A kiss like being impaled by a sharp harpoon poured down on me. Despite my whole body trembling, I desperately tangled my tongue with his as he tried to devour me.
“Mmph! Mm.”
I wanted to escape. I squeezed my eyes shut and struggled desperately. Only then did I realize that one of my arms, which had been moving clumsily, was wrapped in a hard cast. But Woo Tae-seon paid no mind. Far from avoiding or blocking my attempts, he firmly gripped both sides of my face and recklessly stirred deep under my tongue, sucking forcefully.
So there was only one way to stop Woo Tae-seon even momentarily.
“…Ah.”
Taking advantage of the sudden pause in the ravenous, sloppy kissing, I pushed him away with force.
Seeing Woo Tae-seon wipe away the bright red blood pooled on his lower lip that I had bitten, I realized my mistake. Woo Tae-seon was the one who should have come to his senses, but it was me who, belatedly alert, was fidgeting anxiously.
“S-stop it…!”
Woo Tae-seon drew closer, bending one knee onto the bed. I struggled to get away from him, pushing my hips backward, but he caught me after a time so brief I couldn’t even blink three times.
For Woo Tae-seon, it was an effortless task to overwhelm me as I creaked like a doll with dead batteries, to secure a position from which he could press me down.
I looked up, mesmerized, at his plump yet thin lips forming a smooth reddish curve.
“Seems like you didn’t know that half-hearted threats backfire?”
I didn’t immediately recognize Woo Tae-seon’s beautiful fingers wrapping around my neck, even after blinking a couple of times. Only when the pressure became tight enough to restrict the oxygen in my chest did my urgent mind prod itself.
He wasn’t just pretending to scare me. Woo Tae-seon was actually, sincerely choking me.
“Gugh!”
“If you wanted to die, you should have said so earlier.”
The more desperately I struck his shoulders and pounded his chest, the stronger his grip on my throat became.
Despite my desperate resistance, strength was gradually leaving my body. Now I could only pathetically scratch his broad chest, unable even to raise my nails. Save me, save me.
Perhaps due to my increasingly feeble resistance, he would loosen his grip just when it seemed like he would snap my neck, showing mercy just enough for me to swallow a breath.
But whenever I hastily gulped in the depleted oxygen, Woo Tae-seon’s tongue would enter with it. At first, I struggled hard to push him away, but only after this repeated several times did I realize the cause and effect had reversed.
It wasn’t that Woo Tae-seon’s tongue entered when I breathed; rather, if I clung to his soft tongue, I could breathe in fresh air.
I was annoyed and resentful of Woo Tae-seon leisurely enjoying my involuntarily parted lips, but the increasingly scarce oxygen chopped my thoughts to pieces and encouraged hasty choices. Like a training puppy, I quickly learned his intentions.
“Look at this. You’re really clinging to me like you’re about to die.”
With that, he completely released the collar that had been squeezing my windpipe. I gasped desperately, wanting to drink in all the oxygen that rushed in suddenly.
Woo Tae-seon attributed my struggle, which was merely a basic survival instinct, to desperate longing. It wasn’t even funny.
“When you get so excited and cling to me just from mixing tongues…”
The palm that had been sympathetically stroking my cheek as I coughed violently suddenly grabbed my chin firmly. It was such a strong grip that my jaw felt like it might dislocate.
“Yet you act like all you need is a dick.”
“Cough, huu.”
“Did you only offer your body to me?”
Then what else would there be? I couldn’t understand why Woo Tae-seon was pressing me, why his emotions had suddenly intensified. Woo Tae-seon acted as if there was something between us, but there was nothing between us. Yes, there was absolutely nothing.
My only desire was to deny everything if it came from my relationship with him, even emotions like byproducts settled at the bottom.
“At first, I thought I was going crazy.”
“…Haa. Huk.”
“It was definitely like that. But you kept not opening your eyes.”
His low murmuring voice suddenly cut off. Despite having met his staring eyes countless times, today they felt unfamiliar. As if I were seeing a stranger. His strangely distorted face, his subtly trembling eyes. It was strange. Truly strange.
“I wish you wouldn’t look at me with those eyes.”
Because this Woo Tae-seon, looking at me with such desperate eyes, was a Woo Tae-seon I didn’t know.
I was confused. I didn’t know what kind of eyes I was looking with, nor what this emotion enveloping me was.
“…Do you regret it?”
His voice seemed to whisper a little longer. Do you regret it too, teacher? “Too.” It felt as if he was asking like that.
Regret had always been an emotion I could find close by. I had always lived a life riddled with regret.
I had thought countless times about where things went wrong. Hadn’t there been opportunities to turn back, multiple times? Or I could have stopped right there.
“…I regret it.”
Complacently thinking that he would lose interest in me if I just endured this once, consoling myself that it would end soon if I just held on a little longer.
“I regret meeting you, I regret trusting you.”
If I had taken everything you gave me, would things have been different between us? If I hadn’t denied you. If I hadn’t provoked you. Then would you have quickly let go of me once I became boring?
If not, would you truly… My chaotic thoughts broke off. I thought I was crazy. What would change now?
No, Woo Tae-seon had to remain the same. Just as I had no reason to waver because of him, I shouldn’t even be confused because of him. As if all the paths branching from numerous assumptions would ultimately converge to the same result.
I led Woo Tae-seon’s fingers to that place. His long, neat fingers naturally wrapped around my neck.
“Want to try again?”
“…What?”
“This time I won’t cling to you.”
I calmly waited for our end. For his fingers to tighten around my neck, and for that moment when they would finally break.
The warmth encircling my neck fell away one by one. The thick shackles that seemed like they would never release were letting me go. To think it could be undone so easily all this time…
“…Shall we start over?”
I was speechless at the question, similar yet so different. Can you, can you do that…
Teacher. Woo Tae-seon called me again as I failed to respond. Him pressing, me silent. Somehow our positions seemed reversed.
“From the beginning.”
“…”
“As if nothing happened.”
I gazed quietly at Woo Tae-seon, who was asking almost pleadingly. Now, are you also anxious in this ominous silence?
“No.”
“…”
I couldn’t guess what his expression meant. I had never really been able to gauge Woo Tae-seon’s inner thoughts, but now even less so.
It was a strange, unfamiliar face. He often spoke through silence, but this was the first time Woo Tae-seon had lost his words.
“You said it yourself, that you wished there was no one between us.”
So, Tae-seon.
“Then there’s no reason for me to be by your side either.”
There was no longer any reason for me to stay, nor any reason for Woo Tae-seon to hold onto me.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
