Lim Haeyul struggled to open his heavy eyelids. Everything was pitch black. Although it was winter and the days were shorter, making it dark even at early hours, the darkness felt like the dead of night, indicating it was likely dawn.
He felt an inexplicable emptiness and reached out to the bed beside him. As expected, the spot was empty. It was strange how he could sense the absence in such a large bed.
“Are you awake?”
His gaze moved sluggishly, still heavy with sleep. He stared blankly at Cha Jae-woo, who was already dressed and ready to leave. It took a few seconds for him to respond.
“Yes, ahem. … Are you going somewhere?”
His voice was hoarse from sleep. Cha Jae-woo approached him, even though he must have looked disheveled from just waking up. Thankfully, the lights were off, so it wasn’t too noticeable.
“I have something to take care of. Go back to sleep.”
Cha Jae-woo’s voice was languid. Lim Haeyul didn’t respond.
It wasn’t unusual for Cha Jae-woo to leave early. It happened so often that Lim Haeyul would normally just nod and go back to sleep. But today, he couldn’t bring himself to respond at all.
He had discovered Cha Jae-woo’s early departures when his meticulous plan to take things slow crumbled. Recently, they had been sleeping together in Cha Jae-woo’s room, skipping several steps in their relationship.
Of course, his plan wasn’t entirely derailed. Cha Jae-woo had mentioned there was still more to do, and their physical intimacy hadn’t progressed beyond hugging.
Well, considering they had started sleeping together just days into their relationship, perhaps it was more than just hugging.
Trying to separate guiding from physical intimacy seemed impossible from the start. Since they usually guided at night, often in Cha Jae-woo’s bed, it was inevitable.
“Isn’t this inconvenient?”
“Um…”
“Just sleep here.”
“But, um…”
“Since we have to guide early in the morning, it’s better this way. Less hassle for both of us.”
Lim Haeyul was easily persuaded by Cha Jae-woo’s logic. He had been questioning his insistence on taking things slow anyway. The awkward distance between them when they weren’t guiding was uncomfortable.
While some discomfort is normal in the early stages of a relationship, this felt too abrupt. So, he decided to start sleeping in Cha Jae-woo’s room without much hesitation, even though they never actually guided early in the morning.
At first, he barely slept. Instead, he watched Cha Jae-woo, who looked surprisingly peaceful after guiding.
But that only lasted a day or two. Soon, he was falling asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. Humans truly are adaptable creatures.
He had worried that skipping steps would be a problem, but since they weren’t doing anything more intimate, he adapted quickly.
Anyway, that wasn’t important right now.
“Will you be late?”
His voice was clear now, the sleepiness gone. Cha Jae-woo noticed and chuckled softly.
“Probably, yes.”
“…I see.”
“Why?”
But Lim Haeyul couldn’t laugh. Setting aside the intimacy issue, his plans for the day were falling apart because Cha Jae-woo had to leave.
“It’s just that…”
He tried to get up, but Cha Jae-woo gently pushed him back down. It seemed like a signal to stay in bed, so he did. Cha Jae-woo glanced at the clock, clearly in a hurry.
“Never mind.”
Lim Haeyul started to say something but then closed his mouth.
Today was Christmas Eve. Time had flown by so quickly this year, and it felt even more hectic than usual. He believed that couples should celebrate special days like this together.
Moreover…
“Why did you stop talking?” Cha Jae-woo asked.
“…I was just wondering why you’re so busy.”
Lim Haeyul felt a bit resentful that Cha Jae-woo’s busy schedule was ruining his plans. He couldn’t help but wonder what Cha Jae-woo was doing that kept him so occupied every day.
He had suspected that today might not go as planned. Ever since they started dating, Cha Jae-woo had been busier than ever. They had to guide at night because Cha Jae-woo would leave early in the morning and return late at night. The only time they could spend together was right before bed.
He had hoped that today would be different, that they could spend some time together since it was Christmas Eve.
He hadn’t mentioned it, but he had even made a reservation at a restaurant. After three days of deliberation, he had chosen an expensive, private restaurant that was known to be frequented by celebrities. He thought it would be a perfect place to go with Cha Jae-woo.
But he also felt anxious. If someone recognized them while they were out, it could cause problems. Even if the restaurant was known for protecting its patrons’ privacy, they would still need to be careful. He had been worrying about this until he fell asleep last night.
He had been torn between wanting to have a nice dinner with Cha Jae-woo and worrying about the potential consequences.
In the end, it didn’t matter. He had turned down invitations from his friends, thinking he would be spending the day with Cha Jae-woo.
“What are you thinking about?” Cha Jae-woo’s voice interrupted his thoughts. He realized he had been lost in thought for too long.
“Um… I was just wondering if you’re going to clear all the gates by yourself,” he said, making up an excuse on the spot.
“I just said I’m not clearing gates by myself.”
“Really? Why? Why are you doing it alone?”
“I was joking.”
“Huh?”
“You were making up an excuse, so I was playing along.”
Cha Jae-woo gently tapped his nose. He realized his excuse hadn’t worked. Feeling embarrassed, he smiled weakly.
“I was just still half-asleep. Sorry.”
“You have a lot to be sorry for.”
Cha Jae-woo’s voice sounded especially sweet in the early morning. He wished he didn’t have to leave.
Truthfully, Christmas wasn’t that important to him. When he was younger, he didn’t like it because his birthday was on Christmas Eve. Getting one present for both Christmas and his birthday wasn’t a great experience.
But today, he just wanted to spend time with Cha Jae-woo. He wanted to be with him on his birthday.
Maybe if he had told him earlier, he wouldn’t have left. But he couldn’t bring himself to say it now. It was too late.
“Go back to sleep. Stop trying to stay awake.”
“Oh, okay…”
Cha Jae-woo thought he was quiet because he was sleepy. He didn’t correct him. The moment to tell him had passed.
“Come back soon.”
He decided not to tell Cha Jae-woo that today was his birthday. It wasn’t that special of a day anyway.
“I’ll try.”
Cha Jae-woo’s gentle tone made him feel embarrassed. He had a way of making people feel at ease.
He pulled the blanket up and muttered, “If you’re busy, you don’t have to rush…”
But he hoped he would.
“…Okay.”
He ignored the nagging thought that he should have just said something. He was making things difficult for himself.
“Have a good day.”
Cha Jae-woo nodded and gently brushed his eyelids, signaling him to go back to sleep. But as soon as he left, he opened his eyes again. He heard a soft laugh.
But Cha Jae-woo was out of time. He got up and left the room. Lim Haeyul watched him go, feeling the cold silence settle over the room.
He touched the spot on the bed where Cha Jae-woo had been lying. It had already grown cold.
***
“Tto-yul, why are you so spaced out? Huh? Snap out of it!”
“Stop nagging me.”
“Why! I can nag my own son if I want to!”
“Oh, come on!”
It was 8 PM.
Lim Haeyul was at Kim Geon-ung’s house. Jo Ha-eon and Park Yeon-ho were there too, surprisingly bringing a cake with them. He wasn’t happy about it at all.
He had planned to spend time with Cha Jae-woo. Even if it was late at night, he didn’t mind. Left alone with his thoughts, he realized he wanted to hear Cha Jae-woo wish him a happy birthday. He had planned to tell Cha Jae-woo that today was his birthday when he got home.
[Cha Jae-woo: I won’t be able to come home tonight.]
To his dismay, his plans were suddenly ruined.
[Cha Jae-woo: Don’t wait up for me. I’ll call you tomorrow.]
The message felt like a bolt from the blue.
