#63
**
“I heard you’re going to Jeju Island with Tae-in.”
Before the shift change at his part-time job, he received a call from his hyung. The primary reason was to ask if he had eaten, and the secondary reason was to talk about Jeju Island.
“Ah, yeah. I’m not sure if I should go… but he’s been insisting so much.”
Remembering how he had been throwing a tantrum, Ha-min chuckled softly as he put on his convenience store vest.
“What’s there to stop you? Come and have fun.”
“Are you going too, hyung…?”
Although he had already heard that his hyung was going with friends, he deliberately asked once more. It was due to a pointless sense of expectation. He thought it would be nice to just run into his hyung in such a nice place.
“Yeah. I have to go anyway, so I’m planning to have some fun while I’m there. We’ll arrive before you guys.”
“I see…”
“Maybe we should have just gone together.”
“Huh?”
“Should we go on a trip together next time?”
It was as if he was asking while patting Ha-min’s head. And he spoke as if he had seen right through Ha-min’s heart. Ha-min shook his head in surprise, even though there was no one around to see him.
“Ah, no.”
And an answer he didn’t mean came out automatically. Hearing his flustered voice, a low chuckle could be heard from the other end of the phone.
“You don’t want to?”
“It’s not that I don’t want to…”
“Then you do want to.”
“……”
“It’d be killer to fuck while looking at the ocean, Ha-min.”
Surprised by the vulgar joke, Ha-min unconsciously hung up the phone. Even after hanging up, he blinked in surprise, fiddling with his phone without realizing he had ended the call. These days, it seemed like his hyung was just teasing him, trying to get a reaction to such vulgar comments every time.
Phew, Ha-min sat down in a chair and let out a deep sigh. He didn’t know how long this kind of relationship could last. Even though he knew this kind of relationship would be too toxic for his weak heart, he knew he wouldn’t be able to easily cut it off. Annoyingly, he didn’t dislike kissing and mixing bodies with him. No, he rather liked it.
He liked how uniquely gentle he was to him. He knew that the more they mixed bodies, the gentler he became towards him. That’s why he felt even more shallow for not being able to end it.
**
“Hyung is here.”
Tae-in occasionally came to visit the convenience store.
“I’m here too.”
Today, Chae-rin was with him. Chae-rin was carrying a guitar case. It seemed they both had dropped by for a beer on their way home after practice. They bought four cans of beer and some snacks, and settled at an outdoor table.
It happened to be a time when there were no customers, so Ha-min cautiously joined them. He had something to say to Chae-rin since he met her.
“I heard you’re going to Jeju Island too, oppa.”
Chae-rin asked casually after downing half her beer in one go. Ha-min nodded, biting into one of the dried squid or beef jerky they had laid out to eat.
“I won’t be able to take care of you this time when we travel.”
“Huh?”
“There will be a lot of heavy drinkers, so you should be prepared.”
Chae-rin said with a smirk. Ha-min nodded with a foolish look on his face as he understood what she meant.
“Oh, right. By the way, I heard you two are dating?”
Tae-in, who had been drinking his beer refreshingly as if his throat was quite dry, suddenly brought up the topic. Ha-min’s body jerked at the unexpected question. Just as he was about to say that wasn’t the case, Chae-rin cut in first.
“Who said that?”
“Who else, Shin Woo-kyung.”
“Ah, that bastard. I told him not to spread rumors… Anyway, it’s not like that.”
“Really?”
“Well, there was something like that. But we’re not dating.”
Chae-rin replied with an annoyed look. Tae-in easily accepted this without pushing further.
“I see. To be honest, you two don’t give off that kind of vibe.”
Tae-in nodded as if he had expected as much. Ha-min took this opportunity to bring up what he had wanted to say to Chae-rin.
“Chae-rin, I was really grateful back then.”
Ha-min bowed his head politely as he spoke. He had been meaning to say this when they met. He didn’t want to just casually thank her over the phone or KakaoTalk.
“Ah, why are you being so formal? It’s fine.”
“Still… I’m sorry too.”
“If I were in that situation, you would have done the same, right?”
Chae-rin said casually while chewing on some beef jerky. It wasn’t wrong, but Ha-min couldn’t nod confidently. He wasn’t the type of person who could act as bravely as Chae-rin. Ha-min gave a bitter smile at Chae-rin’s words. Then Tae-in, who had been looking confused, suddenly asked.
“What are you two talking about?”
He looked displeased that there was something he didn’t know about. As Ha-min hesitated, not knowing where to start, Chae-rin spoke first.
“You crazy bastard, you just left it at that?”
After hearing the whole story about Cha Jun-seong, Tae-in showed a predictable reaction. His face gradually turned red as he listened, and by the end, he was thoroughly heated.
“Hey, what’s that bastard’s number? I’ll kill him. Hey, you know I work out, right?”
Tae-in suddenly rolled up his sleeve to show off his muscles. Ha-min chuckled at the silly display.
“Hey, I’m not joking.”
Even though he spoke with a rather serious face, Ha-min couldn’t help but laugh softly.
“It’s fine. Anyway, that bastard took a leave of absence, so we won’t see him this year. That group has quieted down since Cha Jun-seong isn’t around.”
“What leave of absence?”
“I heard he got beaten up by someone on the street. So, oppa, don’t worry about it anymore. There’s always one in every place, right? Bastards who randomly target someone to vent their anger.”
Chae-rin said indifferently while chewing on some squid.
“Even so, you just stayed quiet all this time?”
Tae-in asked Ha-min with a strange look on his face. He seemed unable to understand.
“You could have at least told me. Hey, what’s the point of having friends if you don’t even tell them about something like this? I’m really hurt that you didn’t say a word about such a thing.”
“It was my problem.”
Ha-min cut him off quite firmly. As he did so, he gave a self-deprecating smile with an expressionless face.
“It was my problem, but everyone else helped me.”
“……”
“It was my problem… but I didn’t solve anything myself, and yet I’m asking for help from someone else again.”
It was a pathetic situation. Ha-min had never once stood up to Cha Jun-seong’s provocations. The kids had always helped him from the side, and even Chae-rin had stepped in to protect him, so who else could he reach out to for help? He hadn’t accomplished anything on his own since high school until now.
The atmosphere suddenly became solemn, and Tae-in clicked his tongue with a bitter face. Although that wasn’t his intention, Ha-min looked deep in thought. Tae-in let out a heavy sigh and continued speaking.
“Hey, Song Ha-min.”
“……”
“Seems like you don’t remember how you helped me?”
Ha-min looked puzzled at the sudden mention of old times.
“I can’t forget how you always came to play with me and worried about me when I was sick.”
“……”
“I can’t forget how you cried with me and felt my pain.”
Tae-in blurted out with an indifferent face. He also looked somewhat hurt. It seemed he was upset that Ha-min had drawn a line, calling it his ‘problem’.
“Oh, Tae-in oppa is more sentimental than I thought.”
As his somewhat hurt face turned into an upset one, Chae-rin threw in a comment with a smirk.
“When I was really sick, he was by my side more than anyone else. He probably came to my hospital room more often than my parents.”
Chae-rin nodded slightly at Tae-in’s words.
“He doesn’t remember what he’s done… and now he’s drawing lines with me, that bastard. I’m hurt, really hurt.”
Tae-in glared at Ha-min with a resentful face and downed his beer. Ha-min gave a faint smile at that look.
“Why bring up old stories?”
“Because it seems like you don’t remember, sir.”
Chae-rin casually threw in a comment at the lingering response.
“Ha-min oppa probably has his own circumstances.”
Ha-min hesitated at Chae-rin’s words. And Tae-in glanced at Ha-min’s hesitant appearance.
Tae-in had more or less noticed. The problem was that Ha-min didn’t talk about it.
Tae-in let out a small sigh and changed the topic with his usual carefree face.
“Alright then. Let’s forget all the shitty stuff and have a blast in Jeju Island.”
“Call.”
Tae-in held out his beer, suggesting a toast. Both Chae-rin and Ha-min nodded in agreement and held out their drinks. Although bitterness still lingered on Ha-min’s face, he forced a smile.
As Tae-in said, he only hoped for the day to come soon when he could forget everything.
**
Ha-min looked over his shabby appearance.
He had never cared about his clothes before, but today was different. Finally, on the day of departure for Jeju Island, when he met everyone at the airport, Ha-min was quite surprised. Even though it wasn’t midsummer, everyone was wearing clothes suitable for a resort. Hawaiian shirts, straw hats, clothes with vivid colors that stood out.
He was the only one in ordinary, plain clothes.
“Ha-min oppa is really no fun.”
Eun-soo chimed in. It wasn’t wrong. He was the only one in a dull green checkered shirt and black cotton pants. Maybe he should have put in a little effort… Ha-min involuntarily shrank back, fiddling with his clothes.
“That’s why I told you we should have gone shopping together.”
Eun-soo nagged, scolding him. Maybe he should have done that. As Ha-min smiled sheepishly, Eun-soo let out a sigh and joined the group gathered with their arms linked.
“Ha-min oppa is here.”
As expected, there were many kids Ha-min didn’t know. He had heard that besides the kids who perform on stage, there were also kids who write lyrics or are interested in music in the club. He greeted each of the unfamiliar kids one by one.
