing. I didn’t know that the memory I so desperately wanted to find was this terrifying. It must have been such an unbearable pain that I buried the memory to protect myself. The memory that surfaced after fearlessly trying to find it was too frightening and despairing.
I didn’t even see the face of the monster that killed me. It was because I died from being bitten on the nape from behind. All I could remember was how thick and sharp the teeth that pierced my neck were, how horrifying it was to feel the wet saliva dripping down, and how terrifying the hissing breath was.
But even that memory alone was enough to devastate my body.
I wiped away the moisture that had streamed down my face. I thought it was cold sweat, but it was all tears.
“Hic…”
Realizing this, more tears flowed uncontrollably. As I heard the sound of my crying, somehow the sobs burst out more violently. I bent over, crying and recalling what I felt in the moment of death.
My vision darkened instantly, but the death that followed felt as long as an eternity. It was a very lonely time. Death didn’t come like a sharp cut of life, but like a candle slowly fading out.
How easily a person can die like this. If I had known this, I would have spent more time with the two of them instead of being stubborn. I shouldn’t have created things to regret. I shouldn’t have created people I’d miss leaving behind.
Why was I so upset about being deceived? They probably did it because they thought they couldn’t lose me. I had already decided not to return to the original world anyway, so why did their deception matter so much?
“Won’t you be my pair guide?”
“I like you.”
“I can’t be without you.”
“I only see you.”
I remembered the unwavering love the two had given me. Their lie out of not wanting to lose me was nothing compared to what they had done for me.
I should have asked them honestly instead of thinking and acting alone. I could have just told them not to do it again.
If I had known I would die like this, I wouldn’t have parted ways like that. The sense of betrayal I felt was very light compared to parting forever.
Above all, thinking about how the two would feel hearing about my death made my heart feel like it was being torn apart. It would be too sad if they thought they caused my death just because they provided the reason for my departure.
My heart ached, feeling like it was being cut, knowing how much the two would be driven mad with grief.
‘I couldn’t even see their faces one last time…’
I died with such despair. I didn’t die saving someone, nor did I die in the arms of a loved one. It was just a meaningless, dog’s death. That was so lamentable.
This was the circumstance of my death that I so desperately wanted to know. Just as I came to this world by chance after a traffic accident, I came to the world before the remake by chance after dying.
I understand now why people say to live well while alive. The person who said that probably said it after losing a loved one, but in a sense, I, who had died, had also lost my two loved ones.
“…I miss you.”
It wasn’t about Shin Haejun causing harm to others or whatever. I didn’t care how he appeared in this world. What mattered was that he existed here, in this world.
The thought of returning to him consumed my mind. The confinement in the villa didn’t matter anymore. I had to see the two of them somehow.
‘They might even feel betrayed by me.’
I was a traitor who suddenly ran away one day. The two might not understand why I was angry, why I felt betrayed. If so, they might even hate me. Me, who died lonely in a place without them.
But I wanted to see the two of them at least once more, no matter what.
“…I miss you!”
I shouted as if screaming and got up. I wiped away my tears while sniffling. I had to contact Shin Haejun right away. Whether to blame me or because he missed me like I did, he was the one who came looking for me first. I had to meet him right away and find Hyun Dowoon too.
“…Why are you crying?”
As I was trying to stop my tears while sniffling, I suddenly heard an unexpected voice.
I raised my head blankly. There was Shin Haejun’s face, looking a bit gaunt and unwell. Every time he blinked, his ruby-red eyes sparkled in the streetlight.
Beside him stood Hyun Dowoon with a frown. Both of them looked a bit worn and tired.
‘Am I seeing things because of my tears?’
Their images looked distorted through my hanging tears. I wiped my tears and blankly watched as the two approached me.
“…Is this real?”
And I asked a foolish question. As I stared at them with my mouth open in astonishment, Shin Haejun ran to me and hugged me tightly.
“Of course it’s real, what else would it be?”
The warmth I felt from Shin Haejun’s body made me realize that this wasn’t a dream or a delusion.
I blinked blankly, then burst into tears. As I started to wail as if mourning, Shin Haejun, seemingly flustered, tried to comfort me by caressing my back, shoulders, and hands.
“Don’t, don’t cry. Okay?”
Shin Haejun tried to comfort me in a flustered voice. But the more he tried to comfort me, the more tears burst out uncontrollably.
“Calm down.”
Soon, Hyun Dowoon approached and put his hand on my shoulder. I couldn’t smell his usual cool cologne. His skin felt a bit rough too. It made my heart ache, thinking it might be because of me.
“How… how…”
I asked, hiccuping.
“How did we come here, you mean?”
At Shin Haejun’s words, I shook my head. Thinking about it, that didn’t seem to be the most important thing right now.
Rather, I closed my eyes and hoped. I suddenly wished that the two didn’t know about my last moments.
‘I just… hope they don’t know that I died.’
It was a thought that came to me as soon as I saw their faces, but I didn’t die right in front of them. I hoped the news hadn’t reached them.
Because if they knew, they would blame themselves terribly. If they knew I had died, they would have been incredibly devastated. I hoped they hadn’t experienced such an emotional abyss.
However, seeing the pain in Shin Haejun’s eyes as he looked at me, I gave up on that hope immediately. The sorrow seemed too deep to be just because we had been separated like this.
“…How can you be so calm? Don’t you hate me?”
I left on my own, and then died alone despite that. It was the result of betraying Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon who had been so happy when they gave me the ring. From their perspective, it must have felt like falling straight to the bottom after enjoying so much happiness.
“More than hating… I was sad. Because I couldn’t protect you, Jaeha.”
Hyun Dowoon said, holding my hand. I turned my body to see his face better. I could see sadness lingering in Hyun Dowoon’s blue eyes.
“I promised to protect you no matter what…”
Hyun Dowoon took a deep breath as if overwhelmed by seeing my face, then sighed.
His hand lightly touched my cheek. Hyun Dowoon caressed my cheek with his thumb, closing his eyes tightly and then opening them.
“You’re really… alive.”
Hyun Dowoon seemed a bit relieved as he said this.
Understanding Hyun Dowoon’s feelings, I couldn’t contain my guilt and held both his hands tightly. Then Shin Haejun hugged me tightly from behind.
Finally, Hyun Dowoon and Shin Haejun embraced me tightly. It was a bit heavy being squeezed between the two, but at the same time, it didn’t feel heavy at all.
How could I have thought of dying before? I didn’t realize how happy it was to be with loved ones, and I thought it was natural for my heart to be eaten away. But after dying once, I could realize how happy it was to be alive.
I’m glad I’m alive. It was the two people in front of me who made me think that. I whispered softly.
“…I’m glad I came back to life. If we had never met again, I would have regretted it even in the afterlife.”
Hearing my words, the two embraced me even more fiercely, squeezing me.
I lowered my head in their arms and bit my lip slightly. It bothered me that the two naturally said they couldn’t protect me.
‘I died in a place without them.’
Yet they’re blaming themselves for not protecting me.
I thought it would have been better if they had resented me instead. The sense of betrayal I felt was really important at the time, but if I had known in advance that the two would look like this, I would never have left.
Their faces were that much of a mess. They were smiling with joy at finding me, but at the same time, they seemed deeply hurt from experiencing my death.
I felt like dying from guilt.
“…Um.”
And in the midst of feeling sorry, there was one more thing I felt sorry about.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
