#129
“Hey, you should just go out and have fun. This could be your chance while your hyung is away. You know, go to clubs, drink late into the night—”
Tae-in offered his own solution to Ha-min, who had been looking gloomy for weeks, but Ha-min shook his head.
“I just… don’t feel like it.”
At his dejected voice, Tae-in clicked his tongue and shook his head.
“It’s serious, really serious.”
“…Does it bother you that much?”
“Yeah. It’s annoying to see.”
“That much?”
“I thought your hyung was the weirder one when I saw you two together, but you’re… not far behind.”
Tae-in frowned and turned his gaze to the laptop screen. Ha-min, a bit embarrassed by Tae-in’s words, fidgeted with his face. It seemed he had been too obvious about being gloomy due to his hyung’s absence.
“Oh, right. I’m uploading the video we shot at our birthday party today.”
“Oh… Do I look okay in it?”
“Hey.”
“Yeah?”
“You’re barely in it for 5 minutes.”
“Huh? Why?”
Ha-min tilted his head in confusion at the short screen time, thinking they had filmed for quite a while.
“Our dear hyung-nim skillfully blocked you out of most of it.”
Tae-in said sarcastically with a forced smile. At this unexpected answer, Ha-min let out a small sigh. There seemed to be a reason why he had kept him seated next to him the whole time.
“Anyway, watch it as soon as I update. It turned out quite fun.”
Seemingly satisfied nonetheless, Tae-in continued editing his work without further complaint. Ha-min felt a bit sorry, as he had appeared in lieu of a birthday gift, but it seemed he hadn’t met expectations. Moreover, he remembered Tae-in grumbling the next day about how he and his hyung had disappeared without a word in the middle of it.
“…Should I appear one more time?”
When Ha-min cautiously suggested this, Tae-in’s eyes widened.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“But didn’t your hyung tell you not to?”
“…He didn’t exactly say not to…”
“Still, what if he throws a fit at me for filming you?”
Tae-in, apparently scared of his own hyung’s potential reaction, didn’t readily accept.
“I feel bad about that day too… I’ll talk to hyung about it.”
Although his hyung wasn’t very keen on the idea, he hadn’t explicitly forbidden it either. But feeling like he hadn’t lived up to his end of the bargain, Ha-min offered once more.
“Okay. But your hyung doesn’t watch my broadcasts anyway, so he probably won’t know even if I film you and upload it?”
“He doesn’t watch?”
“He’s not the type to watch internet broadcasts like that. You know, have you ever seen that guy even watch TV at home?”
That was true. Although they had watched a few movies together to spend time alone, Ha-min had never seen him leisurely watching TV at home or enjoying entertainment on his phone.
“Anyway, thanks. Come on my show once when I’m running low on content.”
“Alright. If it helps…”
Given his lack of eloquence and talent, Ha-min hoped he wouldn’t be a burden if he appeared on the broadcast, unable to do anything.
“But aren’t you going home?”
Tae-in, who had finished editing to some extent, casually checked the time and then glanced at Ha-min sitting quietly, asking. Ha-min also checked the time then. It was already past midnight.
“If you don’t want to go home, want to come to my place for a drink?”
As Tae-in packed his things and asked, Ha-min thought for a moment and then slowly shook his head.
“No, I should go home too.”
There were a few things Tae-rim had asked before leaving. To always sleep at home, and to make sure to contact him before bed. Ha-min was strictly keeping these promises. Ha-min also packed his things and left the studio with Tae-in. Although Tae-in offered to drive him home, Ha-min firmly refused as it would make Tae-in take a detour, and took the last train instead.
Due to the late hour, there were only a couple of people on the bus. Ha-min sat in the second to last row, in a seat for two people, and leaned his head against the window, closing his eyes.
Ha-min entered the house, empty of its owner for the third week, looking a bit depressed. It was terribly spacious for living alone. When he was gone, Ha-min usually stayed in his own room, but when he particularly missed him, he would sleep in his bedroom.
Ha-min, who had trudged into the house, stopped his steps towards his own room after washing up cleanly, hesitated for a moment, and then carefully headed to his bedroom. Having been three weeks, his scent in the bedroom wasn’t as strong as before. Only a faint smell of the cologne he often used lingered, nothing more.
Ha-min put the wet towel on the shelf and buried his face in his pillow. Although only a strong fabric softener smell rose due to having done laundry recently, he felt strange. Perhaps because he was too lonely, memories of frantically intertwining bodies with him here suddenly came to mind. Of course, it wasn’t the first time such thoughts had occurred, but today, the memories and feelings of that day were particularly vivid.
Was it because the days apart were getting longer? He, who had distanced himself from sexual desires, kept having such thoughts, and each time, his lower body reacted so intensely that his lower abdomen tingled. Ha-min, still burying his face in his pillow, carefully slipped his hand into his pants. The number of times he had masturbated in his life could be counted on one hand. It was an act he had stayed away from that much, thinking it was something unrelated to him.
“I’m really crazy…”
Ha-min hesitated to touch his half-erect penis at the thought of him, letting out a sigh mixed with shame. No matter how much he missed him, masturbating while smelling his scent… Even the thought was embarrassing, and Ha-min let out a long sigh with a face full of self-loathing. That’s when it happened. As if on cue, his phone rang.
Ha-min jumped up from the bed as if he had committed a crime and checked his phone. There was only one person who would call at this hour. Ha-min felt a pang of conscience at his name on the screen. He felt too embarrassed and guilty for trying to pleasure himself while thinking of his hyung.
“He-hello…?”
Ha-min, feeling caught, carefully answered the phone.
-Are you home?
The caller asked about his whereabouts first.
“Ah, yes. I just washed up and laid down.”
-Why so late?
He asked worriedly, seemingly concerned about Ha-min’s recent late returns home.
“I met Tae-in briefly before coming home.”
-You met him yesterday too, didn’t you?
Is that so…?
-I think you said you saw him a few days ago too.
He wasn’t wrong. Lately, Ha-min had been frequenting Tae-in’s studio. But it couldn’t be helped. Coming early to the large, empty house was just lonely. But he couldn’t say that he had no choice because his hyung’s return kept getting delayed, so he made up an excuse.
“When I don’t have part-time work, I’m a bit free. I often went to watch Tae-in practice or film.”
-…I see.
“What about you? Have you eaten?”
-Yeah. I’m on the move now.
He seemed to be driving, as the call was on speaker and his voice was a bit spread out.
Ha-min wanted to say he missed him, to ask again when he was really coming back, but he had asked this during their last call, so he held back this time. Constantly asking might annoy the listener.
“Drive safely.”
-Okay, are you going to sleep now?
“I was lying down earlier, but I sat up for a moment to take your call.”
-Your voice sounds a bit hoarse.
He noticed with uncanny perception. Ha-min’s voice was a bit hoarse due to the excitement that had been lurking just moments ago.
“Really…? I can’t tell…”
-Are you in my room?
“Huh?”
-I’m asking if you’re in my bed.
“Ah… yes.”
-Lie back down.
“Huh?”
-Talk while lying down.
He urged in a gentle voice. At the same time, the sound of an engine turning off was heard. He seemed to have suddenly stopped the car, turning off the engine and switching the call back from speaker mode. His voice became even deeper.
“While lying down…?”
-Yes.
Ha-min was about to ask why but decided against it and slowly lay down. The soft bedding touched his back.
“I-I’m lying down.”
-What are you wearing?
“Huh?”
-I’m curious about what you’re wearing right now.
The question seemed ordinary, but it made Ha-min feel strange. He curled his toes and answered obediently.
“The pajamas you gave me last time…”
-Ah… The ones that are a bit big, where I can see your chest when you bend over?
“What?”
-Didn’t you know? When you wear those and bend over, I can see your whole chest.
He poured out lewd words without hesitation, as if he had prepared for this. Even though he was alone, Ha-min looked around as if someone might have heard. Of course, there was no one, but Ha-min’s heart pounded as if someone had actually heard.
“I didn’t know…”
-I didn’t tell you on purpose.
“Why, why?”
As Ha-min stuttered in embarrassment, pulling at his pajama top, he let out a faint laugh.
-Because it’s nice to look at?
At this mischievous answer, Ha-min pouted his lips and slightly lifted his pajamas to check his bare chest, wondering if it really showed everything.
“…Don’t say things like that.”
Ha-min grumbled in a mumble, but somehow it was stimulating. The lower part of his body, which had been half-erect since earlier, seemed to be responding more and more, so Ha-min just crossed and uncrossed his legs.
-It’s nice to hear your voice after a while.
“…We talked on the phone this morning too.”
-Did we? But it feels like it’s been months.
At this nonchalant response, Ha-min let out a soft laugh.
-Hearing your voice makes me miss you so much I’m going crazy.
“……”
His voice sounded strange somehow. When Ha-min started to find the low, muttering voice with excited breaths strange, that’s when it happened.
-What about Ha-min?
“Yes?”
-Don’t you miss hyung?
The answer to this demanding question was too obvious. He was the one who had been about to masturbate just now because he missed him so much.
“Of course.”
-……”
“…Of course I miss you.”
Ha-min continued, letting out a breath like a sigh. Then, a faint sound of teeth grinding was heard.
-How much?
“Huh?”
-How much do you miss me?
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
