#59
I immediately guessed what Saheon hyung wanted to say. Tucked into hyung’s embrace as we lay on our sides, my body was completely hidden by him. The skin where his gentle gaze touched tingled.
Hyung slightly lowered his head as if to demonstrate that even a kiss wouldn’t be caught. I could see hyung’s curved eyes even in the darkness. It was obvious that hyung’s lips would touch somewhere like my forehead or cheek. I buried my face in hyung’s chest to avoid the kiss.
I heard Saheon hyung laugh softly. I could feel the warm temperature from hyung, who had a high body heat. Hyung tried to kiss me again. I turned my head outward to dodge once more.
“Won’t you give me a peck?”
I heard a whispering voice. It was a very small voice that wouldn’t be heard by my parents outside, but I could understand it clearly. Tightly embraced by hyung, my answer leaked out between my lips as if even my vocal cords were compressed.
“No.”
“Why?”
“I’m still thinking coolly.”
I cut him off as coldly as I could. Hyung, who had laughed softly, mumbled as if hurt, but there was still laughter in his voice.
“Really? Can’t I kiss Cheongmyeong anymore?”
My chest felt strangely itchy. It was as if someone a span taller than me was trying to be cute. Of course, this was a thought I had alone, which Saheon hyung would absolutely deny if he knew.
Feeling ticklish from fingertips to toes, I curled my toes. In doing so, I accidentally bumped into hyung’s feet, which were almost touching. I quickly arched my feet to show it wasn’t intentional.
“…I won’t do it now.”
I answered as coldly as possible. I had come home to have time to think alone, shocked that hyung seemed unlike the person I had known until now, but Saheon hyung kept preventing me from thinking about anything else.
Hyung was someone who filled my mind with just his existence, so it was beyond my will. I took a deep breath and exhaled as if shaking off my shoulders. The scent of hyung trapped in my lungs was sweet.
“Is there something I did to make Cheongmyeong angry?”
However, Saheon hyung poked my instep with his toes. Hyung, who had approached as much as I had pulled my feet away, curled his toes to grab my foot tightly. With the sensation of being chained, I belatedly understood what hyung had said.
“Angry… not quite…”
I became flustered, trying to speak and respond equally to the suddenly started foot play. Saheon hyung even wedged my leg between his legs and wriggled his toes.
“…just, a little upset, don’t.”
Stammering my answer, I finally cut off hyung’s actions sharply. Hyung, who had tightly held my instep with both feet as if reluctant, stopped the foot play. But hyung’s legs were still intertwined with mine.
Feeling like our lower bodies might touch at any moment, I pulled my hips back slightly. It was difficult to move even a little because he was holding me so tightly. Glancing at hyung, it didn’t seem like he had noticed.
Our eyes met as I looked up with just my eyes. My vision, now fully adjusted to the darkness, could see in detail what expression hyung was making.
Saheon hyung also looked at me silently for a while. He didn’t even seem to blink. Feeling awkward under hyung’s intense gaze, I looked away first.
Hyung’s hand, which had been embracing my back as if restraining me, slowly moved upward. Its destination was the back of my head. The hand gently stroking my hair, which had been slightly flattened from lying down, was warm and familiar.
“You know, Cheongmyeong. I’ve been thinking constantly. All day today. All the time. Only about you.”
The low whispering voice tickled my ear. Heat rose to my face, trapped by hyung. It seemed his warm body temperature had transferred to me.
“I wondered what I might have done to deserve being dumped by you.”
I suddenly raised my head. Hyung showed a playful smile. My heart sank at hyung expressing my request for time to think as “being dumped”. But soon I realized that Saheon hyung had chosen words that could be interpreted in various ways.
I fixed my gaze on hyung’s collarbone exposed beyond the neckline, lowering my eyelids halfway. The clothes that didn’t fit me seemed to fit Saheon hyung perfectly.
“After arriving in Hong Kong… I kept calling until I turned the plane around when I saw your message, but you didn’t answer. I don’t know what state of mind I was in when I came here.”
However, the following words were so sweet they could melt my ears. The deep breath accompanying the small laughter was hot. I endured my constantly ticklish fingertips by tightly clenching my fists.
“Won’t you tell me what I did wrong?”
Saheon hyung whispered pleadingly. With the sweet voice constantly touching my ears and the fluttering attitude, I felt like all my reason and resolve would disappear if I came to my senses.
I opened my mouth quite firmly, straightening my mind calmly and coolly.
“Hyung, you’re… too, too…”
“I’m too what?”
“…You seem too lustful…”
I carefully closed my mouth. Saheon hyung fell silent. When I cautiously raised my eyes, hyung’s face looked as if he had been hit on the back of the head. The expression that seemed completely unexpected was something even I hadn’t anticipated.
Except when seriously scolding me for doing something really wrong, Saheon hyung always tended to casually throw playful jokes. Hyung, whose unusually nonchalant appearance had disappeared, really seemed taken aback.
“…Me?”
Saheon hyung’s response was a bit shaky. Clearing his throat with a “ahem”, hyung looked down at me blankly. Hyung opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking like he didn’t know what to say, then closed it. Taking advantage of hyung’s silence, I began to explain calmly.
“When hyung does it once… you do it too much.”
“Do it too much…?”
“It’s embarrassing, making me look in the mirror… making me do it from behind too…”
Hyung’s lips pressed tightly together. Even seeing his lips form a straight line, I couldn’t stop pouring out the embarrassing things.
“You say strange things too, saying I’ll get pregnant even though I can’t… asking if I took birth control pills…”
The hand stroking the back of my head gradually slowed. However, once the dam broke, the words leaked out continuously.
“When doing… that, you only use vulgar words, and you even spray semen on my face… make me use my mouth, make me call you Captain…”
Even as I spoke, I was surprised at how much I had to say to Saheon hyung. I mumbled on, then realizing Saheon hyung was too quiet, I carefully closed my mouth.
“Go on.”
Saheon hyung spoke as if asking what else there was, but I was perceptive enough to know I shouldn’t say more here. When I looked at hyung with anxious eyes, he smiled slightly as if to say it was okay.
“You seem like a pervert… like a sexual deviant…”
I wonder if it’s really okay. Carefully gauging hyung’s reaction, I finished speaking in a small voice.
“I was scared.”
For a moment, I heard Saheon hyung’s even breathing. Outside the room where our conversation had ceased, the faint sound of our parents watching TV leaked in.
Hyung was silent for a long time. My body, held in one position, grew increasingly stiff. Hyung brought the hand that had been stroking the back of my head to cup my cheek. My cheek was buried in his large hand.
“You were scared?”
Saheon hyung asked in a husky voice. I nodded slowly, then quickly changed to shaking my head. Hyung let out an almost habitual chuckle.
“No?”
“I was only scared when you told me to call you Captain.”
I mumbled as if making an excuse. Saheon hyung’s face became even more unreadable. The fingers cupping my cheek moved carefully, as if pressing piano keys. Fingers that seemed to be gently pressing acupressure points touched me cautiously.
“If you were scared, you should have said to stop.”
Saheon hyung mumbled in a low voice. With a slightly deflated face, hyung exhaled deeply, then his hand started fiddling with my earlobe. My shoulders hunched at the hot sensation directly touching the sensitive area.
“I did say it…”
I grumbled. Saheon hyung’s face became thoughtful for a moment, then he exhaled deeply once more.
“Next time, if you’re scared of me, just slap my cheek.”
“What? How could I…”
A dumbfounded voice escaped me. Hyung, who had been carefully fiddling with my earlobe held between his thumb and index finger, showed a slight smile.
“You don’t have to respond to everything, but if you don’t like what I’m doing, hit me. You can even kick me.”
“But that’s a bit…”
I mumbled softly, then firmly closed my mouth. Saheon hyung removed his hand from my earlobe and slowly stroked the back of my neck.
“I’m trying to enjoy it together, but if you don’t like it, we shouldn’t do it.”
“Enjoy it?”
I mumbled in bewilderment. I couldn’t quite understand how a situation of a captain and flight attendant secretly having sex while pretending to be passengers could be enjoyable. Saheon hyung hesitated a bit before offering a rough explanation.
“It’s just, wanting to try something different. Like a doctor and patient, or a teacher and student, that kind of thing.”
How can that be possible? I had to force strength into my mouth, which felt like it might gape open on its own. I couldn’t understand with my mind how pretending to be someone else could be exciting.
“Is that fun?”
I asked carefully. Saheon hyung smiled silently and lightly patted the back of my head. Noticing the wordless affirmation, I gave a more specific example.
“So you get excited by a doctor saying ‘Patient, you need treatment’ during an examination and then having sex?”
“…Wow, that just now.”
“Right? It’s weird, isn’t it?”
“…Yeah. It almost got weird.”
Saheon hyung hastily concluded the conversation. I could feel my mood lightening a bit at his unexpectedly frank admission. The corners of my mouth twitched.
“So you’re saying you ran away to your parents’ home because you got scared thinking I might have some weird sexual fetish?”
There seemed to be something strange about hyung’s words, but I expressed my affirmation through silence. Somehow it felt embarrassing.
“I won’t do it anymore in the future, teacher. I’m sorry.”
Saheon hyung answered playfully in a student-like voice, emphasizing the end of his words. When I laughed quietly, hyung lowered his head as if being cute and rubbed his cheek against my shoulder. A resonant laughter filled my ears. Hyung, resting his cheek on the pillow again, asked in a whisper.
“You won’t abandon me now, right?”
“Abandon you?”
I whispered in a high-pitched voice without realizing it. The faint sound of the TV was still leaking from outside the door. Finally realizing where I was, I lowered my voice even more and whispered.
“Abandon?”
“While saying you needed time to think.”
“You didn’t even give me time to think.”
Hyung’s laughter grew a bit louder at my disgruntled voice. Suddenly, I felt my waist stiffening from the rigid posture of keeping my hips pulled back slightly. When I squirmed in hyung’s arms to change position, he embraced me more tightly.
“I didn’t want to give you time to think.”
The sensation of our chests touching due to the tight embrace felt strange. I was almost afraid that my rapidly beating heart would be transmitted to hyung.
“If Cheongmyeong isn’t here, I cry from loneliness. I can’t bear it.”
My heart felt like it would melt at those words as sweet as candy. I had to try not to crumble by biting my lips firmly. Saheon hyung whispered with a somewhat pitiful expression.
“Don’t leave me behind anymore.”
A strange sense of fulfillment filled my chest. My head was spinning from hyung’s words, whispering as if I was the only one for him. I had to keep holding up my reason that seemed about to crumble.
“Can I kiss you now?”
Saheon hyung whispered softly. Even in the darkness, hyung acted like someone who knew exactly how to make himself look handsome. I tried to appear nonchalant as I slightly pursed my lips. Saheon hyung lowered his head slightly and clearly kissed my lips with a couple of smacks.
“Haah…”
After finishing the kiss, hyung let out a deep sigh. It seemed close to relief. Hyung, who had hugged me tightly once more to the point of breathlessness, loosened his arms a bit to give me more freedom.
Despite the king-size bed being plenty large enough for two people to lie down, hyung and I were pressed close together. I wriggled down a bit. Hyung’s arm naturally supported me like a pillow.
“Do you know how surprised I was when you suddenly said we should break up?”
“…I didn’t say we should break up…”
“I came running prepared to get on my knees and beg, you dummy.”
Hyung’s hand pinched my nose gently. With my nose blocked, I mumbled in a nasal voice.
“But how did you know to come here?”
“That’s a business secret.”
Hyung shook the hand holding my nose lightly from side to side a few times before letting go. Feeling as if my nasal cartilage had been pressed, I gently rubbed the tip of my nose. I could see hyung smiling even in the darkness. Hyung whispered in a low voice.
“It’s really hard dating a kid.”
My eyes opened wide. My heart started pounding much more intensely than before. In my mind, only the word “dating” was floating around.
My heart was beating so fast it almost hurt. I had to forcefully suppress the strange sensations trying to surge up by biting the soft flesh inside my mouth. Hyung lightly tapped the tip of my nose with his finger and asked.
“But if you weren’t thinking of breaking up, what were you planning to think about?”
“Ah, well…”
Hyung’s words gradually sank into my mind, which had been blank as if in a dream. Perhaps because of the strange words I had heard earlier, everything hyung said now led to fluttering associations.
“I thought… you might have gone crazy…”
“What?”
Saheon hyung let out an incredulous laugh. I felt embarrassed even after saying it, but suddenly had a realization.
Shocked by the unknown side of Saheon hyung I had seen, I had chosen a place without him to think about hyung.
However, just because I now knew hyung’s true nature didn’t mean I didn’t like him anymore. So why had I been shocked? I could trace the results step by step.
Hadn’t I been harboring a kind of fantasy about hyung, whom I had always considered kind and reliable? Wasn’t I shocked because the reality was different from the image in my mind of hyung, whom I had liked and wanted to date for such a long time?
It felt somewhat empty yet refreshing, like untangling a knotted thread. I stared blankly at hyung. Saheon hyung’s large hand brushed my hair. I could feel my hair slipping through between his fingers.
“I don’t think I need to think anymore.”
The words came out of my mouth almost unconsciously. Saheon hyung raised his eyebrows. Hyung’s words I had heard earlier filled my mind, leaving no room for any thoughts other than liking Saheon hyung.
Suddenly, a small thought crept in that “it might be okay.” Before I could realize what it was, my trembling voice had already leaked out.
“Because I like you… it’s okay.”
“Ah, Cheongmyeong.”
Suddenly, my breath was cut off. It was because Saheon hyung hugged me without warning. Pressed against hyung’s body, I blinked blankly. Hyung’s lips landed haphazardly all over my face.
On my cheeks, lips, around my eyes, corners of my mouth, temples – hyung kissed wherever his lips touched, making smacking sounds. Then he whispered in a voice that sounded like he was in pain.
“I feel like I’m going crazy. Why are you so pretty?”
Hyung’s voice, whispering in a much lower tone, contained suppressed roughness. The body heat
“I like you so much, I like you so much Cheongmyeong. I love you, I really like you…”
Hyung seemed like someone who didn’t know what he was whispering. Small kisses landed between each word, as if he didn’t know what to do with himself.
My face had turned red before I knew it. The whisper of “it might be okay” that had squeezed through a tiny gap was now revealing a distinct presence. And I belatedly realized that there was a sentence attached before “it might be okay.”
This time, it might be okay to confess to hyung.
