#57
Regardless of what Auntie was saying, Saheon hyung showed no intention of letting me go. I could feel his rough breath as he bowed his head, resting his forehead on my shoulder.
The scent of his cologne, which usually intensified when he was working, mixed with the smell of wind and an exotic aroma reminiscent of an airplane cabin, wafted over me. I blinked blankly, enveloped in hyung’s embrace that had cooled from the outside air.
“Why… are you…”
Saheon hyung’s husky voice came softly. It was barely audible, just enough for me to hear. Even with the words cut off, I could guess what hyung was trying to say.
The plaintive voice directly in my ear made my heart beat even faster. I felt like my heartbeat would be visible even outside my firm sternum.
Just then, a shock traveled through hyung’s body with a thud! It didn’t hurt, but I was bewildered about what was happening. Auntie’s words soon solved my curiosity.
“Kwon Saheon, can’t you even hear your mother? It’s useless raising a son! Aish!”
“Calm down, calm down.”
I heard Mom’s voice with a faint hint of laughter as she tried to soothe Auntie. However, Auntie had already started hitting Saheon hyung with fierce hands.
“This, brat, shows his face, last summer, and then, disappears without a trace, huh?”
Auntie, who had been hitting Saheon hyung’s back with each word, seemed to tire herself out and changed her nagging strategy to shouting.
“Oh my, I see the son I didn’t know was alive or dead at the neighbor’s house!”
I glanced at Saheon hyung from the corner of my eye. He was still burying his forehead in my shoulder. He was so motionless that I might have thought he was asleep if it weren’t for his rough breathing on my shoulder.
“What are you doing hugging Cheongmyeong, you mountain-sized guy!”
Finally, Auntie shouted as if in anger. I barely managed to move my arm, which was tightly held by Saheon hyung, and poked his side. Only then did hyung, who had been motionless as if dead, slowly stretch his shoulders. He naturally put his arm around my shoulder and greeted them smoothly.
“How have you been? You look even younger after not seeing you for a while. Has it been about half a year?”
Auntie looked at her second son with an incredulous face. Only I, awkwardly tucked into hyung’s side, glanced at the two of them with an uncomfortable expression. Saheon hyung tightened his grip on my shoulder. I straightened up like someone suddenly put on alert.
With an attitude that didn’t at all resemble the person who had been whispering pitifully just moments ago, Saheon hyung even greeted Mom.
“How have you been, mother?”
While Mom laughed loudly as if she’d heard an amusing joke, Auntie’s face became even more incredulous. Only I, stuck in the middle, was startled like I’d been scalded.
Mother? Saheon hyung had called our mom as if addressing the parent of a lover or spouse. I hesitantly began to mull over the meaning of the word hyung had used. No matter how I thought about it, there was only one meaning I knew in Korean.
A strange current seeped into my pounding heart. It was something fluttering and slightly ticklish. I pressed my lips inward and looked at Saheon hyung.
“…Where are you putting your age? You’re not a clueless child anymore…”
Auntie shook her head and trailed off as if she couldn’t handle it. Mom, who had been giggling, went a step further.
“Looks like he wants to be this family’s son from today. I’m fine with it, Saheon.”
As I looked around with aimless eyes at Auntie, Mom, and Saheon hyung, I had to admit that I had gotten ahead of myself. My rapidly beating heart gradually calmed down. I forced strength into the corners of my mouth to prevent my expression from changing on its own.
It seemed I had interpreted hyung’s words in a way that suited me. Feeling both bitter and embarrassed, I gently moved away from hyung. However, Saheon hyung clung to me even more, smiling broadly. Embracing my waist, he said,
“Then we’ll be going. Have a good night.”
“Huh? Cheongmyeong said he was going to stay overnight because he has no classes tomorrow. Isn’t that why you two came today? Cheongmyeong’s dad said he’d buy meat.”
“…Didn’t he say he was going to buy vegetables for wraps? Do you need anything else?”
Saheon hyung quickly changed his words. It seemed only I noticed the momentary hesitation. I carefully watched hyung’s expression.
“No, it’s okay. Cheongmyeong’s dad said he’d buy everything while getting the meat. But isn’t it uncomfortable wearing your uniform? It looks like you came straight from work…”
“Don’t you have clothes to change into in your suitcase?”
“I can’t remember where I threw it. Maybe I left it in the back seat of the car.”
“What are you talking about, son?”
“I might have left it on the plane.”
Saheon hyung answered seriously to Auntie’s incredulous question. I glanced up, thinking it might be a joke, but hyung was slightly frowning as if trying to recall.
He seemed to be serious. Only I, the only one in the room who understood the meaning of hyung’s words, was restless. Feeling that my anxiety wouldn’t subside unless I fidgeted, I tugged at hyung’s jacket and mumbled.
“I’ll lend you my clothes.”
Somehow, the area around my cheeks felt hot. Even though I tried not to get ahead of myself, I couldn’t help the fantasies that were billowing up.
Hyung, who had left at dawn, had hurriedly returned at this hour. He had rushed here so urgently that he didn’t know where he had left his luggage. Could I take that to mean he had been concerned about my words?
Even to myself, it seemed an unrealistic imagination. I pressed the back of my hand firmly against my chest, which had started beating rapidly again, trying to change my mindset.
Before Mom and Auntie could delve into why Saheon hyung had been so distracted, I quickly led him away. Fortunately, Saheon hyung followed without saying much. Behind us, I could hear Auntie lamenting that raising a son was all for nothing, beating her chest.
As I entered the room first, Saheon hyung, who followed, naturally locked the door. The way he silently pressed the lock button while releasing the handle showed it wasn’t his first time doing this. I followed hyung’s fingers with my eyes, then slowly turned my gaze to his face.
Once the door closed, the outside noise was blocked. Only a faint murmur could be heard. A sudden silence settled between me and hyung. The pressure I hadn’t been aware of until just now seemed to weigh down on me.
Saheon hyung roughly brushed back his disheveled hair with his hand. The shirt revealed under his jacket hinted at a firm waist. I swallowed hard for no reason and moved towards the closet.
Although I had packed clothes when I started living at hyung’s house, I hadn’t brought everything. I knelt in front of the closet and opened the drawer at the bottom. I started rummaging around, trying to recall the oversized clothes I had stuffed in a corner because they didn’t fit. I sensed a presence approaching from behind.
I noisily rummaged through the few clothes unnecessarily. Hyung suddenly bent down and brought his face close to mine. I flinched my shoulders and slowly turned my head.
Hyung looked at me without saying anything. The shadow created by the open closet door tinted hyung’s face. Although his eyes didn’t contain any particular reproach, I showed signs of being increasingly unsettled.
“Why didn’t you answer the phone?”
The following words were calm. As if just curious, hyung showed none of the smoothness he had displayed to Auntie and Mom.
“…There were… no calls.”
I hesitated a bit before speaking. Although I had set it to Do Not Disturb mode in a moment of anger, there were no missed calls. Saheon hyung, who had been staring at me, softly trailed off.
“I see.”
Hyung slowly straightened up from his bent position. Judging by the presence moving slightly back, it seemed he had leaned against the desk right next to the closet. I stood up, holding the clothes I had already found.
“Here. Clothes to change into.”
I spoke as calmly as I could, but my mind was in turmoil. From handing hyung comfortable clothes to pushing in the drawer and closing the closet door, my fingertips tingled so much that I had to keep clenching and unclenching my fists.
He had called. The fact that Saheon hyung had been concerned about what I said was reassuring. As my fluttering heart gradually calmed down, a question arose in my mind.
How did hyung know to come here? But I gave up after opening and closing my mouth a few times. I was worried it might look like I was playing hard to get, asking him to pay more attention to me.
I cleared my throat, pushing away the things I wanted to say. Hyung was still looking at me with a face that seemed shrouded in shadow. It was an expression that seemed ascetic and cool when not smiling, but rather than just being cold, it looked like he was deep in thought.
The closet and desk were precariously close, just enough not to collide when the door opened. I pushed my hands behind my back, needlessly pressing on the already well-closed door. Our bodies, wedged in the narrow space, looked like they might touch at any moment.
Saheon hyung naturally placed the clothes he had received from me on the desk. Due to the tight space, his large hand brushed against my body. Hyung, who was half-sitting leaning against the desk, blocked me with his long legs. The tips of his feet easily reached the hinges at the bottom of the closet.
Trapped like this, I swallowed hard. My Adam’s apple moved greatly with tension. Hyung was still looking at me with a face that seemed lost in thought.
“Cheongmyeong.”
“Hyung.”
Unable to bear the awkwardness, our questions came out simultaneously. Saheon hyung moved the leg he had placed near the hinge slightly, resting it near my calf. The temperature subtly touching me was hot.
“You go first.”
“No… You go ahead, hyung.”
“I said you first.”
The voice resonating in the quiet room was terribly low. It felt chilling, like even my body hair might stand on end. Finally, I continued, mumbling.
“Just… I thought you’d come tomorrow, but you came early.”
“It was a quick turn.”
Saheon hyung answered briefly. I don’t know what that means, but I nodded vaguely. Another awkward silence fell. I needlessly rolled up the end of my sleeve inside my fist. When I hesitated and didn’t say anything more, Saheon hyung called my name again.
“Cheongmyeong.”
I lifted my head slightly to indicate I was listening. Saheon hyung was looking at me with eyes that seemed like they might burn. A quiet question leaked through the tightly closed lips of hyung.
“Did I do something to upset you?”
I couldn’t hide my surprise at the direct question. Past events flashed by like a kaleidoscope. And I, who hadn’t been prepared for hyung to come looking for me so quickly or to ask so directly, couldn’t easily choose my words.
As I hesitated, Saheon hyung seemed to have already guessed the answer. I mumbled in a small voice.
“I needed… some time to think.”
At my answer, Saheon hyung rubbed around his mouth as if doing a dry face wash. I fiddled with the sleeves rolled up inside my fists, with my hands clasped together. Saheon hyung threw a question as if probing a little.
“Think about what?”
I felt my breath catch at hyung’s question. Saying it out loud in front of hyung made it clearer what purpose I had in trying to distance myself.
Saheon hyung had always been an affectionate person. He was kind, sometimes playful, but fundamentally there was an assumption that he liked me. However, my primary shock was that someone I liked and trusted had treated me carelessly, and as a result, I had resolved to step back and think coolly.
But I had come here with that resolution, without any thoughts beyond that. To hyung who seemed to be waiting for an answer, I stuttered out.
“I haven’t… finished thinking yet…”
“I see. Then take your time to think.”
After hesitating for a moment, I nodded almost imperceptibly. After a brief silence, Saheon hyung spread his arms slightly as if understanding. It looked like a gesture inviting me to hug him. I reflexively moved half a step and hugged hyung’s back.
Only after hugging him did I remember that I had declared a cold war. However, Saheon hyung had already interlocked his fingers, tying me up so I couldn’t escape. I heard a low voice whispering in my ear.
“But, just think.”
A small kiss landed on my earlobe with a soft smack. The sensitive sensation on the delicate area sent a shiver down my spine. I wanted to look at Saheon hyung, but it was impossible with our cheeks touching.
What broke the precarious atmosphere was a sound from outside the room. A noisy commotion arose, and then my father’s voice was heard.
“Cheongmyeong and Captain Kwon are here? Where are they?”
“They went to change clothes. But it’s been a while since they went in. Maybe they couldn’t find the clothes?”
“Is that so? Then I’ll go check.”
I heard my parents chatting. Instantly pulled back to reality, I tried to escape from hyung’s embrace. However, Saheon hyung mumbled in a playful voice.
“The door isn’t locked.”
A sharp intake of breath escaped from me. When I arched my back, I could see hyung smiling nonchalantly. The footsteps were getting closer. I called out to hyung pitifully.
“Hyung, quickly…”
There was a knock at the door. I opened my eyes wide, unable to stay still. It felt like being caught doing something wrong, and if my father actually came in, the scene he would see would be the neighbor’s son and his son tightly embracing.
“Hyung, hyung…”
“Cheongmyeong. Did you give him clothes? Has he changed?”
The doorknob was grabbed with a thud. Startled, I unconsciously hugged hyung’s neck tightly and buried my face in his chest. The thought that this would be an even stranger sight if my father came in only occurred to me a few seconds later.
However, there was only a dull ticking sound from the door. Saheon hyung, gently stroking the back of my head while softly laughing, called out in his usual voice.
“I’m almost done changing!”
When I looked up at hyung with frightened eyes, Saheon hyung quickly pressed his lips to my forehead. After the kiss that separated with a smack, the corners of Saheon hyung’s mouth lifted slightly.
As I stared blankly at hyung in shock, he even planted a stolen kiss on my lips, as if stamping them. Hyung’s fingers that had been entwined around my back leisurely separated.
“You’re cute.”
Hyung whispered in a voice tinged with laughter, then took off his uniform jacket, loosened his tie, and started unbuttoning his shirt one by one.
The long legs that had been caging me in had long since moved away. I had to blankly watch as Saheon hyung calmly changed clothes in front of me.
I felt like I had been bewitched by a fox.
