#84
**
Even the naturally healthy Tae-rim would get sick sometimes.
Born with a good physique and exceptional growth, he was naturally sturdy, taller and bigger than his peers. In contrast, the second son, Tae-in, was frail and often compared to his brother. Their parents even occasionally blamed Tae-rim for their stark differences, saying he had taken his younger brother’s share of health.
It could have felt that way. At that time, Tae-rim had never even caught a cold. But there was just one time he fell ill, when they were living on the outskirts of Seoul as children. Though he could usually run around shirtless in chilly weather without feeling cold, that day he struggled to open his eyes, burning with fever and groaning in bed. Unable to comprehend this unfamiliar pain, he couldn’t regain his senses.
Unfortunately, no one was home that day due to the second son’s regular check-up, and the hired help never entered the bedrooms privately, so no one would know if anyone was sick. Especially, no one dared to enter the room of the most sensitive eldest young master of the house.
When he was hovering between consciousness and unconsciousness, the door creaked open. The door opened cautiously, but no footsteps were heard. Only the silhouette of a small, hesitant child was faintly visible.
‘Hyung…?’
Even just from the silhouette, he could guess who it was. Tae-in’s friend. The chubby little kid. The strange kid who always watched him from afar.
‘Are you sick…?’
A small hand was placed very carefully on middle school Tae-rim’s forehead, trembling as if afraid to wake him.
‘Hot….’
The child who mumbled softly hurriedly left the room. Noisy bustling could be heard from outside. As Tae-rim heaved hot breaths, the door opened again and the hired help rushed in. After confirming his raging fever, they made a phone call somewhere, and the chubby child was restlessly pacing in front of the door. With that memory, Tae-rim lost consciousness as if fainting.
When he woke up from what felt like fainting, an IV was inserted in one arm, suggesting the family doctor had visited. When he casually turned his gaze to look out the window, it had a reddish tint. It seemed to be close to evening. Only then did Tae-rim find it easier to breathe, and he closed his eyes with a face that looked like he might live.
In the meantime, the door opened slightly again. Though he heard the sound, Tae-rim was too exhausted to bother opening his eyes. As he lay still, he heard footsteps like those of a thief. With his eyes closed, his hearing became more sensitive, and every sound seemed to pierce his ears.
Rustling sounds, fidgeting sounds. And then, a very small child’s voice rang out.
‘This is something I like….’
Though he didn’t know what it was, it was obviously some kind of snack. After placing the carefully chosen items by the bedside, the child put both hands to the ears of the sleeping Tae-rim. Thinking he had fainted from illness, the child whispered in a very small voice, as if sneaking:
‘Don’t be sick, hyung.’
After whispering with all their heart as if casting a spell, they fled the room in a hurry. Only then did Tae-rim slowly open his eyes. It was a purity in stark contrast to himself.
Young Tae-rim picked up one of the candies left by the bedside. Though he usually despised sweet things, perhaps because he had been so ill and out of it, he mindlessly unwrapped it and put it in his mouth. The cheap flavor spread throughout his mouth. Despite his sore throat, it wasn’t bad. That child’s kindness was never bad.
Tae-rim slowly opened his eyes as he woke from the dream. His long, deeply shaded eyes gradually opened. Pushing away the rustling bedcover, he sat up and pressed his eyes tiredly.
Having taken a light nap and dreamed such a vivid dream, an even deeper fatigue washed over him. More than not having slept deeply, he was more bothered by the childhood memory suddenly appearing in his dream. With the vivid scene feeling like it had just happened yesterday and the sensation of the whisper still lingering in his ear, Tae-rim rubbed his ear absently.
After sitting dazed for a while, Tae-rim slowly got up. Unable to shake off the floating sensation, he headed to the terrace. Facing the cold air of dawn, he slumped into a chair. Burying himself deeply in the chair, he put a cigarette in his mouth and lit it. After taking a long drag on the filter and exhaling the smoke, gray smoke lingered thickly.
Just then, he heard movement from the living room. Thinking it strange for Tae-in to be up at such an early hour, he turned to look and saw Tae-in’s figure stumbling out through the glass door. Moving sluggishly, he poured hot water into a mug and then came over to the living room and slumped onto the sofa like a dazed person.
Seeing him act like someone with a screw loose, Tae-rim opened the glass door. The door connecting the terrace and living room was an entire wall of reinforced glass. Tae-in, also startled by the sudden sound, flinched and turned his head.
“Tell me. Why you’ve been acting like this since yesterday.”
His dark eyes were cold, as if annoyed by his younger brother’s suspicious behavior since the day before. When their eyes met, he saw that Tae-in’s eyes were swollen as if he had been crying. He disliked even more the sight of a grown man of twenty-two blubbering like a child.
“What…. I just couldn’t sleep so I came out for a bit.”
“Don’t bullshit me.”
His gaze conveyed a silent urging to speak while he was still asking nicely. Tae-in flinched at the intimidating demeanor. Usually, his brother was easygoing enough to let things slide even when talked back to, but occasionally he could be scarier than their parents. Knowing this side of his brother, Tae-in always maintained an appropriate line.
“Hyung.”
Tae-in called out to Tae-rim softly, gripping his mug tightly. Tae-rim threw an indifferent glance in response.
“After graduation… you’re going to America, right?”
Tae-rim’s brow furrowed at the sudden question.
“What’s with that out of nowhere.”
“No… just thought of it.”
Tae-in feigned ignorance. He avoided his brother’s direct gaze. Then he fiddled with his mug again and bit his lower lip.
“Is there… no way you can’t go?”
At this repeated question, Tae-rim crossed his arms while leaning crookedly against the wall.
“Why are you asking?”
“…No reason. Just curious suddenly.”
“Stop pretending you don’t know.”
“I’m not pretending anything.”
Despite the persistent gaze following him, Tae-in didn’t budge. Deliberately acting oblivious, he stood up abruptly.
“I’m going back to sleep. You should get more sleep too, hyung. You look tired.”
“……”
Tae-in put his mug on the table and turned to leave. Tae-rim, who had been quietly watching, didn’t press further and just stared intently at Tae-in’s awkward retreating figure.
“Lee Tae-in.”
Tae-in stiffly turned his head at Tae-rim’s sudden call. Pinned by the gaze devoid of any humor, Tae-in blinked stupidly.
“What.”
“…How did you know?”
“Know what…?”
“What else. About Ha-min and me.”
It had actually been bothering him since yesterday. There was only one way Tae-in could know. Ha-min must have told him himself. Given his personality, it seemed unlikely he would tell Tae-in about this, so it was unexpected.
Caught off guard by the sudden question, Tae-in couldn’t hide his momentary confusion and his eyes darted around.
“…How else would I know. Ha-min told me.”
“So why did he.”
Why, out of the blue. Tae-rim frowned.
“There are no secrets between him and me originally. You know how close we are.”
“……”
“We’ve been super close since we were kids….”
Tae-in bit back the rest of his words and his face contorted subtly.
“Honestly, it’s a bit shocking, but it’s not my place to say anything…”
“…”
“I don’t have the right to say anything.”
Tae-in muttered self-deprecatingly and let out a deep sigh. Then, as if he had nothing more to say, he turned around. Leaving only a parting word about going back to sleep, he went into his room.
Far from resolving his doubts, it only left a frustrating residue. What change of heart made him confide in Tae-in… how he ended up spilling everything so uncharacteristically. Tae-rim rubbed his face dryly with his back to the gradually brightening sky. For some reason, he had a bad feeling about this.
**
Though he was past the age of living under parental oppression, there was still a minimum role to fulfill. After graduating and returning to America, he would immediately be given a high position in the American branch. That was the role he was to take on by virtue of being born to his parents. It wasn’t a matter of liking it or not. It was the natural course and order of things.
Tae-rim obediently bowed his head and went along with the nagging emphasis that he needed to learn the basic management system accordingly. Accepting that much was no big deal. He had expected from before that his life would flow like that. It wasn’t something to avoid anyway, since he wasn’t losing out on anything.
It was a position where a respectable job, abundant wealth, and strong backing would come without him having to do anything, and there were things he ought to do from that position. Thanks to the inheritance from his grandfather, he could live affluently without lifting a finger, but it was also his role as a member of society to go along with things to an appropriate degree.
It was a boring daily life. He greeted executives with his father, and with an education staff member assigned to him, he ran a tight schedule. Though he wasn’t particularly diligent, he had to pay the price for falling out with Hee-jae. It was an appropriate give and take.
In the meantime, he contacted Ha-min several times. At first, he wanted to ask about his feelings that made him confide in Tae-in. But the calls kept going to voicemail. Seeing his attitude of clearly deciding to avoid him, Tae-rim’s stubbornness and irritation grew.
Several days after contact was cut off, Tae-rim got in the driver’s seat after finishing his schedule and called first thing. It was Tae-in.
-Hello?
“Are you in touch with Ha-min?”
Tae-rim unbuttoned his shirt, not even noticing the irritation in his own voice.
