It had been a long time since Cha Jae-woo went out. Just the fact that he wasn’t at home made it feel like a weight had been lifted off his chest. Every breath he took had felt like walking on eggshells, so it was only natural that the suffocating tension began to ease.
Of course, Cha Jae-woo’s absence didn’t actually change anything. Lim Haeyul had no intention of stepping outside the house. No, he didn’t even plan to leave his room.
At least not until he could guide properly again like before—until, hopefully, Cha Jae-woo’s simmering rage cooled down. Until then, he intended to avoid provoking him in any way.
“Haah…”
Still, he couldn’t help but worry about whether the guiding would continue to be this way. It seemed like he was acting like this because he was terrified of Cha Jae-woo. But fear wouldn’t dull over time. The future looked grim.
Would Cha Jae-woo eventually get angry because of his poor guiding? Would he toss him aside as useless? No, even that would be better. Being abandoned would almost be a relief. Since that day, Cha Jae-woo had begun appearing in his dreams, strangling him with icy-cold hands.
On those days, his chest would feel heavy and suffocating all day long. Because he truly believed Cha Jae-woo could kill him. That thought filled him with terror—and an aching sadness.
If only he could feel just one emotion at a time—either fear or sorrow. How much easier would it be? It was his own heart, yet even he couldn’t make sense of it.
“……”
Out of habit, Lim Haeyul rubbed at the area over his heart, then collapsed onto his bed.
There weren’t many things he could do without making noise. So lately, he spent most of his time just lying there like this. It made his mind wander too much sometimes, but even that was a small price to pay if it meant Cha Jae-woo could forget about his existence, even for a little while.
He had no idea how long he had been lying there so quietly. At some point, he must have dozed off.
“……Haeyul-ah.”
Frowning at the sound of a voice that shouldn’t exist in this space, Lim Haeyul forced his heavy eyelids open. Was it a dream? If it wasn’t, there was no way Kim Sol could be in this room…
“Were you sleeping?”
Kim Sol asked as he stepped inside, looking at him blinking blankly. His presence, walking through the door, felt too vivid to be just a dream.
“……Sol-hyung?”
Finally snapping to his senses, Lim Haeyul shot up from the bed. The feeling of the blanket and the lingering drowsiness grounded him in reality—but even then, he couldn’t believe it. He even pinched his thigh just to be sure.
“Yeah.”
Unbelievably, it was real.
Kim Sol, whom he hadn’t seen since that day—whom he hadn’t even dared to think about—was now standing here, walking into Cha Jae-woo’s house, into his room.
“Wh-what’s going on? Wait, are you okay?”
Kim Sol didn’t sit down immediately but instead kept his distance. He scratched his cheek awkwardly and let out a small sigh.
“You’re asking if I’m okay first…”
His voice, trailing off in embarrassment, grew smaller and smaller. As his head drooped, Lim Haeyul quickly scrambled to his feet.
“I haven’t seen you since that day! Are you really okay?”
He rushed over and pulled Kim Sol toward him, firing questions one after another.
It was a shameful thing to admit, but he hadn’t even thought of Kim Sol until now. Normally, he should have been worried sick about him. Even though Lee Jae-hoon had said it was okay for Kim Sol to leave, he hadn’t actually confirmed whether Kim Sol had gotten away safely.
But fear had consumed his mind to the point where he couldn’t think of anything else, and he had completely forgotten about Kim Sol. For all he knew, Cha Jae-woo could have reached out and harmed Kim Sol too…
“You.”
“Huh?”
“You… are you okay?”
The face of Cha Jae-woo, which had briefly flickered through his mind, vanished with Kim Sol’s question. Lim Haeyul hesitated for a moment, then gave a small nod. Because, technically, nothing had happened. Cha Jae-woo hadn’t actually done anything yet. It was just him, trembling in fear, holding his breath, and hiding away.
“I’m fine. Nothing much has happened since then.”
Lim Haeyul forced a smile. Of course, he now understood that Kim Sol wasn’t necessarily the perfect person he had once imagined. Even so, strangely enough, he still didn’t seem like a bad person.
It must have been inevitable. Kim Sol had probably made the best choice he could under the circumstances. Thinking that way made it easier to accept. Maybe he simply wanted to believe it, because right now, he had nowhere else to lean on emotionally.
“I… nothing much happened.”
“……That’s a relief.”
He pulled the corners of his lips even harder into a smile. Anyway, since Kim Sol had appeared before his eyes looking perfectly fine, whatever had happened couldn’t have been anything too serious.
But then, how had Kim Sol ended up here?
“……Actually, when Cha Jae-woo came looking for me, I thought it was over.”
As soon as the question rose in his mind, Kim Sol murmured, as if he had heard it.
Ah, so Cha Jae-woo had sought him out. But why? As the question formed, Lim Haeyul’s gaze naturally drifted toward the door. But it remained firmly closed, and there was no sign of Cha Jae-woo.
“Without saying much, he just dragged me here.”
“……Really?”
“Maybe… he brought me here to make me apologize to you?”
“……”
“Or maybe I just want to think that. Of course… I know an apology isn’t enough to fix anything.”
Lim Haeyul didn’t say anything. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to—it was just that no words came to mind.
Without adding anything else, Kim Sol came over and sat down next to him. Amidst the subtle silence, Lim Haeyul kept glancing toward the door. He wasn’t sure whether he feared it might open, or if he was secretly waiting for it to.
He didn’t want to dwell on it too much.
“……How have you been?”
He deliberately tore his gaze away and looked at Kim Sol instead. After hesitating a moment, Kim Sol opened his mouth honestly.
“Just… stayed at home. I had already… put in for vacation, so no one came looking for me.”
“Ah.”
“I did think about running away for a bit… but… mm. I kind of gave up halfway, thinking I’d get caught anyway.”
At his roundabout explanation, Lim Haeyul nodded absentmindedly and muttered.
“You really did get caught.”
Failing to trap Cha Jae-woo had surely been terrifying. Still, Kim Sol immediately shook his head at his words.
“No, honestly, I was more worried about Jo Gyeong-hoon than Cha Jae-woo.”
“……Jo Gyeong-hoon?”
“You know how it is. I mean, technically, I didn’t do any harm to Cha Jae-woo. Sure, I thought he might be pissed that I dragged you into it, but overall, he usually doesn’t care about that kind of thing, so I figured I could get away with it. But Jo Gyeong-hoon… that’s a different story.”
Lim Haeyul quietly listened but couldn’t understand. Why was Jo Gyeong-hoon’s name coming up now? He hadn’t witnessed it firsthand, but it was certain Jo Gyeong-hoon had been thrown into the Gate. Which meant… he should be dead.
So why was Kim Sol talking about being afraid of him?
“Hyung. Jo Gyeong-hoon… he’s dead.”
He hesitated to bring it up, speaking very cautiously. Maybe it was because he instinctively expected Kim Sol to react with surprise.
“You didn’t hear?”
“……Hear what?”
“Jo Gyeong-hoon. And a few other Espers, including Lee Jae-hoon… they weren’t inside that Gate.”
“……”
“In other words… they’re still alive, somewhere.”
Lim Haeyul let out a small, involuntary sigh and nodded. He had simply assumed they were dead. Honestly, he hadn’t even dared to check any news articles, too afraid even to touch his phone.
He had avoided reading anything about that Gate, knowing it would be too overwhelming. But now, hearing that Jo Gyeong-hoon and Lee Jae-hoon had escaped the Gate… then what now?
“……”
Suddenly, he remembered how Cha Jae-woo’s energy had been growing increasingly unstable. No matter how much he tried to guide, it never settled. Day by day, the mass inside him only swelled larger.
He wanted to turn a blind eye and leave it to fend for itself—but reality didn’t work that way. He swallowed hard.
Would it really be alright? A pathetic, bitter fear began to well up inside him. He had no reason to worry about Cha Jae-woo. Whatever happened to him, Lim Haeyul should simply pretend not to care.
If he could keep doing that, eventually even the tiny ember of emotion he still harbored would vanish.
Until then… until then, he needed to consciously ignore Cha Jae-woo.
“Hyung…”
“Yeah.”
“I… I can’t guide properly anymore.”
And yet… why couldn’t he turn away?
