#Side Story 02
I tried to maintain a solemn expression as I patted the back of the sniffling child. I stroked his soft hair and gently pinched his flushed cheeks.
“I’m sorry. Did you dislike it? Hyung actually likes Mungmung. I won’t do it again from now on. Let’s play together every day.”
“…Mungmung likes hyung too.”
Mungmung mumbled in a tiny voice while fidgeting. Ah, he’s really cute. I don’t know where such an adorable creature fell from. Unable to resist my instincts, I showered him with kisses. I also blew raspberries on his tummy while lifting him like an airplane, my hands tickling his armpits.
Feeling ticklish, Mungmung forgot he was crying just moments ago and let out a bright laugh, tightly hugging my head. The sensation of his short arms and legs wrapping around me felt good. Hugging the child whose face had turned red from happiness, I kissed his small, short fingers.
“Do you want to play with hyung? Anyone who wants to play with hyung, give me a kiss!”
Mungmung, who had been glancing at me, lifted his head and kissed my chin. The soft, warm lips that firmly touched me felt squishy. The gentle and kind child seemed to have forgotten all his anger, and if it weren’t for his reddened eyes, there would be no trace of him having cried.
“Hyung.”
“Yes?”
“I like you.”
“You like me? How much do you like me?”
“As much as the sky and the earth.”
I couldn’t help but smile at Mungmung’s expression, which I didn’t know where he learned it from. In the end, unable to hide my curved lips, I requested,
“Then give me another kiss.”
Mungmung cupped my cheeks with his small hands and bumped his lips against mine. I pretended to fall back with an exaggerated “Ouch!” at the slight sting, and a clear laugh rang out.
***
When did that child start seeing me differently?
“I like you, hyung.”
The night before I left for the United States to study abroad, which was the final hurdle to fulfill my flight hours, the words I heard from Mungmung were shocking. I couldn’t believe my ears.
The child sitting on the swing, trying hard not to cry, had grown up before I knew it, but he was still developing slower than his peers.
That’s why I still saw him as a cute younger brother. He was the adorable little brother I would hug tightly, let sleep in the same bed, and kiss without hesitation. But I could tell that the meaning of “I like you” coming from Cheongmyeong’s mouth was no longer that between brothers.
I swallowed dryly from the tension. It felt like my mind went blank. I thought I had received all sorts of confessions in my life, but I never expected to hear such words from the neighbor’s child I had helped raise.
I needed to reject him gently. As gently as possible so as not to hurt him. But how should I do it? As my silence lengthened, Cheongmyeong started to sob quietly. I should comfort him and tell him not to cry, but I couldn’t hastily hug him for fear of hurting him more with my actions.
“I like you…. Hyung, I like you so much….”
“Um…. Hyung likes Cheongmyeong too.”
I tried to answer as calmly as possible. I was surprised to receive a confession from a man, but there was no need to let my surprise affect the child. I tried to convey my words politely, quietly, and maturely so as not to hurt him.
“It’s okay, it can happen.”
Cheongmyeong was too busy crying. I should have hugged him and comforted him not to cry like before, but since the actions I used to do were now blocked, excuses came out in a jumble.
I told him that he probably thought he liked me as family since we grew up together, that emotions are momentary and he would realize it’s different when someone who truly loves and cherishes him comes along, that he’s too precious to like someone like me….
But in the end, Cheongmyeong burst into tears like a child. I hesitantly reached out my hand. It ended up on Cheongmyeong’s hair. I gently patted it with a slightly hesitant touch.
Cheongmyeong couldn’t stop crying for a long time. His cheeks, which used to turn red frequently from the biting cold, were now bright red as if about to freeze. I had to keep trying to calm Cheongmyeong down with comforting words.
“Don’t cry. I’ll take you home. It’s cold.”
It seemed like he had stopped crying to some extent. I made him put his frozen hands in his pockets and led Cheongmyeong. Normally, I would have chatted about various things, but now I had no idea what to say.
The walk from the playground to home felt long. Although it was a distance that took less than 15 minutes on foot, today it felt especially slow, as if forcibly holding back the hands of the clock. My head felt like it was about to explode with various thoughts.
There was no conversation between us as we rode the elevator that was waiting on the first floor due to the late hour. Even after arriving at our destination on the 12th floor, Cheongmyeong kept his head down, unable to look up.
After opening and closing my mouth a few times, the only thing I could manage to say was,
“Go inside. Contact me before you go to bed.”
Cheongmyeong nodded almost imperceptibly, then went inside as if escaping. I heard the sound of the door lock engaging. I let out a long sigh I had been holding in.
My complicated thoughts refused to settle. Memories of Cheongmyeong from when he was young flashed through my mind.
The cute newborn baby, him eating solid food after weaning off formula, playing with blocks together, shouting that he liked hyung the most in his lisping voice, entering elementary school, wearing a school uniform for the first time….
One question pierced through all these memories, asking me: Since when? I couldn’t even guess at what point Cheongmyeong had started to see me differently. I messed up my hair carelessly.
It was confusing to learn about Cheongmyeong’s sexual orientation for the first time, and equally confusing that I was the object of his affection. It seemed he thought he had a crush on me because he had developed familial affection from knowing me since childhood.
With a heavy heart, I paced around for a while before entering the house. The house was quiet. Seeing the immigration bag packed by the door, I shook my head, trying to erase the image of Cheongmyeong sobbing and confessing his love.
Thanks to Cheongmyeong’s confession, I had a restless night, but the next day I boarded the plane to the United States as planned. Although I wanted to see his face one last time, I chose to leave quietly, thinking it wouldn’t be a good decision for either of us.
The American soil I stepped on after a long 14-hour flight was a series of adjustments and new tasks. With full days of training, studying, more training, and more studying, there was no room to think about anything else. My sole goal was to be hired as a first officer, and gradually, Cheongmyeong’s confession faded from my memory.
When I had days off, I would occasionally return to Korea, but each time I couldn’t meet Cheongmyeong, which led to a mix of disappointment and relief, gradually forgetting the memory of that day.
After 3 years had passed and I had completed all my flight hours, luckily, KN Airlines posted a recruitment notice for first officers. I applied and was accepted immediately. As I was the first among my flight school classmates to be accepted by a major airline, I received quite a flurry of congratulations.
Even when I returned to Korea in glory after wrapping up my life in the United States, I couldn’t see Cheongmyeong. According to my aunt, he was busy with his studies. As I was gradually forgetting about his confession from back then, I now purely wanted to see Cheongmyeong out of nostalgia.
They say that if you don’t see someone’s face, they also distance from your heart. Thanks to Cheongmyeong, who was hiding and not showing himself, I was able to focus solely on my work, receiving training as a new first officer and officially joining the company after about a year of education.
Because of this, I didn’t even know Cheongmyeong had become a college student. It was only when my mother mentioned it while I was in the midst of transition training for wide-body aircraft that I realized how much time had passed.
“Cheongmyeong got into Hansi University, but it’s so far. So, Saheon, would it be okay if he lived with you? You have many empty rooms anyway, so you could give one to Cheongmyeong and live together.”
Only then did I realize that Cheongmyeong had become a college student. Having lived so intensely on the edge between training and survival, I hadn’t had the luxury to look around me.
Perhaps interpreting my silence as I looked back on the time that had passed in a flash, my mother added various explanations to prevent me from refusing. Cheongmyeong was the youngest and still so baby-like, wouldn’t living alone be worrying? But the commute was too far. Even if he drove, how would he manage the maintenance costs?
I had no intention of refusing anyway. Cheongmyeong’s confession was now just a memory, something that could happen once during adolescence, and only pure longing remained. I agreed immediately.
Was that the problem?
On the day Cheongmyeong was to move in with me, my uncle and Cheongmyeong kindly offered to pick me up at the airport.
My heart was pounding from the moment I flew out of the United States. How had Cheongmyeong grown? Would he still be cute? Memories of his childhood overlapped, and I kept chuckling as I recalled him confidently declaring, “Cheongmyeong will only marry hyung!”
I landed in a good mood, looking forward to meeting my cute little brother after a long time. As I exited the arrival hall with light steps, I searched for my uncle and Cheongmyeong with my eyes. Just as I thought I had found my uncle, who looked a bit older than before, among the crowd of people,
Our eyes met. For a moment, it felt like my breath stopped. Pale white skin, doe-like moist eyes, a straight but cute nose bridge, small and red lips.
Beyond just being pretty, an enchanting atmosphere overwhelmed me. I unconsciously mumbled “Hello” to the person who was looking at me with a somewhat bewitched gaze, completely captivated. It was only a few seconds later that I realized the person I had greeted was a man.
And that the person who had captivated me was the twenty-year-old Cheongmyeong who had grown up so much. Realizing that the brother I was meeting again after three years had completely hit my type was something that followed soon after.
