#49
Ha-min woke up with a start, his body trembling as he opened his eyes abruptly. As consciousness returned, he quickly sat up, only to wince in pain that shot through his lower body. He barely held back tears from the sharp pain in his hips and the discomfort in his spine. He instinctively looked around.
He saw him sleeping, completely naked. His porcelain-like skin contrasted starkly with his jet-black hair, making him look overwhelmingly beautiful. As Ha-min’s gaze lingered on that face for a moment, he suddenly remembered what had happened the night before. His foggy mind was slowly clearing.
Uttering embarrassing, vulgar words while that thing was in his most intimate place… He had never even imagined putting anything there before. No, could something of that size even fit?
Ha-min looked down at his lower body with a dazed expression. He still felt a strange sensation, as if the other’s dick was still inside him. He felt embarrassed, ashamed, and confused. The memory of himself moaning and squirming, and the hyung looking down at him with flushed eyes as he thrust into him – it was all bewildering.
Ha-min very carefully removed the strong arm embracing him and managed to get out of the bed. With every movement, his body creaked, and he limped like an injured person.
Ha-min quietly headed to the bathroom, careful not to wake him. Suddenly, he felt a liquid trickling down between his legs. Confused, he looked down with a foolish expression, only to see a viscous substance dripping.
It wasn’t just a little. Panicking at the amount flowing out, Ha-min hurriedly tried to clean the liquid on the floor. As he squatted down to wipe, more liquid flowed out from his gaping hole. Belatedly realizing it was the other’s semen, Ha-min, flushed with heat, hastily washed himself.
Still feeling a foreign sensation inside, Ha-min squatted down and inserted his fingers into his intimate place. Thinking more might leak out if he didn’t remove it all, Ha-min awkwardly moved his fingers to extract the remaining semen.
“How foolish…”
Ha-min muttered quietly, squatting in the bathroom. He couldn’t believe how stupid this was. Always giving in to the other’s words and mixing bodies, now squatting in a strange place trying to remove his semen – it was all too pathetic to bear.
With a groan, Ha-min finished removing the liquid and let out a deep sigh. He still felt as if there was something inside his belly, making him feel strange. Though overwhelmed with complicated emotions, he thought he should quickly wash up and leave before the other woke up.
Although they had stumbled into having sex, it was Ha-min’s first time, and his partner was none other than Tae-rim. He didn’t know how to face him. These feelings, neither entirely unpleasant nor pleasant, kept tormenting his heart.
It felt good, yet sad. Pressing flesh against flesh, kissing, embracing – how could these things not feel good? Seeing that excited face looking at him made his heart pound as if it had been struck. Seeing that face kept raising expectations. It made him imagine, foolishly, that these feelings might not be one-sided. That’s why he couldn’t firmly refuse. Even if it was embarrassing, shameful, or painful, being able to see hyung excited because of him… Though he never imagined it would come this far.
With a heavy heart, Ha-min left the bathroom fully dressed. Seeing no signs of movement, it seemed the other was still asleep. Thinking this was his chance, Ha-min quickly approached where he had left his bag. Just as he was about to close the open bag and sling it over his shoulder—
“Running away again?”
A languid voice called out. With a face that showed he had just woken up and wearing only hastily put-on pants, he approached leisurely. At the sound of his voice, Ha-min’s straight shoulders visibly flinched. Without turning around, Ha-min replied in a forced calm voice.
“No, it’s not that… I just have a class.”
It was a lie. There were no morning classes today.
“It’s the weekend today.”
But he saw right through it. Caught off guard by the fact he hadn’t considered, Ha-min hurriedly added with a flustered expression.
“The class that was canceled before, they said there’s a make-up session, so…”
Ha-min’s voice cut off stiffly. His nervousness unconsciously seeped into his voice. It wasn’t an entirely implausible excuse, but suddenly talking about classes on a weekend was bound to seem strange. But he couldn’t take back the words that had spontaneously come out. He wanted to act as nonchalant as possible.
The other just laughed briefly at Ha-min’s hastily thrown excuse. He seemed to have figured out the lie. But instead of pressing the issue, he came right up behind Ha-min. What he did next was to kick a small shopping bag next to the backpack lightly.
“What’s this?”
His tone was gentle as he casually kicked the bag and asked. Due to the kick, a case containing a wallet fell out of the overturned shopping bag. Ha-min, startled, grabbed the case and put it back in the shopping bag.
“A gift from Tae-in…”
Ha-min’s voice, trying to answer honestly, suddenly stopped. He remembered refusing the other’s gift. Even though Ha-min didn’t finish his sentence, the other seemed to understand, letting out a deflated laugh and exclaiming in an artificial voice.
“Ah—”
“…”
“Seems like Ha-min is picky about whose gifts he accepts.”
It sounded like laughter, but there was a sarcastic tone to it. Ha-min quietly hid the gift with a startled expression. He felt that showing it would only irritate the other.
“So I’m just a hyung you sleep with, and Tae-in is a close friend, is that it?”
At the increasingly sarcastic tone, Ha-min pressed his lips together with an aggrieved expression. It’s not like that… Ha-min fiddled with his bag, swallowing the words he couldn’t bring himself to say.
“Come to think of it… you and Tae-in were really close, weren’t you? Since way back.”
He stroked his chin, humming thoughtfully.
Emphasizing the word ‘friend’, he looked at Ha-min with a smile on his lips.
“Just friends, is that right?”
Ha-min turned to look at him with a shocked expression at the words naturally making that connection. As Ha-min widened his eyes, looking at him as if to say ‘what are you talking about’, the other continued with a brazen face, as if making a reasonable suspicion.
“Why.”
“…”
“Ha-min does these things with both close hyungs and close friends, after all.”
It was a smile so gentle it could be called benevolent. Faced with that beautiful face that he couldn’t bring himself to hate, Ha-min just clutched his bag tightly. He bit his lip, feeling wronged. The most frustrating part was that he had no words to defend himself. It was as if he had fallen for his own trap.
“With Tae-in, it’s absolutely… not like that.”
“…”
“R-really.”
This was all he could say. Ha-min spoke with eyes claiming his innocence, but the other just looked at him with indifferent eyes. Feeling somehow increasingly distrusted under that gaze, Ha-min lowered his head.
His bottom was needless to say, but his waist hurt too, and it was difficult to walk. Although it had been a fumbling encounter, he didn’t want to end up hurting each other’s feelings talking about it the next day. Ha-min remained silent as he shouldered his bag and picked up the gift from Tae-in.
“…I’ll go.”
Ha-min said quietly, keeping his head down. He was deliberately avoiding the other’s gaze that seemed to pierce his cheek. Even so, Ha-min bowed his head slightly to Tae-rim in farewell. Although his lower half was too painful to walk comfortably, he tried his best to walk straight. He held back the groans that threatened to escape his lips from just the effort of walking normally.
“Wait.”
Just as he was walking towards the exit, the other’s voice caught him by the nape. He picked up his wallet from the sofa where he had tossed his belongings and opened it. He slowly approached and handed over several 50,000 won bills from the open wallet.
“Take a taxi.”
Should this be called kindness, or indifference?
Ha-min couldn’t understand the meaning of the money presented before his eyes. At a glance, it seemed like thoughtful consideration, but seen differently, it felt like compensation offered as if giving alms. When Ha-min hesitated to take it easily, Tae-rim let out a short sigh. It was a breath that conveyed frustration.
“What, is this too much for hyung to do for you too?”
His voice was twisted as he asked Ha-min, who was standing there unable to say anything. Ha-min shook his head quickly with a bewildered expression.
“That’s not it…”
“Then take it.”
He commanded shortly. It was too much just for taxi fare.
“Then just 10,000 won…”
As Ha-min muttered stubbornly, he smirked.
“Ha-min.”
He forcefully pushed the money into Ha-min’s pants pocket. Seeing Ha-min still drawing a line, he justified his actions to the burdened Ha-min in a crooked tone.
“This much is something you can do even for someone you’ve just slept with once.”
“…”
“It’s just… courtesy, you know.”
Sensing that the other’s emotions were strangely twisted, Ha-min didn’t say anything more. He quietly nodded and dutifully replied.
“…Okay.”
At the obedient response, Tae-rim let out another deflated laugh. It seemed to contain a meaning of exasperation. Feeling a pang in his heart for no reason, Ha-min quietly said, “I’ll go,” bowed slightly again, and turned around immediately. He walked straight, putting all his strength into it, afraid the other might see him limping.
As soon as he opened the hotel room door and came out, he staggered. His body felt so unwell that cold sweat beaded on his forehead. He leaned against the wall as soon as he closed the door and took a deep breath. Then he stared at the crumpled bills stuffed into his pocket. Overwhelmed by indescribable emotions, he stood still for a long time.
