Now, I wonder if he’s properly hiding his presence. For a while, I haven’t felt Cha Jae-woo around. The last time was when he openly stared at me without any intention of hiding. It’s been two weeks since he turned away when I scowled at him.
After returning to school, I’ve been overwhelmed with assignments, but I still can’t help but think about Cha Jae-woo. I can’t shake the feeling that he’s watching me from somewhere.
I know I shouldn’t care, but my heart doesn’t listen to my rational thoughts. If it did, I wouldn’t have fallen for Cha Jae-woo in the first place.
“…….”
Anyway, the fact that I’m thinking about Cha Jae-woo means that I somewhat expected him to show up again.
Just like now.
“……Did you just get back from school?”
He used to either hide and reveal his presence or watch me from afar, but today he’s standing right in front of my house.
I wonder what changed his mind. Maybe he realized that neither hiding nor watching would get him what he wants.
This is so like Cha Jae-woo. As if saying, “I’ve waited long enough, now go back to your life.” If he had said that out loud, it would have been even more characteristic of him than asking me where I’ve been, even though he already knows.
“Yes,” I replied, holding back a snide remark about him knowing the answer already.
I didn’t want to talk to Cha Jae-woo for long. If my feelings for him were purely negative, I could have been more straightforward. But seeing his pale face and flickering presence made me worry, and that was the problem.
Am I incapable of learning? The feelings that once made me happy now feel like a burden. I don’t know when I’ll stop worrying about him or when these feelings will fade. It’s frustrating not to have any answers.
I don’t want to care. Why should I worry about what happens to Cha Jae-woo?
My rational mind tells me to ignore him, but my feet won’t move. I tried to turn away from Cha Jae-woo, but it felt so hard to lift my heavy feet.
“……I don’t think I can do it.”
His voice, tinged with despair and sadness, stopped me in my tracks just as I managed to turn away.
“I can’t hide my presence anymore.”
My face contorted in frustration. Does this mean his condition has worsened to the point where he can’t hide his presence? That can’t be true. If so, it would mean he doesn’t want to hide it anymore.
“So, you’re just going to reveal it?” I asked, turning back to face him. Cha Jae-woo bit his lip, looking troubled.
If I hadn’t seen him pretending to love me, I might have fallen for this act. Even now, I can’t help but wonder if he’s genuinely struggling to hide his presence.
Both Cha Jae-woo and I are incredible, in a bad way.
“I told you, I don’t want to see it, I don’t want to feel it.”
Despite my words, I was swayed by his deliberate reveal of his presence. What if he’s truly lonely and sad? What if his feelings for me were genuine?
These thoughts are ridiculous. I’m just believing what I want to believe, clinging to the remnants of my feelings like an idiot.
I didn’t want to meet him because I knew this would happen.
Ironically, I was the one who told him to do something, anything. My moment of defiance, or perhaps my desire for revenge, is now haunting me.
What was I expecting?
Did I want him to beg on his knees? To desperately cling to me? Or to lie and say he loves me?
Nothing feels right. Ultimately, there’s nothing I can gain from this. Maybe I’m just fooling myself, thinking I can’t resist Cha Jae-woo, that I’ll end up going back to him.
Maybe there’s more of him left in me than I thought, whispering that I should stay by his side because I can’t escape him anyway. Even if I appear free now, I’m not truly free.
“……I’m sorry.”
“Ha……. Ha ha…….”
Yes, it was a losing battle from the start. I knew it all along. I just wanted to enjoy a little more of the superficial freedom…….
“Haeyul.”
“Don’t call me that.”
My train of thought vanished completely at the sound of Cha Jae-woo’s voice.
No.
I have gained my freedom. I won’t be swayed by Cha Jae-woo. I won’t go back. I shook my head, denying the ease with which my heart was shaken.
“No. I just don’t want to.”
“…….”
“Don’t show up. You can’t hide your presence? Then don’t show up. I don’t want to see you.”
“…….”
“I was drunk and talking nonsense. Whatever you do, it won’t change anything. I won’t go back. I don’t want to go back. So, can’t you just stay away from me?”
There was no response. Cha Jae-woo stood there, head bowed, silent. If he wasn’t going to speak, did I need to stay here?
As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I turned away. The less I saw of Cha Jae-woo, the better. This was clearly a mistake. Revenge? I can’t do anything to Cha Jae-woo as long as my heart is swayed.
But Cha Jae-woo didn’t let me turn away. He suddenly grabbed my arm. His large hand wrapped around my wrist, but his grip was surprisingly gentle.
‘Don’t go.’
I could have easily shaken him off, but I couldn’t move. Cha Jae-woo’s voice echoed not in my ears, but in my mind or perhaps my heart.
Was I imagining it?
Was that desperate voice just a hallucination?
In my confusion, Cha Jae-woo’s voice continued, urgent and frantic.
‘What should I do? What should I say? Should I not show up again? Should I not watch from afar? Is there nothing I can do? What should I do?’
It was unbelievable coming from Cha Jae-woo. He hadn’t even opened his mouth; he just stared at his hand on my arm.
So, whose voice was this? Where was it coming from? It sounded just like Cha Jae-woo…….
‘Say you’re sorry. And ask to be forgiven, to ignore the presence. Say you can’t control it, that you can’t help it. That’s the truth……. No, no. You can’t believe that. You’ll think it’s just for the guiding. It’s not like that. I just…….’
The voice was desperate, chaotic. I had no choice but to call out to him.
“Cha Jae-woo.”
“……Yeah.”
Surprisingly, the chaotic voice in my head vanished instantly. I thought I heard a faint sigh, but as his hand fell away, the voice disappeared completely.
I stared blankly at Cha Jae-woo. Could he project his thoughts into someone else’s mind? Was this part of his ability? Why would he use it? To pretend to be sincere?
I don’t know. I shook my head, bewildered, and managed to speak.
“What… did you just do?”
He must have done something. Yes, he must have been trying to confuse me, to make me falter. It was just a new tactic. That’s what I told myself.
“Ah… I’m sorry. I was desperate….”
But Cha Jae-woo’s response was completely off-topic, his face a picture of confusion.
“The presence… does it bother you a lot?”
I had no answer. The voice echoing in my mind was Cha Jae-woo’s, begging me to forgive him, to ignore the presence.
What was this? Was he using a mental ability? But mental abilities shouldn’t work on me. Or was it just memory manipulation that didn’t work? Or maybe I was just imagining what I wanted to hear?
Every possible thought crossed my mind. Unable to comprehend, I stared at Cha Jae-woo, who seemed equally confused. I had to ask the obvious question.
“Why……? Do you want me to ignore it?”
“…….”
“Can’t you control this presence? Who can’t?”
Cha Jae-woo’s eyes wavered. I looked straight into them.
