#126
“It’s cute.”
“Huh?”
“Ha-min’s room.”
“Ah…”
“It reminds me of when Ha-min was young.”
Tae-rim smiled affectionately as if reminiscing and scanned the room again. Just as Ha-min was feeling embarrassed, remembering only vivid memories of following Tae-rim around calling “hyung, hyung” when he was young, they heard the sound of the front door opening.
“Looks like mom’s home. Wait here for a moment.”
Ha-min, thinking it was fortunate, hurriedly left the room without waiting for a response. His heart was pounding so loudly it was almost deafening to his own ears. As he closed the door with a bang and leaned against it, stroking his chest, his mother entered the living room and greeted him cheerfully.
“Son, you’re here?”
“Yeah. But what did you buy so much?”
His mother had entered the house carrying bags full of items in both hands.
“I did some grocery shopping since you’re here. I wanted to cook something delicious for you.”
“Ah, you didn’t have to… It must have been tiring.”
“It’s not tiring at all. I haven’t seen you in months.”
Ha-min quickly took the bags from his mother and naturally headed to the kitchen.
“Tomorrow, we’re set to take away your desk and bed, so I’ve already removed some of your things from the drawers.”
“Ah, okay.”
“There was so much in the drawers. Make sure to organize everything well and don’t forget.”
“Okay.”
“I need to go back to the shop for now, alright? Just start organizing in the meantime.”
His mother seemed busy, apparently having a lot to organize not just at home but also at the shop. Seeing that she had even gone grocery shopping to cook dinner for him amidst all this made him feel a bit guilty. He was about to mention that Tae-rim was here but instead just nodded, saying he understood.
“Alright. I’ll finish organizing my stuff and then come to the shop.”
“No need. I’m almost done, there’s nothing left to do. You’d just be in the way if you came.”
His mother quickly gathered a few necessary items and left the house again. Seeing her more frantic than ever, Ha-min waved goodbye to her with a dazed expression. At that moment, something quickly flashed through his mind.
As soon as the image of all the items from the desk drawer already being removed flashed through his mind, Ha-min quickly opened the door with a look that said “Oh no”. He’s crazy. It’s ruined. Such thoughts dominated his mind first. The problem was that everything in the drawer had been taken out. He should have noticed the old box placed on the desk right away.
“W-wait, hyung!”
But Pandora’s box had already been opened. Tae-rim was standing in front of the desk, intently looking at something. The old box was already open, and dozens, no, hundreds of letters were spread out inside. Ha-min felt his heart drop as he quickly snatched the letter from Tae-rim’s hand. He quickly crumpled it in his hand and hid it behind his back. But Tae-rim already had several letters in his hands.
Letters without recipients that he had been writing since he was young, growing up. His past self, writing like a diary, hidden in the bottom desk drawer. They were things he didn’t want anyone to see. Some were embarrassing because he had written them when he was very young, and above all, he felt ashamed of the fact that he had been writing letters for years and didn’t want to show them.
Ha-min, unable to hide his flustered state, just fiddled with the crumpled letter.
“Th-these are old ones…”
“…”
“I wrote them when I was young…”
“…Since when did you write these?”
Unsure of how to respond, Ha-min stuttered his answer.
“Um… well.”
“…”
“…Just since I was young…”
While Ha-min was hesitating, not knowing how to explain, Tae-rim slowly picked up the letters he hadn’t managed to gather.
“You said you threw them away.”
Tae-rim said softly, scanning his own childish handwriting on the old envelope. Ha-min touched his face with an embarrassed expression.
“I was embarrassed… And there were too many.”
At Ha-min’s mumbled response, Tae-rim suddenly stood up and embraced him tightly. The deep, intense hug felt more affectionate than sexual. The heavy sigh he let out while hugging was filled with deep regret and remorse.
“Ha-min.”
Had Tae-rim’s call ever been this solemn? As Ha-min was blinking in slight unfamiliarity, Tae-rim’s voice resonated in his ear again.
“I’ll do better.”
Uncharacteristically, his voice was trembling slightly. Ha-min couldn’t believe what he was hearing and momentarily wondered what expression Tae-rim was making. But the arms embracing him were firmer than ever.
He whispered as if confessing a sin. Whatever he had seen, he repeated the same words in a voice devoid of any laughter.
“I’ll do better, I will.”
And he hugged Ha-min even more tightly, as if he might crush him. With that movement, Tae-rim dropped a few of the letters he was holding. Among the old letters, there were various handwritings visible, from messy, crooked writing from when he was young to increasingly neat handwriting as he grew older.
Ha-min’s feelings throughout the years were faithfully recorded. Tae-rim took a deep breath to handle the indescribable overwhelming feeling. Tae-rim couldn’t help but weaken and waver every time in the face of Ha-min’s unwavering affection. Song Ha-min was too formidable an opponent for Lee Tae-rim.
To Tae-rim hyung!
Hello, hyung? It’s me, Ha-min~
Today, it’s already been over a year since you went far away! Time flies so fast~
I took a pop quiz today and scored over 70 points. If I told you, would you praise me?
I’m going to study harder to get 100 points!! I wonder if you’ll be back by then???
I wish you would come back. Tae-in said you won’t come back anymore… but I still hope you do.
From Ha-min who misses you.
To Tae-rim hyung~
Hello, hyung? It’s Ha-min.
Today is the day I became a middle school student! I finally got to wear the uniform you used to wear!!
I was so excited and happy. And I thought of you more. It’s not a high school uniform yet… but still, I kept thinking about it. You looked so cool in your uniform! But I don’t look very cool. I’ve gained a lot of weight… I tried to diet and ate less snacks, but it’s hard ㅠㅠ You must still look cool??? And you probably don’t remember me?? ㅎㅎ But I think that’s unavoidable!! Still, I miss you so so much. Are you doing well??
From Ha-min who likes you.
To Tae-rim hyung.
Hello, hyung. It’s Ha-min.
I’m already 18 years old now. You must be an adult by now. Time flies, doesn’t it?
I envy you becoming an adult. Time flies, but for me, it feels very slow. I want to become an adult quickly. Everyone says being young is good, but I’m not sure. Everything feels overwhelming and difficult, I worry if I can overcome it. Will it be easier when I become an adult? Will all these overwhelming and difficult things be okay when I become an adult and time passes?
I hate being young. I hate being like this. When I hate everything like this, I think of you. You must have forgotten me… You probably don’t even remember me… ㅋㅋ Still, it would be nice if you thought of me sometimes too. Although it’s just a dream, they say it’s good to dream big!! Haha. Just kidding ㅎㅎ
I just want to know if you’re doing well. I think if I knew that, I might be able to do a little better too. Maybe I could overcome things a bit better. Maybe I could have fewer sad thoughts…
I miss you especially today. Actually, I always miss you.
I’ll end this letter hoping you’re always healthy.
From Ha-min who misses you.
The handwriting in the letters was becoming progressively more mature. They were letters he had consistently written from his elementary school days through middle school and high school. The content of the letters also became more refined as he grew older. There were hundreds of such letters, and Tae-rim had seen them all. Ha-min had let his guard down. He thought there was nothing good about them being discovered, but to think Tae-rim had seen them in the meantime…. Ha-min’s whole body heated up with embarrassment, but Tae-rim, revealing emotions Ha-min had never seen before, didn’t loosen his embrace. Although it was embarrassing and awkward, Ha-min didn’t dislike it.
He could physically feel Tae-rim’s repeated words that he would do better. The sound of Tae-rim’s rapidly beating heart transmitted directly to his own heart… Ha-min smiled faintly and gently hugged Tae-rim’s back in return. He felt like he could finally feel it. That their hearts had truly connected. At this moment, no anxiety plagued him at all.
**
By the time they had almost finished organizing the belongings, Ha-min’s mother returned home. When she learned that Tae-rim had come too, she prepared a feast for dinner. From braised short ribs to fish stew, japchae and pan-fried meat, despite being busy, she whipped up a meal with everything imaginable. Happy that her son was home after a long time, she even brought out the ginseng liquor that Tae-rim had gifted her before. Saying that her husband wouldn’t be coming home today due to night security work, she excitedly poured drinks.
Tae-rim became the drinking buddy of Ha-min’s mother, who was famous in the neighborhood for her drinking capacity. Tae-rim skillfully matched her upbeat mood and engaged in a drinking competition with her. However, if there was someone who could outdrink Ha-min’s mother, it was Tae-rim. Although Ha-min had seen Tae-rim drink several times, he had never seen him properly drunk. But whether he was in a particularly good mood or not, his face was slightly flushed and his laughter was becoming looser.
In the end, it was Ha-min’s mother who passed out first. The drinking competition that lasted past midnight ended in Tae-rim’s victory. After emptying the ginseng liquor, Ha-min’s mother finally fell asleep as if she had fainted, and Ha-min, grunting as he laid her down on the bed in the main bedroom, felt an extreme fatigue washing over him.
“Are you really going to sleep here?”
Ha-min looked down seriously at Tae-rim, who had already made himself comfortable on Ha-min’s bed. For one thing, the bed was shorter than Tae-rim’s height. One of Tae-rim’s feet was hanging off the edge of the bed.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
