#93
“You’re up?”
Tae-rim casually greeted Ha-min while taking out an unlit cigarette.
“Ah, yes. …Do you need any help?”
The situation looked like it desperately needed assistance. Aside from the cooking, it seemed like tidying up was necessary first.
“It’s fine. Don’t come into the kitchen. Go to the living room. Let’s just order something.”
“Isn’t that… almost done?”
The food in the frying pan looked quite messy, but it seemed he had somehow finished cooking. When Ha-min cautiously asked, Tae-rim let out a chuckle.
“I can’t guarantee the taste.”
“…It’ll take time if we order…”
“…”
“Since you’ve already made it… I’d like to eat it.”
In truth, Ha-min wanted to try the first meal Tae-rim had cooked. They had never properly eaten a meal alone together. Moreover, seeing the effort he had put in, it felt impolite not to eat it.
After a moment of hesitation at Ha-min’s insistence, Tae-rim briefly nodded.
“Alright. Then go to the living room. Let’s eat there.”
Ha-min nodded obediently, knowing it would be difficult to eat at the dining table given the current state.
Ha-min returned to the living room and sat quietly. For some reason, he felt uncomfortable not being allowed to help at all. So he just followed Tae-rim’s instructions obediently.
Just as he was about to get up to help bring the food, thinking he could at least assist with that, Tae-rim was already entering the living room. Ha-min, who had been fidgeting as if he were in someone else’s house, jumped up to receive the food, but Tae-rim personally set it down in front of him. Only after bringing out a well-plated salad did he finally sit down on the sofa.
The pasta, which had looked quite amateurish, looked a bit more presentable when served on a plate. The seafood pasta had a decent composition. Ha-min, seated at the table, glanced at Tae-rim, who was drinking wine before touching the food.
“Aren’t you eating, hyung?”
Tae-rim leaned back on the sofa as if taking a brief rest rather than eating.
“I’ll eat. You go ahead.”
“Okay. Thank you for the meal.”
“If it’s not good, don’t force yourself to eat it all.”
“It looks pretty tasty though…”
Ha-min mumbled with a faint smile. Then he twirled some pasta with his fork and put it in his mouth.
“…”
…It’s not good.
The pasta wasn’t cooked properly, and there was no seasoning at all. It was bland yet strangely salty, which was peculiar. As Ha-min’s chewing gradually slowed down after ambitiously putting the food in his mouth, Tae-rim, who was drinking wine, looked at him worriedly.
“I told you not to eat it. Spit it out.”
Ha-min saw Tae-rim holding out an empty plate in front of his face. Ha-min shook his head with wide eyes. He swallowed the food with difficulty and casually replied.
“It’s, it’s edible.”
Tae-rim slightly furrowed his brow at the obvious lie. Then, as if to confirm, he put some of his own portion in his mouth. After twirling the pasta a couple of times with his fork and putting it in his mouth, his face immediately stiffened.
“…Ah, shit.”
He put down the fork as if throwing it, clearly annoyed at how bad it was.
“Don’t eat it.”
Ha-min couldn’t help but laugh at Tae-rim’s somewhat shocked expression. A “pffft” sound even escaped, and he could feel Tae-rim gradually turning to look at him. Ha-min, who had been laughing carelessly, consciously stopped when he met Tae-rim’s direct gaze. He hurriedly tried to compose himself, worried it might have seemed like he was mocking Tae-rim, but the piercing gaze didn’t easily look away.
“It’s fine for me…”
Ha-min awkwardly put more food in his mouth. It seemed like it would get better after eating it a couple of times, once he got used to the initial unfamiliarity.
“Why are you laughing like that?”
Tae-rim asked in a low voice as Ha-min was chewing with his mouth full, avoiding eye contact. Ha-min’s eyes widened in surprise at the sudden question. Did it seem like he was mocking him? Worried that Tae-rim might be upset, Ha-min blinked a couple of times in confusion.
Tae-rim bent forward, resting his elbows on his legs. It was a posture to get closer to Ha-min, who was sitting on the floor eating. Ha-min pretended not to notice, as the laugh had been just a momentary thing.
“I didn’t laugh…”
“You did. Prettily.”
The food almost got stuck in his throat. He could feel heat rising automatically from his neck. But Ha-min pretended not to notice and ignored it.
“…It’s been a while since I’ve seen you laugh like that.”
Tae-rim’s low voice sounded pleasant. Feeling his ears tickle at the words, Ha-min resolutely looked only at the food as he spoke.
“Just…”
“…”
“I thought there were things hyung couldn’t do too…”
He answered honestly, wanting to avoid the persistent gaze. Embarrassed by the sentimental words, he focused even more enthusiastically on eating. After a brief silence, Tae-rim’s calm voice was heard again.
“There are many things hyung can’t do.”
He straightened his bent back and leaned against the sofa. His deflated voice echoed emptily in the spacious living room. Ha-min’s hand, which had been busily moving the fork, paused.
“So I didn’t know your feelings either.”
“…”
“I must have treated you like shit.”
He spoke with a bitter laugh, as if talking to the air rather than to anyone in particular.
Ha-min’s face gradually hardened at the self-deprecating tone. It was an uncomfortable topic to bring up.
“…It’s already…”
“…”
“…all in the past anyway.”
At Ha-min’s words, which sounded as if it really was all in the past, Tae-rim’s hand gripping the wine glass tightened. Blue veins rose imposingly on the back of his hand.
Ha-min swallowed the food he had been chewing with difficulty and just poked at the shrimp. A strange atmosphere enveloped them again. Ha-min pretended not to notice and quickly emptied his plate. He diligently ate the salad bought from the mart as well.
There was nothing he particularly wanted to say in response. He didn’t want to emphasize that he had been hurt, nor did he want to bring up past events and assign blame. Of course, it would be a lie to say it didn’t affect him at all. He was human after all. But after clearing his mind, he felt like it was all pointless now. From the beginning, it wasn’t entirely Tae-rim’s fault. It was a relationship that stemmed from his own naive actions, so he could only humbly accept it.
In the silence that fell once again, Ha-min, having finally finished his food, quietly said “Thank you for the meal” and stood up with his dishes. Wanting to ignore all the unnecessary conversations for two people trying to live normally as before, Ha-min turned to leave. That’s when his arm was suddenly grabbed.
The grip on his arm tightened forcefully.
“Ha-min.”
Tae-rim’s eyes, devoid of their usual arrogance, looked directly at him. Ha-min felt queasy at the sight that seemed strangely urgent, even though he wasn’t going far. For some reason, he felt heat rising from his spine, and the current situation felt burdensome.
The black eyes meeting his seemed both angry and irritated. Tae-rim, with furrowed brows, was uncharacteristically unable to hide his emotions. Ha-min’s pupils trembled slightly at the expression that seemed a bit anxious, unlike his usual self. After a brief pause, Tae-rim slowly opened his mouth, clenching his jaw.
“…Just hit me or curse at me instead.”
A suppressed voice was heard. The voice, which seemed to be barely held back, resonated low again.
“Stop talking as if everything is over.”
Ha-min wavered momentarily at the voice tinged with complexity. Feeling that Tae-rim too had struggled somewhat to say this, Ha-min couldn’t coldly push away his hand.
**
Sunlight, warm to the point of being hot, fell on the bedding. Dust particles floated in the sunbeam. Feeling cozy to the point of lethargy, Ha-min curled up in bed, unable to get up easily. His body felt heavy, wrapped in comfort, but his mood wasn’t particularly bright.
It was the first time he had slept properly in such a spacious and luxurious room, and it made him feel unsettled. He just felt uncomfortably out of place. Ha-min rubbed his heavy eyes and struggled to get up. He felt tired even though he had only slept for one night. He wondered if he could really manage for a whole month.
Ha-min touched his sleepy face and carefully went out of the room. Although it wasn’t early, he didn’t make any footsteps, afraid of waking Tae-rim who might be sleeping in another room. As he was carefully walking towards the kitchen, he heard movement from the direction of the front door.
“You’re up. Did you sleep well?”
He ran into Tae-rim, who had just come in wearing casual workout clothes, perhaps returning from exercise. He seemed to have had quite an intense workout; his usually styled hair was damp and drooping, and his thin sportswear was completely soaked with sweat, clinging to his toned upper body.
Tae-rim wiped his face with a towel as he walked to the refrigerator and took out some water. Even with slight movements, the back muscles adhering to his clothes were visibly twitching. Although he wasn’t naked, Ha-min felt strangely embarrassed and lowered his head.
“Did you go work out?”
Ha-min asked as naturally as possible. It was a behavior that needed a lot of practice to maintain for a month. As normally and ordinarily as possible.
“Yeah. I went for a run.”
Sweat was still flowing down his nape, indicating how much he had run.
After the light conversation, a brief silence fell, making the air feel heavy. Because of this, Ha-min stood there blankly, forgetting why he had come out in the first place.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
