Sweet Shot

#Dating Novice (11)

-Wow, seeing him up close is even more amazing… he’s incredibly handsome ㄷㄷ

-Birds of a feather flock together. I’m a true believer now.

-His stuttering is so cute lolololol Isn’t that crazy????

-This young man… student… so pure, so pure…

-Excuse my forwardness, but please marry me.

-His nervousness is so adorable damn, can he please appear again next time? ㅠ

-There’s something about his gentle voice that unsettles my heart. When I was 17, there was a boy in my class who was so lovely… His face was fair and the way he smiled prettily made many girls in class admire him. Seeing Ha-min reminds me of that boy who was my first love… His youthful appearance that hasn’t lost its innocence and his sweet, clear voice… Thanks to him, I’ve been lost in memories after a long time. Back then, that boy…

There were many comments about Tae-in, but just as many about Ha-min. Surprised by the positive response, Ha-min quickly closed the comments section out of embarrassment. He didn’t understand why they viewed him so favorably, but he was relieved they didn’t think he looked stupid. Having only experienced unwarranted hatred in the past, this kind of unwarranted goodwill felt strange. But he wasn’t excited by it. No matter how favorable they were, he wasn’t the type to enjoy anonymous gazes.

Ha-min put his phone away and pressed the bus stop button, getting off at the stop near his home. His footsteps quickened as the time Tae-rim usually returned home approached. Despite the cold war since morning, he didn’t dislike him. If he could have hated him, he would have done so long ago.

Rushing back home, Ha-min felt a brief disappointment at the pitch-dark atmosphere with not a single light on. He’s not back yet, he thought, checking his wristwatch again. Is he running late? He took out his phone thinking about calling him, but hesitated once more. Not having the courage to call first, he quietly put the phone away and changed his clothes.

Afterward, having nothing to do, he ran the vacuum cleaner. Though Tae-rim had hired several housekeepers because it was difficult for just the two of them to clean the large apartment regularly, Ha-min still occasionally ran the vacuum a couple of times.

He passed time mindlessly cleaning, but the front door remained quiet. Despite it being well past the time Tae-rim usually returned home, both his phone and the entrance remained silent. Ha-min exhaled briefly and entered the bathroom. As he soaked in hot water, fatigue rapidly set in. It seemed largely due to broadcasting while being nervous.

Even after slowly bathing and coming out, the house was still silent. Without even drying his hair, Ha-min picked up his phone again. He unhesitatingly pressed Tae-rim’s contact number which filled his recent call list. After a couple of rings, the sound of the door lock opening echoed faintly. Ha-min quickly ran toward the entrance.

He saw Tae-rim leisurely taking off his shoes under the sensor light. For some reason, just the fact that he had returned brought relief, and Ha-min tried to greet him cheerfully.

“You’re home?”

As Ha-min greeted him with an awkward smile, Tae-rim slowly raised his head. After removing his formal shoes, he gazed steadily with a subdued look. After a moment of silence, he nodded.

“…Yeah.”

After briefly answering, he passed by Ha-min, who had come to the entrance, and headed inside. Normally, hyung would have kissed him first. If Ha-min came out to the front door to welcome him like this, he would smile like a boy, embrace him, and kiss him all over his face like a doting lover.

It would be a lie to say Ha-min didn’t feel hurt by Tae-rim’s cold atmosphere. He didn’t think it was an issue where they needed to determine who was right or wrong. It was something that could be resolved through calm conversation. Both his lie and Tae-rim secretly installing an app and following him.

Ha-min followed him in and mustered his courage again as he watched Tae-rim’s back as he was about to change clothes.

“You’re late today… Have you… eaten?”

They usually ate dinner together, or if he had a schedule due to work, he would tell him in advance. Tae-rim roughly threw his blazer into the dressing room and loosened his tie.

“Yeah.”

At another short answer, Ha-min bit his lower lip tightly. His heart began to beat faster. He felt hot and his breathing quickened slightly. For the first time… since they started dating, he began to feel angry.

“…Do you not want to talk to me?”

He asked, trying to control his emotions as much as possible. He felt angry at Tae-rim’s ignoring behavior and obvious avoidance of conversation, but then he also felt sad. He hated this situation where he could already feel the distance growing. It felt like the situation he had always feared was now right in front of him.

Tae-rim’s hand, unbuttoning his shirt, paused. He turned his head abruptly and looked directly at Ha-min. It was his characteristic dark eyes that made it impossible to tell what he was thinking.

“I never said that.”

Tae-rim’s face showed evident signs of fatigue. Even his quietly spoken answer showed his exhaustion. Seeing him like that, for the first time, Ha-min felt like he was being childish. A feeling like he had become an annoying person, a sense of being a bothersome existence, brought a sudden feeling of dejection.

“…You look tired. …Rest.”

Not knowing what else to say, Ha-min turned around. But before he could take a step, he was caught by Tae-rim’s voice.

“If I talk to you right now.”

“…”

“I’m afraid I’ll get angry.”

“…”

“I don’t want to do that to you.”

He vaguely knew it. That Tae-rim didn’t have a gentle personality. Sometimes he was excessively cold and harsh to the point that observers would be surprised, but Ha-min was an exception. While feeling special about Tae-rim’s different attitude towards him, he sometimes felt a chill.

Since they started dating, Tae-rim occasionally acted like someone indebted to Ha-min. He would accommodate everything for him, mind his feelings, and act as if everything revolved around him alone. Like being cautious and extra careful not to hurt or pain him.

There were times when it felt romantic, but on the other hand, it wasn’t entirely pleasant. It felt like he was becoming someone who suppressed Tae-rim. Suppressing and restraining himself for Ha-min’s sake, and seeing such behavior would make a corner of his heart feel heavy and stifled.

This current situation of endlessly suppressing emotions seemed like an extension of that. To avoid hurting him, fearing he might break at any moment, he was suppressing his emotions, swallowing his words, and avoiding the problem. Ha-min turned his head again.

“Get… angry.”

At his somewhat solemn gaze, Tae-rim’s eyes wrinkled in puzzlement.

Ha-min disliked being seen only as someone who needed protection, someone to be careful around. Because he understood why Tae-rim acted that way, Ha-min continued calmly without avoiding the approaching gaze.

“…If it helps you feel better, get angry.”

“…”

“I won’t get hurt… easily just because you get angry…”

Though he spoke somewhat ambitiously with his fists clenched tightly, the gaze facing him remained resolute.

“Don’t say such things easily.”

“…”

“Do you know what kind of person I am?”

“I… dislike it more when you swallow it.”

“…”

“…Pretending not to know and avoiding it makes me feel more distance. Even though I’ve never dated before, I know that much. The more you do that… only leads to drifting apart in the end.”

“…”

“I… hate that more…”

He had already learned deep in his bones that avoiding and running away wouldn’t improve the situation.

Ha-min’s chest heaved as he revealed his hurt feelings.

“…Yesterday I did wrong…”

“…”

“What I did was wrong… lying… but I, I was also upset…”

Ha-min slowly uttered words he would never say under normal circumstances.

With trembling pupils, he constantly checked Tae-rim’s expression while nibbling at his fingernails. Bringing out what he kept inside was more difficult than anything else in the world for him. These were words he couldn’t say for fear of looking ugly to himself or boring his partner.

“Today… why didn’t you contact me even once…?”

“…”

“…Are you very angry with me?”

As he cautiously opened his mouth and examined Tae-rim’s face, Tae-rim was just staring intently at him. Feeling the rising tension, Ha-min tensed his jaw and took a small deep breath.

“…I know I did wrong…”

“…”

“I didn’t do it with bad intentions… really.”

Ha-min had no excuse. It was exactly as he said. He was upset and needed some time to think, but he had no ill intentions whatsoever. Feeling like Tae-rim didn’t understand that made him sad, and at the same time, he felt a bit resentful towards him. Even to his pathetic apology that sounded like a trivial excuse, Tae-rim remained motionless and silent. With growing sadness, Ha-min lowered his head. Because of this, he inadvertently voiced complaints he had been keeping inside.

“…But even so…”

“…”

“Secretly installing apps on my phone and things like that…”

“You.”

Suddenly his words were intercepted. At Tae-rim’s voice finally emerging, Ha-min flinched and raised his head.

“…Yes?”

Ha-min’s eyes widened at the sudden question.

“Why didn’t you tell me about going on the broadcast?”

Veins popped on Tae-rim’s neck, which had been tightly closed until now.

Ha-min’s brow furrowed at the unexpected topic. It seemed disconnected from the current conversation. It was a different issue from what had just caused their argument. Not understanding why the conversation had shifted in that direction, Ha-min’s resolute face turned slightly bewildered.

“Why is that…”

“Why?”

“…I ended up doing it unexpectedly. But the issue right now is…”

“I hate it. You exposing yourself and showing your face in such places.”

Surprised by his coldly retorting manner, which made him feel hurt, Ha-min explained the situation.

“…I just had a promise with Tae-in…”

“It feels like you’re giving yourself away, and it makes me feel disgusted.”

“…Ha.”

At the shocking words, Ha-min exhaled in disbelief as if he had been hit. With a dazed look at Tae-rim’s unexpected thoughts, he stared at him endlessly.