#8
But his stern voice cut off his words.
“Don’t you know how we started?”
The unpleasant gaze that hadn’t been seen for a while was felt.
“Ha-min.”
“…”
“You were the one who seduced your hyung.”
Ha-min looked at him with a pale face. As if he had just experienced an unfortunate accident.
**
“…Did you two fight?”
Ha-min only smiled weakly at Tae-in’s careful question.
“Was it because of me, by any chance…?”
To this follow-up question, Ha-min answered with a faint smile as if telling him not to worry about it.
“…It’s not like that.”
This wasn’t anyone’s problem. It was his own issue—Tae-rim subtly hiding things, and himself not noticing anything.
“What do you mean it’s not? I heard you’re commuting from your parents’ house now.”
Tae-in’s words were true. After that day, Ha-min had turned away like he was escaping and didn’t go home. If he had stayed in that situation, somehow the atmosphere would have become more hostile. To be more honest, it was difficult to look at his face. Learning what he had been thinking all this time was quite shocking.
He knew it. That the beginning of his relationship with his hyung wasn’t particularly wholesome or beautiful. Since he was the one who initiated it, he felt he had no choice but to accept such judgment, but on the other hand, he somewhat resented him for ultimately thinking of him that way.
Since then, he had been staying at his parents’ house, where they had moved. After living with Tae-rim for two whole years, everything felt awkward living with his parents without him. Despite having spent more time at his family home, life without him felt like being stranded alone on a distant, isolated island.
Every morning, he would prepare breakfast and wake him up, and while they were together, he would always regularly hold him between his legs as they watched movies or drank. He quite often bathed him as well and frequently put on his socks and shoes for him. He took care of everything from A to Z.
Breaking away from such a life felt really strange. It felt like being domesticated and then abandoned, and also like becoming a helpless fool who couldn’t do anything. He had become too accustomed to it all in that time. Their relationship, his hyung’s care, the affection that lacked nothing.
That’s why his ambivalent feelings tormented him even more. While thinking that there shouldn’t be a problem when someone likes him this much, he also couldn’t understand how he could harbor such unnecessary and unwholesome feelings throughout.
“Want to grab a meal after class?”
Tae-in, perhaps wanting to lift Ha-min’s gloomy mood, nudged him with his elbow and asked. Ha-min, who had been lost in thought, forgetting that Tae-in was beside him, startled slightly before gently smiling and nodding.
“…Sure.”
In truth, he had no appetite at all, but he didn’t want to act like he was dead just because he had fought with his hyung. They had only fought a few times in the early stages of their relationship and hadn’t fought for over a year since. There hadn’t even been minor disputes. His hyung had said they should develop a tolerance for arguments too, and only now did he understand what that meant.
**
After class, he went to eat soup with rice with Tae-in and Eun-soo, but he couldn’t tell if the food was going through his nose or mouth. Eun-soo, who had heard the story from Tae-in, silently clicked her tongue while observing Ha-min’s gloomy appearance.
Eun-soo tapped the table in front of Ha-min, who was barely eating, and asked indifferently:
“Are you okay?”
“Ah, yes.”
Although he nodded, trying to say he was fine, it didn’t seem like they believed him. Tae-in and Eun-soo exchanged glances and let out short sighs.
“I’m sorry. It’s because of us.”
“…Huh? No. It’s not like that.”
Seeing the two of them shrinking back with hunched shoulders and lowered heads, Ha-min frantically waved his hands. It absolutely wasn’t because of them. It was just something that would have happened eventually.
“It’s because I suggested making that bet.”
“…It’s really not that.”
“I didn’t know that senior would cause such a scene in less than a day.”
Eun-soo was genuinely astonished after hearing from Tae-in. Not only was it surprising that he came looking in less than a day, but tracking his location? It was something most normal couples rarely did.
“Still, that app seems a bit much…”
Eun-soo carefully broached the subject while glancing at Ha-min.
“Even I thought it was a bit much, and he’s my brother.”
Tae-in chimed in, making smacking noises. Yes, normally this was the expected reaction. At first, he didn’t realize it, but now Ha-min understood well that most people felt this way. He was fully aware that his dating style was somewhat different from ordinary people. That’s why he had accepted the location tracking app too. Because even if they dated in a slightly different way, it wasn’t a problem for him. And it didn’t make him hate or dislike the person he loved.
“But that… was something we agreed on together…”
Ha-min continued, as if making an excuse, not wanting others to see him as immoral.
“Still, freaking out just because you didn’t contact him for a little while that day is way too excessive.”
When Tae-in bluntly spoke, Eun-soo strongly pinched his thigh as if telling him to stop.
“Ow!”
She scolded him with her eyes, asking if he still wanted to say such things seeing that dejected face, and Tae-in finally silently swallowed his words.
“…When should we go on the trip?”
Ha-min, who had been quietly listening, tried to change the subject with a forced smile.
“Are we still going?”
“Are we really going?”
When the two asked with surprised faces, Ha-min gently curved his eyes.
“…Yes. We decided to go, didn’t we?”
“…You fought with your hyung, are you sure it’s okay?”
In truth, it wasn’t okay. He was already staying apart temporarily, and if he went on a trip too, he couldn’t predict how his hyung would react. But he wanted to shake off these worries for a moment. His entire life didn’t revolve solely around his hyung. It seemed like balance needed to be achieved.
“It’s fine. We’re just going for a day anyway.”
“Are you really sure?”
“Yes.”
“Then let’s go tomorrow. My hyung has a pension? We don’t need to make reservations, just need to show up.”
“…Can we just go as we please?”
“Hm? It doesn’t matter. It’s a place built specifically so that our family members can play without worrying about what the adults think.”
Tae-in seemed very excited and immediately turned on his phone to start preparing a shopping list.
“Are you really okay with this?”
At that moment, an indifferent question came from behind. It was Chae-rin, who had just arrived. Chae-rin sat down indifferently next to Ha-min, taking her spoon and glancing at him.
“You’re here?”
Ha-min greeted her lightly and smiled faintly as usual.
“You fought, is it okay to go?”
Chae-rin, who seemed to have heard about the incident, asked with genuine concern.
“I think I need some time to clear my head too.”
When Ha-min answered bitterly, Chae-rin nodded and pulled Eun-soo’s soup bowl in front of her.
“Still, I don’t recommend going as a form of escape.”
“Chae-rin is right about that.”
Eun-soo, who was feeling down unlike the excited Tae-in, cast her vote in support of Chae-rin’s opinion.
“It’ll only make the fight bigger.”
Chae-rin added as she took a big spoonful of soup. Eun-soo placed a piece of radish kimchi on top of Chae-rin’s spoon with her chopsticks and continued.
“Oppa does have that bad habit.”
“Me…?”
“Yes, you tend to be quite avoidant.”
“…Avoidant?”
“Avoiding isn’t the answer. Whether you fight, break up, or reconcile, ending things properly is better for both of you.”
Indeed, Eun-soo always said the right things. Then she gave Chae-rin some water and said kindly, “I’ll order a new one.” “You always leave some anyway. Your appetite is small.” Chae-rin shook her head and replied indifferently. Eun-soo nodded, saying that’s true.
Looking at the natural interaction between the two, Ha-min suddenly remembered his hyung who had been taking care of him throughout every meal. He took care of everything from spoons and water to everything else.
Recently, he had even been learning to cook, something he wasn’t good at, saying he would cook for him. Cooking was the only area where his capable hyung was a slow learner, but thanks to his persistent efforts, he had reached the point of becoming skilled with knife work. All because he wanted to cook for him. Despite being so busy. Even working overnight in his study during his busiest times.
Lost in thoughts about his hyung, Ha-min headed to his parents’ house after parting with his friends. Eun-soo was right. Avoiding was never the answer. The plan was to go to his parents’ house to pack some things and then head back to the house he shared with his hyung. Having promised himself several times not to act pathetically like before, he felt shabby and foolish for habitually running away and avoiding when such moments actually came.
But as he packed his bags and headed back home, his heart felt heavy. Why was nothing easy when facing him? He stared blankly at the luxury villa building while holding his bag. Trying to simulate what to say to his hyung first, he mumbled to himself.
I’m back, hyung.
I’m home, hyung.
Hyung, back then we…
But unable to think of a good answer, he ruffled his hair with a troubled face. Though hurt by his words, it was he who hadn’t come home without explanation, so both were at fault. No matter how angry he got, his hyung had asked him in the early days of their relationship not to leave home.
It was just then, as Ha-min was sighing deeply with a worried face, that the mechanical sound of a car entering through the villa entrance was heard. Ha-min instinctively turned his head to look at the approaching vehicle.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
