Jae-young tilted the soju bottle with a sullen expression. Having just filled his beer glass to the brim, the green glass bottle was already showing its bottom. His mouth was soaked in alcohol, but he continued drinking without caring.
Usually drinking would help him change his mood, but today was different. He still felt like crap.
He had never been picky about alcohol, saying whiskey has its own character and soju has its own, but today the unpleasant alcohol smell lingering in his nostrils bothered him. He was also dissatisfied with soju’s alcohol content, less than half that of his preferred whiskey. It was always like this. On days when he desperately wanted to get drunk, he couldn’t, no matter how much he drank.
Nevertheless, there was nothing he could do about it. It was absurd that even though he had escaped from Sa Gong-hyun as if he would never see him again, he was already thinking about how to approach him again.
His headache worsened, but even after thinking about it a hundred times, he knew he had made the right choice. What idiot would stay after hearing such words? If anything, the other person was the strange one.
Jae-young recalled the moment he had pushed Sa Gong-hyun away. It was his eternal regret that he hadn’t even spat in his face when it was slightly crumpled.
“Ah, why did I hold back?”
Despite knowing he wasn’t in a position to do so, he regretted quietly running away. Jae-young couldn’t wipe the irritation from his face as he poured the remaining half of his drink into his mouth.
When the alcohol was gone, he straightened his tilted head. The food stall was still packed even after sunset. As soon as seats emptied, they were filled again, leaving the owner looking overwhelmed.
He stood up and trudged towards the commercial refrigerator.
“Ajumma, I’m taking another bottle of soju.”
He opened the refrigerator door and turned his head to check the owner’s face. She was busy serving food and didn’t even look his way, so he just sniffled once.
As he took a bottle of soju from the cold refrigerator and returned to his seat, his phone vibrated in his coat pocket just as he was opening the bottle.
His work phone was in the coat he had left at Sa Gong-hyun’s house, so this was his personal phone.
He had worried about what would happen if the other man searched through his belongings while he was gone, but remembering he had set a password brought him some relief.
Jae-young checked the caller and put the phone to his ear while filling his glass.
“What.”
—What are you doing?
“What. Just tell me what you want.”
Jae-young grumbled impatiently as he drank. This was already his third bottle, yet the alcohol still tasted bitter rather than sweet.
—I asked what you’re doing. Drinking?
Seung-kwon was being particularly persistent today. Actually, he wasn’t being particularly persistent today—he had always been persistent. The attitude Jae-young had been maintaining was about to snap in the wrong direction.
“I am drinking, so why did you call?”
—Why are you so depressed?
“Because I feel like shit, that’s why I’m depressed. Would I be depressed if I felt good?”
—Why do you feel like shit?
“Ah, did you call to ask about my condition? Just tell me what you want.”
He finally let out all his irritation. Instead of pressing Jae-young further, Seung-kwon chose silence. When the other end of the line became surrounded by silence, Jae-young let out a long sigh.
“What is it?”
His voice softened considerably. Even though he was expressing all his irritation, he knew his behavior was wrong. Jae-young pursed his lips and focused on the sound coming from the other end. As expected, there was no sound.
“Hyung.”
—…..
“What else would be wrong with me right now? It’s because of that bastard.”
—…..
“That crazy bastard told me straight to my face that we’re just sex partners, nothing more, nothing less. How can someone treat a person so cheaply? How can he talk like that? It’s so fucking annoying.”
—…..
“How could I feel good after such humiliation? That’s why I’m drinking. I don’t have anyone else to drink with except you, hyung… and I can’t meet you right now.”
Though he was pouring out words like a dam bursting, he remained depressed throughout. He felt more displeased that he was inadvertently whining to Seung-kwon.
“The more I think about it, the more absurd it is. Now I see why that bastard only had a one-night stand with me. His size is so obvious. Who would cater to his tastes? Even God couldn’t satisfy him. He’s truly insane.”
After venting completely, his mouth had dried up. He took a sip of alcohol with an annoyed face. Jae-young noticed that Seung-kwon was still keeping his mouth shut and frowned.
“…Did we get disconnected? Why aren’t you saying anything?”
Continuing his increasingly frequent soliloquy, he checked his phone screen. 00:01:34. Seeing the time increasing by the second, it seemed they were still connected.
—…So?
Suddenly hearing what sounded like Seung-kwon’s voice, he put the phone back to his ear.
“What? I didn’t hear you.”
—So. I’m asking if you’ve decided not to see him anymore.
This time, Jae-young was the one who fell silent. The answer to Seung-kwon’s question was “no,” but in a way, it could also be “yes.”
He had gotten angry and expressed his displeasure, but Jae-young was the one who had pushed Sa Gong-hyun away. Sa Gong-hyun was the one who said he would never stoop to take him back, and Jae-young was the one who ran away after hearing those words.
Right. What happens now? He had been thinking about this the entire time since he opened the first bottle.
In reality, Jae-young only had one answer. It would be great if Sa Gong-hyun showed regret first and contacted him, but sadly, that didn’t seem likely.
In the end, Jae-young would have to wave the white flag first. It hurt his pride. How could he do that again without any backbone? This is why people keep looking down on me.
Jae-young pushed out his lower lip and scraped the ground with the heel of his sneaker.
—It doesn’t matter as long as you keep meeting, right?
“……”
—That’s why we established a relationship in the first place. Sex partner or whatever, what does it matter?
Jae-young’s previously indifferent face suddenly crumpled. What is this hyung saying now? He was about to burst out in anger at the nonsense but felt dazed instead.
Jae-young blinked blankly and stared at the alcohol in his beer glass.
—Jae-young.
“…It doesn’t matter.”
—But.
“It doesn’t matter, but that doesn’t mean I’m not angry. He looked down on me.”
—That wasn’t you, it was the role you created.
It felt strange. He seemed to understand what Seung-kwon was saying, but the fact that it was merely a role was only known to Jae-young, Seung-kwon, and Ju-seong.
To Sa Gong-hyun, Do Jae-young with Jae-young’s face was Jae-young himself. So saying that Do Jae-young wasn’t him was sophistry.
—Anyway, once this job is done, you’ll never see him again. It’s not because of you—he’s just that kind of bastard, so don’t read too much into it.
“……”
Jae-young silently rubbed his forehead. He had been sober until just a moment ago, but now the alcohol seemed to be taking effect.
—I looked into what you asked about last time.
“…What?”
—That tattoo. It’s nothing special. Apparently, he’s been doing hired muscle work since he was young. I think around seventeen? As for hidden things, just that he grew up in an orphanage?
He just blinked meaninglessly. Hired muscle work since seventeen. Orphanage background. Despite the suspicious doubts being cleared, his mood strangely declined.
—Jae-young, should I come there?
It didn’t improve at all.
“No. I’ve finished drinking. I’m going home now.”
Jae-young stood up despite more than half of his alcohol remaining. He casually told Seung-kwon that he could manage when the other expressed concern about him getting home safely.
After hanging up, paying for his drinks, and leaving, he walked listlessly. After walking aimlessly for a while, Jae-young took a deep breath and stopped abruptly.
“…The more I think about it, the more ridiculous it seems.”
Talking to himself in the empty air was only possible because he was drunk.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
