Cha Jae-woo was uneasy about showing him this room. It was as if he didn’t even consider the possibility that he might be liked.
Because of that, he was curious. Was it really something to be anxious about? It was practically a sign that he missed him. So why was he so reluctant to show it?
“It’s just like you said—it’s perverted.”
In the meantime, Cha Jae-woo, seeming a little more at ease, answered briefly.
He nodded in agreement. It was kind of perverted. But not in a bad way—more like, it was kind of nice… Did that make him a pervert too? He wasn’t sure.
“It’s kind of gross, too.”
Cha Jae-woo added.
Gross? What was so gross about it? Even if you could peer into someone’s mind, fully understanding another person would still be impossible. Their trains of thought were completely different. By the same token, there must have been plenty about him that Cha Jae-woo couldn’t understand either.
In that sense, he couldn’t understand what Cha Jae-woo meant right now.
“Why is it gross?”
Maybe that’s why language existed—to help people try to understand each other, even when perfect understanding was impossible.
“Doesn’t it just mean that you think about me a lot and want to be close to me?”
Despite always pretending otherwise and rushing home quickly, he still ended up in this room, thinking about him.
Just how much did he like him?
Just thinking about it made him chuckle uncontrollably.
“If someone gathered up your things and slept with them clutched to their chest, wouldn’t you find that gross?”
Cha Jae-woo asked. It was such a strange thing to ask.
“But what if that ‘someone’ is you?”
“…….”
“Because it’s you, it’s fine. If it were someone else… yeah, that would be pretty gross.”
The answer slipped out naturally.
If it were someone he disliked—or even just a stranger—clutching his belongings like that, it would be downright creepy.
But if it was Cha Jae-woo doing it, it was different. It wasn’t just anyone—it was someone he liked. The thought that Cha Jae-woo had missed him so much that he stayed in his room, pulling out his things just to catch his scent—
Ah, maybe that’s the problem.
Cha Jae-woo didn’t think he liked him. Even when he dropped hints about his feelings, Cha Jae-woo wouldn’t believe them. He had never spelled it out clearly either…
But honestly, with this much going on, wouldn’t anyone think there was at least some affection involved? If he had truly disliked him, would he have stuck around for meals and spent time together? He would’ve just done the guiding and left.
And yet Cha Jae-woo hadn’t even considered the possibility? Did he really believe it that firmly? What a complete coward.
“Idiot.”
He muttered grumpily, shaking his head. Then he leaned back against the headboard and opened the album he had brought.
He could still tell Cha Jae-woo that he liked him. Right now, if he wanted. But if the other person didn’t believe it, the confession would be meaningless. So he decided not to say anything yet. He wanted the little moments to pile up until Cha Jae-woo could finally believe it.
Actually, this was part of the survival rules, too. Specifically, rule number four: Resist the urge to say ‘I like you’ as much as possible.
It was the complete opposite of the first rule, which was to be honest about his feelings. But confessing to Cha Jae-woo was too reckless. Why throw out a confession that was guaranteed not to be believed? He was lucky enough that Cha Jae-woo didn’t think of it as a side effect and reject his guiding altogether.
Now, Cha Jae-woo no longer wanted to keep his emotions in the palm of his hand. It was a stark difference from before. That’s why he needed to make it clear that there was no ulterior motive behind his actions—that he was doing it purely because he wanted to.
When he had been convinced it was just a guiding side effect, he had rushed headlong toward Cha Jae-woo, without a second thought. Because he truly believed it wasn’t real.
But now, his feelings were genuine. So he wanted to be careful.
Honestly, if he confessed now—told him that even after everything, he still wanted to stay by his side—and Cha Jae-woo ended up running away, it would hurt. Even if he knew everything, it would still hurt.
“Holy crap… He’s so cute.”
As if the earlier conversation had never happened, he fixed his gaze on Cha Jae-woo’s photo album.
He didn’t even have to try hard to focus. As soon as he opened the first page, a newborn baby with wide, fierce eyes was glaring up at him.
It looked like he had just been born, but his eyes were already so intense. Even at a glance, he could tell it was Cha Jae-woo as a child.
“I mean, seriously, what kind of newborn looks this fierce?”
He chuckled quietly and beckoned Cha Jae-woo over.
Cha Jae-woo moved closer.
Cha Jae-woo, whose eyes had remained sharp just like the ones in the photo even after growing up, furrowed his brows. It seemed even he couldn’t deny that the child’s gaze in the picture was unusually intense.
“Oh, he’s smiling.”
Still, Cha Jae-woo’s childhood had its fair share of innocence. There were scattered photos where he was smiling brightly.
In one photo, young Cha Jae-woo toddled along holding something in his hand, his eyes crinkling shut as he beamed a wide, radiant smile.
For some reason, he couldn’t take his eyes off it. The face was the same, yet it felt like looking at a completely different person. He had been a child who could smile so purely, so happily.
He vividly remembered the child he had seen inside the gate, like a mirage. The face twisted in despair and terror—he knew he wouldn’t be able to forget it for a long time.
Almost involuntarily, his hand reached out to the smiling face of Cha Jae-woo in the picture. He lingered there, gently brushing over it for a while, then forced a small smile and looked up at the Cha Jae-woo of now. Cha Jae-woo wasn’t looking at the album—he was looking at him.
“Can I have this photo?”
The answer didn’t come immediately, but soon enough, Cha Jae-woo nodded. Carefully, as if it might tear at the slightest mishandling, he slipped the photo out of the album.
He hoped there would be more days when Cha Jae-woo could smile like that again. He wished he could be the one to make it happen.
The thought naturally continued, turning into a firm resolution: he would make it happen. A life spent behind an emotionless, hardened expression—surely that was enough.
Would he really be able to do it?
He wasn’t brimming with confidence, but he decided to believe he could. After all, you never know until you try.
“Wow, can I have this one too?”
Every time he turned the page, he found another photo of Cha Jae-woo looking happy. Since these were photos left by his parents, he had promised himself he wouldn’t be greedy, but it was becoming a problem—he kept finding more that he wanted.
“What are you going to do with them?”
After several rounds of silent nods in response to his requests, Cha Jae-woo finally asked. It seemed he had been deep in thought, especially after seeing him actually happy while looking at his room, but now his face seemed more at ease.
“I’ll sleep with them next to me.”
He made a half-hearted joke. Of course, he wouldn’t really sleep with them clutched to his chest—they were too precious to risk damaging—but he definitely planned to display them somewhere visible.
“Ha…”
Cha Jae-woo laughed. It wasn’t a bright, wide laugh, but the tightness and tension from earlier were completely gone. Seeing that smile filled him with a quiet sense of pride.
He liked Cha Jae-woo.
And this wasn’t some side effect.
Even if he didn’t spell it out, Cha Jae-woo would come to understand, little by little. That there was no need for his anxiety. That he wasn’t staying out of pity or obligation, but simply because he liked Cha Jae-woo and wanted to stay by his side.
Truthfully, he wanted to take the entire album home. But he restrained himself.
It wasn’t too hard. Somehow, he had a feeling that he would be using this room again before long—that he would be able to come see it whenever he wanted.
“Should I guide you?”
After flipping through the last page of the album, he looked at Cha Jae-woo and offered.
Cha Jae-woo nodded and held out his arm. After a brief hesitation, he half-rose from the bed and spread his arms wide.
Guiding by just holding hands suddenly felt lonely. He hadn’t thought that way before, but today, that feeling hit him out of nowhere.
Wouldn’t it be okay to at least hug?
He felt the urge to hug him—no, he wanted to embrace Cha Jae-woo, to hold him close. More than wanting to be hugged, he wanted to offer the hug himself. He desperately hoped Cha Jae-woo wouldn’t reject him.
“…….”
Cha Jae-woo hesitated for a moment. But, unlike before when he had immediately refused the idea of increasing their contact area, he didn’t push him away this time.
Instead, Cha Jae-woo willingly pulled him into an embrace. He wrapped his arms around Cha Jae-woo’s waist and squeezed his eyes shut.
Now, he could say with confidence that he could guide freely, without hesitation. Mana flowed comfortably into Cha Jae-woo’s body. The distorted waves, twisted from the use of his powers, quickly began to purify under the influence of his mana.
