#117
“I never imagined it,” he said softly in that position. He looked like a child filled with indignation.
“The you I knew was a child loved by everyone.”
He was talking about when Ha-min was much younger.
“Because you were bright and kind.”
“…”
“Because you were that kind of child to me too.”
He couldn’t lift his head for a long time.
Even though it wasn’t his fault, he stayed like that for a while, with an expression tinged with guilt.
**
Since the morning had dragged on, it seemed they might be late for the afternoon class, so he insisted on driving Ha-min to school. Perhaps because of their morning conversation, the atmosphere in the car wasn’t entirely light. After hearing Ha-min’s story, his expression didn’t easily brighten. But Ha-min didn’t want the mood to become gloomy because of his past story. This was why he disliked talking about the past. They were stories that would make anyone feel down. Ha-min tried to speak cheerfully.
“I think I’ll learn how to drive too.”
At this sudden remark, Tae-rim, who had been looking straight ahead, finally turned to look at Ha-min. Although Ha-min knew Tae-rim wasn’t angry with him, he felt relieved by his gaze.
“Why?” Tae-rim asked kindly.
“Just because it seems like you’re always doing it.”
It wasn’t a sudden thought. He had thought about it several times, seeing Tae-rim always dropping him off and picking him up. Sometimes he felt sorry, wondering if he was using him too much like a chauffeur.
“So you’ll drive me around after you learn?”
“Yeah. Then you won’t have to drop me off all the time.”
“So you’ll be the one driving me around from now on?”
“That’s right.”
As Ha-min nodded and spoke cheerfully, Tae-rim let out a faint laugh. Thinking “Finally, he’s smiling,” Ha-min smiled too. At that moment, the car came to a smooth stop at a red light. Tae-rim leaned his upper body on the steering wheel and gazed intently at Ha-min.
“That’s nice.”
Wondering if he was so happy about being relieved of driving duty, Ha-min tilted his head. Then Tae-rim continued.
“It feels like I’m in your future.”
Only then realizing the meaning behind the smile, Ha-min quickly averted his gaze, feeling like he had said something momentous without realizing it. Suddenly aware that they were still in an ambiguous relationship, Ha-min let out a silent sigh with an awkward expression, feeling like he had misspoken. He had just said it to lighten the mood. But seeing how happy Tae-rim was about those words made Ha-min feel not so bad either. That was the problem. This feeling of naturally being drawn to him again.
“It’s not that big a deal…” Ha-min mumbled, embarrassed by the grand-sounding words. Tae-rim’s light laughter was heard once more.
“I’ll wait.”
“…”
“Until you’re certain.”
He said this as he started driving again. His low, pleasant voice floated in the quiet car.
“You just need to keep giving me a chance.”
Ha-min’s ear tips grew hot at his voice that somehow felt solid. It was an unfamiliar, overt courtship.
**
After that, he and Tae-rim often spent time alone together. They had conversations they couldn’t easily have before. They talked about each other’s growth processes that they hadn’t seen, and about Ha-min’s past that Tae-rim wanted to know. Of course, he didn’t bring up every detail of all events, but he conveyed his feelings from that time as they were. He honestly conveyed those terrible feelings and sensations, opening up about his inner thoughts. After they became more honest with each other bit by bit, a definite change stirred.
They always ate breakfast together, and their somewhat stiff conversations became natural. Tae-rim tried to do everything with Ha-min, and Ha-min, who had always pushed him away and been wary, accepted it obediently despite feeling awkward.
Tae-rim picked up Ha-min who worked late at his part-time job, and they had light conversations while going for drives. When Ha-min didn’t have work, they ate dinner together and took light walks nearby, or watched late-night movies. Of course, they only spent time together to the extent that it didn’t interfere with Ha-min’s studies.
When Ha-min went to school or stayed late at the library, Tae-rim always stopped by the school to bring him food or eat together. It was a peaceful time, and Ha-min felt a sense of stability he had never experienced before. The anxiety and nervousness that used to come unexpectedly were gradually disappearing. So much so that the past time seemed ridiculous.
“Moving?”
Before class started, Ha-min got a call from his mom. Only then remembering his mom’s missed call from a few days ago, he hurriedly answered the phone, surprised. He had completely forgotten about his mom’s contact due to being preoccupied. When he answered in surprise, the news his mom shared shocked him even more.
“Yes. There’s not much time left until moving day. So pack your things this weekend. Take what you want to keep and throw away what you don’t need.”
“Why are we suddenly moving?”
That house was where Ha-min had lived since he was born. His mom’s supermarket was also like a fixture there, and she had insisted on staying there to keep the store.
“Our neighborhood is going to be redeveloped, son. There had been talks about it for a while, but it was confirmed a few months ago. They say they’ll give us a year, but is there any reason to hold out until then? I thought it was a good opportunity to move the store and the house too.”
“Ah…”
“I was wondering what to do since the local market was dying anyway, so this worked out well. I’m planning to move to a bigger place and hire some employees. What do you think, son?”
“It’s not like I have much say in it… If you’re happy with it, that’s good. Are you okay with it?”
“It’s bittersweet, you know? I do regret not moving earlier. Why did I hold out in this small neighborhood to save a few pennies… But don’t worry about your tuition or allowance. Your father is finally quitting his pathetic stock trading and going out to earn money.”
“Dad is? How?”
“Well, he’s healthy, so he can do anything. He’s going wherever they’ll hire an old man. I told him to apply for a security guard position at the apartment complex next door since I heard they were hiring.”
“Mom, you don’t have to push yourself. I can earn enough for my tuition and allowance. Don’t strain yourself unnecessarily…”
“You’re my only child.”
“…”
“I don’t want to be a poor parent who makes their only child worry about money. Don’t worry about your dad doing hard work. He can handle it. It’s been years since he was kicked out of the company under the pretext of retirement age, he needs to pay for wasting money on useless things. This is more for me than for you.”
Ha-min didn’t argue with his mom’s firm words. More than anything else in this world, including his dad, his mom was the most precious to Ha-min. Ha-min had such a blind faith and affection for his mom that he could take the blame if she killed someone.
“Anyway, come by this weekend. Just sort out what you want to keep and what to throw away, and I’ll take care of the rest.”
“Okay. I’ll come this weekend.”
“And let’s have a meal together while you’re here. It’s been a while! Son.”
“Sorry for contacting you late. I miss you too, mom.”
Hearing his mom’s voice made Ha-min feel calm, like someone returning to their hometown. Come to think of it, it had been a long time since he’d been home… Ha-min muttered to himself as he put his phone back in his pocket after ending the call.
After hanging up, Ha-min was filled with mixed feelings. Moving from that old house, and the timing of the move… It felt like everything was about to change. It was a subtle feeling like new things were beginning. As Ha-min stood there in a daze, someone lightly tapped his shoulder from behind.
“What are you doing here?”
It was none other than Chae-rin. She had bleached her hair again, making it lighter than before and even more attractive. They say Asians don’t suit blonde hair, but Chae-rin was different. It suited her so well that it was amazing every time Ha-min saw her.
“Just a phone call.”
Ha-min regained his senses.
“Did you finish the assignment?”
“I stayed up all night, you know. These days, sunbae Tae-in is working so hard that we’re practically living in the studio.”
Chae-rin looked clearly tired, but she didn’t seem to dislike it. Recently, Tae-in had been seriously working on songs with a few members of the band club, and they had also started making YouTube videos seriously, making them even busier. And those videos were quite popular, to the extent that some students from their department recognized them and approached them.
“Tell him to buy you lots of good food.”
“Well, sunbae Tae-in has always treated us well. When the video revenue comes in, he splits it equally among all of us.”
“Is it quite profitable?”
“Hmm, enough that we don’t need to do other part-time jobs? That’s why we’re trying to work even harder.”
Chae-rin seemed to be enjoying it in her own way. Ha-min’s mood improved along with hers, and he smiled broadly, saying that was great. Then Chae-rin suddenly spoke as if she had just remembered something.
“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I accidentally overheard the other day when oppa stopped by the studio.”
“Huh?”
“Is it… going well with that person?”
“What?”
“Lee Tae-rim sunbae.”
Chae-rin quickly scanned their surroundings and whispered softly.
“Is it going well?”
“Ah…”
Chae-rin was the only one who knew about Ha-min’s sexual identity, and she had known who his unrequited love was since the beginning of the semester. And Ha-min also knew that Chae-rin had similar preferences.
They hadn’t shown much interest in each other’s affairs since bringing it up, but for some reason, she brought it up first this time. Aside from that, it was unexpected to hear that he looked happy.
“Well…”
It was awkward to say no, but also awkward to say yes. The atmosphere was certainly good, but he couldn’t give any definite answer yet. Because he was still hesitating.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
