#55
I couldn’t open my eyes properly due to the sticky liquid irregularly embroidered on my face. When I tried to wipe it off while blinking my eyelashes, Saheon hyung quickly blocked my hand.
“Let me do it.”
Hyung’s large hand wiped around my eyes where semen was smeared. It was a warm and affectionate touch. It was so gentle that it was hard to believe this was the same person who had just been engaging in all sorts of perverted acts.
Saheon hyung’s actions reminded me of childhood. Whether it was wiping something off my mouth while eating, cleaning me up after playing outside and getting dirty, or washing my face in the morning at our aunt’s instruction when we slept together, hyung would gently wipe my face with his large hands while making cute “apu apu” sounds.
That caring hyung had splashed not water, but semen on my grown-up face. As another wave of resentment washed over me, my breathing kept getting heavier.
The sticky bodily fluid that had been asserting its presence was swept away by hyung’s touch, but traces still remained. I felt like a thin dick was stuck to my skin. Tears of relief at escaping the fear that hyung might be going crazy fell drop by drop onto my cheeks.
“Why are you crying? Don’t cry.”
Unlike before, there was sincerity in it this time. But I clearly remembered hyung saying “crying turns me on more.”
Hyung during sex and hyung now seemed like different people. Recalling how scared I was because he seemed like someone I didn’t know made my body tremble.
I looked up at Saheon hyung with betrayed eyes. If I were to compare it to a cat, it was like feeding it a liquid monster instead of cat treats. If I were to compare it to a parrot, it was like feeding it eraser dust instead of food.
I couldn’t perfectly express in one word the complex shock I had received from Saheon hyung, but I could come up with several similar analogies.
Saheon hyung looked at me with his mouth corners turned down as if worried or sad, but I detected the hidden laughter behind it. I glared at him even more fiercely at the gaze that seemed to find me cute.
“Oh no, what should I do? Cheongmyeong is crying, what should I do?”
Saheon hyung mumbled in the same tone, keeping his expression as he hugged me. I buried my eyes in hyung’s shoulder and wiped away the remaining tears, then mumbled fiercely.
“…Hyung, you’re weird.”
“Weird?”
“Go away. I’m leaving.”
Saheon hyung whispered in a voice that seemed unable to contain how cute he found me, pressing his lips firmly against my temple. Every time his warm lips touched, my tense body melted. I was half relaxed from hyung’s kisses when I steeled myself and spat out harsh words.
“Pervert.”
I heard hyung laugh softly. I glared at him even more fiercely from the corner of my eye, but all I could see was Saheon hyung’s earlobe.
Saheon hyung kissed me once more with a smacking sound, then pretended to look hurt as he moved back a little. My view was still half obscured by the angular hat he was still wearing. Saheon hyung first took off the hat, then brushed my bangs back with the back of his hand as if tidying up.
Cool air touched my forehead. My eyes, swollen from crying, were hard to keep open. I closed my half-lidded eyes. My eyes, which seemed like they would be quite puffy, felt warm.
After kissing each of my swelling eyelids once, Saheon hyung got up. Hyung was in an almost perfectly dressed state.
With a simple touch, he tucked away his dick that had been out of his clothes, making it impossible to guess what had just happened. In contrast, I sat slumped wearing only Saheon hyung’s wrinkled shirt, looking like a newborn foal that couldn’t even walk properly.
“Can you stand up?”
Saheon hyung grabbed my arm to help me up. I moved my aching legs like someone receiving nursing care. Saheon hyung helped me as I crawled along feebly.
I collapsed onto hyung’s bed as if falling face-first. My body was still trembling, perhaps from the aftereffects of the recent sexual encounter. The feel of the blanket against my cheek was cozy. Beyond my wrist, which still bore marks from the necktie, I could see Saheon hyung entering the bathroom.
Lying on the soft bed, I had completely lost my strength and was about to pass out, forgetting even the discomfort of the shirt. I hazily gazed towards the bathroom with bleary eyes, hearing the sound of running water.
The rhythmic sound of water couldn’t prevent sleep from coming to my relaxed body. I sensed a large presence approaching me, who was already halfway disconnected. But having exhausted all my strength, I had a “come what may” attitude.
“You’ll catch a cold.”
I felt the weight sink down next to me as hyung sat on the bed. Saheon hyung easily pulled me into his arms, apparently not finding me heavy at all. The half-lying position brought a strange sense of stability.
I went along passively with whatever hyung did, like a puppet with cut strings. A warm, damp towel touched my face, which had gone slack with no strength left even in the facial muscles, my mouth hanging open with closed eyes. All of hyung’s bodily fluids that had been imperceptibly forming a thin film were wiped away. The careful touch that had been gently moving down to under my chin moved away, then went to the shirt I was wearing.
Even in my half-asleep state, I vaguely recalled that I was supposed to wash this. I needed to wash it before leaving at 4 o’clock. I opened my mouth with a mumble.
“…Laundry….”
“It’s okay, I have spare clothes.”
Saheon hyung answered, understanding my words perfectly. Hyung moved, making the mattress undulate slightly, then used both hands to undo the buttons of the shirt one by one. The open shirt smelled of hyung’s usual cologne mixed with the scent of night flowers that had just been added.
Hyung removed the shirt with practiced movements. I heard the faint sound of fabric hitting the floor, as if he had carelessly tossed the removed clothing. After completely stripping me naked, Saheon hyung dressed me in a loose t-shirt and pants, then wrapped me snugly in the blanket to make me comfortable.
Judging by how he settled in next to me, using his arm as a pillow, it seemed he wouldn’t bother me anymore. The mixture of relief that it was all over and worry that Saheon hyung must surely be crazy actually pushed me deeper into the world of unconsciousness.
Saheon hyung’s hand grasped my wrist where the necktie marks remained. Hyung was as gentle as usual, softly caressing along the red marks with his thumb.
“Should I put some medicine on it? It looks like it’ll fade after sleeping, since it’s just a faint mark…”
Hyung, who had lightly pressed his lips to the marks, casually interlocked our fingers. With his other hand that was practically embracing me, he gently stroked my hair.
“Ah, I don’t want to go to work.”
My body, long since drained of strength, moved as hyung moved it. Saheon hyung adjusted our position so that I was lying with my head resting on his shoulder. Though I could feel the hard shoulder bone near my temple, I was floundering at the boundary between dreams and reality.
“Should I pack our Cheongmyeong in my suitcase?”
Saheon hyung made the silly joke seriously. I frowned and mumbled vaguely. It was meant to tell him not to say such nonsense, but proper words didn’t actually come out. I had no doubt that Saheon hyung would be able to guess what I wanted to say from the general mood.
Fortunately, my faith seemed to have been fulfilled. Saheon hyung, who had been letting out a low chuckle, carefully moved his index finger and thumb as if measuring the length from my forehead to my chin.
“Sometimes I think it would be nice if you could shrink down to the size of my palm.”
Hyung’s hand that had stopped measuring moved to my nose. After playfully pinching my nose, hyung mumbled in a husky voice.
“Then I could put you in my pocket without getting caught, right? No, you might set off the alarm going through security. Then the security staff would pat me down and tell me to empty my pockets, so I’d tuck you in next to my dick from the start. They can’t touch there… If they did touch and asked what it was, I’d say I got hard imagining doing things with a sexy little one on the plane first thing in the morning….”
I frowned even more and grumbled in dissatisfaction, cutting off hyung’s words that seemed to be coming from someone not in their right mind.
Suddenly I recalled what my teacher parents used to say. They said that if you’re obsessed with excessive sexual desire, you’ll end up thinking only about that, and then your brain won’t develop healthily.
Had that happened to Saheon hyung too? The moment when I had been confused and afraid as he recklessly pushed forward flashed by once again. I frowned around my eyes and tried to disappear from in front of Saheon hyung, but with all my strength gone, turning my back was the best I could do.
“Where are you goiing? Don’t gooo.”
Saheon hyung, who had been mumbling creepily, suddenly whispered as if being cute, hugging me from behind. The weight embracing me tightly from behind felt stable, but it couldn’t erase my certainty that hyung had gone strange. The familiar scent coming from Saheon hyung tickled my nose.
“…I’m leaving.”
I mumbled, barely moving my lips. It was words spoken as if convincing myself. The small breaths from hyung’s laughter brushed my ear. Hyung pressed his lips to the nape of my neck.
“Just sleep here.”
Apparently running out of strength, I had paused between words, so Saheon hyung seemed to have interpreted “I’m leaving” as “I’m going to my room” rather than “I’m leaving the house.” I decided to speak more simply, letting words flow with my stream of consciousness through my heavy lips.
“Just… for a bit…”
A warm, affectionate touch landed on my head. Hyung only let out a faint laugh, probably thinking I was throwing a sleepy tantrum. Hyung didn’t seem to take me seriously. But I was sincere.
I must have dozed off at some point. The constant rustling sounds from beside the bed pulled me somewhat from dreams to reality, and the gentle kiss landing on my forehead brought me about halfway to consciousness.
My eyelids were too heavy, so I kept my eyes closed for a while. In the distance, I heard the rolling sound of a suitcase being pulled along with the click of dress shoes, and then the sound of the front door locking.
Along with the realization that the 4 o’clock hyung had mentioned for leaving was dawn, not afternoon, came the realization that the cold war I had declared hadn’t been taken seriously at all. With an annoyed heart, I cursed Saheon hyung thoroughly before falling asleep again.
When I woke up in the morning, my eyes were very swollen. Looking at my wrist, the necktie marks had almost faded as hyung had said, but they weren’t completely gone.
Looking in the mirror, there was something like a boiled pufferfish. With my face all puffy, I brushed my teeth and lifted my top to check the marks left on my body. It had become almost a habit by now. New bite marks were etched over the mottled marks.
After glaring at the marks hyung had left, I moved my feet. The dressing table soon came into view. All the items I had knocked over were neatly arranged on one side, as if someone had tidied them up, but strangely my eyes stung.
Biting the tender flesh inside my mouth, I glared at the top of the dressing table. Feeling my stinging eyes start to blur, I furrowed my brow and held back, recalling yesterday’s sexual encounter once again.
Hyung, who spouted dirty talk, even masturbated in front of me, and acted like a real sexual harasser, seemed like someone who only wanted my body. And I could quickly and perceptively guess that my hypothesis was correct.
Feeling like the effort I had made to hold back by furrowing my brow would be in vain, I quickly averted my gaze and blinked rapidly. My mood became depressingly gloomy.
I left hyung’s room and entered my room next door. Naturally picking up the bag I use for school, I opened the zipper and headed for the closet. As I stuffed in clothes haphazardly, the bag quickly filled up. After closing the bulging bag whose zipper barely closed, a deep sigh escaped.
Somehow, yesterday’s events felt like being suddenly awakened from a sweet dream by cold water.
Was the problem that I had accepted everything hyung did as good? More shocking than us just having a sexual relationship was that hyung had treated me carelessly. Thinking that hyung could change his attitude and act like yesterday at any time sent chills down my spine.
The sudden thought that I should leave home naturally matured into the opinion that I should step back a bit and think more coolly.
Looking down at the luggage I had packed with a gloomy face, I took out my phone. There was a message from Saheon hyung in the messenger. Entering the chat room, I saw what looked like a selfie taken in front of the boarding gate.
“I want to put you in here.”
“I already miss you, Cheongmyeong.”
Rather than his handsome face that looked good even in the early morning, he seemed to be emphasizing the jacket pocket below for that reason. Biting my lower lip, I thought about what to write back.
Still, it would be good to let hyung know I was going home for a while, so he wouldn’t worry if I disappeared without saying anything like last time. I slowly moved my fingers to type out the message.
“Let’s take some time to think about us.”
