Chen Zemian was stunned when he heard Lu Zhuonian say he liked him.
His immediate reaction was to hide.
He was like an ostrich turtle—whenever he faced a question he couldn’t answer, he wanted nothing more than to bury his head and disappear.
He thought that as long as he avoided Lu Zhuonian’s gaze, he could escape reality and cover up his “crime.”
But today, he was trapped in the water, with no way out and no help.
All he could do was sincerely pray that Lu Zhuonian was joking.
He only wanted to be friends with Lu Zhuonian. He had never considered developing anything beyond that.
That kind of relationship was too unknown, too unstable.
Right now, Lu Zhuonian found him interesting and said he liked him, but what if one day he thought he was boring? Or met someone more interesting and stopped liking him? What then?
Once feelings had arisen, once he’d been moved, it was pure fantasy to think they could just go back to being friends. And even if he wanted that, would Lu Zhuonian be willing? How would people around them see it?
There was no going back to the past.
But if he rejected Lu Zhuonian, they might have to break up now.
Once certain words were said, there was no turning back for either of them.
So when Chen Zemian heard Lu Zhuonian say he liked him, his subconscious screamed, “No, no.”
Unless this was a joke, they would be embarrassed forever. They would never be able to live together, play together, or help each other like before.
This was too much. Too awful for Chen Zemian to accept.
If only Lu Zhuonian would take back what he just said, Chen Zemian was willing to pay any price. He almost said, “Fine, let’s just go to bed now.”
Anything was better than talking about liking or disliking.
Why they couldn’t talk about it, Chen Zemian couldn’t explain, but he felt that crossing the line from friends to something else would change everything—and it would all be over.
Chen Zemian thought for a moment and vaguely sensed something was off.
Lu Zhuonian had just said he was “interested” in him—how had that suddenly become “liked”?
That was too fast.
He felt he had to say something, or else “liking” would become “love,” and “love” would spiral into love at first sight, vows of eternal devotion, and forever. What would he do then?
Suddenly, Chen Zemian realized—
Was Lu Zhuonian really liking him, or just pretending?
You can’t fake that!
Otherwise, why hadn’t he said it earlier or later? He had just agreed they could “do it” in the future, and now Lu Zhuonian suddenly claimed to like him.
This wasn’t liking him—it was liking the act itself!
Chen Zemian realized this in shock and anger. He breathed a sigh of relief, but to show his feelings, he grabbed the towel on the tray and threw it at Lu Zhuonian.
Lu Zhuonian instinctively turned his head to avoid it. The towel barely brushed his nose before falling into the hot spring, splashing water everywhere.
Feeling the warmth on his face, Lu Zhuonian closed his eyes. Water droplets slid down his sharp eyebrows, hanging on his eyelashes.
Chen Zemian pointed at him. “You’re really something.”
Lu Zhuonian wiped the water from his eyelids with his fingers. “You have every right to be angry, but since you’ve made ‘treating me’ a priority and even formulated a phased diagnosis and treatment plan, I have to be honest about my feelings. Otherwise, what’s the difference between that and deceiving you into a relationship?”
“That sounds nice,” Chen Zemian raised his voice, his anger hollow, “but you’re only saying this now to trick me into sleeping with you.”
Lu Zhuonian didn’t know what kind of response most people gave after a confession, but based on his experience, this was clearly abnormal.
He knew Chen Zemian’s thoughts were jumping around, but he didn’t expect such a distorted focus.
Fortunately, Lu Zhuonian was rational enough to follow his train of thought.
“You just promised to ‘take it slow, do it slowly,’” Lu Zhuonian said. “If I were just doing this for that reason, why wouldn’t I say anything now and wait until the next time the ‘sexual addiction’ hits?”
Chen Zemian was sharp and insightful. “Because you don’t want to take it slow. You just want to do it now!”
Lu Zhuonian: “…”
Chen Zemian’s reasoning was clear. “When you said you were interested in me just now, I almost believed you. But after a few words, ‘a little interested’ turned into ‘really like me.’ Doesn’t that sound absurd to you?”
Lu Zhuonian thought no matter how outrageous he was, Chen Zemian was even more so.
“When did I say ‘a little bit’?” Lu Zhuonian took a slow breath. “Please don’t take my words out of context or exaggerate, okay?”
Chen Zemian crossed his arms. “Then do you think there’s a big difference between ‘interesting’ and ‘a little interesting’? Or between ‘interesting’ and ‘really like’?”
Lu Zhuonian was calm and steady, not easily irritated. Besides, the paroxetine he had taken hours ago was still in full effect—not even half-life reached—and the emotional dulling side effects hadn’t faded.
Personality and medication combined left him emotionally cold, almost machine-like, his mind in an entirely rational state.
But even so, Chen Zemian could easily provoke him.
When he saw Chen Zemian taking paroxetine, Lu Zhuonian’s own emotions wavered.
Now he was confessing to Chen Zemian but still felt angry—not able to reason calmly, even wanting to fight.
Lu Zhuonian tried to stay calm, but Chen Zemian thought he had exposed Lu Zhuonian’s trick, leaving him speechless.
He rarely had the upper hand in verbal battles with Lu Zhuonian, so of course he wasn’t willing to give up easily.
Chen Zemian was very alert, his perspective extremely sharp. “It took two months to move from using hands to using legs, and only ten minutes to jump from ‘interesting’ to ‘really like.’ Your feelings are upgrading faster than your behavioral needs.”
The veins on Lu Zhuonian’s forehead twitched. “Isn’t the point that I have feelings for you? The degree can be discussed later.”
Chen Zemian took a half step back, refusing to fall into the trap. “Except for those few days last week, we were together every day. Why didn’t you say you liked me then? I just agreed to take it slow, and you immediately said you had feelings. Would you believe that?”
Though Lu Zhuonian tried to reason, Chen Zemian’s logic had completely derailed him. “Isn’t it because I want to be responsible to you? You agreed we could do it in the future, but if I liked you and hadn’t told you—what kind of person would I be?”
Chen Zemian covered his ears. “No, no, I don’t want you to be responsible for me.”
With such an obvious refusal to communicate, even Lu Zhuonian was at a loss.
The ostrich turtle curled into his shell as if ignoring the whole world just by hiding his head.
Lu Zhuonian’s blood pressure shot up, a sharp ringing filled his ears.
He no longer wanted to argue with Chen Zemian.
He wanted to fight.
Unable to bear it any longer, Lu Zhuonian grabbed Chen Zemian’s arm, pulled him out of the hot spring, wrapped him in a bath towel, and dragged him to the lounge.
Chen Zemian staggered two steps, his wrist tightly gripped by Lu Zhuonian’s strong arm.
Through the shaking towel, Chen Zemian saw water splashed around the edge of the hot spring. Both were barefoot on the wet floor. Fearing they’d slip, he stopped struggling and just asked what Lu Zhuonian was doing.
Lu Zhuonian stayed silent, but his grip revealed a strength that was hard to resist.
Chen Zemian cursed under his breath but stopped resisting.
Slippery floors were dangerous. Most falls sent people backward, hitting their heads. Chen Zemian had learned that lesson as a child when he nearly got a concussion falling in a bathroom.
He pulled the towel off his head, lowered it, and walked carefully until he stepped on a soft, thick carpet. Then he resumed quarrelling.
Lu Zhuonian didn’t argue back. Instead, he pushed Chen Zemian into the room and locked the lounge door.
Chen Zemian had just started to speak when he suddenly felt weightless. Lu Zhuonian picked him up and placed him on the rattan recliner.
“…”
Lu Zhuonian propped the chair’s back with one hand, leaned over, and looked down at Chen Zemian trapped beneath him. “Why aren’t you scolding me anymore?”
Chen Zemian bent one leg. “What are you going to do?”
Lu Zhuonian’s dark eyes flashed with anger, his tone dangerous. “What do you think?”
Chen Zemian looked at him, seeing right through everything. “Look, I knew you still wanted to do it.”
Lu Zhuonian laughed angrily. “Chen Zemian, you can only look at the days before you wrongly accused me. I took paroxetine today.”
Chen Zemian suddenly remembered the side effects. His eyes dropped. “Can it really be suppressed?”
Lu Zhuonian was calm. “Want to see?”
They hadn’t worn swim trunks for the hot spring, but hot spring suits made of quick-drying material. The shorts were loose and ended above the knees, so nothing was visible.
Chen Zemian’s curiosity got the better of him. He raised a hand to touch.
It was still very big and hot.
Lu Zhuonian said casually, “What did you find?”
Chen Zemian said, “Fake medicine.”
Lu Zhuonian chuckled. “I’ve taken many meds with this side effect, but the paroxetine you hid is the most effective. It’s imported and not easy to buy. Where did you hide it?”
Chen Zemian’s eyes shifted. “I won’t tell you.”
Lu Zhuonian was dizzy with anger. “I asked you for paroxetine and you didn’t give it. Then you say I’m the one doing it to you.”
Chen Zemian retorted, “I didn’t say that.”
Lu Zhuonian lifted Chen Zemian’s chin to look at his beautiful face. He couldn’t understand how someone so smart could have such a strange brain circuit.
He was simply out of patience.
Lu Zhuonian stood and walked away two steps, his back to Chen Zemian. His voice was unreadable—half happy, half angry.
“I’m this kind of person in your heart. I told you I like you just to sleep with you.”
Chen Zemian sat up, grabbed casual clothes from the closet and put them on. “You said it yourself.”
Lu Zhuonian turned and looked at him: “What did I say?”
Chen Zemian repeated what Lu Zhuonian had told Xiao Qiwu. “You told me not to believe what he said, that ‘these gays can say anything to trick people into bed.’”
Lu Zhuonian: “…”
*****
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