He straightened his slouched body and took hold of my limp hand. The coolness of his touch slipped between my fingers and locked us together. I turned my gaze away.
Even after I tilted my head to push him out of my sight, his face lingered like an afterimage, hovering before my eyes.
He was watching me without even blinking. I didn’t need to look back to know that he was still staring at me just like that, as if waiting for me to acknowledge him again. His gaze was so intense that my right cheek began to tingle.
I tried even harder not to look at him. The moment I did, it felt like I would lose. Clinging to my pointless pride, I stiffened my neck and fixed my eyes elsewhere.
“Seo-yul hyung.”
His voice was barely above a whisper, yet my shoulders twitched. Like a child throwing a tantrum to get attention, he gently shook our intertwined hands and called me again.
“Seo-yul hyung, look at me.”
I bit down on my lower lip, forcing myself to keep my head from turning toward him. I steeled my resolve, reminding myself over and over not to waver, and only then did I manage to shake off his hand.
I expected him to grab me again right away, but surprisingly, he withdrew without resistance. Just as I was about to feel relieved, he suddenly pulled up his gown and began pressing his fingernail into the half-healed wound on his arm.
“What the hell are you doing?!”
I quickly grabbed his hand in alarm, but he easily pushed me away and dug at the wound again. His eyes weren’t focused on the blood trickling down his arm—they were fixed on me. As I stared at him in shock, he deliberately drove his fingernail even deeper into the wound.
“S-Stop… Stop it!”
Unable to take it anymore, I wrapped my arms around his bleeding limb. His blood seeped into my clothes, but I didn’t care. What mattered was stopping him before he hurt himself any further—before he used self-inflicted pain as some twisted way to demand my attention.
“Why the hell are you doing this? Why—”
A bloodstained hand touched my cheek. I flinched and looked up, only to be met with his beaming face. Then, he pressed a soft kiss to my frozen forehead and whispered,
“This is the only way Seo-yul hyung will look at me.”
I couldn’t follow his emotions. What did he hope to gain by forcing my attention like this, even at the cost of injuring himself?
Pretending the eight-year gap never existed, making me call him Vin again, trying to return our relationship to what it once was—it wouldn’t be hard to give him what he wanted. But it would all be a lie.
“I’m hurt. You’ll treat me again this time, won’t you?”
Still in my embrace, he motioned toward his wounded arm with a glance. His eyes, devoid of any real pain, reflected only me. Caught in the grip of his manic gaze, I was left speechless.
I slowly released his arm from my embrace, reaching backward to fumble for the door handle. His gaze flickered to my hand, poised for escape, before returning to my face.
“There’s something I kept thinking about the entire time we were apart. Do you know what it is?”
“I don’t want to kn—”
Just as I carefully tried to open the door without drawing his attention, a heavy wave of pheromones crushed down on me. My fingers, which had barely grasped the handle, slipped away weakly. As I sank to the floor, he knelt down beside me, his voice tender as he whispered,
“You shouldn’t let your guard down again.”
“Ugh….”
“I won’t be stupid enough to lose you like before.”
His bloodstained hand lightly traced my trembling lips. Then, as if he were about to close the gap between us, his breath came hot against my skin before his lips landed softly on my cheek. Something warm and damp brushed over the fine hairs standing on end.
“Eight years was too long. I should have come back sooner—I could have.”
“What do you mea—ngh.”
His lips trailed downward, reaching my neck. Just like in a dream I once had, something hot and wet licked along my sensitive skin.
I hurriedly raised a hand to cover my mouth. If I didn’t, I felt like an unfamiliar sound might escape. His large hand, which had been stroking over my clothes, pressed against the left side of my chest—right over my pounding heart.
He let out a quiet chuckle, sensing the frantic rhythm beneath his palm.
“Did you know? Your pheromones are going wild right now. With this, how could I not mistake it for desire?”
“!!”
I snapped back to my senses and tried to suppress my pheromones, but it was too late. He had already noticed everything.
With all my strength, I shoved his shoulders. He pulled away without resistance, his face bright with laughter—like he was happy to have read me so thoroughly.
My face burned with humiliation. Forcing my unsteady legs to stand, I stumbled out of his room. He didn’t stop me. Even so, the scent of his pheromones clung to me, refusing to fade so easily.
Only after locking myself in my own room did I collapse onto the floor. As I let go of the pheromones I had been holding back, the rich scent of cocoa filled the air so intensely that even I could smell it.
“…Shit.”
There was no mistaking it—this was the unmistakable scent of arousal.
Was it because I’d manifested as an Omega and encountered an Alpha for the first time? After all, under normal circumstances, there was no reason for me to meet an Alpha.
That had to be it. The new breed of humanity was naturally reactive to each other’s pheromones. It wasn’t because I wanted him.
I repeated the thought to myself over and over, desperately clinging to the justification.
Because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to stop the wave of self-loathing crashing over me.
***
I had to see him again the next day, but my feet refused to move.
Even though I knew that if I didn’t go, someone else would have to, I couldn’t bring myself to step out the door. Every time I tried, the image of him digging into his own arm flashed through my mind. The thought of facing him again filled me with unbearable dread.
I was terrified that it would happen again.
The way he hurt himself so easily, just to capture my attention—it was like I didn’t even know him anymore.
The Vin in my memories was never like this.
Somehow, the eight years we spent apart had created a version of him I didn’t recognize.
I couldn’t understand why I was worth that much to him. Why he would go so far.
After that, I shut myself in my room and refused to come out. I handled everything—from meals to daily necessities—within those four walls. I worried that he might come looking for me, but contrary to my fears, he never did.
Meanwhile, the investigation continued as scheduled, and the mansion remained as quiet as ever. Just like that, half of the week he was staying here had already passed.
“Young Master, the weather is nice today. How about going for a walk?”
Perhaps concerned about how many days I had spent holed up inside, the butler carefully suggested a stroll. When I didn’t respond, he added that at this hour, Se-yul would be out inspecting the area with him.
And so, at the butler’s urging, I finally stepped out of my room after several days.
The summer sun had grown stronger, radiating intense heat. I wandered aimlessly through the garden, trying to empty my mind.
Following the pull of my steps, I eventually found myself in the western forest. The trees, untouched by human hands, had grown even denser, completely shielding me from the sweltering sunlight.
Why did I come here…?
For the past eight years, I had deliberately avoided this place. Even when looking out the window, I had tried not to let my gaze drift toward the western forest—because it reminded me of him.
I should go back.
That was what my mind was telling me, but my feet kept leading me deeper inside.
Brushing aside the overgrown leaves, I arrived at the place where I had first met Vin.
No one had set foot here since that day, and everything remained frozen in time, just as I remembered. The door was still wide open, the inside left in disarray, the entire structure now even more worn and decrepit.
As if drawn by some invisible force, I stepped toward the abandoned storage shed.
The moment I entered, the stifling scent of mold hit me, and I instinctively wrinkled my nose. Covering my mouth and nose with one hand, I scanned the dark interior.
A single tiny window, no bigger than my palm, let in a mere trickle of sunlight. If I reached out, I could easily cover the entire patch of light with my hand.
What were you thinking as you stared at that sliver of sky?
I had only ever visited for a few hours at most. But that small child, who had spent most of his days trapped in this place, must have spent hours gazing at that window, waiting for me to come.
The memory still stung. I had always regretted not taking him out of here sooner. If I had, maybe he wouldn’t have suffered as much.
“…It’s still here.”
Though faded with time, the towel and blanket I had once given Vin remained in the same spot.
As I carefully picked them up, insects that had been hiding beneath scattered in all directions.
I froze on the spot, unable to even scream. Only when the startled bugs had all scurried into the corners did I exhale the breath I had been holding and step back.
“…What the hell am I doing?”
It was embarrassing, being this afraid of insects at my age, but no matter how many years passed, this was one thing I would never get used to. Even when I was Jung I-hyun, I absolutely despised bugs.
Snapped out of my wistful thoughts, a wave of self-reproach crashed over me.
I had told myself not to waver over someone who would soon be gone, yet here I was, failing at even that.
Shaking my head, I stepped out of the dilapidated shed, as worn as the faded memories it contained.
I won’t come back here again.
It was a meaningless promise, but I made it nonetheless as I turned back toward the mansion.
“Seo-yul hyung?”
If only I hadn’t run into him at that moment.
