“Want a beer?”
Despite the bright lighting, the gloomy atmosphere unique to motels that never completely disappears made me feel nauseous. Even in a sober state, I couldn’t think straight, so I shook my head, feeling that drinking would be a really bad idea.
“No, I’m fine.”
“Hmm. Is that so? I think it would be better to drink first.”
“Actually, I’m not good with alcohol…”
At that moment, the entrance door creaked open. I made eye contact with a man I had never seen before. I was the only one surprised. The man at the entrance smiled at me, who had frozen in place. The man who had been putting beer in the small refrigerator also smiled. I wasn’t naive enough to ask who it was.
“I told you it would be better to drink, Mr. Jae-yun.”
Actually, before I could even think about that, it was because of the men rushing at me.
My body was trembling. It wasn’t just because we had entered late autumn when the wind starts to get quite chilly at night.
As the cold wind hit me, the cheek that had been punched earlier felt hot and feverish. It seemed like it would bruise heavily. Of course, a dark blue bruise might already be spreading.
“If, if I jump down, you, you guys become murderers. You know that?”
“Isn’t this guy completely crazy? Get down right now!”
In a way, it wasn’t wrong. My appearance, half-undressed and desperately clinging to a large window, was neither normal nor common.
It was obviously impossible for me alone to overpower two men by force, and even escaping from them was difficult. Above all, the man who had come in later was blocking the entrance to the short corridor leading to the exit door with his body. It was clear he had no intention of letting me go, let alone allowing me an exit.
So the only path available to me, the only place I could escape through, was the large window on the exact opposite side from where they were standing.
“Hey, hey. Calm down. First, come down. Huh? Let’s come down and talk. Talk.”
He made gestures as if trying to soothe me, slowly waving his outstretched hand up and down, but I knew. The moment I was deceived, put down my only weapon, and came down to the negotiating table, they would immediately rush at me. I was certain that then, there would be no such luck as escaping again like now.
If there was even a tiny gap for me, it would be over. I could tell from the vicious looks that never left me for a moment, from the rope they hid behind their backs so I wouldn’t see. If I was caught by these guys, I would be thrown onto the bed with my entire body tightly bound by rope.
They were just waiting. Until the prey’s breath was about to be cut off, until the last trembling movement subsided. They were one of the petty packs of old eagles that couldn’t attack rashly and just waited for all strength to drain away.
No, they might actually be clever. In this kind of standoff, the side that collapses first is the one with nowhere to retreat or the one who is alone without anyone. So they were biding their time, waiting for me to tire.
“…hic.”
The dark void spread behind me was so frightening. If the center of gravity I was barely holding onto went even slightly backward, it felt like I would fall instantly. Since the height to the ground was immeasurable to the eye, the fear grew endlessly without knowing its limit.
I was scared. Really scared. In a situation where I could neither retreat nor advance, I was completely stuck.
All the numerous gods that had crossed my mind had turned away from me, but I became even more desperate. Now I just wanted to cling to anyone, no matter who. I wished someone, anyone would help me. Please, save me…
At that moment, a thunderous noise erupted as if the world was being turned upside down. The exit I had so desperately wanted to reach was rattling open. I lifted my head sharply at the long legs entering, trampling without hesitation through the room filled with bewilderment and surprise.
“Come down.”
Woo Tae-seon. As soon as I recognized his face, a sense of stability spread through the surging fear. Just by him being in the same space as me, just by him speaking to me, I felt relief.
Then I suddenly came to my senses at his hand reaching out to me. No, to be precise, I was surprised at myself for wanting to grab his hand. I felt dismay at the voice that honestly sprang from deep within my heart, feeling desperate and earnest to the point that I couldn’t deny the thought.
“You, you’re the same.”
Let me think. Yes, if I think calmly, I wouldn’t want to go to Woo Tae-seon. It didn’t make sense to return with my own feet to the place I had barely escaped from. Yes, so I didn’t want to go to Woo Tae-seon.
“Teacher.”
“Don’t come closer! Don’t come. You, you’re all the same! If you come closer, I’ll jump!”
I threatened Woo Tae-seon while trembling. Although I was the one shouting, our relationship was already clearly defined. Even in my precarious situation of hanging on the window, Woo Tae-seon was composed while I was impatient.
“Who the hell are you! What the hell are you doing!”
“If you don’t leave right n—hic!”
“Let go, let go! You bastards!”
Men who quickly entered behind him rapidly subdued the men who had been threatening me. The two guys who had been struggling even while pinned down by the large men finally quieted only after their mouths were gagged.
“Teacher, come down.”
As if uninterested in the commotion happening behind him, Woo Tae-seon had been looking only at me steadfastly from the beginning until now. And he approached very methodically. He definitely hadn’t pretended to hear my threat telling him not to come closer.
Now even the big men who had dealt with the two guys were watching me. It seemed like everyone was looking for a chance to pull me down.
“There’s no danger now. Come to me.”
Woo Tae-seon’s hand stretched out straight towards me only. If I extended my hand just a little more, we would touch. He was close enough to grab me right away. Yes, as if he would take me into his grasp at any moment…
My head was spinning. Is this it, is this the end? I recalled my first rebellion where I had to kneel before him and beg. I envisioned myself asking for his forgiveness again, begging him to show mercy. Again, saying it was my fault.
“…”
We grew further apart as much as I withdrew my hand. I felt Woo Tae-seon’s expression harden in an instant. While I was afraid and dreading the retribution that would follow, a small thrill quickly passed through me at his change.
I was confused. I was confused because the desire to reach out to him and the desire to reject his hand first were intensely conflicting within me.
So actually, I wanted to go to Woo Tae-seon. The thought that among the three threats surrounding me, Woo Tae-seon was the best kept whispering to me. To stop now. To give up now and return to his embrace, to that familiar place.
“Teacher.”
Woo Tae-seon reached out his hand again. Had he noticed the seed of confusion sprouting within me? Rather than being angry at his composure, as if he had known all along that this would eventually happen, I felt reassured by the strong arm extended for me.
I was too exhausted and just wanted to escape from the target board where all threats were aimed at me. Even though I knew that the lifeline that would save me would suddenly change and bind my limbs.
So I was about to reach out to Woo Tae-seon. If Woo Tae-seon’s voice had been just a little slower, I would have already grabbed his hand.
“I told you not to do things like this.”
Yes, if only he hadn’t said that.
My complicated mind, tangled to the point where I couldn’t even find where the knot began, turned white. It felt as if a whole can of thick white paint had been poured over it. Nothing changed no matter how many times I blinked. Neither the feeling as if paint had been spilled in my head, nor the words Woo Tae-seon had said.
Woo Tae-seon was blaming me. Asking why I did this. Why I committed such a troublesome act.
Voices I hadn’t heard before appeared and whispered in my ear as if not wanting to miss what they had said. Don’t you regret it too? You won’t do it again, right? Yes, don’t do it. Woo Tae-seon’s eyes looking at me seemed to be saying that. Don’t do something you’ll regret.
I looked directly into Woo Tae-seon’s eyes. I thought this might be the first time I had looked at him so boldly.
No, you should be the one to regret, right, Tae-seon?
For that reason alone, I let go of the hand holding the window. It was a very impulsive choice. It was like trying something reckless for the first time. Choosing to do something even knowing it would pull me in a worse direction.
Watching his hand reaching precisely towards me and my outstretched palm barely brushing past each other and moving away, I thought that at least I wouldn’t regret this.
A stiffened face with slightly widened eyes. It was a sight I had never seen before. The relaxed smile had disappeared from Woo Tae-seon’s face. Ah, has the revenge succeeded? I felt like laughing.
“Song Jae-yun!”
I felt a brief moment of satisfaction, a twisted pleasure.
* * *
Each time I struggled to lift my heavy eyelids, my blurry vision gradually regained focus. Only when it became clear enough to recognize the large grid patterns that neatly divided the smooth ceiling did I smell the subtle scent of disinfectant mixed in the warm air.
Hospital? Why am I here…?
The last scene I remembered spread vividly through my foggy mind. Slightly widened eyes with surprise, arms urgently reaching toward me, and for the first time I heard…
‘Song Jae-yun!’
Unlike my cold memory, I snapped to attention at the firm warmth enveloping my hand. I forcefully shook off what was holding me and hurriedly propped myself up on my elbows.
“It was the third floor.”
I made eye contact with that quiet voice. His face, which I hadn’t seen in what felt like a very long time, seemed somewhat unfamiliar yet also like the face I knew.
As heavy silence pulled the tension taut, my head was suddenly thrown back.
“Too low to actually die.”
His pitch-black irises, shadowed as they were, bore into me like aimed bullets. Though Woo Tae-seon only gripped my hair, it felt as if he were holding a sharp blade to my throat. The surging fierce aura made it difficult even to swallow my dry saliva.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
