#69
Chae-rin’s words suddenly calmed Ha-min’s turbulent thoughts. The jumbled ideas in his head seemed useless. The answer was simple after all. The more attentive, caring, and affectionate he was, the more a seed was growing in Ha-min’s heart. A feeble hope. The selfish thought that maybe, just maybe, hyung could like him back, even if just a little.
Mixing bodies made him want to kiss, kissing made him want to connect hearts. He thought he had been living without greed, but that wasn’t true. Since meeting hyung, there hadn’t been a moment without desire. Wanting to see him a little more, hear his voice a little more, run into him by chance. Just like when he was young, rushing home every day to see hyung. Like that young heart that stole glances every day.
“Is A that sunbae?”
Ha-min’s face turned pale again at the precisely targeted question. Given the setting, she didn’t mention names. Fortunately, in the midst of all the drinking, no one was paying attention to their quiet conversation.
“Ah, no…”
“I think it is.”
“……”
Ha-min was both amazed and scared by Chae-rin’s accurate guesses every time. It was impressive how she not only guessed correctly but was also so confident. Chae-rin continued speaking while casually looking at Ha-min, who was at a loss for words.
“You two slept together, right?”
Ha-min’s pupils shook even more at the direct question. Chae-rin chuckled in disbelief at his trembling like a herbivore.
While it might not be visible to those with heterosexuality as their default, it was easy for Chae-rin, whose default was homosexuality, to notice. Tae-rim’s behavior and gaze, which were particularly affectionate only towards Ha-min in the lobby, were somewhat subtle and persistent. Moreover, asking such questions when they weren’t even dating was quite predictable.
“It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone else.”
“Ah, no, that’s not what I’m worried about…”
Ha-min wasn’t afraid that Chae-rin might tell someone else; he was flustered that this situation had been exposed at all. He had accidentally revealed everything with just one comment.
His regret was short-lived as Chae-rin’s characteristically indifferent voice was heard again.
“That sunbae was in your room earlier, is that related to why you’re feeling bad now?”
“Do I look like I’m in a bad mood…?”
“It’s written all over your face that you’re depressed.”
Ha-min lowered his head at her casual words. He felt pathetic for his desperate attempt to hide it. Ha-min spoke in a subdued voice, as if confessing.
“I think hyung just… misunderstood something.”
“What misunderstanding?”
“Well… I…”
“Yes?”
“It’s embarrassing to say…”
“There’s a lot to be embarrassed about.”
Ha-min rolled his eyes hard and spoke with difficulty.
“Me and Hee-gyeom…”
“Hee-gyeom? Park Hee-gyeom?”
“Well…”
“B is Park Hee-gyeom?”
Chae-rin frowned and looked at Hee-gyeom, who was busy grilling meat with his sleeves rolled up.
“That guy’s had how many girlfriends since entering college…”
Chae-rin added, as if dumbfounded.
“So that’s the misunderstanding…”
“So you mean that sunbae saw you with Park Hee-gyeom and misunderstood?”
Chae-rin understood perfectly despite Ha-min’s unclear explanation. As he looked at her with newfound amazement, Chae-rin tapped her plate with the chopsticks in her hand, as if thinking.
“But if you’re not dating, why does it matter? Whether you’re with someone or not.”
Chae-rin was right. But if hyung really didn’t care at all, that would be disappointing in its own way.
“Isn’t that sunbae just playing with you?”
Chae-rin asked, furrowing her brow as she thought. Surprised by her words, Ha-min blinked rapidly and defended him.
“It’s, it’s not like that… At first, I… No, hyung didn’t do anything wrong…”
After all, he was the one who started it in the first place.
Chae-rin let out a silent sigh at Ha-min’s feeble explanation.
“Then why is he jealous?”
Chae-rin chewed on another piece of meat. Ha-min blinked with a startled expression at her voice, which seemed not to understand. The word ‘jealous’ felt very awkward. It couldn’t be, but the word stuck in his mind. He was probably just in a bad mood. Even if they weren’t dating, there’s a certain courtesy towards the other person, that’s all it is.
As Ha-min’s expression sank for a moment amidst the overflow of distracting thoughts, the terrace entrance suddenly became chaotic. It was because Tae-in’s voice, who had been busy grilling meat with Hee-gyeom, rang out loudly.
“Why are you coming here, hyung?”
Ha-min unconsciously turned his head at the voice mixed with bewilderment and irritation. As soon as he turned, he saw him appearing suddenly at the edge of his vision. Tae-rim sauntered in, scanning the table area, and answered leisurely.
“I’m hungry.”
Tae-in’s face crumpled at the somewhat brazen answer. His face was flushed with heat, as if saying it was nonsense.
“If you’re hungry, go eat with your friends―!”
“I lose my appetite when I’m with them.”
“Are you introducing yourself?”
Despite the clear sarcasm, Tae-rim didn’t budge and looked around the table, then his gaze met Ha-min’s in mid-air. Ha-min blinked with a bewildered face. He hadn’t expected him to appear suddenly. Once again, Tae-in’s dissatisfied voice burst out.
“Ah, didn’t you say you had a meeting?”
“It was cancelled.”
“What? I just talked to mom.”
“Ah, you talk too much.”
Tae-rim slightly furrowed his brow at Tae-in’s persistent questioning. He was clearly annoyed. Tae-in glared at him, seemingly upset by his curt response. At his sharp words, Tae-in seemed to lack the courage to talk back and grumbled before falling silent. Ignoring Tae-in’s pouting, Tae-rim strode forward. He walked over without hesitation and sat down next to Ha-min as if it was natural.
“Hello?”
He greeted casually. When Ha-min could only blink, unable to hide his surprised face at the sudden greeting, he spoke again.
“Have you eaten a lot?”
He thought he was still misunderstanding because of what happened earlier. Even if they were just physically involved, he thought if he misunderstood that Ha-min was getting along with someone else, he would be in a bad mood like before. But contrary to expectations, he seemed normal.
“Ah, yes.”
Ha-min quickly answered, gathering his scattered thoughts. He could feel Chae-rin’s subtle gaze from across the table.
“You haven’t eaten yet?”
Ha-min blurted out whatever came to mind, not knowing what to say. He nodded with a calm face.
“Yeah. I’m hungry.”
He answered with a grin. An ambiguous atmosphere flowed. Whether it was because the earlier conversation with hyung had ended ambiguously, or because they had just been talking about hyung with Chae-rin before being interrupted, he felt uncomfortable in many ways. Moreover, Chae-rin had also closed her mouth tight at hyung’s appearance.
“Um… here’s a spoon.”
Ha-min hurriedly prepared a spoon and water glass in front of him. He scanned every one of Ha-min’s fidgeting movements.
“Here’s soy sauce and ssamjang… Oh, do you eat chojang too?”
Ha-min asked with round eyes while moving awkwardly. Tae-rim shook his head with a gentle smile. His face said it wasn’t necessary. Ha-min quickly agreed and picked up the chopsticks. Although hyung’s leg pressed right against his was quite distracting, given the situation, he tried his best not to show it as he filled the plate in front of him with food.
“Ah, oppa, I’m going to see Eun-soo for a bit.”
Chae-rin, who had been subtly watching them, tactfully got up. While he was grateful for her naturally making space, part of him wished she wouldn’t leave. For some reason, the thought of being alone with him made him feel burdened.
“Ha-min.”
As soon as Chae-rin left her seat, his large hand wrapped around Ha-min’s thigh. Ha-min flinched at the subtle touch and looked around. Fortunately, no one was paying attention to them.
“We didn’t finish our conversation earlier.”
His low voice resonated deeply. Ha-min kept glancing around nervously at his bold behavior, turning his face completely towards Ha-min. He felt anxious and restless, feeling like someone might see them.
Ha-min struggled to suppress his anxious demeanor and quietly nodded. A barely audible voice flowed from Ha-min’s lips as he rolled his eyes intensely.
“Hyung, earlier…”
“Yes.”
“I never… thought that way.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“With Hee-gyeom…”
“I know.”
“Huh…?”
“…There’s no way you two would have slept together.”
At the blunt statement, Ha-min unconsciously grabbed his hand tightly. His face was startled as his hand trembled. It was a desperate look, begging him not to say such things here. But Tae-rim smiled faintly and instead held Ha-min’s restraining hand. Ha-min’s shoulders flinched at the secret touch.
“But Ha-min.”
He trailed off uncharacteristically. His eyes sank deeply as if pondering for a moment, then just as he was about to speak again.
“Hyung, eat some meat!!”
Delicious-looking meat was served on the table, piled high on disposable plates. At Hee-gyeom’s loud voice, Ha-min startled and quickly pulled his hand away. Tae-rim looked askance at his suddenly rejected hand. Meanwhile, Hee-gyeom also addressed Tae-rim.
