#10
“Why do you always say things that make your hyung anxious, Ha-min?”
“…”
“I told you that no matter how much we fight, don’t leave our home, right?”
“…Was it…”
“What?”
“…Was it only my fault…?”
Ha-min knew that everything he said was right and that he was acting foolishly. As his words continued to push him, Ha-min kept chewing his lips. He felt wronged. He loved his hyung so much too, and just seeing his haggard face after not seeing him for a few days made him heartbroken. Every word he said felt hurtful. He knew staying out overnight was his fault, but didn’t he know that his cold words had hurt him in the first place?
“…You, you spoke… you spoke harshly to me.”
“…”
“You… You suspected me first…”
Because of Tae-in and some unknown person, he controlled him with suspicion and anxiety.
“…Hah.”
At Ha-min’s words, forced out with resentment, Tae-rim stroked his chin as if truly frustrated.
“Then what should we do? Should we just break up?”
“…Hyung.”
“What can I do when I’m this kind of person?”
“…”
“I hate the sight of all those guys you hang around with, what should I do?”
“…”
“Suspicion? If this was just suspicion, it would be better.”
“…”
“I just don’t like it, Ha-min.”
“…”
“Don’t make close friendships. I don’t like it, even if it’s Lee Tae-in. It’s only because it’s Tae-in that I’m this lenient.”
“Hyung…”
Ha-min was speechless at his unexpected statement.
“What’s the big deal about Tae-in going to America? Why should that make you feel let down by me?”
“…”
“It’s just America. You can easily meet him with a few hours’ flight. Do you need to feel so attached about that guy going to America?”
“…”
“Is it because you’re close? You’re doing this because you’re close? That’s why I don’t like it. You become unnecessarily attached. You develop attachment to someone other than me, right?”
Ha-min swallowed uncomfortably as he looked at him anxiously, seeing eyes that seemed to show a glimpse of madness.
“Whether you were close before or whatever, as long as I’m your lover, I can’t stand the sight of it. Did that make you feel so let down?”
“…”
“Were you so upset that you left home? Really?”
Looking at him, who seemed somewhat sad even as he pressured him, Ha-min began to feel increasingly sorry for him. They had fought similarly in the early days of their relationship. Because their tendencies were so different, their positions were different. Suddenly, he recalled those times when everything was clumsy. His hyung was skilled, but occasionally fidgeted in front of him, and he was always flustered or didn’t know what to do with his one-sided behavior.
It was similar now. The way he expressed his affection was a little different from his own. More persistent, and as his friends said, a bit more obsessive. But…
“…I didn’t like it either.”
Ha-min quietly continued, taking his hands as if to soothe his increasingly agitated state.
“…An employee I don’t know.”
“…”
“Taking you home when you were drunk.”
“…”
“Seeing you sleeping defenseless in front of a stranger.”
Even he, who was typically indifferent to emotions, felt jealousy. He couldn’t quite understand his thoughts that were more excessive than others, but seeing that scene today, he seemed to understand a bit. Despite the situation not arising from any particularly bad intentions, a tremendous displeasure suddenly welled up. And it happened in an instant.
“I think… I think I understand… But, still…”
“…”
“I don’t like… that you think that way…”
Ha-min fumbled with his words while fidgeting with his hands. It was always embarrassing and shy to express what was inside. It required tremendous courage, and even after living together for years, the person in front of him was still the most difficult person for him.
“We… did start that way, but…”
“…”
“Ah, you know…”
Ha-min’s lips trembled, unable to hide his hurt and resentful feelings. With difficulty, he brought up his own shortcomings, which had made their beginning inevitable.
“…It was because I liked you…”
“…”
“You know it was because I liked you so much…”
Ha-min’s eyes grew sadly distorted. He saw Tae-rim hesitate. He could see his eyes, as distorted as his own.
“Like I did with you… with someone else…”
“…”
“That would… absolutely never happen…”
“…”
“…I really like you…”
Before he could finish speaking, he suddenly stood up. As he approached within reach in an instant, Ha-min was startled and stopped speaking awkwardly.
“Hyung…?”
Looking up clearly at Tae-rim, who was breathing heavily, he stared down at him for a while with an unreadable gaze. Like someone who had something to say, like someone in agony, he rubbed his face and then suddenly embraced him tightly.
“…You can stop talking now.”
His voice, like a sigh, barely uttered, seeped into his ears. At his words, spoken with difficulty and painfully, Ha-min briefly opened his eyes wide in surprise before giving a small smile. So that’s what he was being so careful about.
“…I’m sorry.”
“…”
“…I was being childish.”
“…”
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
Tae-rim slowly spoke with a voice full of regret. Ha-min smiled faintly at his sincere honesty and carefully hugged him back. Somehow, he felt good. Seeing his hyung struggling to speak just like him, he felt that their emotions were equal. Thinking that even though their thoughts and methods were different, the difficulty in expressing their strong feelings was the same, the vague concerns suddenly began to feel like nothing.
“…I’m sorry too.”
“…”
“We agreed not to leave home after a fight.”
As Ha-min gently patted his back and calmly spoke, the strength of his embrace began to tighten.
“…That was really too much.”
He whined like a child, burying his face in his shoulder.
“…I had a hard time for two days.”
He continuously rubbed his face and pressed his forehead against his neck. As if he was truly hurt and had a difficult time, he continued his uncharacteristic whining.
“Couldn’t eat.”
“…”
“Couldn’t sleep…”
His voice, listing one thing at a time, contained small resentments.
“Couldn’t focus on work.”
“…”
“Almost had an accident while driving.”
“A-accident?”
“Yes. I almost got hurt.”
Tae-rim said brazenly, hugging the surprised Ha-min tighter.
“Are you okay? You didn’t get hurt anywhere?”
As his voice came out hastily, filled with preemptive fear, he exhaled deeply.
“…So even if your hyung does something wrong.”
“…”
“…Don’t leave home.”
“…”
“Without you, I might as well be useless.”
His sweetly resonating voice stimulated Ha-min’s nerves. After briefly worrying, Ha-min let out a hollow laugh at the extreme statement that followed. He always made his statements so intense. Ha-min just nodded without answering and nestled into his arms. Despite his slender frame, he was truly broad and solid.
Ha-min began to feel calm, as if he had returned to his rightful place. The confusing emotions of the past few days began to subside instantly. The sense of security, and the thrill that tickled the inside of his stomach consistently even after years. Excitement and trembling. The feeling that could only be felt for one person…
Ha-min habitually offered his neck to him as he inhaled his scent, while he too rubbed his nose and lips against the area around his neck. For those mere two days, to fill the longing of those two days.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
