It was strange to see Cha Jae-woo at home. He hadn’t been away for that long, yet somehow it still felt unfamiliar.
That’s why, instead of waiting in my room like he said, I found myself standing in front of his door. I couldn’t tell if I was feeling excited or anxious. I didn’t even know what emotion was stirring inside me.
“Come in.”
“…Yes.”
Cha Jae-woo, oblivious to my swirling emotions—or even if he did notice, clearly not caring—acted with his usual indifference. If anything, he was being a bit more considerate than usual. He opened the door for me before I could even knock and even verbally invited me inside. That was rare. No, thinking back, it had probably never happened before. Was it because he had just gone through something major and was feeling mellow? Or was he simply too exhausted to care?
I tried not to dwell on those pointless thoughts as I looked at Cha Jae-woo, who greeted me wearing nothing but a bathrobe. Honestly, I was having a hard time figuring out where to look. My concern for him was a separate matter from this problem.
“Maybe I should’ve come a little later.”
Should I step back out and return in a few minutes? The thought crossed my mind briefly, but it was too late—I was already inside. I carefully took a seat on the sofa and asked hesitantly.
“It’s fine.”
Cha Jae-woo answered with absolute calmness. He meant it, too. He acted as though it didn’t matter in the least that I had barged in while he was showering. Otherwise, there’s no way he would casually strip off his robe and walk away, fully aware I was sitting right there.
“Gasp.”
I only caught a glimpse of his back as he headed toward the dressing room, presumably to change, but the image burned itself into my mind so vividly that I wondered if my memory had always been this sharp. I almost forgot why I had even come here in the first place.
‘How can a human body look like that?’
Even if a master sculptor had devoted years of painstaking effort, they couldn’t have created something like that. No, if some sculptor had, they would have looked at their finished work, declared it too perfect to ever surpass, and retired right then and there!
I had seen him shirtless before, so it wasn’t the first time I’d glimpsed his body. But it was the first time I had seen everything from head to toe at once. The broad, sculpted shoulders, the deep, natural dip along his spine that looked like it had been shaded by an artist’s hand, and then…
‘…Stop. Stop thinking about it. Get it together, Lim Haeyul.’
I shook my head violently, trying to banish the image of Cha Jae-woo’s body that had flashed before my eyes for no more than 0.1 seconds. But once it was seared into my brain, it wouldn’t go away.
Cha Jae-woo wasn’t the type to restrain himself for my sake. So I had to be the one to take care and stay cautious. Unfortunately, my wildly thudding heart had no intention of cooperating with me.
I struggled to cool my flushed face before Cha Jae-woo returned fully dressed. After all the concern I had shown for him, it was mortifying to now wear such a shameless, desire-ridden expression.
“Where do you want to do it?”
Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for Cha Jae-woo to come back. Before I could fully calm my reddened face, he was already standing before me.
I desperately wanted to cover my face, but instead, I forced myself to act nonchalant. Covering my face now would only make things weirder. I deliberately erased all the thoughts I’d been having and asked in an overly cheerful voice.
“Uh… I don’t really mind anywhere. Oh, but since you’re tired, maybe we should do it on the bed?”
It would be ideal if Cha Jae-woo could fall asleep comfortably while I guided him. I had been to funerals myself—I knew well how exhausting they were. He must not have gotten a proper night’s sleep in days.
“Sharing a bed is no big deal to you now, huh?”
His unexpected comment caught me off guard. I furrowed my brow, confused at first, then quickly shook my head in panic.
“N-No! Of course it’s a big deal! Ugh, I’m so nervous…”
Ah, I should’ve kept my mouth shut. Maybe it was because I’d been filled with so many inappropriate thoughts until now—my lips were running on their own, spouting words better left unsaid.
“Really?”
I had to swallow down the wave of embarrassment as Cha Jae-woo grinned at me, the corners of his lips lifting playfully.
Seeing him smile made Haeyul feel a little more at ease. If that was the case, he figured he could endure a little embarrassment. Honestly, the way his emotions swung back and forth was ridiculous even to himself.
“Come here.”
Still wearing that faint smile, Cha Jae-woo called out to him. Like a well-trained servant, Haeyul immediately rose from the sofa and walked over to him.
It wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. There was no reason to read too much into it. He was simply moving to perform the guiding.
And yet, something felt strange. Maybe because it had been a while, his heartbeat was starting to pound harder and harder. Wouldn’t he hear it once he got closer? If Jae-woo could pick up on muttered words from Haeyul’s room, there was no way he wouldn’t hear a heartbeat loud enough that even Haeyul himself could hear it.
“…”
‘Focus. Get a grip. What the hell am I thinking?’
Even so, his lips felt dry.
It was just guiding. At most, maybe he could offer a little comfort. That was all Haeyul wanted—or so he thought. But somehow, more desires seemed to have crept in, leaving his mind in a complete mess. The distance between him and Cha Jae-woo felt endlessly vast.
“Come faster.”
Maybe Jae-woo thought he was moving too slowly. His tone was almost impatient. Ridiculously enough, Haeyul’s steps quickened at once, and he found himself standing right in front of Jae-woo. Then, naturally, he ended up in Jae-woo’s arms.
It was inevitable. The moment Haeyul got close, Jae-woo spread his arms—as if inviting him in.
“Haah…”
He had been breathing just fine until now, but the moment he caught that now-familiar scent of Jae-woo, it felt like he could finally breathe again.
The sigh he exhaled dispersed into the air. He buried his face against Jae-woo’s shoulder. Jae-woo lightly pulled him closer, his hand steady on Haeyul’s back.
Despite having chosen the bed for comfort, Haeyul somehow ended up perched on Jae-woo’s lap instead. But no one said anything about it.
“…”
A silence so strangely comfortable settled between them. Haeyul didn’t even have the presence of mind to notice they weren’t speaking. He even forgot that he hadn’t yet started the guiding. He just wanted to stay like this.
‘It must’ve been hard for him.’
After a little time passed, worry finally trickled back into his mind. Jae-woo must be exhausted. He couldn’t waste time like this.
The rational thoughts rose for a moment but were soon drowned out by a surge of emotions. Concern for Jae-woo, who had suffered both physically and emotionally, flooded in without end.
“…You did well.”
‘If I cry now, I’ll look like an idiot.’
Haeyul clamped down on his emotions with desperate effort. Earlier, his breath had felt choked and his heart had trembled with no control, but now it was pure pity swelling inside him.
‘Get it together.’
There was no need to sort out the tangle of emotions. Suppressing the useless feelings, he focused, preparing to begin guiding. If Jae-woo hadn’t patted his back right then, he might have succeeded.
“You don’t have to pity me.”
‘When did Cha Jae-woo start being this kind to me? When did he start noticing how I felt?’
It would’ve been easier if he didn’t. If he stayed oblivious, he wouldn’t have said something like this to comfort him.
“I’m not pitying you…”
Haeyul shook his head in denial. Although, if he were honest, it wasn’t a complete lie. He was worried about Jae-woo, and he knew full well that the line between pity and concern wasn’t a thick one.
“I really mean it.”
Still, there was a world of difference between the person offering comfort and the one receiving it. So Haeyul felt the need to explain further.
Meanwhile, Jae-woo continued to soothe him with steady hands.
“It’s not that it makes me feel bad. I just mean—you don’t have to.”
“…”
“He was called a grandfather, but…”
The long time compressed into those few words somehow made Haeyul’s heart ache even more. He let out a soft breath and steadied his voice.
“But it was still too sudden.”
His attempt at sounding composed ended up dissolving into a quiet sigh. He wasn’t trying to whine to someone who had just returned from mourning. If anything, the roles should have been reversed.
“You’re really weird.”
Jae-woo spoke with a soft laugh in his voice. Haeyul couldn’t see his face, but somehow he was sure Jae-woo was smiling handsomely even now.
“If you look at it logically, I’m the one who should be crying. Why are you the one about to cry?”
Exactly. Haeyul thought it was just as absurd. He clamped his mouth shut.
After a long enough silence, Jae-woo slowly pushed him away. Staying locked in a tight embrace might have been one thing, but sitting on his lap and facing each other at such close range was even more embarrassing.
It wasn’t until their eyes met that Haeyul realized it. But hiding his face again felt impossible. It was as if he were caught, ensnared by the deep black of Jae-woo’s eyes.
He couldn’t move. It felt like he had to stay still, so he simply gazed into Jae-woo’s eyes quietly.
“…I’ll cry for you instead.”
Only after a long while was Haeyul able to blurt out something so ridiculous.
Jae-woo let out a soft, deflated laugh. Even though Haeyul saw the smile with his own eyes, the ache in his heart didn’t lessen at all.
“Ouch.”
Cha Jae-woo lightly tapped Haeyul’s forehead. It didn’t really hurt, but the ticklish sensation made Haeyul let out a fake pained sound anyway.
“…”
However, the atmosphere between them only grew more delicate. Their eyes remained locked, and at this close distance, they could feel each other’s breath.
It felt like several minutes had passed since their gazes first intertwined. Staring blankly at Cha Jae-woo’s face, Haeyul’s attention was drawn to the slow movement of his hand.
Long, straight fingers moved languidly upward toward Haeyul’s face. The pronounced thumb brushed lightly over his eyelashes. The ticklish feeling made Haeyul instinctively close his eyes, and when he opened them again, Cha Jae-woo’s hand was already cupping his chin.
“Because it’s long.”
“…”
“It kept fluttering.”
Jae-woo’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he spoke, and suddenly Haeyul found himself breathless. Cha Jae-woo’s voice, unusually low, seemed to lure him in even more.
Haeyul couldn’t think at all.
‘What is he pushing me toward? What does Cha Jae-woo want? What am I even doing right now?’
He couldn’t find an answer to any of those questions. Instead, driven by a lightning strike of impulse, he raised his hand and wrapped it around Jae-woo’s jawline.
“…”
There was no hesitation. He was no longer in his right mind—and probably, neither was Cha Jae-woo.
A sensation, soft yet a little rougher than the first time they kissed, brushed against the corner of Haeyul’s lips. His whole body jolted at the intense heat of it.
Haeyul kissed Cha Jae-woo. And Jae-woo didn’t resist the impulsive act—instead, he pulled Haeyul’s waist closer, tugging his chin in and capturing his lips more deeply.
The kiss was cautious and yet desperate, clouding Haeyul’s mind into a complete haze. For a moment, it felt like his head had gone completely blank.
It wasn’t until Cha Jae-woo bit and tugged gently on Haeyul’s lower lip that he finally snapped back to his senses.
“W-Wait a second…”
Despite being the one who initiated it, Haeyul was so startled that he hurriedly pushed Cha Jae-woo away.
Cha Jae-woo lowered his gaze under thick, jet-black lashes and stared at Haeyul’s lips with unwavering focus. Haeyul instinctively pressed his lips together and felt his heart hammer against his chest. His whole body trembled. The temptation to just let himself be swept away by the moment surged within him.
“It… that wasn’t guiding, just now.”
But he couldn’t let it happen. Even though Jae-woo hadn’t asked, Haeyul confessed immediately. This had nothing to do with guiding—it was just his own selfish desire. He was trying to say that Jae-woo didn’t have to humor him.
“I know.”
The response came clearly, without hesitation. Cha Jae-woo tilted Haeyul’s chin up again. Their lips were about to meet once more.
‘What should I say? That I don’t want to do this kind of thing unless we’re in a relationship? That if we’re going to do this, we should start dating first?’
The thoughts were absurd. How could he say such things when he himself wasn’t even sure if his feelings were real?
“Stop overthinking.”
Jae-woo’s hand, gripping his chin, lifted it a little rougher this time. Haeyul squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t think anymore.
