“You’re here?”
Woo Tae-seon, who had been leaning against the window facing outside, turned his head and looked down at me. As his cheeks hollowed while taking a deep drag from his cigarette, the red light burned intensely for a moment under the dark light that hadn’t completely dispelled the night.
With smoke escaping from the corner of his mouth, the cigarette that had been hanging from the tip of his finger fell to the ground. The long, white body that had been clenched between his lips until just a moment ago was quickly crushed and mixed among the flattened cigarette butts. It wasn’t unfamiliar, like looking in a mirror, to see it spitting out black ash as if exhaling its last breath.
“…Why are you here?”
No, how did you get here. How did you come. I had never told Woo Tae-seon where I lived. Woo Tae-seon climbed half a flight of stairs ahead of me, who had frozen in shock.
“What are you doing standing there? Come up.”
Woo Tae-seon stood precisely in front of apartment 502 and looked back at me. He definitely knew where I lived. The tension drained from my body. When I showed no sign of moving despite his urging, Woo Tae-seon gestured with his chin toward the front door in front of him. It was the first time the last six steps leading to the 5th floor felt so high and difficult.
Woo Tae-seon, who had stepped aside as if to make room for me, quietly watched as I reluctantly punched in the password.
With a short electronic sound, the door opened with a clank. Unlike me, who stood awkwardly even after taking off my shoes, Woo Tae-seon entered the house naturally as if it were his own home.
“Why, why did you come?”
“Isn’t it too cold to treat a first-time guest like this?”
As he said this, his gaze scanning here and there quickly came to an end. It was natural. My studio apartment consisted only of a living room with one attached bedroom.
Moreover, because I had left the bedroom door wide open when I rushed out in the morning, the only room was clearly visible even from the living room. I felt a bit embarrassed showing Woo Tae-seon a house that could be surveyed entirely from one spot.
As soon as Woo Tae-seon sat on the sofa, he naturally crossed his long legs. With him sitting on the sofa where I often curled up to sleep, it didn’t seem like the sofa I knew. Not only had the old, worn feeling disappeared, but the spaciousness that could accommodate my crumpled body now felt somehow full.
It wasn’t that the surroundings made Woo Tae-seon; rather, Woo Tae-seon had the power to make everything around him harmonize with himself.
“Take it.”
I reflexively caught what flew from Woo Tae-seon. It was a hard, rectangular car key. An emblem was embedded in the center of the key’s black body, and it was a famous foreign car that even I, with my limited knowledge of cars, could recognize at a glance.
“…Why, why, to me?”
As I stammered my question, I suddenly realized its meaning. He meant to give me this key, and the corresponding foreign car. As my confusion disappeared, my sharply whittled pride bristled.
“Why are you giving this to me?”
“Just because I didn’t like seeing you getting rides from other people.”
“…Then I’ll stop carpooling. But I can’t accept the car.”
The person he was displeased with was definitely my senior colleague.
Actually, I had been feeling sorry to my senior and was contemplating how best to bring it up. My senior had been grumbling lately about whether I was neglecting him since I’d been intentionally avoiding times when we might meet. If I told him I’d be stopping the carpooling too, my usual excuses certainly wouldn’t be convincing enough.
Even so, I was planning to use public transportation. I didn’t need a car, nor could I afford to maintain one. Moreover, I had no need for such an expensive foreign car. And especially if it was a car from Woo Tae-seon, I wanted nothing to do with it.
Woo Tae-seon didn’t even look at me as I mustered my courage. Fiddling with the cube puzzle on the table in front of the sofa, he answered casually. No, it wasn’t an answer but a command.
“Take it. It’s a gift.”
“I won’t ride in my senior’s car anymore. So I can’t accept this.”
I thought I had spoken firmly enough. That it was the most resolute and clear thing I’d said to Woo Tae-seon so far. Going up to Woo Tae-seon sitting on the sofa and placing the car key on the small table in front of him was also perfect. Except for anxiously glancing around after the key made a louder sound than expected—perhaps I’d used too much force.
Only then did Woo Tae-seon slowly raise his head. Before his gaze, which was slowly scanning me from toe to head, could reach me, I discreetly hid my slightly trembling hands behind my back.
“Then should I put it differently?”
“It still won’t—”
“I want to have car sex.”
Each distinct, knife-like short word cut through me.
“I won’t say it twice. Take it.”
Despite his voice urging me again, he neither took what he called a gift nor returned it to me. I realized that the car key, still lying near his moving foot—the one I thought I had decisively returned—had never actually reached him.
It was as if it had been abandoned, and I had to pick up what I had thrown away myself. A desolate sense of powerlessness clung to me. I thought if I jumped into water now, I might sink endlessly.
…Fine, I’ll accept it. I just need to accept it, that’s all. The more I compromised with myself, the more my hardened heart was crushed like a popsicle in Hae-jin’s hand.
I opened the drawer attached to the desk. I pushed it into a corner among various entangled odds and ends in the old drawer, which was worn enough that even small scratches could be easily found. It was a small key that could be hidden in my palm. Though only that one thing had been added, the familiar drawer instantly became unfamiliar. Like Woo Tae-seon sitting on the sofa in my living room.
“Teacher.”
The voice, low enough to be chilling, had come closer than I remembered. That’s why I was startled despite having nothing to hide, and why the drawer closed with a fairly loud sound.
I couldn’t understand why Woo Tae-seon, who had been leaning diagonally against the doorframe, was standing crookedly, nor could I read the meaning behind his persistent gaze. The relentless gaze that had scrutinized every corner of the room finally stopped at my anxiously trembling eyes.
Only when his direct gaze met mine could I barely read at least his certainty. That something was seriously twisted.
“Are you seducing other students besides me?”
“…What?”
“You were meeting a young kid.”
I recalled Woo Tae-seon whom I had encountered on the last step, the window in the darkness against which he had been leaning, the three or four cigarette butts crushed underfoot. Even what he might have been watching until the long cigarette became a short butt.
Though I had a vague idea, I trembled, not knowing which one he had seen, or how his twisted perspective had distorted it.
“Seems like you were so desperate for a younger dick.”
“…”
“Did you two come separately to avoid being caught?”
“…No. That’s, not it.”
No, he’s my cousin. The indignant voice that had risen to the tip of my tongue had to be swallowed back because I couldn’t be certain.
Should I honestly confess the misunderstanding to at least partially alleviate his severely twisted judgment, or would it be better to endure this moment somehow without revealing anything, since it would certainly become new material for blackmail?
At this unexpected crossroads that suddenly appeared, I could neither choose the best option nor be confident in my choice.
“But why did you send him away? Did you see me there?”
I was frozen in place like a tree cut down to its stump. Though I hadn’t moved a step, just his voice getting closer made me feel cornered. Each word from him as he slowly approached was like an electric saw spinning with a loud noise. Though I had no more branches left to be cut, it was threatening enough.
I became increasingly anxious with the fear that kept leaking out defensively, and was helplessly dragged along by the tension that felt like a noose tightening around my neck.
“But you know, Teacher.”
“That’s not it. No, Tae-seon. It’s…”
“You’re not mentioning that he’s your cousin?”
…Ah. The strength drained from my trembling body with a thud.
Woo Tae-seon’s palm always made me miserable. He already knew about me, who would be stripped naked under his curious gaze. He knew the most effective way to break me, and even what I would look like when I finally didn’t know what to do and paced anxiously.
“Does he know too? How loose this is.”
“Don’t, hnn. Nngh.”
“I mean, does he know how many times my dick has gone in and out of Teacher’s hole?”
I trembled at the large palm gripping one of my buttocks and the cold smile that showed no signs of softening. Only now did I realize how foolish it was to think I could cover Woo Tae-seon’s eyes.
“If you felt it wasn’t enough, you should have said something. I would have given you more.”
“No, really, it’s not like that. Not, not like that…”
“Why are you trembling so much? Afraid I’ll tell him?”
As if I didn’t know that everything of mine was in Woo Tae-seon’s grasp, just like the buttock he had seized. I was too dull and stupid, gradually giving up with the familiar repetition and eventually thinking carelessly.
“When living two lives, you should have been prepared for some hair-pulling at least.”
“…Tae-seon, please.”
“Ah. Surely I’m not just the mistress, am I?”
Sometimes I imagined my aunt finding out. Then it felt like falling into an endless swamp, making me dread opening my eyes. She was the only family I had left. The main branch of my already narrow human relationships, which could be counted easily on one hand, and all its fine roots centered around her, could be shattered by just this supposition, and I would easily become damp with despair.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
