To get straight to the point, even though he had racked his brain to come up with a solution, applying it was far from easy. Especially because the opponent was Cha Jae-woo.
It hurt a little, but after much deliberation, he concluded that if Cha Jae-woo’s heart had been moved, then it was only right to push him away. At a glance, it might have seemed mutual, but in the end, it would be nothing more than Cha Jae-woo’s one-sided love.
That wasn’t right. He knew it well.
However.
“Why?”
“……Ahem. Your wavelength has stabilized a lot, and also….”
“I’m still struggling, though?”
The resolve to push away Cha Jae-woo’s feelings or to widen the distance between them crumbled almost instantly. How was he supposed to turn away from those jet-black eyes, sparkling so brightly and earnestly, despite how unfitting they looked?
It was easy to say, but in reality, wasn’t it human nature to waver when someone you liked gazed up at you like a drenched puppy, even if it was just a side effect? In this situation, all he could do was desperately try not to meet Cha Jae-woo’s eyes.
“I don’t think your wavelength is at a level where you should feel pain right now.”
In truth, Cha Jae-woo’s wavelengths were in a remarkably stable state. Ever since that night—the night when he alone had desperately struggled—the change in Cha Jae-woo’s condition had been almost unbelievable.
He had once thought that even Guiding had plateaus, finding it a burden to purify the Black Mass, but after what felt like leaping over a major hurdle, Guiding had become peaceful. Now, just holding hands was enough to produce significant effects.
“I’m hurting. My head hurts, my body hurts.”
“…….”
“This isn’t enough.”
However, Cha Jae-woo’s opinion was very different. Even though he could see Cha Jae-woo’s physical condition, he couldn’t perceive the pain Cha Jae-woo claimed to feel. That left him uncertain.
“……You’re lying.”
But the hesitation didn’t last long. No matter how he looked at it, it felt like a feigned illness. Cha Jae-woo seemed determined to insist otherwise, but the Black Mass within him remained utterly quiet.
“Why would I lie?”
Of course, when Cha Jae-woo countered like that, he didn’t have a comeback. Yet he couldn’t erase the thought that it was all just an excuse. It seemed like a wish born of impure motives.
In his heart, he wanted to argue back and point out exactly what he was thinking, but doing so would mean acknowledging that he understood Cha Jae-woo’s feelings—so he kept his mouth shut. Instead, he slowly began to inch away.
Now that he thought about it, the distance between them felt far too close. When had they gotten this near? Somewhere along the line, without even realizing it, he had been drawn in again and approached Cha Jae-woo.
He had to pull himself together. This was for Cha Jae-woo’s sake. He must never, ever fall completely for him.
“Uwah!”
But his intentions were easily seen through. Before he could even step away properly, Cha Jae-woo grabbed his arm and pulled him in, just like that. As a result, not only did he fail to create distance—they became even closer.
No, it wasn’t just that the distance had closed. Whether by accident or on purpose, Cha Jae-woo sat him right down onto his lap. Honestly, it wasn’t entirely Cha Jae-woo’s doing—he had instinctively settled there quite naturally as well.
Habits were terrifying things. Until not long ago, they had guided together while lying in bed or while he sat on Cha Jae-woo’s lap like this, so this posture had become all too familiar.
Scolding himself inwardly, he quickly tried to get up from Cha Jae-woo’s lap.
“Please let me go…….”
Unfortunately, because Cha Jae-woo refused to let go, all he managed was a feeble twitch of his body.
“Why?”
Cha Jae-woo’s face was even closer than before. Even though he was sitting on his lap, the difference in their eye level wasn’t that noticeable, which felt a little unfair—but that thought quickly passed.
He hurriedly averted his gaze and mumbled in a way that sounded like a feeble excuse.
“You’re not doing this because you actually need Guiding, are you……?”
The moment he said it, he wondered if he had been too blunt. It felt like he should explain himself further, but there were no words that came to mind—and no chance to speak them.
“You’re quick on the uptake.”
Cha Jae-woo agreed with him so nonchalantly that, instead, he was the one who ended up flustered.
“……What?”
It was a bit embarrassing to admit, but he wasn’t exactly known for being quick-witted. If anything, he was often told he lacked awareness.
That was why, even when he had nearly been convinced that Cha Jae-woo had feelings for him, he hadn’t dared to acknowledge it outright.
Of course, part of it was because he didn’t have the courage to deal with what would come after admitting it. But it was also because he thought there was still a possibility he was mistaken. If he was wrong, it would be nothing but humiliating.
But now, Cha Jae-woo was clearly saying he was right—that he had accurately seen through it. That it wasn’t because he actually needed Guiding.
Which meant that, after all…
“I—I think we need to, um, put some distance between us.”
Cha Jae-woo liked him. He could no longer deny it.
He was grateful—deeply so—but this was something that couldn’t be allowed to happen.
He quickly tried to push Cha Jae-woo away and stand up. He didn’t mind himself, but he didn’t want to leave Cha Jae-woo with any wounds. It was out of consideration for him.
But Cha Jae-woo didn’t loosen the grip he had on him. No matter how much he pushed, there was no budging Cha Jae-woo.
“Why?”
Even as he struggled and squirmed with all his might, Cha Jae-woo asked in a voice so composed that it almost made all the strength drain from his body.
In the end, he gave up trying to get up and answered with a firm expression.
“Because this doesn’t feel right.”
“Why not?”
He wasn’t a four-year-old child, yet today Cha Jae-woo kept asking “why” over and over again. It was like something he had heard somewhere—that kids that age constantly asked “why? why? why?”—though he wasn’t entirely sure if that was true.
“No matter how I look at it, I don’t think you actually need this much Guiding right now……?”
“But I feel good right now.”
“We haven’t even done any Guiding yet, so what’s good?!”
Shouting in sheer exasperation, he watched as Cha Jae-woo let out a soft chuckle.
Being this close to such a dangerously handsome face was making his heart sound a loud warning that it might explode any second. He took a deep breath, desperately trying to stave off a heart attack.
“Haah, Cha Jae-woo. Seriously, why are you doing this…….”
By now, he was practically on the verge of tears.
He knew this wasn’t right, and yet it felt so good. It was driving him insane. Whether Cha Jae-woo understood his turmoil or not, he continued smiling without a trace of guilt.
“What are you planning, acting like this……? Are you really hurting?”
He could see his wavelengths—he knew he wasn’t in pain—and yet he almost wished Cha Jae-woo would just lie and say he was.
But instead, Cha Jae-woo only shrugged and tightened the arm wrapped around his waist.
Anyone could see it—anyone with the most objective view could tell—that Cha Jae-woo was seducing him with his face! With his body!
“Haah…….”
If only he were a little stronger in self-control. Unfortunately, he was terribly weak against temptation. He hadn’t realized it before, but he was especially weak when it came to someone he liked.
But honestly, could anyone not be weak when the person they liked had such an unfairly handsome face? Smiling like that should be illegal. Clinging to him like that, almost like acting cute, felt like an automatic red card. For someone like him, it was a hopeless, one-sided slaughter.
“Since it’s come to this, we’ll do the Guiding today… but starting tomorrow, we’re not doing this anymore…….”
“Why?”
If he heard that “why” one more time, he was going to develop a neurosis. He tried to stay calm and answered with as much composure as he could muster.
“Because it’s better for both of us.”
This way, he could avoid the risk of a heart attack, and Cha Jae-woo’s feelings could also settle down.
He understood. It was no wonder Cha Jae-woo had developed feelings for him. It absolutely wasn’t because he thought he was anything special. …Well, he had jokingly told Kim Geon-ung once that it was because he was just too charming, but in truth, he knew exactly why.
Cha Jae-woo hadn’t had a proper Guide—not even one—for the past eighteen years. Then, out of nowhere, a devoted Guide like him had dropped from the sky. It wasn’t strange at all that Cha Jae-woo would want to cling to that.
But if this attachment deepened too much, it wouldn’t be good for either of them.
He had no intention of remaining Cha Jae-woo’s exclusive Guide for the rest of his life. Even if their matching rate was high, his Rank was low, and staying tied to him long-term would only be dangerous for Cha Jae-woo. Ideally, it would be better for Cha Jae-woo to have several Guides with similar matching rates.
Eventually, once Cha Jae-woo started receiving Guiding from other Guides, his own feelings would gradually fade away.
Even so, no matter how much he thought about it, there was no real possibility that he could like Cha Jae-woo. From the very beginning, he had always liked women, and that wasn’t something that seemed likely to change. Cha Jae-woo was simply a special circumstance.
But what if things continued like this, and Cha Jae-woo ended up liking him even more? What if his desire to lean on him grew stronger and turned into something where he wanted only him?
That would be a serious problem in more ways than one. He couldn’t exactly keep Guiding him indefinitely just to maintain the side effects, could he?
“What do you like?”
While he was drowning in his own thoughts, Cha Jae-woo pretended not to understand a single word he said. It was obvious he understood, yet he kept asking relentlessly.
It felt awkward to say it outright, but it didn’t seem like he could stay silent in this atmosphere.
“If you… end up liking me, Cha Jae-woo, that would be a problem.”
He answered without much hesitation, forcing himself to speak firmly. It felt like the kind of thing that needed to be said decisively.
“There’s no possibility that we’d end up liking each other….”
But he worried that might hurt Cha Jae-woo. If it was true that Cha Jae-woo’s heart was already starting to move.
Feeling awkward, he lowered his gaze. Yet with the distance between them still so close, there was no way to avoid seeing Cha Jae-woo’s face. Luckily—or perhaps not—there was no major change in Cha Jae-woo’s expression.
“Why do you think it’s impossible?”
He asked in a nonchalant voice. This wasn’t the kind of topic one should bring up so casually, yet Cha Jae-woo spoke as if he were simply talking about what to have for lunch.
“……Huh?”
That casualness caught him completely off guard. Even though Cha Jae-woo was openly pulling him closer, he thought at least there would be some hesitation. Apparently, he was the only one floundering.
Cha Jae-woo easily pulled the dazed and speechless him into his arms. Naturally, he ended up wrapping his arms around Cha Jae-woo’s waist. It startled him for a moment, but he quickly justified it—We’re going to do Guiding anyway today—and didn’t pull away.
‘And yet here I am, indulging in my own selfishness.’
He felt ridiculous even to himself.
“It could happen.”
But his focus was immediately stolen away.
At Cha Jae-woo’s firm declaration, heat rushed so quickly through his body it was almost absurd. Truthfully, he had already been feeling his blood racing for a while. But now, leaning against Cha Jae-woo’s shoulder where his face couldn’t be seen, he relaxed slightly—and the sensation of his face heating up was all too vivid.
“No, I don’t think that’s going to happen…….”
He tried to deny it. Yet he couldn’t hide his trembling fingertips or the pounding of his heart. Embarrassment surged up inside him.
How could a side effect feel this real? Sitting here like this made it seem like it wasn’t a side effect at all—that he genuinely liked Cha Jae-woo.
“That’s something we can’t know yet.”
Meanwhile, Cha Jae-woo answered him without a shred of hesitation. He wasn’t sure where that confidence came from, but hearing him say it made it feel like it might really happen.
“Even if it doesn’t, you don’t need to worry.”
His voice was so soft it was almost tender. A dry gulp escaped him, and his heart pounded even louder. It felt like his whole body was buzzing, leaving his fingers and toes unable to stay still.
“Right now, just do whatever feels natural.”
“…….”
“Don’t hold back. Just keep Guiding me like you always have.”
“Ugh…….”
His voice sounded unusually close, and as Cha Jae-woo finished speaking, he felt a tickle at the edge of his ear.
There was no doubt about it—Cha Jae-woo’s lips had brushed against him. His whole body flinched in response. Cha Jae-woo gently patted his tensed-up back.
The world spun dizzyingly around him. Cha Jae-woo was seriously trying to seduce him. It was a disaster. If Cha Jae-woo kept this up, he had no way of resisting.
“……Okay…….”
In the end, he could no longer argue with him. His face buried deep into Cha Jae-woo’s shoulder, he finally surrendered.
He was supposed to start Guiding now, but he couldn’t calm down at all.
It wasn’t until quite a while later—after his trembling had finally subsided—that he was able to begin Guiding.
Cha Jae-woo quietly waited, patiently, until he was ready to start.
