Due to the side effects of guiding, he, a Guide, had developed a one-sided emotion. He had fallen for Cha Jae-woo. He became certain of that fact after a recent phone call with Kim Sol.
Looking back now, it seemed that his feelings had bloomed even earlier. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when, but one thing was clear: he’d been suffering alone for quite a while, not knowing what it was or what to do about it.
At the time, the only thing he could be sure of was the overwhelming desire to stabilize Cha Jae-woo. But regrettably, it was something he simply couldn’t achieve with his own ability.
Even though he had discovered an odd, unconventional method of guiding unknown to others, he fully understood that as a D-Rank Guide, he couldn’t completely stabilize Cha Jae-woo.
So he worked tirelessly, searching for a way to increase his mana. Cha Jae-woo’s spacious home had a massive library filled with vast amounts of material on Espers and Guides—things one couldn’t find in an ordinary public library. It was the perfect place for research.
From the moment he discovered that library, he clung to the hope that somewhere among the countless books, there might be a way to boost his mana.
Of course, Kim Sol had firmly shaken his head and insisted that no such method existed. He had even sharply rebuked him, telling him not to even entertain such thoughts. That it was all just a delusion born from his emotions being stirred for Cha Jae-woo.
And Kim Sol had been right.
Driven by that delusion—or perhaps the side effect—he became obsessed with doing everything he possibly could for Cha Jae-woo. To the point where now, he didn’t just care for him; he actually liked him.
At least he knew this was a side effect that any Guide could experience; otherwise, he would have surely mistaken it for genuine feelings.
In any case, there were clear limits to his ability to guide Cha Jae-woo. And every time Cha Jae-woo returned from a gate, his condition would regress back to square one, rendering all his efforts in vain.
He knew it. He knew that with his meager amount of mana, he could never truly stabilize Cha Jae-woo. At best, he was like a short-lived painkiller—offering only temporary relief.
So he tried harder. If he couldn’t increase his mana, he would compensate by deepening their physical contact, hoping that it would at least help stabilize Cha Jae-woo’s unstable wavelength.
“Lim Haeyul?”
Cha Jae-woo had readily accepted him. Yet even so, Haeyul couldn’t help but wonder: did Cha Jae-woo truly want his wavelength to be stabilized?
“You don’t even need it anyway! If you’re in that much pain, then at least stay home and rest! Why do you keep pushing yourself to the edge like this…!”
Over time, Haeyul had improved enough that he could now sense Cha Jae-woo’s condition even without using mana. But today, even that skill was unnecessary—anyone could see how bad Cha Jae-woo’s state was.
He knew very well how foolish it was to expect any sort of gratitude for his actions. He wasn’t doing this because he wanted anything in return. His only wish was for Cha Jae-woo not to wear himself out in the gate—not for himself, but because they shared the same goal: stabilizing Cha Jae-woo’s wavelength.
Thus, if Cha Jae-woo took care of his body, it wasn’t an act of gratitude towards Haeyul, but cooperation toward their mutual objective.
However, if Cha Jae-woo showed no signs of cooperation, then Haeyul saw no reason to keep pushing himself, either. If only he had stuck to guiding the way Kim Sol had taught him from the beginning, he might have never ended up liking Cha Jae-woo.
Granted, if he had kept guiding him, maybe he would have fallen for him eventually anyway—but it wouldn’t have been this fast. No matter how he looked at it, he was the only one losing out.
“I’ll… start guiding now….”
With a powerless hand, Haeyul reached out toward Cha Jae-woo’s arm. As he had said earlier, he really only intended to hold his hand for the guiding.
He forced himself to calm his trembling shoulders and tried to widen his teary eyes to see more clearly. Only then did Cha Jae-woo’s hand, which had been a blurry mess, finally come into sharp focus.
“Haah….”
“…….”
“Side effect.”
Just as his hand was about to touch, Cha Jae-woo spoke up. His voice sounded a little annoyed—or perhaps flustered—which made Haeyul instinctively freeze in place and look up at him.
“The side effect’s pretty intense, huh.”
Haeyul quietly gazed at the deep crease between Cha Jae-woo’s brows, then turned his head away.
Looking at Cha Jae-woo’s face made his heart waver immediately. Even though Cha Jae-woo was in such terrible shape, how could he not properly guide him now?
“Lim Haeyul.”
But the more he thought about it, the more he realized nothing good would come from it. In the end, he would just change his mind again and desperately try to guide him with all his strength.
Haeyul shook his head fiercely and reached out once more. However, he froze when Cha Jae-woo grabbed his wrist first. They only needed to make contact for guiding to begin, yet actually starting felt strangely difficult.
“I don’t even know why I have to say this to you.”
Cha Jae-woo fell silent for a moment. It was clear that whatever he was about to say wasn’t something he wanted to voice—his hesitation was uncharacteristically obvious.
Of course, Haeyul’s curiosity was piqued. Without even realizing that his tears had stopped, he stared fixedly at Cha Jae-woo.
“…I have to go.”
But the answer that came was utterly anticlimactic. Haeyul couldn’t help but feel like mocking him—wasn’t this the same person who had stubbornly refused to go to the gate before?
“It’s just the way things are. Not something I need to explain to you.”
“Why not? Just explain it to me. Maybe I’ll actually understand if you do.”
“…I don’t need your understanding.”
The reply was harsh beyond belief. Seeing Haeyul fuming with frustration, Cha Jae-woo let out a deep sigh. His chest rose and fell heavily.
“I can’t avoid going to the gate.”
“…….”
“But I’ll monitor my condition. I don’t want to be pushed to the brink of a rampage either.”
“…….”
“So stop worrying about pointless things. It won’t be for long.”
Though he still hadn’t provided any proper explanation, Haeyul found himself calming down just from hearing Cha Jae-woo’s voice. It was almost as if he had never been upset to begin with—the anger and anxiety dissipated so quickly.
Cha Jae-woo said no more after that. Haeyul simply stared at him. Those deep black eyes seemed almost as if they were comforting him.
Of course, that couldn’t possibly be true.
“Cha Jae-woo-ssi.”
Steeling his still-watery voice, Haeyul suddenly called out Cha Jae-woo’s name.
“You’re surprisingly… kind.”
At those words, Cha Jae-woo’s eyebrows twitched slightly.
“And generous too.”
Regardless of his reaction, Haeyul just continued blurting out what he wanted to say.
The Cha Jae-woo he had come to know seemed more the type to snap at him to stop whining and focus on guiding properly, rather than bothering to explain things and reassure him.
But this time, he hadn’t. Instead, he seemed almost concerned about Haeyul wiping his tears. The moment he realized that, Haeyul’s heart began pounding uncontrollably.
But this… this was unavoidable. Sure, the side effects were part of it, but mostly it was because Cha Jae-woo had looked so—no, incredibly—cool just now. He had thought Cha Jae-woo lived without much thought or care, but clearly, that wasn’t the case.
After a brief pause, Haeyul carefully asked,
“…You really, truly know what you’re doing, right? Like, you’ve calculated everything—when you’re about to reach the point of rampage and all that?”
Cha Jae-woo immediately nodded.
“Could it be that you actually prefer being in that kind of unstable state…?”
“Ha.”
But instead of answering, Cha Jae-woo let out a dry laugh. It sounded almost like a scoff. A clear denial.
That could only mean there was another reason he wasn’t telling him—and that he had no intention of explaining it, either.
Understanding that much didn’t make Haeyul feel any less disappointed or frustrated. He pushed down those feelings with effort and nodded.
“So basically, you just want me to… um, guide you as much as I can, right?”
“Yeah.”
Cha Jae-woo answered crisply, as if he’d been waiting for that question.
Haeyul exhaled deeply and peeled off the hand still gripping his wrist.
He abandoned his earlier plan to merely hold Cha Jae-woo’s hand and decided to go for a full embrace instead. But just as he was adjusting his posture, Cha Jae-woo reclined lazily back down, making it awkward for Haeyul to approach.
“Get up here.”
Before Haeyul could even process what he meant, Cha Jae-woo spoke again.
Get up? Where? Onto the bed?
He could feel his pupils shaking violently. Mouth agape, he could only gape dumbly at Cha Jae-woo.
“Uh… I think I’m misunderstanding something here….”
“Get up here and lie down.”
His heart dropped to his stomach.
Cha Jae-woo’s tone was so matter-of-fact that it felt almost seductive. Maybe that’s why—lounging there so languidly—Cha Jae-woo suddenly looked like a fox to him.
Maybe that’s why, even though Cha Jae-woo had somewhat explained things and soothed him earlier, Haeyul couldn’t help but grow suspicious. No, seriously. Why would Cha Jae-woo care if he cried or not? There was no reason for him to comfort Haeyul.
As mentioned earlier, if Cha Jae-woo had simply told him to hurry up and guide him properly, Haeyul would have obediently lowered his tail in submission.
But instead… it genuinely felt like he was trying to soothe the feelings that had sprung up from the side effects. And that was suspicious. Very suspicious.
Was it really okay for his emotions to flip over like a pancake? The doubt gnawed at him, refusing to fade even now. This wasn’t something he could dismiss as a trivial matter. Cha Jae-woo’s behavior was undeniably strange.
“Um, excuse me….”
As soon as that thought crossed his mind, his mouth moved faster than his brain. The words came out without a single filter.
“Are you… trying to take advantage of my feelings?”
As expected, Cha Jae-woo tilted his head slightly, wearing an odd expression. Haeyul hurriedly added on in a panic.
“I mean, you were being all soft and explaining things and comforting me, and then right after that, you’re telling me to get on the bed!”
“…….”
“Think about it. If someone you liked suddenly told you to get on their bed, it’s basically like saying, ‘If you want me to eat you up, go ahead,’ right?!”
“…Eat you up?”
“A-ah, no, what I mean is! It’s like—you’re messing with my emotions, kneading them around, trying to control me however you want with them… uh, that kind of, um, reasonable suspicion….”
But his spirited explanation didn’t last to the end. As he replayed his own rambling words in his head, they started sounding completely ridiculous.
‘Would Cha Jae-woo even need to do that?’
Even without lifting a finger, Haeyul was already a mess on his own. Cha Jae-woo could just accept the guiding quietly—what reason would he have to manipulate him?
“…….”
“Why? Go on. Keep talking.”
Haeyul stared blankly at Cha Jae-woo, who nodded casually. He couldn’t bring himself to speak. He didn’t even want to rehash what sort of nonsense he’d just blurted out in his moment of wild suspicion.
“Why don’t you let me eat you up and find out?”
“N-no, that’s not what I meant….”
Cha Jae-woo leaned back, making space for him on the bed with alarming politeness. Haeyul’s vision blurred. Seriously… he was so mortified he wanted to just curl up and die.
