#Side Story 27 (Conclusion)
“Hyung. Let’s think about this slowly. Suddenly changing jobs. It’s too, too… reckless. And that was an unavoidable incident.”
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while. This incident just confirmed it.”
Saheon took my hand and spoke in a calm voice as if trying to soothe me. But I was still urgent.
“Hyung. Even if you’ve been thinking about it for a while, take more time. Don’t make such a sudden decision.”
I knew what process Saheon had gone through to reach his current position. Starting with entering the Department of Aviation Operation after passing through high competition, every day was a continuation of study and training. He had been running forward just to avoid falling behind, and even studied abroad.
Even after Saheon was hired as a co-pilot, the hardships didn’t end. It was a constant cycle of study and self-discipline to pass the tests jokingly called ‘life extensions’ in the first and second half of the year.
I had watched from right beside him what kind of life Saheon had lived as a pilot, from small aircraft to large ones.
Finally, he had reached his current position as a captain at Korea’s largest airline, and now he was talking about changing jobs.
“Cheongmyeong.”
Saheon tightly held my hand, which was trembling as if I was suffocating. His hot body temperature was transmitted. Saheon calmly but steadily expressed his thoughts:
“I said it yesterday, didn’t I? That I’m scared it might not end with just an injury like this, but that you might get hurt because of my actions.”
“That’s…”
“Right. That was unavoidable. But still, it was scary. It really hit home that both you and I have jobs that involve flying.”
Saheon was calm, as if stating a belief he had been thinking about for a very long time.
“Our job is one where accidents can happen at any time. If we assume something bad happens, we don’t have the authority to intervene for each other.”
I kept my mouth shut. Realizing that the basis for Saheon’s decision to change jobs was a realistic issue, I didn’t know what to say.
“In Korea, you can’t even decide on surgery unless you’re family. Even if it’s not an aviation accident, if something bad happens like a traffic accident, and we can’t do anything but watch from the side because we’re not legally bound on paper… Just imagining that was terrifying.”
I didn’t know this was the reason Saheon had been tossing and turning unable to sleep last night. Saheon, who had been fiddling with my still quiet hand, continued seriously:
“I want us to be in a relationship where I can be responsible for you, and you can be responsible for me.”
“…So that’s why you want to change jobs? But if it’s something like that…”
A choked question escaped between my lips. Saheon looked down at my hand he was holding. The ring he was wearing pressed firmly.
“Cheongmyeong. I want to be able to proudly say that you’re my partner. My lover. The person I love.”
My Adam’s apple moved up and down greatly. A hot surge burned my esophagus.
“This junior who’s getting married. He worked as a co-pilot for about 2 years at a Korean airline and successfully changed jobs to an airline in the US. From what he told me, in cases like the US, if a foreign crew member gets hired by that airline, they give citizenship on the condition of working for a few years.”
I stared blankly at Saheon. Saheon, who had been looking down while fiddling with my hand, met my eyes. Even though he tried to hide it, his serious voice was trembling slightly.
“Same-sex marriage is legal in the US.”
My mind went blank. Only then could I fully understand what Saheon was saying.
Saheon was asking if I could join him. Perhaps leaving everything behind, not in Korea but in a foreign country. If I could start together with him in an unfamiliar land.
My lips parted weakly at the truth revealed like a puzzle suddenly put together.
“…If that… happens…”
“If that happens, I’ll probably have to start over as a co-pilot. Maybe I won’t be able to change jobs right away. Parents, brother… We’ll have to tell people around us about our relationship. If that’s okay with you. If that’s okay…”
Saheon exhaled shortly as if releasing a hot breath he had been holding back. I realized that Saheon was very nervous. I couldn’t tell if the slight trembling of our clasped hands started from me or from him.
“If it’s okay, think about it seriously once.”
There was a child from next door that I found cute.
By the time I realized that child had become my everything, it was already too late. My world was completely filled with one person.
Ready for Take Off
You didn’t answer right away. It was a natural result.
I didn’t intend to force you. I too considered it reckless to abandon the current stable life and take on a new challenge, so there was no way you wouldn’t think the same.
I had seen plenty of cases of people moving from major domestic airlines to low-cost carriers within Korea, but cases of Asians moving to Western airlines could be counted on one hand.
But even with such anxiety, even with the slim possibility that might be considered reckless, even if we might be pointed at for liking men if it became known to those around us, I wanted to take the challenge. If it was with you, I felt like I could handle any trial.
In the end, you mumbled “I’ll think about it” and concluded the conversation. Since I didn’t want to pressure you, our conversation ended there that day.
After that day, until I left for my flight according to schedule, there was no more talk of ‘changing jobs’ and ‘marriage’. Although there were times when you seemed to be lost in thought as if contemplating something, as your thoughts are usually visible, neither of us touched on the sensitive topic.
So I went on my flight, and it was on the way back after a day’s layover. Perhaps because the flight path was set to ‘Incheon’, I missed you more than ever.
Suddenly, I remembered how boldly you approached me at twenty, saying all that was left was marriage. When you seriously proposed marriage, I jokingly said let’s wait ten more years, but that was already seven years ago.
As seven years passed, our relationship became one where I was the one clinging and asking to get married, but it wasn’t bad. Rather, it felt good. It was amazing that we had already walked together for so long.
My reverie was interrupted by the co-pilot’s question.
“Captain, what are you thinking about so intently?”
“About whether I can get married before my position changes.”
My words must have sounded like a joke, as the co-pilot sitting to my right chuckled. I also let out a faint smile as I gazed at the distant island lights that were starting to appear.
“Let’s prepare for landing.”
The control tower gave permission to land. The aircraft lowers its altitude and reduces speed to end the flight. Down, and further down. We need to focus completely, as most accidents occur during takeoff and landing.
The landing was smooth, with no wind, snow, or rain. The glittering runway lights welcomed us, as if congratulating our safe arrival.
Only then did I take a deep breath. The exotic scent lingering in the cockpit still seemed to carry the atmosphere of that country.
While passengers were disembarking, I followed the habit I’d developed over the past 7 years. I took out my phone, automatically set to Korean time for landing, and diligently sent a text.
「Hyung, I’ve arrived.」
If it wasn’t too early in the morning or too late at night, you would usually check the message within a minute. Today was no exception.
「Come quickly.」
Thinking of your slender, white hands typing the reply made me smile involuntarily. After getting your reply, I would anxiously wait for all the passengers to disembark.
After the long period of endurance ended, the co-pilot and I were finally able to escape the cockpit after six hours. We gathered our carriers and put on our angled caps. We hurried our steps while hearing the flight attendants’ “Thank you for your hard work.”
The evening when many flights were arriving was busy with passengers. While waiting for the tedious immigration check, I chatted idly with the co-pilot, then we hurriedly moved again for our respective commutes home.
After pushing through numerous passengers, we encountered many more people seeing off travelers, filling the airport. We exchanged brief greetings, and just as I was about to move on as usual.
You were there.
At that moment, everyone around you automatically blurred in my eyes. You, who had been alternately looking at your phone and the bulletin board out of boredom, slowly turned your head.
As if time had stopped, I couldn’t hear any sound. It felt like only you and I were left in this vast airport.
Fair skin, delicate features neatly arranged on a small face, red and sweet lips, a long neck like a deer’s, you whom I always want to hold in my arms.
Your gaze, which had been looking around as if searching for someone, turned towards me. The moment I thought our eyes met, you approached me with a bright smile.
If the surroundings had been quiet, I’m sure the sound of my heart dropping loudly would have been heard. My heart, which had momentarily stopped beating, started pounding even harder as if to make up for its mistake.
“Hyung!”
Seeing you smile brightly, showing your teeth, made my heart ache dully. Only then could I come to my senses. The sensations I had been gradually forgetting started to return.
A familiar body embraced me. The fresh scent, warm temperature, and the weight pressing heavily were all familiar. I hugged you tightly, regardless of whether people were watching or not.
I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them again, like someone trying to regain their senses. As my blanked-out brain tried to return to normal, I felt dizzy.
“…Without saying anything… When, when did you come out? If you stand for too long, your back will hurt…”
“Hyung.”
While I was rambling in what sounded foolish even to myself, you firmly cut off my words. Then you took a deep breath. After hugging my neck tightly and holding your breath for a moment, you spoke as if you had made a decision.
“Let’s do it.”
It was an unkind statement without any explanation, but I understood immediately. You mumbled in a tiny voice, as if afraid of your own words.
“Let’s do it like that.”
Then, in a low voice, you added a new title that was no longer just “hyung.”
In the airport filled with loud noise, your voice penetrated my heart as if only our words remained. Unable to contain the rising affection, I finally rested my forehead on your shoulder.
Comforting you when you seemed scared, anxious, and fearful of the unpredictable future had been my job since long ago. Since very long ago.
I hugged you tightly. We held each other for a long time, enduring emotions that couldn’t be expressed in words. And finally, when you raised your head, I saw your lovely face flushed red.
As our eyes met, we burst into small laughter without either of us initiating it. Somehow, I felt my face heating up too.
You reached out your hand to me. I gladly took it.
As we took our first steps holding hands, I could realize.
It was time for Captain Kwon Saheon to prepare for a new takeoff.
Takeoff is always a thrilling event.
It’s also the phase where most accidents occur, and once started, there’s no stopping regardless of the surrounding circumstances. There’s no possibility of returning to the previous state.
But with you, with this man as sweet as candy, I felt it would be alright.
No, it will be alright.
