“Not so sure anymore.” Although these few words are short, they are like a boulder thrown into the water, causing a huge wave in an instant.
Lu Zhuonian’s eyes moved suddenly.
The speaker is unintentional, but the listener is intentional.
It is self-evident what the ambiguous answer means. Chen Zemian may not have figured it out yet, but Lu Zhuonian could hear his hesitation.
Lu Zhuonian’s breathing was slightly choked, his heart was surging, and a whistle sounded in his ears.
The sudden tinnitus was like an ice cone piercing the brain, causing sharp and unbearable pain in an instant.
Lu Zhuonian closed his eyes; his forehead was instantly covered with a layer of cold sweat, his brows furrowed in extreme pain, and his arms could not stop shaking.
If he had not just resolved it once, such a strong change of mood would probably have caused him to fall ill again.
Chen Zemian’s eyes suddenly shook, and he raised his hand to support Lu Zhuonian. “What’s wrong?”
Lu Zhuonian didn’t say that he had a headache, even though his brain seemed about to explode. He just said, “Tinnitus. I didn’t hear what you said just now.”
Chen Zemian had nothing to hide and said it again very frankly: “I can’t say whether I am a straight man now.”
Lu Zhuonian seemed just curious and said casually, “Why?”
Chen Zemian coughed lightly, did not answer, but just lifted the air-conditioning blanket on his legs.
Lu Zhuonian’s eyelids drooped slightly and asked knowingly, “What’s wrong?”
Chen Zemian was instantly furious. “Can’t you see it?!”
In the long and endless night, Lu Zhuonian finally glimpsed a faint light of the sky.
Everything is harder than imagined, but also simpler than imagined.
He was too restrained and too rigid in the past.
How can physical sinking not be sinking?
From shallow to deep, slowly and firmly enter Chen Zemian’s life, let him adapt to his existence, get used to contact with himself.
There is nothing wrong with this.
Lu Zhuonian wanted to say something, but he caught a glimpse of Chen Zemian’s slightly red earlobe from the corner of his eye. He was distracted for half a second and forgot what he wanted to say.
Chen Zemian breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Lu Zhuonian didn’t ask him any more questions.
Too many things happened today, and Chen Zemian himself was a little overwhelmed. He needed to calm down and think carefully about whether he was straight or gay now.
It was great that Lu Zhuonian didn’t continue to delve into it.
Even so, Chen Zemian still explained from the perspective of being responsible for both parties: “I was really straight before, but I’m not a gay pretending to be straight to take advantage of you.”
Lu Zhuonian: “…”
Lu Zhuonian hesitated for half a second between taking advantage of the victory and taking his time: “You’ve been thinking about it for a long time, and this is the only thing you want to tell me?”
Chen Zemian was a little worried that Lu Zhuonian would misunderstand the original intention of his behavior, so he emphasized again: “I just want to help you cure your illness.”
Seeing this, Lu Zhuonian withdrew his temptation and did not force Chen Zemian to figure it out today. Instead, he took a step back and said, “I, of course, know you were originally a straight man.”
Chen Zemian nodded. “Yes, I treat you as a good brother.”
Lu Zhuonian hit the nail on the head. “Are you gay now?”
Chen Zemian was not sure. “Is it considered a slight double?”
Lu Zhuonian hinted, “In other words, it was after what happened today that you suspected you were not so straight.”
Chen Zemian thought for a while. “Yes.”
Lu Zhuonian: “It’s because of me, right?”
Chen Zemian vaguely felt that something was wrong, but Lu Zhuonian’s logic was very smooth and sounded fine, so he looked at Lu Zhuonian hesitantly.
Lu Zhuonian was also looking at him.
The moment they looked at each other, Chen Zemian’s mind flashed back to the moment when Lu Zhuonian lowered his head. His thoughts stopped for a thousandth of a second, and then the blood in his body began to boil.
Lu Zhuonian’s eyes moved slightly and fell on Chen Zemian. He didn’t say anything and just looked at him calmly. His eyes were full of deep meaning; he didn’t say anything, but it seemed that he said everything.
Chen Zemian blushed when he was stared at, and he raised his hand to cover Lu Zhuonian’s eyes. “Why are you looking at me? Stop staring at me!”
As his reason came back, Lu Zhuonian’s mysophobia also came alive. He hid back and said disdainfully, “Don’t touch me, my hands are dirty.”
Chen Zemian looked at his right hand. “It’s yours that got dirty.”
Lu Zhuonian got up and walked to the bathroom. “Go wash.”
Chen Zemian muttered softly, “Now you like to be clean again. Why didn’t you feel dirty when you kissed me just now?”
Lu Zhuonian paused and turned to look at Chen Zemian.
Chen Zemian didn’t expect Lu Zhuonian to hear him, and he coughed twice without taking a breath.
“You seem to have coughed a lot today.” Even in a state of confusion, Lu Zhuonian still retained extremely sharp observation, vaguely remembering hearing Chen Zemian cough several times: “Your voice was not right when you answered the phone. Are you allergic again?”
Chen Zemian denied three times, “No, no, how could it be possible?”
Lu Zhuonian did not accept Chen Zemian’s defense, attributed his coughing problem to the bowl of strawberries in the morning, and coldly sentenced strawberries to death: “You are not allowed to eat them in the future.”
Chen Zemian rushed over, grabbed Lu Zhuonian’s arm, and pleaded, “No, Mr. Lu, it’s okay to eat less. I have never had asthma from eating strawberries before. Maybe I ate too much this time, or it’s the variety!”
In order to obtain the right to pardon strawberries, Chen Zemian begged Lu Zhuonian to let him go. He started begging when Lu Zhuonian took a bath, begged him to take a bath himself, and talked to Lu Zhuonian with the sound of splashing water. Lu Zhuonian showed mercy and sentenced strawberries to a suspended death sentence.
The running water washed away all traces of ambiguity, and Chen Zemian became much more sober. Chen Zemian began to re-examine his sexual orientation. Can the expectation of helping each other with the same sex be used as a criterion for determining sexual orientation? Chen Zemian thought about it and felt that no matter how he looked at it, it didn’t seem to change his sexual orientation. So does he expect to have a more intimate relationship with men? For example, caressing and kissing.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, no, no, I can’t think of it at all.
When Chen Zemian thought about kissing a man, he felt sick to his stomach. All the beautiful and erotic thoughts just now disappeared. He couldn’t even accept kissing, let alone going further.
So he should still be straight, and his sexual orientation has not changed. The previous thoughts were just illusions caused by confusion and passion; they were not real and objective.
Lu Zhuonian himself is not a normal straight man. The behavioral needs of sex addicts will gradually escalate, so it is understandable that the scale is a little larger, and there is nothing to be surprised about.
Moreover, although Lu Zhuonian claimed to be gay, he did not ask for a “kiss,” let alone say that he wanted to develop other relationships with him beyond friends.
To sum up, even if the two people’s behavior slightly crossed the line, their feelings did not cross the line. They are still special, special, special brothers.
*****
Chen Zemian continued to take a shower while confirming with Lu Zhuonian, “Lu Zhuonian, we are still good brothers, right?”
Lu Zhuonian was silent for a few seconds. “Can you do this with other brothers?”
Chen Zemian said, “Fuck,” and said, “Of course not! Isn’t this for your treatment?”
Lu Zhuonian was silent for a few seconds. “But I can’t control my behavior when I’m sick, and I will only want more and more. The best choice for you is to stop and leave me alone.”
“What are you talking about? Treatment cannot be abandoned halfway, and it was me who took the initiative to help you treat your illness, which opened up your needs. If I just leave it alone now, what kind of person would I be?” Chen Zemian first refuted Lu Zhuonian loudly, and then whispered in dissatisfaction, “How can brothers be like this?”
Lu Zhuonian’s eyelids drooped slightly.
He realized that Chen Zemian’s obsession with “good brothers” was extraordinary.
It seemed that only by limiting their behavior to the category of “good brothers” could everything be justified.
It was a bit like trying to cover up something.
Through Chen Zemian’s repeated emphasis, Lu Zhuonian speculated that he might have vaguely sensed something was wrong, but he rejected this abnormality rationally, so he wrapped all the two people’s cross-border actions with a layer of “good brothers” coat, trying to eliminate the abnormality in this way so that the sensory system that kept reporting errors could eliminate the abnormality.
This was to convince himself and to remind Lu Zhuonian.
Chen Zemian was slow and alert, like a well-behaved cat. If you want to catch him, you must be patient and proceed step by step.
A rash move will only scare people away, and you must not rush.
So, he temporarily recognized Chen Zemian’s qualifier.
After getting Lu Zhuonian’s affirmation, the expression on Chen Zemian’s face relaxed all of a sudden.
Great!
Lu Zhuonian also thinks they are good brothers.
This is definitely great news.
Once mixed with feelings beyond brotherhood, things will become extremely complicated, beyond Chen Zemian’s ability to handle.
He is not a person who is afraid of trouble, but he is very afraid that the relationship between him and Lu Zhuonian will become troublesome.
If they were good brothers, everything would be much simpler—as long as they were good brothers, it didn’t matter who was straight or who was gay between him and Lu Zhuonian, there was nothing to be awkward about.
Because Lu Zhuonian was very kind to him, he also returned the favor and volunteered to help Lu Zhuonian cure his illness. If he was cured, everything would be fine, and if he couldn’t be cured, he would do his best.
All the actions of the two were for the purpose of curing the illness, without any other entanglements; the cause and effect relationship was clear, and the logical chain was simple and clear.
After Chen Zemian figured it out, he felt refreshed and came out of the bath wrapped in a bath towel.
There was water on his head and face, and the whole person was wet. The water dripped down his smooth skin, across his jaw, neck, and finally dripped on his shoulders.
Lu Zhuonian’s forehead jumped twice, and he turned his head away very gentlemanly. “Where are your clothes?”
Chen Zemian was like a wet puppy, shaking off the water and said, “My pants are dirty, get me a clean pair.”
Lu Zhuonian pointed to his cabinet.
Chen Zemian wandered to the closet, took out a pair of pants that barely fit him, and put them on.
“…”
Lu Zhuonian inexplicably began to have a headache, and said, “This pair of pants is for you.”
“You don’t want it anymore?” Chen Zemian turned his head to look at Lu Zhuonian and said provocatively with a playful smile, “Then shouldn’t you give me your mouth too?”
Lu Zhuonian had a blank expression and looked up at Chen Zemian.
Chen Zemian felt a chill on his spine and immediately stopped laughing. He put on his sweatshirt, picked up the changed bedding, and walked out, forcibly changing the subject: “Do you have classes in the afternoon? If not, go home.”
Lu Zhuonian reached out and grabbed the hood of Chen Zemian’s sweatshirt.
Chen Zemian’s back stiffened slightly.
Lu Zhuonian’s voice was unusually low and hoarse. “The addiction has just passed, and you provoke me again. Have you considered the consequences?”
The consequences of provoking Young Master Lu are very serious.
Chen Zemian only then realized how restrained Lu Zhuonian had been just now.
The most difficult moment of the disease has passed, and Lu Zhuonian’s consciousness is much clearer than before.
It was precisely because he was awake that the sense of oppression became stronger. He lowered his eyes and stared at Chen Zemian. His gaze was strong and fierce, like a beast ready to attack, full of the aura of a superior. Chen Zemian instinctively felt scared.
Lu Zhuonian suddenly smiled, raised his hand, and touched Chen Zemian’s face.
Chen Zemian held Lu Zhuonian’s hand, slightly turned his head, and rested it on Lu Zhuonian’s knees.
Lu Zhuonian hooked his fingers in Chen Zemian’s soft hair, suddenly seemed to remember something, and asked him, “Didn’t you say you wanted to dye your hair pink? Why didn’t you?”
Chen Zemian said, “I didn’t have time to dye it, and I came back.”
Lu Zhuonian laughed and pulled Chen Zemian up. “Get up.”
Chen Zemian pinched his face and moved his chin. “You don’t want it anymore?”
Lu Zhuonian glanced at the time. “At this speed, it won’t be finished by the time they get back from class.”
Chen Zemian quietly wiped the saliva from his hand onto Lu Zhuonian’s clothes. “Then are you leaving just like that? Let’s talk about it when we get home.”
Lu Zhuonian glanced at Chen Zemian. “It’s not that serious this time.”
Chen Zemian immediately got angry when he heard it and said fiercely, “If it’s not that serious, why are you going crazy?”
Lu Zhuonian said calmly, “Just now, for a moment, I couldn’t control the urge to stuff your mouth with something.”
Chen Zemian: “…”
The two of them cleaned up again. This time Chen Zemian learned his lesson and didn’t say anything provocative or abstract, in case Lu Zhuonian got angry and had a strange urge to stuff something in his mouth.
On the way back to Shengfu Huating, Lu Zhuonian’s phone rang several times, but he didn’t answer.
Chen Zemian glanced at the flashing phone and asked, “Is there something wrong?”
Lu Zhuonian tilted his head to look at Chen Zemian. “Why do you ask that?”
Chen Zemian said, “Last time you had an attack, wasn’t it because you received bad news? This time the phone kept vibrating, there must be something wrong.”
Lu Zhuonian said in a flat tone, “It’s not bad news. The school recommended me as an exchange student to study abroad for a year.”
Chen Zemian subconsciously said, “So long?”
“I was notified to go this spring, but I refused.” Lu Zhuonian closed his eyes and leaned back in the passenger seat with a little fatigue. “My family and school took turns calling to lobby, but they kept saying the same things over and over again. It’s meaningless and annoying.”
It was the first time that Chen Zemian heard Lu Zhuonian complain, and he felt a little surprised. He turned his head to look at him.
Lu Zhuonian’s face was tightly tense, his expression cold, and there was a layer of irritability between his handsome eyebrows, with a rare kind of resentment and dissatisfaction.
The Lu family’s young master, who was always calm and at ease, steady most of the time, rarely showed such an immature side in front of others.
Because of this, people often overlooked his actual age.
He was still a little dragon Aotian who would get angry.
Chen Zemian saw something new and couldn’t help but glance at him a few more times.
Lu Zhuonian seemed to have eyes on his forehead. Even with his eyes closed, he knew Chen Zemian was looking at him. “What’s wrong?”
Chen Zemian shook his head. “Nothing. Where did they ask you to study abroad? Why don’t you go?”
These were two questions, but Lu Zhuonian only answered the first one: “Harvard.”
Chen Zemian was slightly stunned for half a second when he heard the word “Harvard.”
He realized that this might be a plot point.
In the original book, Lu Zhuonian had a background of studying abroad at Harvard. At that time, some readers raised questions and said, “Isn’t the male protagonist a top student at B University? How come he became a Harvard student again? Did the author mix up too many settings for the protagonist?”
The author did not respond to this question at the time, but someone in the comments replied that it might be as an exchange student or something like that.
The exchange student explanation was also recognized by most readers.
Now it seems to be true.
Although Lu Zhuonian’s experience of studying abroad as an exchange student in the original book was a background setting, it was an extremely important plot turning point.
Because many of the key figures that appear later were met during his study abroad at Harvard, including Wall Street tycoons, princes of the Saudi royal family, the eldest daughter of the ninth earl, the son of the chairman of the chaebol, the crown prince of the royal family of Kingdom Y, and so on.
The integration and exchange of multiple cultures broadened the protagonist’s horizons and provided more opportunities. The expansion of his network of contacts laid a solid foundation for the establishment of his subsequent business empire.
“This is a rare opportunity.”
Chen Zemian said sincerely, “Harvard University has a profound foundation and leads the global trend of thought in business management and economics research. Studying abroad there can not only gain knowledge, but also make many connections.”
Lu Zhuonian smiled but said nothing.
There is no need to say much about the benefits of studying abroad at Harvard. He knows it better than anyone else.
Besides, he had heard a lot of similar words today.
He told the school that he was not ready yet, and told his family that his physical condition was unstable. No one thought he would refuse. The school and his family kept persuading him, hoping that he would reconsider.
Lu Zhuonian had nothing to consider because those two reasons were just excuses made up at random and were not true in the first place.
His GPA was far ahead, and his health problems had been ongoing for more than a year or two.
Lu Zhuonian did not tell anyone the real reason for refusing to study abroad because it involved a name he wanted to conceal and hide—
Chen Zemian.
He did not refuse to study abroad for Chen Zemian, but refused so that he could pursue Chen Zemian.
In the final analysis, the starting point was still himself.
But people who hear this answer will not think so. They will think that Lu Zhuonian is obsessed, and even blame Chen Zemian for this.
Lu Zhuonian cannot understand the logic of these people, but he knows what the universal thinking of the public is like.
To give the simplest example, people say that King You of Zhou set fire to the beacon towers to play with the princes for Bao Si, but isn’t the real and complete reason that King You of Zhou wanted to see Bao Si’s smile?
This was for King You of Zhou himself, not for Bao Si.
Combined with the above history of the incomprehensible monarch that Lu Zhuonian cannot understand but has been passed down for thousands of years, he must hide the name of Chen Zemian.
Since he would be labeled as “obsessed,” it would be better to let people think that he was out of his mind and chose not to study abroad at Harvard.
However, Lu Zhuonian did not think he was out of his mind.
On the contrary, he had a very clear balance and consideration for this matter:
With his grades and the financial resources of the Lu family, he could choose to study abroad at Harvard in any year of his life.
But he did not have the opportunity to pursue Chen Zemian every year.
For a heartless person like Chen Zemian, if he gave up halfway and suddenly went abroad to study for a year, when he came back from abroad, he would really be back to the starting point.
Especially since Ye Xi returned to school, Chen Zemian’s dinner parties had gradually increased. Today, Mr. Zhang; tomorrow, Mr. Jay—all wanted to invite Chen Zemian out for dinner and ask him to help solve their children’s aversion to school.
Fortunately, Chen Zemian was busy with the launch of the new game recently and had no time to attend those parties, but the parties he was invited to were already scheduled until June this year.
At this time, Lu Zhuonian could not leave.
He couldn’t explain all these ideas to the school, the Lu family, and Chen Zemian, so the three parties were surprisingly consistent and united in urging him to study abroad.
Lu Zhuonian was annoyed and asked Ye Chen to drink alone to relieve his boredom.
Ye Chen felt fresh when he heard Lu Zhuonian ask him to drink. After all, Lu Zhuonian had always been sober and restrained, with extremely high self-requirements. He had always declined alcohol and other beverages that affect nerves and will.
What could make Lu Zhuonian, who was going smoothly, drink to relieve his sorrow?
Apart from Chen Zemian, who is straighter than steel, Ye Chen couldn’t think of any other reason. Combined with the start of the “Study Abroad Exchange” season at the school, he easily guessed why Lu Zhuonian was in a bad mood.
Ye Chen poured a glass of wine and pushed it to Lu Zhuonian. “What did Chen Zemian say?”
Lu Zhuonian glanced at Ye Chen. “What does it have to do with him?”
Ye Chen also looked at Lu Zhuonian and asked, “Does it have nothing to do with him?”
Lu Zhuonian said, “It doesn’t matter.”
Ye Chen’s expression didn’t change much, and he picked up the wine glass. “Well, it seems I don’t need to persuade Kesong to study abroad.”
Lu Zhuonian’s eyebrows moved slightly. “What does it have to do with Kesong?”
Ye Chen said, “It doesn’t matter.”
Lu Zhuonian: “…”
“Kesong is also included in the invitation to study abroad,” Ye Chen kindly reminded. “I heard that you are not going to study abroad, and Kesong doesn’t want to go either. You also know his English level. He is alone in a foreign country; he may not be able to learn how to order food before he starves to death.”
Lu Zhuonian agreed with him.
Ye Chen shook the ice in his glass and continued, “Chen Zemian’s two best friends in Beijing are you and Kesong. There are some things you can’t say, but it’s easy for Kesong to say them.”
Lu Zhuonian: “What?”
Ye Chen said in a light tone, “Of course, it’s asking Chen Zemian to accompany him to study abroad.”
Lu Zhuonian’s eyelashes slightly lowered. “I don’t really want him to go.”
Ye Chen raised his eyebrows. “Really?”
Lu Zhuonian said with certainty, “Yes.”
Regarding whether to go to Harvard to study, Lu Zhuonian had made many plans, but none of these plans involved letting Chen Zemian accompany him abroad.
Chen Zemian’s friends are not only him and Kesong. It would be boring for Chen Zemian to accompany them abroad for a year.
Lu Zhuonian pays attention to efficiency in doing things. If he doesn’t go abroad, he will definitely focus on academics and social activities. He won’t have much time to accompany Chen Zemian.
After the start of the semester at B University, Lu Zhuonian spent most of his time at school, usually only at home at night, and could not go out with Chen Zemian as often as during the winter vacation. When he got home, he would read literature, do research, and write papers in the study room.
But Chen Zemian would not feel bored because he had his own things to do and his own friends.
He could go to the shooting range, to his own studio, meet Xiao Kesong, Liu Yuebo, Xue Duo, and Yan Luo, and occasionally go to Tang’s hometown for dinner, playing games and cards with them.
Xue Duo’s uncle, Xue Zhengwei, also liked Chen Zemian’s personality. Xue Zhengwei personally picked Chen Zemian up every time he went to Tang’s hometown.
Chen Zemian had his own social circle.
His world could not and should not be limited to Lu Zhuonian.
Lu Zhuonian said, “I can’t let him only be around me, and I won’t agree to Xiao Kesong tricking him out of the country.”
Ye Chen’s evaluation of this was only two words: “Love saint.”
Lu Zhuonian looked at Ye Chen speechlessly. “I just want to have a normal relationship. If I wanted him to have only me in his world, I wouldn’t be sitting here drinking with now.”
Ye Chen said concisely, “Yes, you should be in the bedroom.”
Lu Zhuonian had a blank expression. “Can I clear the dirty water in your head?”
Ye Chen: “It’s difficult.”
Lu Zhuonian put the wine money under the glass, stood up, and stroked his clothes. “Go home.”
Ye Chen supported himself on the ground with his long legs and said with interest, “What are you going to do when you go home if you don’t drink?”
Lu Zhuonian said coldly, “Guess.”
Ye Chen slowly turned his chair and said in a light tone, “I can’t guess.”
*****
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