#68
A small groan escaped from Saheon hyung. It was because he had taken a direct hit to the face. I felt a little sorry, but my heart, which had become more mischievous than usual, easily allowed me to ignore hyung’s pain.
I gathered my clothes that had fallen to the floor and fled to my room. Like a fairy fleeing after stealing a winged robe, Saheon hyung, wearing only his underwear, urgently followed me. I heard his flustered voice.
“Cheongmyeong. Wait, just wait.”
“Don’t follow me!”
“Just a moment, really just a second. Ah, baby. Look at hyung for a bit.”
As soon as I entered the room, Saheon hyung grabbed my wrist. I gasped and covered my body with clothes like someone being assaulted. The remnants of hyung’s semen from our recent intimacy trickled down my thigh. It was an embarrassing sensation. As I blushed and fumbled, Saheon hyung simply instructed:
“Sit down for now.”
There was an undeniable force in hyung’s voice. Unsure of what to do, I first sat down as he directed. I had a passing thought that this might be the kind of charisma needed to control hundreds of panicked passengers in an emergency situation on an airplane.
Saheon hyung, who looked like a Calvin Klein model even in just his drawers, opened his mouth seriously, skipping the lewd jokes he would usually make:
“I’ll bring something to clean up with. Stay like that.”
I swallowed hard. I lowered my unfocused gaze to the floor. Saheon hyung left the room. I was covering my naked body with crumpled clothes and decided I should at least put on a top, so I sluggishly put on a hoodie.
But the result was rather ridiculous. I tried to stretch the bottom of the black hoodie to cover my legs, which still bore obvious traces.
Saheon hyung returned from the bathroom with a towel dampened with warm water. When I looked up, hyung’s expression seemed close to holding back something unexpected. But it must have been my imagination, as hyung wore a worried and serious face as he slowly bent his knees to meet my gaze.
“Can you spread your legs a bit?”
It was a low whisper. Though it sounded suggestive, when combined with his soothing voice, it seemed like I had misinterpreted it. Hyung’s hand touched my bare leg. The high temperature of his palm made my skin feel hot.
Hyung grabbed my calf and carefully spread my closed legs, meeting my gaze. It seemed Saheon hyung had the ability to make even innocent actions appear erotic.
I leaned my back against the bed and turned my eyes away in embarrassment. But the hot sensation didn’t disappear. It was because hyung’s hand was slowly climbing up my calf.
The hand that had been smoothly tracing the curves of my leg moved towards the back of my knee. As the soft spot behind my knee was gently cradled, my leg naturally relaxed. Hyung’s hand again gently traced down my calf, but its final destination was hyung’s shoulder.
My raised leg touched hyung’s bare skin. As it fit perfectly against the curve of his Achilles tendon, I, now in a half-lying position, had to keep pulling down the band of my top as I lowered my back further.
Saheon hyung pressed the towel dampened with warm water to the inside of my thigh. It was a moist and slightly rough sensation. I bit the soft flesh inside my mouth to prevent making any whimpering sounds.
I swallowed dryly and turned my head away completely. The meticulous touch showed no sign of leaving the inside of my thigh. Before I knew it, hyung’s hand was resting on the side of my waist, applying pressure.
“If we don’t clean it out, you’ll have a stomach ache tomorrow.”
“…I’ll take care of it myself.”
My voice came out sulky. Saheon hyung pressed his lips together as if trying not to laugh, attempting to maintain a solemn face.
“It would be better if hyung did it for you.”
“I said don’t worry about it.”
My eyes narrowed automatically, but I didn’t have the courage to look at hyung in that state. I glared at empty space with sharp eyes. I felt a presence approaching as weight shifted towards me, then warm lips touched my temple.
Due to the weight pressing down and the kiss that made a smacking sound near the corner of my eye, I ended up almost lying down. Saheon hyung muttered with a gloomy expression:
“How can you be like this.”
It was close enough to kiss at any moment. Like a big puppy cuddling up affectionately, Saheon hyung whispered sweetly, still with a dejected face:
“Do you want to go to that meeting and see CC that badly?”
“Yes. I’m going to do as much as hyung did.”
I told a lie I didn’t mean and pushed hyung away with my toes that were on his shoulder. As I pushed firmly, hyung slightly pulled his shoulder back, then completely lay down on top of me, cradling the back of my head.
“Ah… That won’t do. What should I do? Should I enroll in Cheongmyeong’s school again?”
Hyung murmured in a languid, lowered voice and lightly kissed my chin. I turned my head sharply to the opposite side. Saheon hyung asked in a whisper:
“No kissy?”
“No kissy.”
“Alright.”
Saheon hyung dragged out the end of his word and buried his face in my shoulder. I could see hyung’s back muscles beyond my field of vision. Pressed down by the comforting weight, I grumbled discontentedly:
“Go away. I won’t hug you, hyung.”
Surprisingly, hyung made a whining sound and shook his head as if acting cute. My heart sank. Faced with this unusual behavior, my annoyed feelings started to melt away and the corners of my mouth threatened to turn up.
But I still felt upset and hurt. I had been looking at only one person since I was young, but hyung had girlfriends, went to meetings, and went on dates.
Of course, I understood. I was young, and there was an eleven-year age gap between us. There was no way he would see a child as a romantic interest, and even if he did, it would be strange. Besides, it would be nonsensical for someone of hyung’s age to have no dating experience.
Rationally, I knew it was unreasonable to demand such things, but my heart felt differently. Moreover, it hurt that hyung, who seemed to prefer natural relationships, probably wouldn’t apply that to me.
We had gone as far as we could physically, but did hyung have no intention of developing our relationship further? Was hyung satisfied with the way things were? Suddenly, I remembered a dream I had once. My feelings for Saheon hyung were so strong that I dreamed of him confessing to me.
The position was a bit different, but in that dream too, I was in Saheon hyung’s arms, hearing all sorts of sweet words. I mumbled again in a sulky voice:
“Go.”
“Really?”
“Really, go.”
“I’m leaving for America early tomorrow morning, do you really want me to go?”
When asked several times, it wasn’t easy to truly say go. I was shocked by my own contradictory feelings. Thinking I didn’t want to talk to Saheon hyung, yet wanting to see him continue to hold onto me and cling to me. I wondered what kind of wicked mindset this was.
“If Cheongmyeong tells me to go, I’ll cry from loneliness. Really?”
Saheon hyung whispered as if acting coy, something he wouldn’t actually do. A strong breath escaped my nose with a huff. As if trying to catch my gaze that had completely turned away, Saheon hyung quickly moved his index and middle fingers in a meaningless hand gesture, then made a finger heart.
I almost laughed involuntarily for a moment, finding it absurd. But I held back, forcing strength into the corners of my mouth. However, the twitching corners of my mouth couldn’t be hidden even in profile.
Saheon hyung laughed softly. It was the laugh with that throat rumble that I had always thought sounded good. Hyung planted several kisses on my closed eyelids, then called me in an even more aegyo-filled voice than before:
“Mungmung-ah. Cheongmyeong-ah. Please look at hyung.”
Hyung kissed between each word. When I scrunched my eyes, his voice became even more languid and low as he changed the way he addressed me:
“Baby.”
Smack, another kiss landed. The large hand cradling the back of my head gently stroked my silky hair.
“Darling.”
The soothing terms of endearment were like those used between lovers. A ticklish throbbing, like thousands of butterflies fluttering their wings, rose in my chest. It wasn’t difficult for sweet words to seep into my already turbulent and confused heart.
“Back then, Cheongmyeong was too much of a baby. If I had known you would like it this much, I would have waited. Right?”
It was a gentle resonance. Before I realized it, my gaze had already landed on hyung. Hyung smiled broadly, his lips curving beautifully.
“Are you looking at hyung now?”
Saheon hyung’s eyes formed pretty curves. As if bewitched by a fox, my mind went blank. Hyung didn’t miss the chance while I was dazed and attacked indiscriminately.
Without giving me time to sort out my feelings, Saheon hyung whispered sweet nothings along with smacking kisses. You’re so pretty, but no meetings, I need to fill you up so others can’t touch you, but really no meetings…
Receiving the barrage of words and kisses, I had to correct my thought about being bewitched by a fox. It must have been a nine-tailed gumiho that had bewitched me, not a fox.
When I opened my eyes the next day, in an ambiguous state of neither having made up nor not, my cheeks were swollen from being bitten and sucked so much. The space beside me was empty. Saheon hyung had left on the early morning flight as he said. By the time I woke up, it was already an empty house.
I spent the weekend without hyung. Since Saheon hyung had said in advance that he would return on the Monday evening flight, I could enjoy a safe sense of solitude while counting down the time until hyung’s return.
Private thoughts crept into this safe solitude. The main subject was naturally Saheon hyung, and the specific content was evidence that this time, a confession wouldn’t fail.
But no matter how much I mulled it over, perhaps because it was subjective thinking, I couldn’t be certain. Are we dating or not? Is it okay to confess or not? Does hyung intend to continue our relationship beyond what it is now, or not?
Perhaps because I had liked hyung for so long, and because I had the memory of being rejected once, I hesitated to judge whether this was right or wrong. There was no way my wavering heart would settle from the beginning.
After a confusing weekend where I couldn’t even understand my own thoughts, Monday morning dawned. I got up as usual to prepare for school, contacted Choi Hyun-oh and took the same bus. The bus was a bit late today, so we ran urgently to the lecture hall and barely avoided being late, listened to the rambling lecture, and as always, met for lunch time together.
Since Yoo Do-jin hyung’s free period matched, the three of us usually ate lunch together on Mondays. And there, I was able to find out who had instigated the meeting.
“Cheongmyeong-ah. Why couldn’t you come to the meeting?”
When this unexpected question came from Yoo Do-jin hyung, who was eating a chicken mayo lunch box, I opened my eyes wide and looked at Choi Hyun-oh. Choi Hyun-oh belatedly answered in an apologetic tone:
“…He’s the one who persuaded him.”
“Is it because of an appointment? What time is your appointment?”
While I was struggling to figure out how to answer, Yoo Do-jin hyung repeated the exact excuse that Saheon hyung had made. I nodded awkwardly.
“There’s an appointment… and also, meetings are a bit… After all, if it’s a dating event…”
Yoo Do-jin hyung looked at me with an expression that suggested a dog had just meowed. Choi Hyun-oh pressed his lips inward, then took a few more bites of his chicken mayo lunch box. Yoo Do-jin hyung, who had been opening and closing his mouth a few times, carefully asked:
“Meeting… It’s not like it’s an arranged marriage or anything. What are you talking about, Cheongmyeong-ah? Did you come from the Joseon era?”
It seemed the focus of the excuse was more on “meetings are not for dating” rather than “I have an appointment that day.”
I couldn’t answer easily and looked down at the half-mixed mayonnaise. As I maintained my silence, Yoo Do-jin hyung began to persuade me more actively.
“Hey, Cheongmyeong-ah. We agreed to meet five of us and five of them, but now we’re one person short. Please do us a favor. You just need to fill the seat and leave, that’s all.”
Despite his gentle coaxing, there was an inner cry that casual encounters should be avoided. Yoo Do-jin hyung narrowed his eyes and asked:
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
“…No…”
“Then is there someone you like?”
I kept my mouth shut. No matter how much I tried to excuse myself with having an appointment, it seemed Yoo Do-jin hyung had already figured out my heart. The table shook with a thud. It was because Yoo Do-jin hyung had lightly struck it. Maybe because he was from the Physical Education department, even a light hit left aftershocks.
“Is that why you’re like this? Is she pretty?”
“Stop asking things like that.”
Choi Hyun-oh cut in irritably. But Yoo Do-jin hyung pretended not to hear. As I was thinking about whether Saheon hyung was pretty, I nodded almost imperceptibly.
“How long have you liked her to be like this?”
“…For a very long time.”
“Wow, so. How far have you gone with her?”
Suddenly, it seemed my crush had become a higher priority for Yoo Do-jin hyung than the meeting. The story of someone’s unrequited love was always intriguing, so it was a natural result. Choi Hyun-oh cleared his throat uncomfortably and gulped down some cold water.
With my face burning hot, I didn’t say anything. However, Yoo Do-jin hyung seemed to have an excellent ability to read inner thoughts from expressions. After inhaling deeply with a “huh” sound, hyung smiled mischievously and whispered:
“I thought you were a prude. If you’ve gone all the way, you’ll be dating soon. When are you going to confess? Or have you already?”
“…That won’t happen.”
I muttered dejectedly. It was the voice of my inner thoughts that suddenly popped out. Yoo Do-jin hyung asked puzzledly:
“You’ve gone all the way, why aren’t you dating?”
That’s right. I agreed inwardly. We’ve done everything, so why aren’t Saheon hyung and I dating? Is it because Saheon hyung doesn’t date unless marriage is a premise? My thoughts, rapidly searching for the cause, naturally combined with the events of last weekend.
I mumbled my inner thoughts that I had been pondering all this time dejectedly:
“He says I’m too much like a kid.”
“He’s full of shit.”
“…He’s full of shit.”
“Yeah, he’s full of shit.”
