In that moment, what should I have said? I probably wouldn’t have been able to utter a single word. The shock and surprise left me speechless, my mouth clamped shut. I was frozen in Cha Jae-woo’s arms, unable to think or act.
‘Just do the guiding.’
So, I remained still until Cha Jae-woo spoke again. Even when he broke the silence, I couldn’t bring myself to respond. I hesitated, and Cha Jae-woo let out a short sigh.
‘Think of it as comforting, and do your best.’
His words only confused me further. How much did he think I knew? How did he find out that I had looked into his past? More importantly, was it true that Cha Jae-woo had killed his parents? And did he know about it?
Questions flooded my mind, but I couldn’t voice a single one. I couldn’t bring myself to speak, so all I could do was focus and guide him with all my heart, as he had instructed.
Even afterward, nothing changed. Even after my cumbersome cast was removed and I could walk on my own two feet, I still hadn’t asked Cha Jae-woo anything.
‘…It’s better not to ask.’
Of course, I was curious. But once the possibility had crossed my mind, I couldn’t stop wondering. Yet, I had no intention of asking. It wasn’t just because I couldn’t find the words, but because I didn’t know how to react if he confirmed the truth. Could I even comfort him? I had no idea.
“Hello.”
“Huh? …Oh, yeah. Hi.”
Before I knew it, I was in the lecture hall. The newly constructed business administration building still had that new building smell.
Most people seemed to appreciate the improved comfort of the new facilities, especially as the weather grew colder. The old lecture hall had only a small heater in the corner, but the new building had a state-of-the-art air conditioning system that provided both heating and cooling, as well as air circulation. As soon as you entered the building, you could feel the warmth.
As a result, students who had classes in other buildings often came to our building to pass the time. Some even joked that the old building collapsing was a blessing in disguise, thanks to Jung Hyun-soo.
“Are we in the same class?”
Normally, Jung Hyun-soo would have just said hello and kept walking, but since she was heading in the same direction as me, I casually asked her.
“No, a friend said they were bored and asked me to sit in on a lecture with them.”
Jung Hyun-soo smiled slightly and pointed to the person next to her. Only then did I notice someone else was with her. Since Jung Hyun-soo wasn’t in my department, I didn’t recognize the other person either.
“I see.”
And that was the end of the conversation.
Jung Hyun-soo and her friend nodded and walked ahead of me. As I watched them go, I forced myself to smile, even though my mouth wanted to frown.
Jung Hyun-soo seemed to have developed a sort of hero complex. Since no one had been hurt when the gate she caused collapsed, she had started to believe she was some kind of hero. People were always telling her how great it was that the building was new, or how cool it was that she was an Esper. It was no wonder she was starting to believe the hype.
The fact that she had no memory of the moment when she had lost control probably made it even easier for her to buy into the admiration. She had forgotten what it felt like to be out of control, so it made sense that she would be intoxicated by the praise.
She had no idea how dangerous her abilities could be, or what kind of harm she could cause.
I found myself unconsciously clicking my tongue and shaking my head. I was no longer sure if it was better for Espers to remember their rampages.
It was because of Cha Jae-woo.
The idea that one should remember the people they’ve killed sounds noble. But it’s easy to say when it’s someone else’s story. Now, I understand that it’s not my place to judge, as I’m essentially an outsider.
“You’ve passed the lecture hall.”
Lost in thought, I stopped walking when I heard Jung Hyun-soo’s voice. She had already entered the lecture hall and called out to me as I was about to walk right past it. I sheepishly turned back to the door, and Jung Hyun-soo smiled warmly at me.
“Thanks,” I said.
Truthfully, Jung Hyun-soo wasn’t as friendly with me as she used to be. At first, she saw me as her savior and was very affectionate. But now, she kept a polite distance, which was fine by me.
Shortly after Jung Hyun-soo’s memory was erased, she came to see me. Although she had forgotten everything about her rampage, she knew she had hurt me and wanted to apologize. I told her she didn’t need to; she had already apologized enough. That was the end of it. Jung Hyun-soo remembered nothing, and she seemed at peace.
“…….”
Today, my thoughts were racing. I placed my bag on Kim Geon-ung’s seat, as he was running late again, and sat down next to it. I felt unusually tired, perhaps because I had so much on my mind.
As I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes, I found myself focusing on Jung Hyun-soo. She was sitting in a spot that was directly in my line of sight, chatting with a friend.
‘……Oh. She still doesn’t know.’
Watching Jung Hyun-soo laugh and talk with her friend, I suddenly remembered something I had forgotten for a while.
‘He must have just pretended to alter her memory.’
When Cha Jae-woo erased Jung Hyun-soo’s memory again, I was sure he had only pretended to do so at the association’s request.
It seemed like ancient history now, but it was strange how I had forgotten about it. Why would he pretend to alter her memory? Why would the association want to keep her memories intact?
“……Oh.”
Fortunately, it didn’t take me long to figure it out.
Now that I had been a Guide for some time, I had a better understanding of how the association operated. I had learned to view their actions with suspicion.
Since Jung Hyun-soo hadn’t killed anyone, there was no urgent need to erase her memory. But there was no reason to keep it, either. The most likely explanation was that the association wanted to know what had happened inside the gate.
Of course, the association had no particular reason to be curious about the gate’s internal situation. They could have simply asked Cha Jae-woo, who had been inside. The variable was me. I had been inside that gate, and the association was still trying to figure out why Cha Jae-woo was so protective of me.
They would never believe that Cha Jae-woo had simply fallen for me. It couldn’t be that simple.
“…….”
I felt a surge of annoyance toward the association. It wasn’t unfounded; their priorities were completely different from what I had imagined.
Now, I knew that the association existed solely for the benefit of Espers. Ordinary people were of no consequence to them.
“Haah…….”
I closed my eyes tightly and let out a long sigh.
If it hadn’t been for Cha Jae-woo, would the association really have left us to die in the gate? Would they have waited until we were all dead before sending in an Esper to retrieve Jung Hyun-soo?
It was a rhetorical question. I knew they would have done exactly that and then altered the memories of the surviving students. An earthquake, shoddy construction—there were plenty of excuses they could use.
Cha Jae-woo had acted on his own initiative, and even I could see that now.
“…….”
But why did Cha Jae-woo always enter gates with rampaging Espers? One question answered, another arose.
Was he trying to assuage some kind of guilt? If so, did that mean… Cha Jae-woo remembered what had happened when he first manifested his powers?
“Ha……. Let’s stop this.”
I rubbed my face and hung my head. I kept telling myself that it was better not to know, that I should stop digging. But the same thoughts kept circling in my mind.
I don’t need to know.
I should stop investigating.
I repeated these words to myself over and over, hoping they would sink in.
It wasn’t easy, but it was the right thing to do.
