My mind is unstable, according to the lady. Honestly, it was hard to accept at first, but strangely, I just nodded. On second thought, it seemed plausible.
The lady mentioned this while unwrapping the bandages tied around my arm. The bandages weren’t for an injury but seemed to be used to restrain me to the bed. They stretched from my arm to the bed’s headboard, so it wasn’t just my imagination.
When the bandages were removed, there were dark bruises on my arm from struggling so much. This made me admit that I had indeed lost my mind.
‘I tried to jump out the window.’
The lady briefly explained why I was restrained. However, she didn’t explain why I did it.
Of course, I can guess without an explanation. I must have wanted to get out. There was no other reason. Thinking this way, the news from the lady wasn’t very surprising.
The lady looked at me with concern. She explained that although I had acted strangely before, it hadn’t been dangerous. Suddenly, my condition worsened, so they increased the dosage of my medication.
Sadly, that’s when I realized I was taking medication to manage a mental issue. I had been taking it without questioning what it was.
Well……. It was a situation I hadn’t agreed to, but strangely, I didn’t feel betrayed. I hadn’t trusted anyone in the first place, so there was no room for such feelings.
“…….”
Fortunately, the new medication seemed to be effective. I no longer lost consciousness and missed chunks of time.
Actually, I thought I was just dozing off, but apparently, I was out of my mind during those times. Thinking about it now made me feel a bit creeped out.
The late summer heat was intense. I sat on the bed, looking out the window.
Although a protective barrier was installed on the window because I tried to jump out, it was still better than having someone constantly watching me. If they hadn’t installed it, they would have been monitoring me in my room all the time.
‘……Should I sleep.’
Staring out the window quickly became boring. I didn’t feel motivated to do anything, so I decided to lie down. My daily routine mostly revolved around the bed. I would sit here and look out the window or at the door.
Out the window, just to see outside.
At the door, wondering if someone might come in.
With nothing else to do all day, it’s no wonder my mind is unstable. Or maybe the fact that I think there’s nothing else to do means I’m not in my right mind?
‘I need to do some guiding soon…….’
As I lay in bed, wrapped tightly in the blanket, Cha Jae-woo’s face came to mind. His face was linked to the pressure of needing to guide.
I have to do it. I don’t know how long he will wait for me. But I can’t. I’ve even started to think, whatever happens, happens. I had no motivation.
My vision blurred, and I quickly felt sleepy. Whether it was the medication’s effect or a side effect, I didn’t know. But either way, I wanted to sleep.
“……Hey! Damn it, Lim Haeyul!”
However, I couldn’t sleep. My drowsy mind snapped back to reality.
I jumped out of bed as if I had never been lying down. The angry voice mixed with curses was unmistakably Kim Geon-ung’s.
“Kim Geon-ung!”
I rushed out and opened the door. I couldn’t remember the last time I opened this door myself, but it didn’t matter. Kim Geon-ung’s voice, still audible, made me fully alert.
“Hey, you bastard…… Lim Haeyul!”
For a moment, I thought I might be hearing things, but I wasn’t.
Kim Geon-ung was really here in this house. My heart pounded so fast it felt like it might burst, and I pressed my hand against my chest.
“You, why are you here? Go home. Go, why did you come?”
I quickly lowered my voice and spoke rapidly. Kim Geon-ung shouldn’t be here. Especially not like this, angry.
Before, it was okay. Cha Jae-woo wasn’t around, and Kim Geon-ung said he had permission. Plus, my condition was better then. At least back then, I didn’t struggle to even see Cha Jae-woo.
Now, I’ve lost my mind, and Cha Jae-woo must be furious. And then Kim Geon-ung shows up.
“How did you get here? Just go. If you stay here now—”
“Fuck. Why are you so thin? And what’s wrong with your arm?”
But Kim Geon-ung didn’t understand my feelings at all.
He yelled and roughly grabbed my arm. He noticed the bruises that hadn’t faded since the day I tried to jump out the window.
I should have worn long sleeves. But I didn’t know Kim Geon-ung was coming. Besides, the people here knew about the incident, so there was no need to hide it.
“I, I got hurt. It was an accident—”
“What accident? What kind of accident makes your arm look like this—? Never mind. Why am I getting mad at you? It’s not your fault.”
Kim Geon-ung roughly ran his hand through his hair and looked around.
While trying to explain the bruises, I forgot for a moment that I needed to get him out of here. I grabbed Kim Geon-ung’s arm, intending to take him outside.
“Let’s go outside. Come on, let’s go.”
“…….”
But I was too weak to pull him. My strength had faded even more recently.
Kim Geon-ung looked at me with a distorted face and sighed deeply. His furrowed brow made him look like he was about to cry.
“Pack your things.”
Kim Geon-ung said firmly.
“Yeah, let’s go. Pack your things, we’re leaving.”
“……What things?”
“Your things. Let’s go home. So, pack your things.”
It was a strange thing to say, and I didn’t understand at first. I thought about his words and then shook my head. It was impossible.
“I can’t… go.”
I had to guide Cha Jae-woo. I couldn’t go home. I couldn’t leave. I might not even be able to go to school. Things were too complicated now, unlike last semester.
So… I couldn’t go with Kim Geon-ung. I shouldn’t. Wanting to go with him was just my wishful thinking.
“I, I have to stay here and guide….”
“Quit and come home.”
“……Geon-ung.”
“You can go. Your contract is over.”
Kim Geon-ung was talking nonsense. I tried to deny it but couldn’t. It was hard to deny something I wanted to be true.
“Right? That’s what he said.”
Thanks to that, I was speechless. Kim Geon-ung looked away from me and asked someone else. Suddenly, a chill ran down my spine. I realized Cha Jae-woo was there, feeling the impact of Kim Geon-ung’s gaze.
“But damn, this is fucked up. Why is he like this? What did you do to him—”
“Kim Geon-ung! Stop! What are you doing?! No! Don’t say anything!”
Just feeling his presence was terrifying. The more days passed without seeing him, the more scared I became. Maybe it was because I was always anxious about Cha Jae-woo appearing.
Anyway, what Kim Geon-ung was saying was dangerous. He couldn’t talk to Cha Jae-woo like that. It could kill him.
No, that couldn’t happen. I couldn’t let my friend die too.
“I’m sorry, no, I didn’t know, Geon-ung always……. I’m sorry. It was a mistake, a misunderstanding. I’m sorry. Geon-ung made a mistake, no, it’s not like that……!”
As soon as I thought that, I stepped between Kim Geon-ung and Cha Jae-woo. I begged desperately, like I was possessed. I didn’t have the courage to look Cha Jae-woo in the face, so I kept my eyes down.
“I’ll send him home, I will. Right now, I’ll send him home. So, just this once, please…….”
“Lim Haeyul.”
“Don’t say anything. You can’t. Geon-ung, if you do—”
“Fuck…….”
But my efforts were useless. Kim Geon-ung didn’t understand the situation and kept cursing. My heart was pounding. I was terrified I might pass out.
But I had to stay conscious. If I closed my eyes and opened them to find Kim Geon-ung cold and lifeless…
Oh……. Just the thought made everything feel like it was crumbling.
“Please, just be quiet and go home, Geon-ung. Okay?”
“…….”
Kim Geon-ung’s face twisted. I thought he might cry, and he did. Tears streamed down his face. I froze. The last time I saw Kim Geon-ung cry was when my parents died.
“I called him.”
But what was even more shocking was Cha Jae-woo’s words. I turned stiffly, like a broken machine, still gripping Kim Geon-ung’s arm.
“The contract is terminated.”
“…….”
“So, get out of my house.”
