Long ago, not long after he regained the memories from the time of his manifestation, Cha Jae-woo decided to kill everyone who had been with him back then. In other words, he intended to make those who had driven his parents to their deaths suffer the same fate. No, there was even a thought to make them suffer more than he had.
It was a fierce thirst for revenge, one Cha Seong-ju had all but planted in Cha Jae-woo, no matter how much he hated to admit it. However, even as time passed, Cha Jae-woo’s feelings never changed—though Cha Seong-ju, the very one who had instilled those emotions in him, had already moved on.
Anyway, back then, the only thought in Cha Jae-woo’s mind was that he had to achieve his goal. But when the moment came, he couldn’t carry it out. He was simply too young, and there were too few things he could do. Even though he was an S-Rank Esper, without the ability to properly wield mana and use his powers, it was meaningless.
Cha Seong-ju told Cha Jae-woo to endure. That he needed to learn everything and grow stronger by his own strength. So, Cha Jae-woo suppressed the flames of his immediate desire for revenge and decided to endure. He had to become stronger. Only then could he take his revenge properly. In his childhood, Cha Jae-woo survived with that single thought alone.
Afterward, Cha Jae-woo grew at a rapid pace. As he did, people came to fear him. And soon, Cha Jae-woo realized something. Even now, if he wished, he could kill anyone. That it was still entirely possible to wipe out every single person he remembered.
But he didn’t do it. There were many reasons why. At first, he used the excuse that he wasn’t sure exactly who he remembered from that time during his manifestation. Even if he had recalled the memories of that period, not everything was crystal clear. He remembered only a few faces.
Would killing them bring him peace? No, there was no way it would. If he was going to kill, he needed to kill everyone who had been involved in that incident.
So, Cha Jae-woo waited. Cha Seong-ju had promised he would find out the identities of everyone who had been there. Naively, back then, Cha Jae-woo believed him. He had no idea that Cha Seong-ju had already tossed aside his thirst for revenge and turned his attention to more lucrative endeavors.
Cha Jae-woo merely listened to him without question. Mostly, what Cha Jae-woo did was secretly facilitate meetings between Espers from the Association and Cha Seong-ju. At the time, Cha Jae-woo didn’t even know what Cha Seong-ju was really doing.
Cha Jae-woo acted diligently enough to appear cooperative to the Association. Pretending he had no memories, he helped with their work. He simply thought to himself: This is only for now. When the time comes, none of them will remain in this world.
In truth, Cha Jae-woo had been far too young to put his thirst for revenge into action. No matter how strong he became, he was still just a child who had lost his parents. So he simply did as Cha Seong-ju told him, passing the time in that way.
It wasn’t until just before he turned twenty that Cha Jae-woo realized he had been used by Cha Seong-ju as well. At the time, he pretended not to know. Even if Cha Seong-ju had been cruel to him, he still wanted to believe that at least Cha Seong-ju was on his side.
But he wasn’t. Cha Seong-ju had already forgotten about the deaths of their family. All he cared about was using Cha Jae-woo to make money. Cha Jae-woo had been thoroughly deceived.
His trust was shattered, and Cha Jae-woo was left completely alone. Now, he was the only one who remembered and grieved the past. And strangely, he was fine with it. Maybe because, deep down, he had known all along that he was the only one hurting.
From then on, Cha Jae-woo moved alone. Even if the emotions were planted in him by Cha Seong-ju, the thirst for revenge could not be erased. Cha Jae-woo silently went back and forth between Cha Seong-ju and the Association, feigning ignorance.
“Was there really no Guide with a high match rate for me?”
“……No. There was.”
“Did you steal them away?”
“……Yes.”
“How many?”
“……Six, up until now.”
During that time, Cha Jae-woo had not only mastered his innate physical abilities but had also acquired Mental Esper abilities. It hadn’t been particularly difficult. Just by watching other Mental Espers use their mana, he could easily absorb and mimic their powers. He was classified as S-Rank simply because that was the highest rank the system could measure. In truth, Cha Jae-woo’s rank was beyond reckoning. He was a monster far greater than anyone had anticipated.
In any case, thanks to that, Cha Jae-woo had come to know for certain. The reason why, all this time, no Guide with a high match rate ever appeared for him.
It wasn’t that they never existed; they had been hidden. And it wasn’t just the Association doing it either. Cha Seong-ju, who had been secretly gathering Espers and Guides without the Association’s knowledge, was also hiding the Guides that would have been compatible with Cha Jae-woo.
The reason was easy enough to understand. In truth, they were all afraid of him. Even now, when he was quietly obeying their every word. They were terrified that he would one day fully unleash his power, so they deliberately prevented him from receiving proper Guiding.
It was laughable, really. Cha Jae-woo sneered at them and pondered. Was it when he was twenty? Or twenty-one? At any rate, it was more than ten years after his manifestation.
Ah, ten years. Wasn’t that a long time? Wasn’t it finally time for him to move? And yet, Cha Jae-woo couldn’t bring himself to act.
Looking back now, maybe he had been afraid. Afraid of what would come after killing everyone and finishing his revenge. What would happen to him then? What would his life be like afterward? Would he be able to stand proud before his parents, who had died for him?
Truthfully, the moment he decided to kill, he was already far removed from anything resembling righteousness. Still, Cha Jae-woo cared about such things.
‘Shouldn’t I live properly afterward? Shouldn’t I find peace after killing them all? What’s the point of revenge if it only ruins my life?’
Maybe someone would call it an excuse, but Cha Jae-woo chose the safer path. He decided to wait a little longer. And when the time came, he would wipe everything out completely—The Association, and even Cha Seong-ju, who had forgotten his parents and was now only focused on lining his own pockets.
Thus, Cha Jae-woo didn’t bother searching for the Guides they had stolen away. He thought it best to keep his ability to use Mental Esper powers a secret for now.
‘How should I kill them? No, better yet—should I show them what a fate worse than death feels like? What method would make them suffer and struggle the most?’
Convinced that he would inevitably succeed someday, Cha Jae-woo spent his days consumed with such thoughts. Optimistically believing that everything would work out in the end.
Honestly, he thought he was fine. Even as his Berserk Index rose higher and higher, even as his body grew increasingly tormented, he told himself he was fine.
‘Someday, when the time comes. Not yet.’
He didn’t know when that time would be. Cha Jae-woo kept imagining a far-off future, unaware that he was steadily losing all drive, that he was sinking deeper and deeper into a swamp of forgetfulness, letting the days slip away.
“Uh… Hello, I’m Lim Haeyul….”
Lim Haeyul came into his life at exactly that time.
When Cha Jae-woo thought he was fine, but in truth wasn’t thinking at all. When he was being consumed by his monstrous abilities yet couldn’t even realize it. It was then that Lim Haeyul appeared before him.
He couldn’t remember what he was thinking back then. Whether it was night or day, what the situation even was—he felt nothing, only a constant haze. And in that haze, purely by instinct, Cha Jae-woo reached out his hand toward Lim Haeyul.
The moment he grabbed Lim Haeyul’s thin, straight wrist, Cha Jae-woo’s entire body froze at the flood of unfamiliar sensations rushing into him. At the same time, the fog that clouded his vision cleared, and a hammering headache struck, jolting his mind back into motion.
Only at that moment did Cha Jae-woo realize—He had been forgetting everything.
“Give me that Guide.”
“The Guide was brought here for Esper Cha Jae-woo—”
“No, I’m saying give him to me exclusively. If there’s any contract with the Association, cancel it.”
“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I hate it most when you pretend not to know. You probably used some shady threats to corner him into signing a contract, didn’t you? You think a D-Rank would just walk into this house on his own, without being crazy?”
“…Guide Lim Haeyul made the choice himself.”
“He looked completely clueless to me. You sure you didn’t scam him?”
“…”
“Cancel the contract. Give him to me.”
“But—”
“Or should I just take him?”
Cha Jae-woo instinctively decided: he had to keep Lim Haeyul by his side.
Of course, he didn’t expect much help from him. But at the very least, Lim Haeyul would help him remember his purpose—so he wouldn’t lose sight of it again.
He planned to resolve the rest by finding other Guides. At long last, Cha Jae-woo began to move forward with what he had put off for far too long. He even thought about tracking down the stolen Guides to receive proper Guiding.
“I… I learned how to block Guiding….”
“…”
“So even if we touch like this… it’s fine….”
Thus, Lim Haeyul had to be able to perform proper Guiding. While protecting himself. He wasn’t something Cha Jae-woo intended to use briefly and discard. He planned to keep him around permanently.
The closer a Guide with a high match rate was, the better. If an emergency ever occurred—not that he expected one—the match rate would be the highest priority. In that sense, Cha Jae-woo intended to keep Lim Haeyul by his side.
“Um… Cha Jae-woo, sir, when are you going to, uh, enter a Gate?”
“…”
“Ah! Please don’t misunderstand! It’s not because you’re just sitting around doing nothing!”
Honestly, at first, he had a few regrets. He even thought maybe he should keep Lim Haeyul at a distance.
He was overly thoughtful, always muttering to himself, and yet somehow painfully simple-minded too. Lim Haeyul wore his emotions plainly on his face. He seemed to think he was hiding them, but to Cha Jae-woo, it looked more like he was advertising them openly.
It was annoying. It was a hassle. Yet Cha Jae-woo never kicked Lim Haeyul out.
In fact, he liked that Lim Haeyul didn’t bother to hide his feelings. Even if it was baffling sometimes, there was something comforting about how he just blurted out whatever he was feeling or thinking.
At some point, Cha Jae-woo stopped trying to guess what Lim Haeyul might be thinking. Because he didn’t have to. Not needing to read the other person’s mind brought a comfort he had never known before. It was only then that Cha Jae-woo realized it.
And that alone was enough.
“……”
A white hand gripping his with a firm, desperate grasp. A wrist that felt so much more slender compared to his own. Shoulders pulled straight with effort. A pale nape of the neck. Lips pressed tightly together, either out of stubbornness or pain, their red hue emphasizing the tension. Soft-looking cheeks, drawn taut yet still appearing tender, and long, thin eyelashes trembling above them. A faintly furrowed brow. Beads of cold sweat slowly seeping through the fine strands of his hair.
Cha Jae-woo remembered each of those fleeting moments in vivid detail even now. Even the soft downy hairs on Lim Haeyul’s skin as he poured out a Guiding so incredible, so unbelievable, it left a lingering afterimage in Cha Jae-woo’s mind.
His heart, which had long forgotten what it meant to race, began to pound violently, asserting its presence and shaking him to his core. He stood there, stunned, staring at Lim Haeyul in silence, his lips frozen shut.
Only after a long while did Cha Jae-woo finally manage—urgently—to pull himself away from Lim Haeyul.
‘What the hell was that just now?’
“If you ask me… I’m not really sure either—”
The eyelids, crumpled from the strain, slowly lifted, and as soon as Cha Jae-woo met those shimmering, bright hazel eyes, he found himself strangely breathless. It must have been the shock and bewilderment of seeing Lim Haeyul perform a Guiding that should have been utterly impossible for him.
Even now, whenever Cha Jae-woo recalled that moment, a dull ache throbbed in his chest. It was inevitable. Because it was the moment when someone—who had never needed anyone—gained someone he needed more than anything, someone he could no longer be without.
