My chin, which was slyly avoiding his persistent gaze and looking down, was lifted by a single finger. I tried to avoid it to the left, unable to withstand it, but Woo Tae-seon’s lips were quicker and more persistent in following me.
I closed my eyes as the sticky breath drew closer. A hot piece of flesh invaded between the colliding lips. His tongue, which swept across my even teeth, tickled the mucous membrane soaked in saliva. He prevented me from moving away by holding the back of my head with both hands and kissed me more deeply and intensely.
“Ah, ear, hnn, don’t, ahngh!”
Woo Tae-seon devoured my ear. Every time he rubbed my earlobe with his tongue and sucked it up, the strength in my supporting thighs dissolved. The squelching sound not only stayed in my ear but also filled my head and every corner of my body stickily.
As if my entire body had melted, I couldn’t put strength into even a fingertip. I very smoothly slumped onto Woo Tae-seon’s shoulder in a mushy state.
A large palm gently enveloped the back of my hand, which was so weak I could barely make a fist. And he started shaking it very slowly.
“If it feels good, make some noise. I want to hear your voice.”
An incredibly low voice whispered. Whether it was because he gripped my dick tightly at that moment, or because I heard the whisper dripping with heat, a tingling sensation quickly climbed up my spine to the top of my head. My waist, which I had unknowingly straightened stiffly, trembled.
“Haah, hnn! Ah! Ah, ah!”
“Feel good?”
“Ahk, goo, go, haaah.”
“What feels good? You have to tell me what feels good for me to know.”
Was I blinded by meeting those blazing eyes at such a close distance? My blurred judgment couldn’t focus.
I felt like I was dying now, and if I were to call Woo Tae-seon’s name, it seemed like my breath would choke. No, given that I felt like I was choking, had I already called Woo Tae-seon’s name? The creaking sound of the bed, heavy breathing, and the hot air—my dreamy mind, as if I had taken a handful of sleeping pills, was completely muddled.
Clang.
Like an unpleasant noise bursting from a softly playing record, a discordant sound popped among the lewd and explicit sounds. An ominous cold sweat ran down my shrinking spine.
I very slowly turned my upper body. It felt like an unpleasant sound, like creaking, might come out, as if forcibly operating an old machine.
“…Se, Senior.”
It was my senior colleague. Like me, who had frozen in place, under my senior’s outstretched hand, on the floor of the infirmary, lay a familiar car key. Like the car key fallen to the floor, I too felt like I was falling into an abyss.
Ah, aah…
Where I was sitting, what posture I was in, what I was doing—the clear answer without any room for misunderstanding drove me deeper into despair. I just wanted to escape from here and disappear.
“Focus. You haven’t come yet.”
Woo Tae-seon turned me, who had frozen in place, back toward him. I struggled, saying not to, but it wasn’t very effective. Instead, I had to be pulled by Woo Tae-seon, who was kissing me mercilessly. It was the roughest kiss we had ever had, and it was violent, as if he would really bite and swallow me.
I thought perhaps I had seen wrong, but the sound of the sliding door closing roughly behind me, the sizzling gaze of Woo Tae-seon, reminded me that what I had just seen was reality.
Only then did tears of realization flow down my flushed cheeks, along with a hollow sense of emptiness.
“I thought I only got turned on when teacher cried, but it also annoys me.”
Perhaps, contradictorily, I had been trusting Woo Tae-seon all along.
While Tae-seon drove me to the edge with threats, he always promised reassurance after venting his spite. He would throw me into anxious situations, but ultimately, it was also Tae-seon who rescued me.
He hadn’t done that last time. So I foolishly thought it would be okay this time too. I was such an idiot. Utterly pathetic.
* * *
Yesterday, yesterday was a misunderstanding. It’s not what you think, senior. I’ll explain everything. The words I had repeated countless times in my mind never made it past my lips. Especially not in front of my senior. After awkwardly blocking his path without being able to say anything, the place my senior took me to was the school rooftop.
He found out my secret. Even while hastily spilling words that barely made sense, I never specified what the secret was.
Even if it was an unavoidable circumstance for me, the other person might look at me with disgust. No, they might not even want to listen to me in the first place. I thought that was inevitable no matter what.
“You’ve been through a lot, Jae-yun.”
But after listening to my incoherent story, my senior patted my shoulder. Despite clearly being quite shocked, he hid his emotions and instead comforted me.
I felt like crying. The fact that for the first time I had shared my worries with someone, that someone empathized with my struggles, gave me such peaceful relief. It felt like I had gained a reliable ally.
At the same time, I felt sad. Because of the regret left behind by the past. If I hadn’t been alone, could I have made better choices even in desperate situations? If only I had given up everything and quit back then. No, if I hadn’t come to this school in the first place, none of this would have happened.
Now I just wanted to stop everything and run away. I didn’t dare touch the abnormal relationship with Woo Tae-seon. I just wanted to escape from this place.
“From the beginning, *sob*, yes. I think it was wrong from the beginning.”
“Huh?”
Even by my own assessment, I wasn’t particularly perceptive. Especially now, when I was overwhelmed by the chaotic thoughts swirling in my head, I had no capacity to observe my surroundings.
“Senior, I can’t do this anymore.”
So I was busy pouring out my emotions, almost wailing, without noticing that the kind responses had stopped coming.
Like my sleeve cuffs getting increasingly wet each time I pressed them against my eyes, I failed to notice the gradually changing atmosphere surrounding us.
“Should I just quit now?”
“Jae-yun.”
It was because I had covered my eyes and closed my ears. I missed the small sigh, and failed to notice the sharp lines etching one by one into his expression.
“Right, I should quit. I’ve been enduring it for so long and it’s been too hard…”
“Then just keep enduring from now on.”
“…What?”
What looked down at me was a rather cold face. I couldn’t even imagine how stupid my expression must have been, unable to understand my senior’s words and the look he was giving me.
“Your contract position is ending soon anyway, so can’t you just endure a little longer?”
“S-senior. I’ve been until now…”
“I’m his homeroom teacher. Don’t you know how important the college entrance exam is for a high school senior? Help me out, Jae-yun. You know Tae-seon is the chairman’s grandson.”
How could I have felt warmth in such an icy place?
“Senior, I’ll… make sure you won’t be affected…”
“How can it not affect me? It’s too late to take the teaching certification exam now, and it’s difficult to get into another private school. There aren’t many biology teaching positions these days.”
“…”
“Jae-yun, I’m getting married soon. Hui-eun is already six weeks along.”
The series of sighs seemed to blame me. As if I was making an unreasonable fuss. Tears fell in a rush from the hurt. I snapped back to my original place like a tightly stretched rubber band suddenly released. My tensely held expectations withered and shriveled.
“You’ve endured well so far.”
“…Senior.”
“The world won’t end if you hold on a little longer.”
I was already standing in the rubble of what had collapsed. And alone. I had been standing alone from the beginning.
“Right? Once your contract ends and you leave the school, Tae-seon will stop too.”
He’ll stop, he says. Even as tears streamed down my face, I couldn’t help but laugh bitterly. If I were to completely shut down, Woo Tae-seon would undoubtedly find that interesting too.
“He’s still a high school student with a lot of curiosity. He’s probably stressed about the college entrance exam too. And honestly, you too…”
“What?”
“Jae-yun.”
“What are you… so, senior. What are you trying to say?”
My voice grew sharp as I watched my senior hedge.
“I’m the one who wants to ask, Jae-yun. Were you really just a victim?”
“…What?”
“It doesn’t make sense, honestly.”
“…”
“To be victimized for that long.”
I couldn’t tell if I was understanding correctly what I was hearing.
“You’re gay, Jae-yun.”
Like a dagger piercing my heart, my entire body grew cold. So because I’m gay, it should be fine? Are you suggesting I liked it? Or is it that everything that happened is my responsibility? Why? What did I do wrong?
Everything I had tried to protect became an illusion. The feelings I had cherished for so long had withered away, and the person I had hoped would remember me as a good person, regardless of emotions, was in reality a coward and a nobody. What had I been trying to protect all this time? I felt empty and dejected.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
