There was a brief moment of silence. I hoped that my feelings would reach Cha Jae-woo and that he would believe me.
Of course, I understood that it might be difficult for him to believe. How could Cha Jae-woo trust an emotion that even I couldn’t fully grasp? While it didn’t matter to me, it would likely matter to him. Ultimately, the decision was his to make.
“Really?” Cha Jae-woo asked again. Although I understood his concern, I wished he wouldn’t doubt me, so I nodded firmly once more. I hoped my expression looked resolute.
“Then……” Cha Jae-woo shifted uncomfortably. I waited patiently for his next words.
“Prove it.”
His request caught me off guard. How was I supposed to prove it? What could I do to convince him? It’s not like I could show him my heart…
“H-how?” I stammered, unable to come up with an answer. I felt a sense of unease wash over me. Although I couldn’t read Cha Jae-woo’s mind, I had a feeling I knew where this was going.
Sure enough, Cha Jae-woo smirked and tapped his lips. Unfortunately, I understood his meaning all too well. I had experienced something similar before, so I quickly caught on to what he wanted.
“What?” I exclaimed, my voice cracking with surprise. But Cha Jae-woo just kept smiling.
“You’ve been the one enjoying it all this time,” he said casually. It was true that Cha Jae-woo had been particularly affectionate with me. But did that really count as him being the only one enjoying it? I wasn’t sure.
“You’ve only done it for me once,” he added. I stood there, unsure of what to do, feeling a mix of emotions. For some reason, Cha Jae-woo seemed genuinely upset.
“B-but…” I started to protest, but he cut me off.
“Don’t want to?” he asked.
I quickly shook my head. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, but I felt… embarrassed? Nervous? I wasn’t sure how to describe it.
We were probably officially a couple now, after that conversation. Although I wasn’t sure if this was how it usually happened. Either way, we had started… something. But kissing on the first day of our relationship felt… too soon? Even though we had already done so much more…
“Why is your face red?” Cha Jae-woo asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.
“It’s not!” I insisted, shaking my head vigorously.
“It’s bright red,” he teased.
“No, it’s not! You’re imagining things,” I argued, but I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks.
I couldn’t help it. Memories of all the times we had been intimate under the guise of guiding were flooding back to me. Now that I thought about it, it seemed crazy that we had done those things. How could I not blush? Especially that time when Cha Jae-woo had drunk Feleil’s blood… we had almost gone too far!
“Not going to do it?” Cha Jae-woo asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.
At the time, it had just seemed surreal, but now it all felt embarrassing.
But Cha Jae-woo didn’t seem to care about my internal struggle. Clearly, he couldn’t read my mind. Which, honestly, was probably a good thing.
“I-I just… it’s a little sudden…” I stammered.
“Well, if you don’t want to, that’s fine,” he said with a shrug.
“No! It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just…” I trailed off, unsure of how to explain myself.
“You don’t have to push yourself.”
As I was thinking about how to explain this, Cha Jae-woo quickly withdrew his words, as if he had expected this reaction. Surprisingly, this made me feel more urgent.
“No! It’s not a strain at all! I really want to do it too!”
…Although, maybe I didn’t need to say I really wanted to do it.
“Oh, you really want to?” Cha Jae-woo laughed, a sound of disbelief escaping his lips. Hearing him repeat my words made me feel incredibly embarrassed.
I almost hung my head but caught myself. Then, mustering all my courage, I continued, “We’re officially a couple now, right……?”
I murmured, thinking that since Cha Jae-woo had agreed to date, it must be true. Fortunately, he didn’t argue with that.
Anyway, his request for proof was about being sure that my feelings wouldn’t change. But would a kiss really prove that? How did his logic jump to that conclusion? I shook my head, trying to clear my confused thoughts.
But there was a more important issue at hand. Even though we had already done so much, today was the official start of our relationship. I thought kissing so soon was too rushed. I needed to make Cha Jae-woo understand this.
Memories of random advice about relationships flooded my mind. I remembered telling my friends that physical affection should come slowly, as you get to know each other. Of course, they always teased me for saying that, since I had never been in a relationship before.
“Kissing on the first day is a bit……” I trailed off, feeling too embarrassed to even look at him. I fidgeted with my fingers, unsure of how to handle the awkwardness.
“Alright, then.” Cha Jae-woo, however, remained calm. He nodded, his expression neutral, showing no sign of disappointment.
That made me feel even more anxious. Whether he was being persistent or nonchalant, Cha Jae-woo always left me feeling flustered.
“But we are dating, right?” I asked hurriedly, suddenly worried that he might change his mind because I hadn’t proven myself.
Cha Jae-woo didn’t back out. Instead, he gently ruffled my hair. The soft touch sent a shiver down my spine.
“Yeah,” he said simply.
Such a short answer, just a gentle touch of my hair, yet it made me so happy. Was it because Cha Jae-woo had confirmed we were dating? Or because I was actually dating him?
I couldn’t stop smiling. My cheeks hurt from grinning so widely. I looked at Cha Jae-woo, who was watching me with a soft expression. I quickly bowed my head to him.
“Alright! Get some rest now!” I said abruptly, then quickly turned and walked away.
I had achieved my goal, but I needed some distance from Cha Jae-woo. The sudden rush of embarrassment was too much, and I couldn’t bear to be near him any longer. I needed some time alone.
I rushed back to my room, and Cha Jae-woo didn’t try to stop me. By the time I reached my room, I was out of breath. I buried my face in my hands, still in disbelief. My body was shaking with excitement, and I couldn’t do anything else.
* * *
What does it feel like to be in love?
I had always wondered, ever since I was young. Maybe it was because all my friends were constantly in relationships, always seeming so happy and preoccupied.
Most of them would start grinning like fools as soon as they started dating someone—or even just when they started talking to someone they liked. They would clutch their phones, never letting go, and their minds would be completely focused on their significant other. They would often break plans with us, leaving me feeling left out.
I remember feeling particularly lonely in the second year of high school. Everyone but me had a girlfriend, and I felt so alone. Thankfully, Jo Ha-eon got dumped quickly, so I wasn’t the only single one.
“Hehe… heh.”
Back then, I cursed them for being bad friends, wondering how they could abandon me for their girlfriends. But now, I completely understood.
“Oh, man, I’m going crazy……”
I couldn’t stop smiling. I tried to calm down, taking deep breaths, but my heart was still racing. It had been like this since last night, and I couldn’t seem to relax.
I was dating Cha Jae-woo. Every time I thought about it, my heart raced even faster. The fact that he liked me, and I liked him too, made me giddy with excitement.
“Hmm, hmm, hmm.”
Time passed, but my smile didn’t fade. I even started humming to myself. Thankfully, it was vacation time, so I had plenty of free time to enjoy this feeling. I felt like I was walking on clouds, thinking about all the things I wanted to do now that we were dating.
What should we do first? Go on a date, of course.
I had only gone out alone with Cha Jae-woo once before. Even then, it was just him giving me a ride to school, so it definitely didn’t count as a date. And the time he came to pick me up because of Jung Hyun-soo was no different—that couldn’t be considered a date either.
“But when did Cha Jae-woo start liking me?”
My thoughts about what to do with Cha Jae-woo were briefly interrupted by the sudden memory of Jung Hyun-soo’s face. I wondered if Cha Jae-woo had liked me even back then. But thinking about it, it didn’t seem like it. So, when did his feelings start?
‘Do I really need to know?’
But I quickly pushed that thought aside. After all, I didn’t even know when my own side effects had started, so how could I expect Cha Jae-woo to pinpoint when his feelings began? It was more important to think about what kind of date we should go on.
