#77
**
The car that had been speeding came to a stop in front of the hotel where he often stayed. As soon as he got out, he handed the car keys to the doorman and abruptly opened the passenger door. Although he felt awkward getting out in front of the hotel in broad daylight, he looked unfazed, as if it were routine.
“Get out.”
His voice was soft as usual, but there was a hint of firmness. Ha-min looked up at Tae-rim from his seat.
“Do we have to go inside?”
Wondering why they had to talk in the hotel, Ha-min asked. Tae-rim smirked at Ha-min’s hesitation.
“Should we talk about our sex life outside then?”
He grinned. The sarcasm was evident. Ha-min lowered his head in surprise and shook it from side to side. Tae-rim leaned in and even unbuckled Ha-min’s seatbelt for him.
Ha-min couldn’t understand why Tae-rim seemed angry since earlier. Why? It had been the same when they were with Hee-gyeom. Could he still be thinking that Ha-min had slept with Hee-gyeom? Even if that were the case, Tae-rim was the one who said he would respect whoever Ha-min chose to sleep with.
Ha-min found himself awkwardly standing in Tae-rim’s hotel room. Meanwhile, his phone kept vibrating. The caller was Hee-gyeom, but Ha-min felt that answering now would only worsen Tae-rim’s mood. As soon as they entered the room, Tae-rim opened the refrigerator, took out a water bottle, and gulped down cold water.
Tae-rim, who hadn’t slept at all, looked extremely irritable. His jawline seemed sharper than usual, and his fatigue made his features more pronounced. This made him appear even more on edge. Moreover, he hadn’t said a word during the entire drive, making Ha-min even more nervous. Ha-min cautiously began to speak while fidgeting with his fingertips.
“…Why are you angry?”
Even the hand holding the water bottle seemed tense, and there was no ease in his smiling face. Ha-min, who had noticed all of this, asked curiously.
“I’m not angry.”
Tae-rim replied quietly as he put down the water bottle. Lie. Ha-min held back the words that were about to burst out.
“Is it because I suddenly said we should stop… you know?”
That was the only reason he could think of. Ha-min stammered, unable to utter the vulgar words like sex or fucking.
“Ha.”
Tae-rim let out a deflated laugh. Then, as if thinking, he stroked his chin and casually retorted.
“Let’s say that’s the case.”
As if that wasn’t the main point, he brushed it off and suddenly threw out a question.
“Is it him?”
Along with the question without a subject, an enigmatic gaze fell upon Ha-min. He seemed angry, or perhaps coldly subdued.
“What do you mean by ‘him’?”
When Ha-min asked about the ambiguous statement, Tae-rim irritably put a cigarette in his mouth. He strode over to find the lighter on the reception room table. Then he plopped down on the sofa and turned the flint. A small spark lit the tip of the cigarette. He exhaled a puff of smoke and nodded at Ha-min as if telling him to sit. Ha-min hesitantly sat in the chair opposite him.
“Does Ha-min like men?”
He asked after taking a couple of deep drags on his cigarette. At the sudden question, Ha-min looked at Tae-rim with wide eyes. Recognizing the gaze as if he had hit the nail on the head, Tae-rim chuckled softly.
“Seems like I’m right.”
He surveyed Ha-min’s surprised expression and drew his conclusion.
“So that’s why you said you’d suck hyung’s dick at first.”
Ha-min’s fingertips trembled at the explicit words. It seemed like there was some misunderstanding, but the essence was correct. He did like men. More accurately, he liked him more than men. The hyung in front of him, since childhood.
“So in high school, you just hooked up with guys because they were men.”
“…”
He tapped the cigarette ash into the ashtray.
“I kind of expected as much.”
“…”
“It’s not easy for someone with your personality to suck and give it up.”
“…Is that why you called me here?”
Ha-min barely managed to speak in a subdued voice. It was hard to sit still, having his vulnerabilities exposed and being insulted on top of that. Of course, he had no right to complain since he initiated this relationship. But… it was difficult when Tae-rim could be so infinitely gentle one moment and so ruthless the next. He couldn’t handle it.
“I… have a class, so I’ll leave first.”
Ha-min stood up first. If he kept listening, he felt like his insides would be torn apart. He’ll think I’m dirty. He’ll think I’m filthy. No, will he think I’m disgusting?
I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have even started. Regret kept flooding in.
“Ha-min.”
It was a call that caught Ha-min’s ankle as he was about to leave. Ha-min picked up the bag he had put down, not even hearing it. I should have just gone to a cafe with Hee-gyeom. I should have insisted on refusing until the end, using class as an excuse.
“Song Ha-min.”
He suddenly stood up and grabbed Ha-min’s wrist as he turned around. Even the repeatedly grabbed wrist bothered him. His head was spinning.
Pathetic guy. Inadequate guy. Dirty guy. Self-deprecating thoughts swirled incessantly in his mind.
“…You think I’m dirty, right?”
He knows that Tae-rim slept with him by chance, not because he likes men like Ha-min does. Just a simple curiosity, nothing more, nothing less.
Not someone who slept with hidden, gloomy intentions like himself, but just a light… Just a close dongsaeng who said he’d do it once, so it was interesting and fun. He knows that. As his thoughts reached that point, emotions welled up.
“You’re right. I… I like men.”
“…”
“I know it’s weird…. It’s okay if you think it’s dirty. You’re… not like that.”
“…”
“You just… slept with me for fun, and I… just because I like men….”
“So any man would have been fine?”
Tae-rim interrupted Ha-min’s rambling. His gaze shot straight at Ha-min. It seemed angry, or perhaps coldly subdued.
“What do you mean by any man?”
As Ha-min questioned the ambiguous statement, Tae-rim irritably put a cigarette in his mouth. He strode over to find the lighter on the reception room table. Then he plopped down on the sofa and turned the flint. A small spark lit the tip of the cigarette. He exhaled a puff of smoke and nodded at Ha-min as if telling him to sit. Ha-min hesitantly sat in the chair opposite him.
“Was I just lucky that you ended up with me?”
Tae-rim let out a bitter laugh. Ha-min swallowed his response. He just wanted to run away.
“Hooking up with any guy you see.”
“…”
“But giving your heart to someone else.”
His dark eyes flashed strangely. Sadness welled up at the fishy voice. But Ha-min didn’t have the courage to look at him and lowered his gaze. Tae-rim grabbed Ha-min’s arm and sat him back down on the sofa. He naturally sat on the table right in front of Ha-min. Sitting improperly, he trapped Ha-min between his spread legs. Ha-min pressed his fingertips hard with his nails on his thighs.
“Do you have to say it like that?”
Ha-min countered quietly, unable to look up. Tae-rim let out a deflated sigh at the weak rebellion, which seemed to come from hurt feelings over the harsh words.
“Who’s the one feeling hurt here, looking like that.”
He flicked Ha-min’s bangs that had fallen to his eyebrows. Between the lightly moving hair, brown eyes reflecting the light were wavering. Eyes that seemed to be in pain yet filled with hurt were moving. The dense eyelashes trembled along with them. As he traced down the neat bridge of the nose, he saw the lips that had turned darker from being nibbled on. Tae-rim’s brow furrowed involuntarily as he remembered the soft, moist feeling of those lips.
When he urged Ha-min to suck on his tongue, Ha-min would eagerly suck with those small lips. He probably didn’t know how stimulating that clumsy action was.
Occasionally, when caught up in the mood, Ha-min would press his lips against Tae-rim’s first, and on those rare occasions, Tae-rim would automatically respond below the waist. Ha-min, clumsy yet driven by instinct, was more erotic and sensual than anyone else. It had only been a few days since Tae-rim thought it was fortunate that only he knew this side of Ha-min. In that short time, he never imagined Ha-min would try to back out saying he liked someone else. A sadistic desire to throw him on the bed and fuck him right away boiled up.
Any man would have been fine? Nonsense. Whether it was sucking a man’s dick, kissing, or masturbating with his hand, Ha-min wasn’t proficient at any of it, yet he was telling such an obvious lie. He might have fooled around a bit, but nothing beyond that. Tae-rim could tell that much from experience, but he couldn’t read the thoughts inside that small head.
Clearly, until just a few days ago, things were good. There was a slight hiccup in Jeju, but it wasn’t bad overall. He thought he had explained sufficiently and smoothed things over well. But now…
“Ha-min, you’re the one fucking and dumping hyung.”
Ha-min’s eyes widened at the brazen words. Tae-rim stared at him with glistening eyes.
“Who was it begging to be kissed, to be fucked, and now suddenly…”
Ha-min’s mouth fell open at the explicit words. Even though he knew they were alone in the closed space, he hurriedly covered Tae-rim’s mouth with both hands.
“Please don’t say such things…”
Ha-min pleaded, rolling his eyes full of embarrassment. Tae-rim looked down at the fair hands covering his mouth with calm eyes. As the scent of skin wafted to his nose, Tae-rim’s brow furrowed sharply.
“Ah…”
Ha-min was startled and tried to withdraw his hands. Thinking the sudden contact might have worsened Tae-rim’s mood, he tried to pull away, but large hands overlapped his. When he tried to pull his hands away in surprise, more force was applied to the grip, causing veins to rise on the back of Tae-rim’s hands.
His hands were held like hostages. Long fingers began to intertwine one by one like a spider’s web. Moving slowly, as if savoring the moment, Tae-rim’s fingers with firm knuckles mixed between Ha-min’s fingers. At the same time, Ha-min felt a tingling sensation near his solar plexus. He could feel his pulse pounding. The close distance, the face-to-face position, the intertwined hands – everything stimulated Ha-min’s senses.
