#Side Story 23
Even if Saheon hyung had drunk a lot, there must have been a reason why he pounced on me like an untamed wild horse. Although I could overlook buying obscene items while drunk as a desire he might have wanted to try once, I was more concerned about what seemed to be hyung’s true feelings.
‘I wonder if you’re holding back because of how I’m waiting.’
What could it mean? But I think I could vaguely guess the reason. I just had to recall the expressions and tones of my colleagues when they mentioned the existence of Saheon hyung’s “lover” after we came to London together.
Expressions close to discomfort and negative surprise. While I’m pretending not to have a partner, Saheon hyung has been open about having a lover since the early days of our relationship. It’s been almost 7 years. Thinking about how many times hyung might have experienced reactions like this over that time made me feel solemn.
Even if he had gotten used to reactions based on just hearing about the age difference without knowing the details, hearing such things even from those around me might have caused some change in his mood.
What emotions might Saheon hyung be hiding deep in his heart? Is it anxiety? Impatience? Maybe he’s tired of others’ reactions. I wanted to hear what was in hyung’s heart.
Thinking about it again, I realized I hadn’t listened to hyung’s worries much. Partly because hyung didn’t want to open up, and partly because in my mind, Saheon hyung was such a mature person. It was a surprising realization.
As soon as I realized this, I became even more curious about hyung’s inner thoughts. I brushed Saheon hyung’s hair to the side as he slept soundly. I wanted to look into his mind and see what he was thinking.
I struggled to move my handcuffed hands to cover Saheon hyung with a blanket so he wouldn’t be cold. As I leaned against hyung’s chest with my hands in front, hyung embraced me out of habit, even while letting out low groaning sounds.
I deeply inhaled the familiar scent coming from hyung and closed my heavy eyes. The weight pressing down on me felt good.
I lightly pressed my lips to hyung’s shoulder. There’s no need to be anxious. Have I been taking hyung’s consideration for granted, not knowing the inner thoughts he’s been holding? I thought I should talk with hyung when he sobers up tomorrow. My mind became complicated in various ways.
With a sharp intake of breath, my wrist was grabbed. There was a loud clanking of metal. Startled by the sudden pressure, feeling my heart sink, I opened my eyes wide and came face to face with Saheon hyung right in front of me.
Saheon hyung, who smelled faintly of alcohol, looked very flustered. His confusion deepened when our eyes met. Blinking my dry eyes a few times, I spoke in a slightly hoarse voice.
“…Are you awake?”
“Cheongmyeong-ah, this…”
Saheon hyung bit his lower lip nervously and pulled on the handcuffs binding my hands. Unlike how I had struggled last night, when hyung pushed with force, they opened easily. I shook out my slightly sore wrists. Hyung’s complexion had turned pale.
“I must have gone crazy. Ah, I’m sorry. Really sorry. Did it hurt? What should I do.”
Saheon hyung, making a fuss while holding my wrists with their red marks, had returned to his usual gentle self.
“Do you remember yesterday?”
“…Not everything. Parts of it.”
Judging by his hesitation, he seemed to remember tying me up, if nothing else. I rubbed the wrist that wasn’t held by hyung. Lowering my eyes, I could feel that my eyes were swollen from the tears I had shed yesterday.
“I must have gone crazy. I’m sorry. Does it hurt?”
Hyung kissed my wrist where the red marks remained. After coughing a few times because my throat hurt, I answered.
“I’m fine. How about you? How’s your hangover?”
Instead of answering, Saheon hyung kissed my swollen eyelids repeatedly. The smacking sounds and warm body temperature brought a sense of comfort.
“…I’m sorry. Really sorry. It sounds really petty to make excuses after drinking, but I thought it was a dream.”
“…Do you always treat me like this in your dreams?”
“Ah, no! No!”
It was half-joke, half-serious, but seeing him get so flustered with his face turning bright red made me a bit suspicious. In our 7 years of dating, I had never seen hyung this flustered.
I could sense Saheon hyung being cautious about something that in the past might have made him run away to Yongin. But perhaps because I had grown accustomed to such acts with Saheon hyung by now, or because I thought it could happen when drunk, there was something else bothering me more than that.
“Why did you do that yesterday?”
“…I’m sorry…”
“No, that’s not what I mean.”
I swallowed hard once again. A slight pain arose in my sore throat. I asked in a small but clear voice.
“Did something happen?”
Hyung seemed to immediately understand what I wanted to say. His face looked like he had heard something he never expected to hear. I interlocked my fingers with hyung’s bewildered face, lowering my caught wrist slightly.
“Is it because of what other people say? Do you feel some kind of pressure or something…”
“No. It’s not that.”
Saheon hyung hastily denied my words. Perhaps due to his hangover, his brow was slightly furrowed. Hyung carelessly brushed back his messy bangs, then grabbed them tightly while muttering.
“I don’t care about others’ views.”
“Then what’s bothering you?”
“…Ah, Cheongmyeong-ah.”
Hyung hesitated to speak for a moment. I stared at hyung with my puffy eyes. After opening and closing his mouth a few times, hyung eventually pressed his lips shut. What could he be so hesitant to say?
However, my thoughts didn’t continue for long. Someone knocked on the room door. I sat up, startled.
“Cheongmyeong-ssi?”
The voice I heard was familiar. It was a senior from the same team. I hurriedly answered with my very hoarse voice.
“Yes, yes!”
“Why aren’t you answering your phone? The purser said to gather by 10 o’clock today…”
The unexpected news made my mind go blank. I quickly got up and put on the robe that was strewn about. Mouthing ‘Wait a moment’ to hyung, I quickly half-opened the room door.
“Yes?”
Outside was the senior who had been staying two rooms over. Seeing me come out in a robe, the senior blushed slightly and awkwardly averted her gaze, as if not knowing where to look.
“We’ve been trying to contact you in the group chat… You were the only one not responding, so I came to check. It’s twenty minutes to 10 now.”
“Ah, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. My phone must have turned off…”
“I’m glad I came. Well, don’t be late.”
The senior smiled lightly while still averting her gaze awkwardly. I also smiled awkwardly and quietly closed the door.
Thinking about it, I couldn’t quite remember where I had put my phone. However, when I turned around, I immediately found my phone on the floor. After connecting the completely drained phone to the charger, I decided to postpone our conversation to deal with the urgent matter at hand.
“Let’s talk when we get home to Korea.”
“Okay.”
Suddenly, a somewhat awkward silence fell between us. Although we hadn’t fought angrily, the air between us resembled the silence after an argument.
But there was no time to hesitate. I quickly pulled out any clothes from my carrier and hastily got dressed, then awkwardly spoke to hyung, who was still frowning.
“…Make sure to take something for your hangover. Eat something.”
“Alright.”
I only grabbed my wallet instead of my charging phone. After our habitual kiss, I deliberately suppressed the words rising from deep within me.
Thankfully, with the senior’s help, I was able to arrive at the lobby without being late. The reason for the sudden gathering turned out to be a simple meal nearby a few hours before show-up time.
Looking back on our time that had been filled with a trivial but subtle atmosphere, maybe it was fortunate. I tried my best to calm my mind.
After eating together near the hotel, taking a group photo for SNS, and returning to our rooms for individual preparations, Saheon hyung had already returned to his own room.
All that was left was to prepare to leave and meet in front of the bus, which was only natural, but perhaps due to the complex and subtle air before leaving the room, my mood was a bit low.
After changing into my uniform and completing all preparations, I grabbed my half-charged phone and carrier and went to the lobby. There was no one in the lobby yet, but soon people started appearing one by one.
Among them was Saheon hyung, transformed into his perfect appearance. I wanted to ask if his hangover was better now, but by the time hyung arrived, there were already many people around, so I couldn’t. However, since Saheon hyung was following me with his gaze, I could ask with my expression. Hyung answered with a barely visible smile.
The process up to going for the flight was the same as always. We had a briefing in the briefing room prepared at the airport, then a joint briefing with the captains, and passed through security.
Of course, the unexpected incident of Saheon hyung’s carrier getting caught during the security check was unforeseen. In the hands of the security staff who opened it was the lubricant hyung and I had used yesterday. I quickly turned my reddening face away in embarrassment.
Even though he bought it while drunk, he managed to get the right volume to pass through, but I didn’t expect him to bring that. If so, the items we used last night would likely be in there too.
As I had predicted, the security staff who checked inside the carrier looked a bit surprised, then grinned at Saheon hyung and gave a thumbs up. Saheon hyung responded by silently giving a thumbs up. I was the only one who didn’t know what to do out of embarrassment. I glared at hyung when our eyes met, but Saheon hyung pretended not to notice. I wanted to give him a smack on the bottom, but there were too many eyes watching to try.
The embarrassment was forgotten thanks to the busy pre-takeoff preparations. After passing through security, we went to our assigned gate and rushed around to depart on time. Before we knew it, while running around without a moment to spare, it was close to boarding time.
We received permission to board on time from the captain who had made Saheon hyung drink a lot – hyung was scheduled to be replaced during the mid-flight break. When the purser gave the ground staff the sign to allow boarding, passengers started pouring in soon after.
