The words “I can’t do this anymore” seemed to mean that I shouldn’t expect him to act the same way he used to. Until now, he had made some effort for my sake, but now he was notifying me that he wouldn’t anymore.
I concluded that this was the reason behind Cha Jae-woo’s noticeably changed attitude lately.
Maybe because I had always thought my feelings were far greater than his, it didn’t hit me too hard. Of course, there was a twinge of sadness, but it was nothing more than that.
Well, once a relationship actually starts, I guess it’s possible to realize the other person wasn’t as great as you imagined. People don’t just break up for no reason, after all.
I shook my head, thinking of Jo Ha-eon blowing into a soju bottle after breaking up with his girlfriend. Maybe now, I could finally understand how he felt, even just a little.
“I’ll do the Guiding.”
At my words, Cha Jae-woo slowly closed his eyes. Though our bodies were close, it felt like the distance between our hearts had grown miles apart.
Still, I had the weapon called Guiding. As long as I continued to Guide well, and as long as Cha Jae-woo still wanted my Guiding, this relationship wouldn’t completely fall apart.
Honestly, it felt a little pathetic, but they say the one who loves more is the one who loses. If I kept at it like this, maybe Cha Jae-woo would warm up to me again. Maybe then, I could bridge this gap I felt between us.
The Guiding went smoothly. I thought, just like before, that before long, the Black Mass nestled inside Cha Jae-woo would vanish completely. If I just kept Guiding him like this.
“Ah.”
But almost as if mocking the thought that had just crossed my mind, the Black Mass in front of me disappeared in an instant. I had abruptly stopped Guiding, tightening my whole body in tension.
The mana I had sent into Cha Jae-woo was probably still swirling inside him, but it was different from me directly controlling it. This was undoubtedly my mistake. Yet it was also something I couldn’t help.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that…”
I was startled because Cha Jae-woo’s hand, which had been quietly resting, slowly slipped under my clothes and wrapped around my waist.
It wasn’t even something that should have surprised me anymore, but it was the first time since that day, and the awkward tension still hadn’t fully dissipated, so I couldn’t help but be flustered.
“Y-Your hand’s cold…”
Afraid he might notice my flustered state, I stammered out an excuse. I hoped that the awkward smile I managed to pull off looked like a real smile to him.
“It’s over now.”
Cha Jae-woo didn’t respond, and I awkwardly stepped back, forcing some space between us. His hand, which had been holding me, fell away easily. And just like that, a gap opened up between us once more.
I still liked Cha Jae-woo. Even if he had grown cold, my feelings for him hadn’t changed. The fact that I was relieved I could at least still Guide him showed just how unwavering my heart was.
However, no matter how much I liked him, the sense of distance was unavoidable. Especially because I was now harboring doubts I wished he wouldn’t validate with a nod.
Because I had been wondering for a long time. I had wanted to ask. Whether he truly felt nothing about the Esper we left behind dying that day.
“I’m sorry. Next time, I’ll concentrate.”
But like I said, I wasn’t seeking Cha Jae-woo’s acknowledgment.
That’s why I couldn’t bring myself to ask. I felt certain that if I asked, Cha Jae-woo would simply nod—and that would only end up hurting me more.
“Um… then, I’ll go to that room, okay? I need to study English a bit.”
“…Go ahead.”
It was an astonishingly tangled web of emotions. I liked him, but it felt uncomfortable; I wanted to stay by his side, but I also wanted to get away.
Since that day, I had grown tired of standing at every fork in the road, forced to choose over and over again. I bowed deeply to Cha Jae-woo and turned away. Today again, I chose the path of avoiding him.
“Haah…”
As soon as I returned to my room, a sigh escaped my lips like it had been waiting. I had tried my best to hold it back, knowing Cha Jae-woo might hear, but it was far from easy.
Just once should be fine.
Feeling strangely stifled, Lim Haeyul rubbed his chest and flopped onto the bed. Now, he wouldn’t be able to see Cha Jae-woo until tomorrow. It didn’t seem like Cha Jae-woo was particularly eager to see him, either.
“…….”
If it was going to end up like this anyway, should he have given up his stubbornness from the start?
As soon as the thought crossed his mind, he shook his head. In truth, it wasn’t regret over being stubborn—it was regret that if things were going to turn out like this, he should never have tried Guiding him in the first place.
When he couldn’t even handle the aftermath.
He really was hopeless. It had been the same the first time he came into Cha Jae-woo’s house. Despite his own standing, he had pitied Cha Jae-woo and moved in. Trembling with anxiety about what might happen afterward.
Still, back then it had been better. Back then, he only had to think about how to do a better job at Guiding. He hadn’t been weighed down by emotions like these. Even if Cha Jae-woo had seemed frightening at the time, he hadn’t had the power to toss his heart into disarray like now.
“……Ugh…”
Useless, chaotic thoughts swirled through his mind without end. What broke that cycle was an incoming call.
Assuming it was one of his rowdy friends who often called without notice, he sluggishly checked his phone—and was startled to see that the caller was Kim Sol.
“Hello? Hyung!”
Even after that day and ever since, Kim Sol hadn’t contacted him at all. Because he had already been worried, his voice came out louder than intended.
─Yeah.
“Why haven’t you been answering? Did something happen?”
─Sorry.
“It’s not something you should just apologize for—”
─Save me.
The sudden, raw plea in Kim Sol’s hoarse voice stunned Haeyul into silence.
─Save me, Haeyul, please.
“W-what are you saying all of a sudden?”
What in the world had happened for Kim Sol to be saying things like this? A long, heavy sigh leaked out from beyond the receiver. It made him even more anxious, like he was listening to someone at death’s door.
“Hyung…”
─Cha Jae-woo… haah, don’t do any more Guiding for him.
“……What?”
─Get out of there. Please…
Kim Sol’s plea was so sudden and baffling that it was difficult even to guess the reason behind it.
Maybe sensing Haeyul’s confusion—or maybe erasing any lingering hesitation—Kim Sol spoke again without giving him any time to reply.
─You probably already have a rough idea, but Cha Jae-woo’s trying to wipe out the entire Association. Jang Gijun’s already been taken down, and next it’ll be Jo Gyeong-hoon.
Haeyul couldn’t grasp why this story was suddenly coming up. He could guess that Jang Gijun had been taken down.
Jang Gijun, who had already been under fire for manipulating matching rates, had just this morning been exposed for conducting human experiments on Guides and was immediately detained. It probably meant Cha Jae-woo had exposed him.
“Jang Gijun… deserved it.”
Haeyul answered after a brief delay.
“Wasn’t that the right thing to do?”
Even though he hadn’t directly asked Cha Jae-woo about it, if it was Cha Jae-woo’s doing, then it was something to be praised. Especially because both Haeyul and Kim Sol were Guides themselves.
─…Yeah. I think so too.
Though Kim Sol agreed verbally, something about his tone felt uneasy. Haeyul focused on the words coming through the phone.
─But Haeyul, it’s bad if Cha Jae-woo starts moving now. Jo Gyeong-hoon is different from Jang Gijun. To survive, he’ll do anything—
“Ah!”
But Haeyul couldn’t hear the end of Kim Sol’s words. The phone in his hand had been snatched away by Cha Jae-woo, who had somehow entered the room without him noticing.
“C-Cha Jae-woo!”
Even as Haeyul cried out in shock, Cha Jae-woo remained indifferent. In a flash, the phone was crushed to powder in his hand.
“Don’t listen to pointless things.”
What the hell was happening?
What had Kim Sol been trying to tell him? What did Cha Jae-woo know that he was trying to block? Had he heard the entire call?
“……We were in the middle of talking. You can’t just end a call without a word. It sounded like something serious was going on with Sol hyung.”
It didn’t matter what was most important right now. Standing frozen like a block of ice, Haeyul mumbled in a small voice.
“Don’t worry about it.”
But Cha Jae-woo’s attitude remained utterly detached.
“I’ll buy you a new phone. Cut off contact with Kim Sol.”
The order dropped without a shred of explanation—and Haeyul’s frozen body finally moved.
He abruptly stood up and tried to snatch the shattered phone remnants from Cha Jae-woo’s hand. Perhaps not expecting this reaction, Cha Jae-woo furrowed his brow—but he didn’t loosen his grip.
“Give it back.”
“What are you doing?”
“Either way, it’s my phone. Even if you’re going to buy a new one, I’ll pay for it myself, so give that back to me first.”
Cha Jae-woo didn’t answer. But he also didn’t hand the phone over. It was strange. Just moments ago, he had seemed fine—but now, a sudden surge of anger welled up inside Haeyul.
“Whether it’s pointless or not, I’ll be the one to decide after hearing it. That’s not for you to judge.”
Haeyul had wanted to be on Cha Jae-woo’s side. Because he liked him. Because he wanted to be liked back. He had intended to do whatever Cha Jae-woo asked—whatever he wanted.
That was why he had turned a blind eye to that man on the verge of going Berserk. Even now, he could vividly recall the moment he desperately pretended not to know.
He had thought himself to be quite patient. At times, he even thought, So this is how liking someone can make you this stupid.
And yet, here he was—raising his voice over something so trivial. Even he couldn’t fully understand himself.
“Then tell me. What was Sol hyung trying to say? You know, don’t you?”
Haeyul stared directly at Cha Jae-woo and asked. Cha Jae-woo, who had been silently gazing back, twitched an eyebrow.
“And what would you do if you knew?”
“I’m not saying I’m going to do anything—”
“Pity him?”
Would another victim end up just like that man if he looked away again? Cha Jae-woo’s question planted that fear in Haeyul’s heart.
“Yes.”
This time, he didn’t even hesitate. He nodded firmly, locking eyes with Cha Jae-woo.
“If there’s someone who deserves pity, I will.”
And he answered. He couldn’t just stand by and do nothing. Even if it meant interfering with Cha Jae-woo’s plans, even if it made his own situation worse, he couldn’t bear the thought of letting more people die without doing anything.
Of course, maybe he was just imagining things. But even if there was only the slightest chance he was right, he didn’t want to be complicit in creating another sacrifice.
“And who do you think you are?”
The words hurled back at him were sharp, like shards of broken glass.
