He willingly offered his lap, forcing me to lie down before stroking my hair however he pleased. His touch, as if petting a beloved cat, was something I wanted to avoid, but after days of barely eating, I lacked the strength to move.
A soft rustling, fingers gently tousling my hair, made my body relax languidly. Was he doing this on purpose to put me to sleep? Forcing my heavy eyelids open, I met his gaze.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“How do you think I’m looking at you?”
“Hmm, lovingly?”
Even without a mirror, I knew exactly what kind of expression I had. Yet, he had the audacity to joke. That was when I mustered enough strength to push him away, escaping from the lap I had been forced to use as a pillow.
“You’re not going to sleep?”
“I’m not tired.”
I turned my back to him, but almost immediately, a strong arm pulled me close by the shoulder. The cool temperature of his body pressing against my back made me tense for a moment, but just as quickly, my body relaxed as if nothing had happened.
“Don’t push me away.”
His lips brushed against the nape of my neck as he whispered. The way he acted now, like a child seeking affection, reminded me too much of the past, stirring something raw inside me. But I refused to let it show.
What was the point of reminiscing about childhood now? No matter what I did, nothing would bring those days back. He was no longer the boy I used to long for. He was the one who destroyed District 5. The one who killed Se-yul.
“Do you hate me that much?”
“…Yeah.”
“I don’t want Seo-yul hyung to hate me.”
He murmured the words to himself, almost as if he didn’t expect a response. Unable to hold back, I turned to face him again. Because of the arm he had wrapped around me, we ended up facing each other in his embrace.
“If you don’t want me to hate you, then let me go.”
“Hmm, if that’s the case, I’d rather be hated.”
With that, he pulled me into a tight embrace. I tried to hold my breath, unwilling to take in the faint scent of his pheromones, but even that didn’t last long.
Struggling was useless. The more I tried to break free, the tighter his arms constricted around me. With no other choice, I simply let time slip by in his hold.
I felt utterly powerless.
“Aren’t you suffocating, staying here all the time?”
“If I say that, will you let me go?”
“I already told you. If you marry me, you’ll be free to roam the mansion as much as you like.”
He kept trying to coax me. As if expanding my prison from a small room to a grand mansion somehow equated to freedom, dressing it up in pretty words. I almost let myself be fooled by the layers of wrapping, almost mistook it for real freedom.
I lifted my gaze to look at him. Feeling my stare, he lowered his eyes to meet mine. His crimson irises curved gently with his delicate smile, reflecting nothing but me—just as they always had, then and now.
“If…—”
I had always thought that speculating about the past was foolish. But I kept thinking about ‘what ifs.’ I bit down on my trembling lips before continuing the words I had hesitated to say.
“If I had accepted your offer to go to District 1, would none of this have happened?”
“No.”
His answer was firm. Even if I had obediently gone to District 1 with him, District 5 was always going to fall. Strangely enough, his words sounded as if he was telling me it wasn’t entirely my fault.
That couldn’t be true.
“…I see.”
A hollow laugh escaped my lips. For a fleeting moment, I felt comforted by his words, and that shame stung more than anything. Maybe, deep down, I had been searching for a way to lessen my guilt.
I wanted someone to tell me that it wasn’t because of me—that he hadn’t returned because of me, that he hadn’t destroyed District 5 because of me, that he hadn’t killed Se-yul because of me. That everything had been inevitable from the start.
How cowardly.
Lowering my head, I rested my forehead against his firm chest. I could hear the steady thumping of his heart. When I closed my eyes, the sound only grew louder.
“Are you going to sleep?”
Like a child whining for attention, he gently stroked the nape of my neck. When I didn’t react, his teasing touch gradually stilled.
A soft kiss landed on the crown of my head. My weakened hands were guided to rest against his waist as he pulled me even closer. Each breath I took was filled with the scent of flowers.
“I want to leave.”
“Where to?”
If District 5 had never been destroyed, I had planned to leave—not for District 1 or District 5, but somewhere entirely unfamiliar, where no one knew me. I had wanted to give Han Seo-yul, who had spent his whole life trapped in a mansion, at least a small taste of freedom.
I had only meant to stay long enough to see Se-yul become the district leader before disappearing.
But what did it matter now? District 5 had fallen. Se-yul was dead.
“…Anywhere. Somewhere where only I exist.”
“…….”
“Somewhere with no one else, hhic, I just… want to go.”
I could no longer hold back the surge of emotions. As my shoulders began to tremble, he let out a deep sigh and gently patted my back before pressing his cheek against my head.
“I’m sorry.”
He whispered.
***
Somewhere along the way, as he held Seo-yul in his arms, he must have fallen asleep as well. Carefully, he loosened his embrace, letting Seo-yul rest peacefully. The other remained fast asleep, oblivious to the world, his delicate face serene. Leaning in, he placed light kisses on Seo-yul’s features, one after another.
They’re swollen.
His eyes were puffy from crying before sleep had finally claimed him. Of course, Seo-yul was beautiful even when he cried, but what he loved most was seeing him smile.
Yet, ever since he had come here, Seo-yul hadn’t shown even the faintest trace of a smile. He had only expressed anger, sorrow, despair—anything but joy. And still, he remained the most breathtaking person in the world.
As he cautiously pulled his arm away, Seo-yul let out a faint groan, shifting in his sleep. He stilled, holding his breath, waiting for Seo-yul to drift back into deeper slumber.
Slipping out of bed, he moved to the other side where Seo-yul had turned away. Crouching beside him, he simply watched. Just being able to look at him like this made him happy. He had waited so long for this moment—it still felt like a dream.
I want to keep him here forever.
Seo-yul would undoubtedly hate it, but if it were up to him, he would lock him away in this small room, letting him see no one but himself.
But that was no longer an option. He was reaching his limit. People were beginning to question who exactly was being hidden away in his chambers.
He had believed that in order to never lose Seo-yul again, he needed power. But now, that very power was the thing keeping him from being by Seo-yul’s side.
Heir? Shining? None of that mattered to him.
Truthfully, he wanted to erase it all.
“Sleep well.”
With a quiet farewell, he drew the curtains closed, blocking out the incoming light to ensure Seo-yul could rest undisturbed. Stepping out of the darkened room, he called for the guards and ordered them to stand watch at the door before departing.
Lifting his gaze, he followed the trail of golden light spilling from above, looking up at the moon that hung high over humanity. When he was a child, all he had ever wished for was to bask freely in its glow. But now, it was nothing more than a meaningless light passing by.
“Young master.”
Blocked by the guards, his aide had been waiting outside. As he stepped forward, the guards moved aside at his signal. Brushing off the wrinkles in his clothes, the aide immediately handed him a stack of documents.
“These are the files we received from Young Master Joshua.”
“…What a pathetic excuse for intel.”
Just as the District 1 leader had said, the results of the two-week investigation were disappointingly sparse. The information on the religious sect amounted to nothing more than rumors, and the captured followers turned out to be ignorant devotees who knew nothing of value.
No wonder they were called incompetent. Though, that dim-witted, lacking fool Joshua Shining likely had no idea what the problem even was. They say being stupid is its own kind of sin—perhaps the only thing to do was pity him.
“Toss this garbage and bring me the old reports.”
“Understood.”
“Summon the original overseers, and send the current ones back to Joshua. Don’t forget.”
“Yes, sir.”
Handing the useless reports back to his aide, he descended the spiral staircase leading deep underground. Before bringing Seo-yul here, this was the place where he had spent the most time.
The only darkness within a world of light.
Perhaps it suited him best.
After all, he had never truly belonged in the light. Not even once.
The underground air was thick and damp, a familiar stench clinging to his skin. No matter how much pheromone he doused himself in, the scent of death was never easy to erase. Whenever he returned to Seo-yul after being here, it always lingered.
“You’ve arrived, sir.”
The warden standing guard at the underground prison greeted him. He nodded slightly before pausing, waiting for his vision to adjust to the darkness. Then, without hesitation, he stepped deeper into the abyss.
He prayed, as always, that he could finish his work quickly—so he could return to his light.
