#63
The sensation of the paper crumbling beneath my fingertips was soft. As I carefully rubbed the wrapping paper to avoid creasing it, a thought suddenly crossed my mind, making me take a sharp breath.
Surely it couldn’t be for a girlfriend.
I covered my mouth with my empty hand, then nervously pinched the corner of my lips. As I traced the smooth line of my lips, I realized that my resolution to find evidence that it would be okay to confess to Saheon hyung was shaking from the very beginning.
I decided to confine my body, which wanted to run away at any moment, with the seatbelt. After a few fumbling attempts, I heard the click of it locking. Although I had fastened the seatbelt, I hadn’t thought about starting the engine yet, so I tightly gripped the belt with its dull edge with both hands.
My first thought started with the assumption that ‘This bouquet, which hyung must have bought, is not something to give to a lover.’ Saheon hyung had rushed over last night so urgently that he didn’t even know where he had thrown his suitcase. The reason was because he thought I wanted to break up with him.
Despite the situation, the corners of my mouth twitched slightly. I was glad no one was beside me. I tried to seriously continue with the worst-case scenario that he had bought a bouquet for his lover in the morning even after rushing to his parents’ home, but my mind, which had already turned into a flower garden, couldn’t come up with anything.
I bit my lower lip hard to stop my mouth from curling up. My hands curled inward unnecessarily.
It was as if I could hear Saheon hyung’s voice in my ear like an auditory hallucination.
‘I can’t be without you now.’
It was an interpretation favorable to me, whether hyung had actually said it or not, but it seemed plausible given the atmosphere when we were talking in bed last night.
Saheon hyung appeared just as the twitching of my mouth corners was calming down. Wearing the clothes he said were from his college days, with his hair naturally unstyled, he really looked like a senior you might bump into at school.
Saheon hyung, who was coming straight to the car, smiled mischievously as if he had noticed me sitting in the driver’s seat. With his long legs, he moved in big strides, narrowing the distance in just a few steps. As Saheon hyung slightly changed direction and opened the passenger door, the chilly air of the underground parking lot filled the car.
“Is Cheongmyeong going to drive?”
I had naturally taken the driver’s seat because I knew how to drive, but I belatedly thought that Saheon hyung, the car’s owner, might not like it. However, Saheon hyung didn’t seem to mind. He even held out the bouquet that had been placed on the passenger seat towards me.
“Why didn’t you take it?”
Is he moving it because he needs to sit? I took it in a daze and watched as Saheon hyung fully entered the passenger seat and adjusted the seat backward. The bouquet cradled in my arms smelled nice.
I waited for Saheon hyung to fasten his seatbelt, and once he finished, I held out the bouquet I was holding. A small laugh escaped from hyung.
“It feels like I’m being proposed to, but it’s yours.”
My thought process, which had been going in the direction I wanted, exploded. I had to make an enormous effort not to show the extreme surprise on my face. But it wasn’t a successful attempt.
Unable to hide my slightly widened eyes and trembling pupils, I tried to look ahead as naturally as possible and answered with an awkward tone.
“Ah, that’s… than- thanks. Thank you.”
My voice that came back to my ears was very unfamiliar. In my malfunctioning brain, assumptions with no logical connection were becoming established facts.
If the bouquet that Saheon hyung bought early in the morning, which I thought was for a lover, was actually a gift for me.
I recalled my father’s long-standing teaching that one should be careful about giving flower gifts because they can make anyone fall in love. Sweet words that seemed to require an addiction test were floating around in my head.
I started the engine with slightly trembling hands. It was my first time driving with a bouquet on my knees, so my knees were shaking slightly.
My cool and perceptive reason was telling me not to get excited over something bought as an apology, but I wanted to savor this moment of uncertain happiness, even if just for a short while. My father’s words were not wrong at all.
With a sound like a beast growling, the car started and smoothly left the parking lot. It was a familiar road I had known since birth. Saheon hyung was looking at me with a subtle gaze, his elbow resting on the window side.
“Should I enter the address?”
“Ah, oh. Yeah, yeah.”
I, who had been absentmindedly driving onto the main road, answered hastily. Come to think of it, I had almost driven without knowing the exact way to Saheon hyung’s house. If hyung hadn’t said anything, I might have found myself in Busan when I came to my senses.
Hyung used the navigation app on his phone and placed it where I could see it well. I watched from the corner of my eye as hyung slowly leaned back into the passenger seat. Once again, words that seemed to require an addiction test floated up.
“The seat? Is it okay without adjusting?”
“Huh? Oh, it’s fine…”
“You’re not uncomfortable driving?”
Saheon hyung asked as if he was commenting on the weather. Grateful for his consideration even in small things, I quickly answered.
“Yeah. It’s fine. I don’t really like sitting too close… It’s uncomfortable.”
“Is that so?”
Saheon hyung’s voice trailed off a bit. I glanced at hyung after confirming there were no obstacles ahead. Hyung, who had been looking at me with a strange gaze, gave me a gentle eye smile.
Perhaps because it was an odd time in the morning, there were many cars on the road but no congested sections. Suddenly, I remembered hearing somewhere that a man driving looks cool.
Since I got scolded last time for trying to drive with one hand, this time I chose to slightly tilt towards the window side while putting a bit of strength around my neck. Fortunately, Saheon hyung just smiled slightly without pointing it out.
Following the navigation’s directions, a route very similar to the one we took the first time I went to Saheon hyung’s house appeared. I felt like I vaguely remembered the roads from that day.
It felt like returning home after visiting parents during a holiday, with the hardworking husband sitting beside me. I glanced at hyung from the corner of my eye, then quickly fixed my gaze on the road when our eyes met. With a clearing of my throat, I managed to come up with something else to talk about.
“Where was your suitcase?”
“It was in the backseat. I moved it to the trunk while tidying up the back.”
“I see…”
I glanced at Saheon hyung flicking away a floating strand of fur with his index finger. In my imaginative mind, an interpretation favorable to me was already being painted.
Probably early in the morning, hyung, after getting in the car, noticed the suitcase in the backseat and moved it. Then he might have bought the fruit basket for my parents, and perhaps also purchased the bouquet for me.
My father’s words were right. There was something about flower gifts that made one feel strange. Even while wondering if there would be a flower shop open so early in the morning, I couldn’t help but feel happy about receiving this unexpected gift.
It felt both sweet, as if I were in a relationship, and bitter, knowing that it wasn’t the case. Noticing Saheon hyung’s gaze on me around my jawline, I brought up a cliché phrase.
“You’ve worked hard. From the morning…”
“How about it, do you think I did a good job of supporting you?”
Saheon hyung chuckled softly. Although it was clearly a joke, my already broken positive circuit had gone into overdrive.
A strange ripple, which if described in color would probably be a watery pastel, and in terms of heat would be a tingling warmth, escaped between my lips.
“…I want to kiss you.”
I belatedly realized that the emotion I felt towards Saheon hyung was ‘adorableness’, but by then I was already distracted by the words I had spoken first. Saheon hyung teased me with a voice mixed with various emotions, as if surprised and mocking, “What?”
“You’re bold, doing this where everyone can see.”
“…That’s not it.”
“Since when did our Mungmung become so brave?”
“…There’s tinting… too…”
“How cute. Did you take a dating class at school?”
A moment of silence passed. Saheon hyung, who had frowned disapprovingly, added some unintelligible words that were clearly curses. I wondered if hyung might not like Choi Hyun-oh. I recalled the memory of crying after telling hyung that I was going on a date with Choi Hyun-oh, and had to restrain myself.
“…Let’s just… not do it…”
Although he said that, Saheon hyung didn’t miss the chance when the car stopped at a red light and firmly pressed his lips to my cheek. After kissing my cheek a few times as if he was going to eat it, hyung, perhaps feeling unsatisfied, grabbed my chin, turned it towards him, and firmly stamped a kiss on my lips.
“If you date Choi Hyun-gu, I won’t let it slide.”
“…But it’s for an assignment… And it’s Hyun-oh…”
I was cut off once again. This time, my lip was bitten.
I never knew red lights were this short. I had to continue driving with my lower lip swollen after briefly satisfying my desire to kiss hyung.
It seemed that Saheon hyung had decided to torment me throughout the drive. And the reason seemed to be entirely because of Choi Hyun-oh.
Not only did he give me short kisses every time we stopped at a light, but he also touched the inside of my thigh, kept putting his hand on sensitive areas while touching the bouquet on my knee, and while he had warned me that driving with one hand was dangerous, he said nothing about taking my right hand and interlacing our fingers.
I was dazed by the touch of his fingertips rubbing the webbing and soft flesh of my hand while our fingers were interlaced. I don’t even know how I managed to drive. Hyung, who clearly noticed that I wasn’t in my right mind, even used old-fashioned phrases to tease me.
“With you next to the flowers, I can’t tell who the real flower is.”
“…Please stop…”
But no matter how old-fashioned his remarks were, when hyung said them, they sounded like the sweetest words in the world. Noticing that I was affected, Saheon hyung seemed to get playful and kept saying teasing things like “You’re so pretty,” “You’re cute,” and “You can’t date other people because they’ll all fall for you.”
By the time we arrived at his house, my face was burning red. My embarrassingly flushed face was reflected in the rearview mirror. As the familiar neighborhood, now more familiar than the place I had lived for twenty years, came into view, I automatically let out a deep sigh of relief.
“They say there’s no hope if even your breathing is cute.”
“…Hyung. If you do that one more time, I’m going to call you uncle instead of hyung.”
With my face burning, ticklish, and feeling a strange sensation of something clenching, I made a not-quite-threat to shut Saheon hyung up.
Hyung let out a small laugh out of habit, but it wasn’t the same underneath. Perhaps because of the age attack, more pressure was added to the hand that had become warm and even a bit damp from holding it for so long.
As the person next to me quieted down, the familiar sight of the parking lot came into view. I let out another long sigh to straighten my mind and slowly started looking for an empty spot while driving at a slow speed.
Perhaps because it was the weekend, the parking lot was packed. I slowed down even more and drove the car to the lower level. The second basement level was also crowded with cars. Thinking for a moment that going further down might make it inconvenient for hyung to get the car out later, I spotted a parking space in the corner of the second level.
I mentally assessed the difficulty of the parking space. Although it was in a corner, there were no cars on the side, so it seemed easy. Despite needing to park, Saheon hyung didn’t let go of my hand. I gently shook hyung’s hand and carefully opened my mouth.
“I need to park.”
Saheon hyung released my hand without fuss. After putting the gear in park mode and turning the steering wheel sharply to successfully back into the spot in one try, I had to force the corners of my mouth down to suppress the proud smile that was forming automatically. An almost habitual compliment came from Saheon hyung.
“Our Mungmung is good at parking too.”
“…Everyone can do this much.”
I said it as if it wasn’t a big deal, but I felt good about the kind compliment. I put the gear back in its place and turned off the engine. However, Saheon hyung showed no signs of getting out, still wearing his seatbelt.
“And you’re good at masturbating in the car too.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
