“What does Cha Jae-woo like…?”
However, no matter how much time he spent thinking, there was no progress. The biggest problem was that he didn’t know much about Cha Jae-woo.
In reality, he didn’t know what Cha Jae-woo liked or disliked. They had never had such conversations, so it was hard to think clearly without Cha Jae-woo around.
Today, Cha Jae-woo had gone out to a gate for the first time in a long while. Normally, he would have quickly finished the gate subjugation and returned home, but today the process was more like an education for the newly incorporated Espers, so it would take a long time. The Espers under Cha Seong-ju were another issue.
Although he hadn’t heard a detailed explanation, he could roughly guess that even if they had gone through gate subjugations multiple times, they didn’t know the association’s rules at all, hence the need for education.
Actually, it would have been better if Cha Jae-woo had explained this, but from what he had seen, Cha Jae-woo didn’t seem to have the kindness to explain things in detail first.
After all, he had heard from Kim Sol that Cha Jae-woo had gone to the gate to educate the Espers who were under Cha Seong-ju.
Cha Jae-woo had only said he was going to the gate, but shortly after he left, Kim Sol called and told him. If it weren’t for that, he would have been wondering why Cha Jae-woo was taking so long.
“Is everything alright?”
Today, Kim Sol had called just to check up on him. He would occasionally check in like this.
Although it wasn’t anything new, today he felt an immense sense of guilt. He knew that Kim Sol’s concern for “anything” included worries about his side effects.
If he told Kim Sol that he was dating Cha Jae-woo, how would he react?
“It would be a disaster.”
He didn’t need to think long about it. Kim Sol would definitely be furious. He would say he was crazy and tell him to come to his senses. But now, he had something to say too. Cha Jae-woo liked him. Besides, it was mutual, so wasn’t it okay?
However, he knew it wouldn’t convince Kim Sol at all, so he kept his mouth shut. Honestly, he wanted to brag about it.
“…….”
He wanted to tell not just Kim Sol, but also Kim Geon-ung, Jo Ha-eon, and Park Yeon-ho, or even a random stranger on the street, that he was dating Cha Jae-woo. He was bursting with the desire to shout it from the rooftops.
Well, maybe it was natural… Since it was his first time.
Of course, as a rational person, he knew it was better not to say anything. After all, Cha Jae-woo was a man. Not everyone would be comfortable with a relationship between an Esper and a Guide of the same sex. He wasn’t even sure how his friends would react.
“Never mind. Don’t think about it.”
He seemed to have lost all focus, his mind wandering constantly. He hadn’t even figured out how to face Cha Jae-woo yet.
“But really, living together even before dating…”
As soon as he tried to stay focused, another thought popped into his head. Come to think of it, wasn’t this a huge deal? Of course, he hadn’t expected it to turn out this way at first.
“I wish he would come home soon.”
He eventually gave up on thinking about what to do with Cha Jae-woo. He just wanted to see his face. Rolling around alone on the bed felt exceptionally boring today.
* * *
As expected, Cha Jae-woo came home later than usual. Even though he already knew, he couldn’t help feeling a bit disappointed. Since Cha Jae-woo returned almost at midnight, it felt like he had wasted the entire day.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
But he couldn’t complain to someone who had just come back from work. They had only been dating for two days, and there was still plenty of time. It wasn’t like Cha Jae-woo would be busy every day.
“Um… Should we do some guiding first? Come to think of it, it feels like it’s been a while.”
After setting aside his disappointment, he realized what he needed to do. He hadn’t been guiding for too long. Cha Jae-woo had been busy, and he had been so preoccupied with his own feelings that he hadn’t thought about guiding. Additionally, Cha Jae-woo’s frequency hadn’t been sharp, so he hadn’t considered it. However, today Cha Jae-woo’s frequency was fluctuating, which meant it was time for guiding.
“Alright.”
Although Cha Jae-woo was much better than before, it must have been tough since he hadn’t guided for a while. He felt a bit guilty for not thinking about it and leaving Cha Jae-woo in that state. Cha Jae-woo had said he was fine, but he should have guided him anyway.
“Go take a shower first. I’ll come to your room in about 30 minutes.”
“Okay.”
Cha Jae-woo gave a brief response, patted his shoulder, and walked away.
He wondered why someone who had just returned from a gate smelled so good. He took a deep breath to calm his racing heart.
Thirty minutes later…
“Um, but…”
He was now in Cha Jae-woo’s room.
Cha Jae-woo’s hair was still a bit wet from the shower. He stared at him, thinking that he should dry his hair properly to avoid catching a cold. Although it was an unnecessary worry for an Esper, he couldn’t help but think about it.
“What is it?”
Cha Jae-woo urged him to speak, but he didn’t let go of his embrace.
His mind was racing, and being in Cha Jae-woo’s arms made his heart flutter.
He knew he had to stay focused. They had talked about this yesterday, so he needed to be clear. He pushed aside his desires and finally spoke up.
“Isn’t this… moving a bit too fast? Even if we’ve been a bit intimate before…”
He felt embarrassed by his own words, which came out all jumbled.
Cha Jae-woo loosened his grip slightly and looked at him, his expression asking, ‘What are you trying to say?’
“We… we’re dating now.”
He blushed just saying the words out loud.
“So?”
Cha Jae-woo’s response was nonchalant, as if it wasn’t a big deal. He seemed to have a lot of experience with relationships, unlike him.
He wasn’t jealous, but he felt that Cha Jae-woo didn’t understand his feelings.
“So, as I mentioned yesterday… now that we’re officially dating, I want to take things slow with physical intimacy.”
“……..”
“You know, before, you said we could do whatever since we weren’t dating. But now that we are, I think we should start over and take it step by step.”
He wanted to take things slow and build their physical relationship gradually.
“Steps?”
“Yeah. So from now on, even during guiding, we should start with just holding hands…”
He knew Cha Jae-woo enjoyed their physical intimacy, but he needed time to adjust. Everything felt different now that they were officially dating.
“Do we have to?”
“…What?”
“We’ve already done so much, why go back?”
He had expected Cha Jae-woo to understand and agree, but he didn’t. Cha Jae-woo looked genuinely confused.
‘Well… he has a point.’
He knew his request might seem silly. They had been quite intimate during guiding, so going back to just holding hands did seem strange.
He briefly considered compromising with hugs, but Cha Jae-woo’s lack of understanding made him feel awkward. He looked away, feeling a bit embarrassed.
“I think of guiding and our relationship as separate things.”
Cha Jae-woo added. He had understood his hesitation yesterday because he saw guiding and their relationship as separate.
But he found it strange. How could Cha Jae-woo separate the two when they involved the same person? Maybe he was the weird one. Cha Jae-woo had benefited from their increased physical contact during guiding, so asking to slow down now must seem strange to him.
‘Are we dating now? Or are we still in the pre-dating stage?’
‘We should start with holding hands, then hugging, and then hugging tighter. Take it step by step?’
He understood the logic, but something felt off. He remembered what Cha Jae-woo had said when he first came to this house, and it lingered in his mind.
He scratched his cheek awkwardly and looked up again. Cha Jae-woo was gazing at him with an unexpectedly tender expression.
“It’s just… I’m having a hard time with this… Is it weird? I mean, if we’re talking about steps, we’ve already done a lot.”
Under Cha Jae-woo’s gaze, he felt silly for feeling upset over such a small thing. Of course, Cha Jae-woo wouldn’t understand his unusual request.
“We haven’t done everything.”
As he was lost in thought, Cha Jae-woo pulled him into an embrace again.
The scent that always unsettled him grew stronger, making his heart race.
“There’s still so much to do.”
Cha Jae-woo’s calm voice resonated above him, sparking all sorts of imaginings in his mind.
“Don’t you think?”
He didn’t respond. He was too embarrassed to speak. In Cha Jae-woo’s warm embrace, his earlier feelings seemed to melt away.
He felt Cha Jae-woo’s lips brush against his hair. He hesitantly reached out and held onto Cha Jae-woo’s waist. Cha Jae-woo was right. He could think of guiding and their relationship as separate things. Guiding was essential for Cha Jae-woo.
His heart raced, and he felt embarrassed knowing Cha Jae-woo could hear it. He also felt a pang of longing, wishing he could hear Cha Jae-woo’s heartbeat just as clearly.
