That was a bit fascinating. Having consistently maintained only a few expressions, Jae-young had thought that was all he had, but he could actually smile like that.
Certainly, he looked more human with such a face. Even more than the face examining Jae-young with a touch that betrayed concern, holding his chin and looking him over.
“It’s dangerous.”
“A sport that’s only safe isn’t fun.”
“Next time, wear all the proper safety equipment.”
It felt like he had become a nagging caregiver. But it couldn’t be helped. Partly due to it being a supercar, the vehicle had shaken too roughly. If there had been an accident, fractures would have been the minimum outcome.
Sa Gong-hyun tilted his head and sat with his buttocks perched on the round table.
“Are you worrying again?”
“I always worry.”
“How do you think Do Jae-young-ssi would feel if I died?”
“What?”
His eyebrows furrowed slightly. Though they quickly returned to normal, Jae-young couldn’t relax his tense face. He couldn’t understand the intention behind the question.
“With my profession, it wouldn’t be strange if I suddenly died one day.”
“…”
“Isn’t it strange? To worry about someone like that.”
Saliva pooled in his mouth. He needed to swallow, but his throat wasn’t working properly. Jae-young moved his lower jaw slightly and, after some difficulty, swallowed.
It was strange. Not that it was strange to worry about Sa Gong-hyun who did such things, as he had said, but his mindset.
Death coming from Sa Gong-hyun’s mouth had no sense of dissonance. He seemed to have little attachment to life.
Suddenly, another question rose up. Why didn’t Sa Gong-hyun think such a life was strange? Why did he accept it as if it were natural?
Why can’t I respond? As if I’ve really become his lover. And why, of all things, did that smiling face come to mind?
“Let’s go now. If we stay any longer, you might not just lose color but waste away.”
Sa Gong-hyun, who had gotten up, moved away. Jae-young stared blankly at his retreating figure before getting up. Suddenly, his legs gave way, and he braced himself against the round table.
Forget everything he said about being okay. His legs wouldn’t work. He was about to call out to Sa Gong-hyun, who had walked some distance away, but ended up sitting down instead.
With his head hung low, Jae-young irritably tapped his thighs. His sigh deepened.
“…How annoying.”
“What is?”
While keeping his head down, he raised his eyes slightly to look at Sa Gong-hyun’s shoes. Just go on your way, why bother picking up on my muttering?
He stubbornly kept his head down and continued tapping his legs. Then Sa Gong-hyun knelt down on one knee in front of Jae-young. Not wanting to look at him, Jae-young lowered his gaze even further.
“Do Jae-young-ssi.”
“Just go. I’m waiting until I’m skin and bones.”
“I’m the kind of person who really leaves when told to.”
So what? Go or stay, whatever.
Jae-young chewed on the soft flesh inside his lips. Sa Gong-hyun stood up.
If you’re going to leave, at least do it quietly. Unnecessarily making your presence known. Despite being so agile. After listing his endless complaints mentally, Jae-young finally raised his head. Just then, Sa Gong-hyun turned around.
Somehow, there wasn’t a single normal person around him. Everyone was abnormal. All of them. Of course, Jae-young was no different, so he had no more complaints to voice.
Jae-young stretched out his hand and grabbed Sa Gong-hyun’s sleeve. He stopped before taking even a single step.
“My legs don’t have any strength, that’s why.”
He heard Sa Gong-hyun exhale a long breath.
“Just sit next to me… Hyun-ssi.”
When Jae-young hesitantly added his name, Sa Gong-hyun pulled a chair over and sat down beside him.
“I’m saying this because you seem to misunderstand, but I’m actually quite fearless. But…”
“But what?”
“I’m still afraid of dying.”
Jae-young felt Sa Gong-hyun’s gaze directed at him.
“I’m not afraid of anything else, really just, just dying. It’s strange, isn’t it? It seems like when I open my eyes, I’ll live another day, but when you die, there’s none of that. And what about the people left behind?”
“So?”
“Aren’t you like that?”
He met Sa Gong-hyun’s eyes. As always, there was no emotion in them. He looked as if he were watching a tedious play.
“Well… even if you feel that way, there’s no need to actively hasten it, right?”
Sa Gong-hyun, who had been listening to Jae-young’s voice with leisurely open eyelids, suddenly burst into laughter.
“So, you staged this whole protest just to say that one thing?”
“…Even though you won’t comfort me.”
Jae-young glanced at Sa Gong-hyun without malice, then turned his gaze away while muttering. Knowing full well I was protesting, who was really about to leave? It wasn’t even funny.
Whatever Sa Gong-hyun found so amusing, he chuckled well, but Jae-young had no desire to match his laughter.
“I don’t understand why you think I’m not comforting you.”
Sa Gong-hyun, comfortably leaning back in his chair, crossed his long legs once. With a natural movement, he put a cigarette in his mouth.
“By now, you should realize how generous I am to you. I wonder if your learning is inadequate, or if you lack academic enthusiasm.”
The sound of the cigarette being lit was heard, and simultaneously, the smell of tobacco wafted over.
If they were to take him to an operating table and open up his chest in this state, they would surely find blackened lungs. Though he wasn’t a smoker, the thought of his lungs coated with tar made him suddenly feel wronged.
He felt like he had become too emotional lately. Actually, he had always been somewhat emotional, but not to the extent that even he would click his tongue at himself. Everything was just unpleasant.
“Go on.”
Before long, an unexpected voice stirred his thoughts. Jae-young looked at him again.
“Go on with what?”
“You haven’t finished talking yet. So what exactly is Do Jae-young-ssi trying to say?”
Though he couldn’t gauge it clearly, Sa Gong-hyun seemed to want to hear something specific. Jae-young carefully recalled their previous conversation. Then he spoke with a determined voice.
“Even if it’s just a hobby, please enjoy it with proper equipment.”
“And?”
“I want to see Hyun-ssi smiling for a longer time.”
“Speaking indirectly isn’t a good habit.”
“…Don’t die. Don’t commit suicidal acts either.”
“What else?”
What else? What else is there? There’s nothing more.
Honestly, asking a murderer not to die seemed like a strange kind of bystander behavior. It’s not like he was encouraging him to live tenaciously and kill more people.
Then suddenly, amidst these complaints, an odd feeling briefly blossomed. After hesitating for a long time due to this bewilderment, Jae-young barely moved his lips.
“…I’m hungry.”
Sa Gong-hyun, who had pulled up one corner of his mouth arrogantly, extinguished his cigarette in the ashtray as if in response.
“You have a strange talent.”
“A strange talent?”
“I understand well. This time, let me learn about Do Jae-young. My academic enthusiasm is overflowing, so it shouldn’t be too difficult.”
As if he had finished his business, he stood up.
“Since you’re hungry, are you going to stay here?”
“…”
“If you can’t get up, I’ll carry you. Is that what you want?”
Was it an illusion to read a different current in the eyes looking down at Jae-young than before? Perhaps he had known about this current all along. It had merely become more intense.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
