#Dating Novice (8)
During the vacation period, I stayed constantly with hyung. Except when I was working part-time, I was either dating hyung or we were holed up in the house for three days and nights without breathing outside air for days.
Ha-min headed back toward Tae-in’s studio and entered a famous meat restaurant nearby. Eun-soo, who had already secured a seat, recognized him and waved enthusiastically. As soon as he sat down, Eun-soo, happy to be eating together after a long time, poured him some of the beer she had ordered in advance.
“Do you want to go for a second round when Chae-rin finishes?”
Eun-soo asked while continuously putting grilled meat into her mouth. Ha-min checked the time and shook his head slightly with an apologetic face.
“Ah… sorry. I think I need to leave after dinner.”
“Meeting your boyfriend?”
When Eun-soo asked with a mischievous smile, Ha-min couldn’t deny it and let out an awkward laugh.
“…Yeah. Sorry.”
“What are you sorry for? Everyone’s like that at the beginning of a relationship.”
“Really?”
“It’s normal to burn passionately at the start. You want to see them even after seeing them, you think about them all day… you know?”
“Everyone’s like that?”
“Of course.”
Eun-soo answered casually and focused on eating the meat. Ha-min nibbled on his food and carefully continued the conversation.
“Eun-soo, you know what you told me before…”
“What did I say?”
“That… push and… what was it, technique? That thing.”
“Ah—, you mean push and pull?”
“Yeah, that.”
When Ha-min nodded enthusiastically, Eun-soo finally showed interest in the conversation and smiled secretively.
“Why? Do you feel like you need it?”
“You said it might be necessary to maintain a relationship…”
“Well, it’s not essential, but you never know how long a relationship will last.”
Ha-min listened intently, captivated by Eun-soo’s words.
“We’re not in our thirties yet, not even late twenties, so even if it burns hot at first, today’s relationships can fizzle out quickly… People usually use push and pull to regulate that intensity…”
Eun-soo trailed off and looked at Ha-min quietly. At the drinking party, she had mentioned this half out of concern, half jokingly, knowing his partner was Tae-rim. To Eun-soo, Tae-rim didn’t seem like someone who took relationships seriously, so she had said it lightly, but after seeing how Tae-rim came to pick up the drunk Ha-min that day, her thoughts changed a bit.
She was surprised by how attentively he cared for the unconscious Ha-min. Seeing how he looked after every detail and showed no intention of hiding their relationship, she felt his sincerity and changed her mind somewhat.
“But I’m not sure if it’s really necessary.”
Eun-soo changed her tone and laughed openly. At her sudden change in direction, Ha-min blinked with a confused look.
“Sometimes it’s not bad to just be honest and date sincerely if you like each other. If you’re both truly sincere, what’s the problem? If you put your all into dating and trying, you won’t have regrets no matter how it ends or what kind of relationship it was.”
“……”
“Is something bothering you?”
Eun-soo suddenly asked, as if she had noticed something. Ha-min couldn’t hide his troubled face as he put down the spoon he was holding.
“This is my first relationship…”
“Yes.”
“Everything just feels difficult… I really want to be with this person for a long time… but they’re a bit… more skilled and experienced than me…”
Eun-soo suppressed her urge to laugh at Ha-min’s innocent explanation and nodded with a deliberately serious face.
“So you’re anxious?”
“It’s not exactly that…”
More than foolish anxiety, it was a more primal emotion.
“…I think I’m a bit scared. I’m not doubting their feelings or demanding the same amount of affection… But they’re so much more amazing than me that I feel like they could meet someone like me anytime… that I could be replaced…”
Ha-min continued with difficulty, laughing awkwardly.
“I try not to think like this, but it’s hard. Is that normal in relationships? I keep comparing everything.”
His bitter smile looked so pitiable. He appeared to feel guilt and self-loathing for having such thoughts. Eun-soo sighed briefly and shook her head slightly.
“Looking a bit clueless is part of your charm, oppa…”
“Huh?”
“But sometimes it makes you seem dense.”
“…What?”
“Never mind. Go on another broadcast with Tae-in senior.”
Ha-min’s eyes widened at this unexpected solution. At his look that seemed to ask what that had to do with anything, Eun-soo grinned.
“No explanation will help. Just go on the broadcast properly once.”
“How would that change anything…?”
“Hmm… just feel it.”
“Feel what?”
“It doesn’t matter what we say to reassure you. Just go and experience it.”
Eun-soo finished her statement briefly and decisively without further explanation. As she gulped down the remaining beer, Chae-rin, who had finished practicing, came into the restaurant. The conversation topic naturally changed, and more meat was placed on the grill.
Ha-min’s puzzlement at the inexplicable solution was momentary, and he soon joined the flow of the usual chattering conversation. While they talked about grades, upcoming department activities, annoying seniors, and so on, Ha-min suddenly felt like it had been a long time since he’d had such conversations. That made it all the more enjoyable. It was a different kind of enjoyment from being with Tae-rim.
Pushing aside his thoughts temporarily, Ha-min enjoyed that time without noticing how quickly it passed. It felt foolish that he had postponed and forgotten such moments while absorbed in his first relationship. It was all due to his own inexperience.
**
When he approached home, he checked the time. Realizing it was later than he thought, he quickened his pace. Although there were no missed calls from hyung, he instinctively thought he might be waiting.
After getting off the elevator, he quickly entered the passcode and went in to find the house dark. Passing through the hallway into the living room, he saw him in comfortable clothes, wearing office glasses and working. Seeing this everyday scene made Ha-min feel foolish for having worried.
“You’re back?”
He removed his glasses, placed them on the table, and smiled gently. His welcoming face was the same as always. With all his scattered thoughts disappearing at the sight, Ha-min smiled back habitually.
“I’m home.”
“Come here.”
Just as Ha-min was considering whether to change his clothes first, he beckoned briefly.
“I smell a lot like meat… just a minute.”
“Hyung is in a hurry.”
He urged as if unable to wait even a moment. Not knowing what the urgency was, Ha-min quickly put down his bag and sat beside him. His chin landed on Ha-min’s shoulder, and his arms wrapped around his waist.
“You’re late.”
He whispered softly, skillfully rubbing his cheek against Ha-min’s while resting his chin on his shoulder. Still not accustomed to such subtle skinship, Ha-min stiffened and nodded.
“Sorry.”
“Was it fun?”
“…What?”
“Dinner with that senior.”
“Ah…”
Only then remembering his lie, Ha-min continued with difficulty, his face becoming even stiffer.
“It was just dinner…”
“I thought you were late because you were having fun.”
“I lost track of time while talking.”
“So Eun-soo and Chae-rin are seniors?”
“Uh… what?”
Ha-min, caught off guard, pulled away from him and met his gaze. His eyes met empty air. Though smiling, Ha-min felt an intense, questioning stare.
“How did you…”
“Is that important?”
“……”
“What’s more important—how I found out, or the fact that you lied, Ha-min?”
His quietly resonating voice was somehow deeply suppressed. His effort to control his emotions was clearly transmitted to the insensitive Ha-min. Caught in the act, Ha-min hesitated without any excuse. He stopped his habitual search for another excuse and spoke honestly.
“…Sorry.”
Regardless of the reason, he knew that lying to a partner was a betrayal of trust.
“Why did you do it?”
His interrogating voice rumbled low. Under the pressure that seemed to crawl at his feet, Ha-min’s head lowered involuntarily. He couldn’t organize his thoughts on what to say first.
“……”
“……”
When Ha-min couldn’t easily answer, Tae-rim also maintained silence. It was evidence that he was quietly waiting for an answer. Ha-min moved his lips several times to speak, but no voice came out. Worried that their smooth relationship might suddenly go awry, it became even more difficult to speak.
“Is it because of that phone conversation?”
At his words breaking the silence first, Ha-min couldn’t hide his expression and stared at him with surprised eyes. With even his widened pupils exposed, he let out a short groan. It clearly proved that his guess was correct.
“Did you find me so repulsive?”
His judging voice was resolute. A faint, sardonic smile flowed dejectedly. Feeling like he had hurt him, Ha-min lamented deeply. He had to admit his thinking had been too short-sighted.
“Hyung… that’s not it.”
“You wanted to avoid me so much that you made up a non-existent senior.”
“…That’s not it. I just had a lot on my mind…”
“For someone with a lot on their mind, you looked like you were enjoying yourself.”
At his words, speaking as if he had seen it, Ha-min’s brow furrowed slightly.
“Did you… follow me?”
This time, it was he who avoided answering.
“…How on earth did you know…”
A deflated sigh escaped involuntarily. As they both felt emotions escalating, silence suddenly fell again. They both sensed that if they spoke carelessly, the situation could spiral out of control.
“I saw you getting off the bus on my way.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
