The moment he realized he liked someone, he wondered—was there anyone else in the world who would be as ridiculously happy as he was? Even knowing that the person was the same sex, and that the chances of anything happening between them were practically zero.
Probably not.
Still, he was overjoyed, despite the inevitability of the situation. After all, the strange symptoms that had been tormenting him for so long had finally found a clear explanation, and that alone made him indescribably relieved.
There was no need to be surprised, no need to panic. It was, in a way, just a fake emotion. That simple definition soothed him.
Of course, he hated that it was Cha Jae-woo he had come to like. The only reason he felt happy was because he had finally uncovered the true nature of his own heart, something he hadn’t even been aware of.
It made sense. He still had to continue guiding. And that meant he would have to carry this burden of emotion for a long time to come.
In other words, every time he faced Cha Jae-woo, his heart would continue pounding uncontrollably, and the overwhelming, helpless feelings that surged just at the thought of him would not go away.
“Hmm…”
It was such an unnecessary emotion. There was some wonder in realizing, Ah, so this is what it’s like to like someone, but that was all. He had no desire whatsoever to keep feeling this way for long. The faster this feeling faded, the better it would be for him.
So then, what did he need to do?
He needed to stabilize Cha Jae-woo’s wavelength as quickly as possible. Once Cha Jae-woo’s condition stabilized completely, the frequency of guiding sessions could be reduced, and with that, the side effects would gradually subside.
“…So meaningless.”
He sighed deeply as he flopped back onto the bed. It really was a pointless conclusion. If it were something he could accomplish just by deciding to, then Cha Jae-woo’s condition would have improved long ago.
‘No, wait—there actually is a way.’
His body, which had been melting into the bed like a puddle of ice cream, quickly regained tension. There was, in fact, a small, rather sneaky method to more rapidly stabilize Cha Jae-woo’s wavelength.
Skinship. In other words, more intimate physical contact.
“…Ugh.”
Just imagining anything beyond holding hands with Cha Jae-woo made him shudder. If he hadn’t realized his feelings, he would’ve easily dismissed it as simple aversion.
It was absurd. His heart was thundering, his entire body writhing in tension, so how could he possibly think it was because he hated it? It was so obvious that it was because he liked it.
“Idiot.”
He smacked himself lightly on the head. He had been pretty good at studying, but when it came to everything else, he was an utter failure.
“Well, at least you know now.”
“Eek!”
The foolish train of thought he had been following, even while knowing better, vanished in an instant. He had been rolling around on the bed, sitting up and lying down repeatedly, when Cha Jae-woo’s sudden voice sent him jolting upright.
“Uh, when… did you get here?”
“A while ago.”
“Ah… I see. A while ago…”
His voice, mumbling without meeting Cha Jae-woo’s gaze properly, grew softer and softer. Of course, Cha Jae-woo would have heard him loud and clear. He was an Esper, after all, with a hearing far sharper than normal.
In that sense, there might be some perks to being an Esper. He would probably never be caught off guard by someone approaching quietly, the way he had been. Even doors that opened with barely a whisper—doors so well-made you could hardly hear them—Cha Jae-woo would surely catch.
‘…Thinking about it like that, it might actually be exhausting.’
Feeling a fleeting surge of sympathy, he quickly shook his head to chase the thought away.
That was that, and this was this. It was one thing to have good hearing, but it was another thing entirely to keep showing up so suddenly. His heart couldn’t take it anymore; it felt like it plummeted to the floor every time. He definitely needed to give Cha Jae-woo a warning about that.
And even if it was just a fake emotion, the fact remained that he liked Cha Jae-woo—and because of that, he wanted to at least look somewhat presentable. It wasn’t about wanting to win Cha Jae-woo’s favor. It was simply for his own satisfaction.
“But, um…”
Cha Jae-woo’s eyebrows twitched slightly. He could have just nodded or given a short verbal reply, but it seemed even that was too much trouble for him.
Feeling a little sulky for a moment, he still managed to speak his mind smoothly.
“Could you, uh… knock before you come in…?”
Even if he couldn’t hear footsteps, he could still hear a knock. Sure, this was technically Cha Jae-woo’s house, but this room was his for now. Surely, he had the right to request at least that much?
Cha Jae-woo absolutely had to agree. If he kept popping up out of nowhere like this, Lim Haeyul’s heart would eventually give out from all the fluttering.
“Ugh…”
From the fluttering. Yeah, from the fluttering.
Now that he thought about it, it really was a bizarre sensation. He was seriously thinking that seeing Cha Jae-woo made his heart flutter. Was this reality? Even if it was caused by the side effects, feeling firsthand how quickly human emotions could shift made a shiver run down his spine.
Of course, part of it was because Cha Jae-woo was just ridiculously good-looking. Even if he hadn’t been an Esper, he would have been famous regardless. Every single strand of his hair was handsome. There wasn’t a single flaw on him, not even the tiniest bit. Maybe that was why there was this weird synergy effect.
‘…Does he have to be perfect in everything for that to happen?’
He let out a hollow laugh at the absurdity of it all.
“What’s up with you?”
“…Nothing. I mean, asking you to knock is something I could do even when I’m completely normal.”
“Normal?”
Cha Jae-woo clicked his tongue and tilted his head toward the mirror.
‘What’s so wrong with me?’
Grumbling inwardly, he still obediently turned to look at his reflection.
“…I guess I do look a little off.”
“Good thing you know.”
His hair was sticking up wildly in every direction, and his clothes—once neat—were all rumpled. To top it off, his face was flushed red, either from rubbing it too much or, more likely, from looking at Cha Jae-woo. It was a sorry sight.
“Then lock the door.”
“…Yes, sir. Seems like I’m hitting puberty late or something. I’ll make sure to lock it from now on…”
Cha Jae-woo frowned as he looked at him. Lim Haeyul sheepishly tried to fix his hair and got up from the bed, tugging down at the wrinkles in his clothes.
“Phew… Should we start guiding?”
This time, Cha Jae-woo’s eyes narrowed sharply. Flustered, he hurriedly added,
“It’s not like I was goofing around to avoid guiding or anything.”
“Did I say you were?”
“You said it with your face.”
“You an Esper now?”
“Is there an Esper who can read minds too?”
“…Go find out yourself.”
Cha Jae-woo sighed like he was looking at some pitiful creature. It was natural that Lim Haeyul, who hadn’t cared at all about Espers or Guides before, didn’t know much about their abilities, but he still felt strangely embarrassed.
‘I could barely even manage my own body!’
The words stayed trapped in his throat, unable to make it out.
Then, unintentionally, he found himself looking at Cha Jae-woo again. His face, now back to its usual blank expression, somehow stirred a strange worry inside.
“…You don’t have that kind of ability, right, Cha Jae-woo-ssi?”
He asked the question out of pure paranoia. If Cha Jae-woo did have such an ability, it would mean he had seen right through all of Lim Haeyul’s confused inner turmoil up until now.
Would it be faster to bite his tongue or to dive into the Han River? It might have been caused by the side effects, but the thought alone made him break out in cold sweat from the sheer shame.
“If I could read your mind, would I be asking you stuff one by one?”
Thankfully, Cha Jae-woo was kind enough to spare him from spiraling into extreme decisions.
“That’s… a relief…”
He let out a breath of pure relief, so light it almost dissolved into the air.
“What were you even thinking to be that relieved?”
Cha Jae-woo asked as he took a step closer. The reason for closing the distance was obvious. It was time to start guiding.
His brain understood. There was no room for misunderstanding.
Yet, his heart still dropped in a heavy thud. It felt like all the blood in his body rushed to his face, and his fingertips trembled uncontrollably.
‘Fucking side effects.’
He clenched his trembling hands into loose fists and hung his head low. His lips were pressed tightly together.
“What’s wrong with you?”
Cha Jae-woo must have noticed something strange because he asked.
Lim Haeyul managed to barely lift his head. Cha Jae-woo was looking at him with a hint of concern—no, more like a flicker of doubt, as if wondering if he had gone insane.
It was a truly unfair misunderstanding. He was only like this because he was guiding Cha Jae-woo. Someone like Cha Jae-woo, who had contributed massively to this whole situation, had no right to look at him like that.
Still, why was it that only Guides experienced side effects? Espers like Cha Jae-woo stayed perfectly fine! It was so damn unfair!
“Cha Jae-woo-ssi, aren’t you feeling anything at all?”
The unfairness welled up inside him so fast that it burst out in a petulant voice. Cha Jae-woo frowned slightly at the sudden question. It was obvious he couldn’t read Lim Haeyul’s mind—at least that much was clear. The silly thought flashed through his mind.
“You don’t feel anything?”
“Feel anything?”
“Yes! Anything at all!”
A long sigh escaped from him.
Lim Haeyul rubbed his face vigorously and glanced at Cha Jae-woo. There was no need to ask. Cha Jae-woo’s face showed that he didn’t understand a single thing he was saying.
Which meant… He was the only one taking damage because of the guiding. How many other Guides must have struggled helplessly in this fake emotion?
Kim Sol’s words resurfaced in his mind—how he had emphasized over and over again: Don’t ever think it’s real. Be careful—it’s all just an illusion.
It was because the side effects only affected Guides while Espers remained untouched. Honestly, both Espers and Guides were working just as hard to eliminate Gates, but the world was still unfair.
Espers were praised and adored for their powers, while Guides had to hide away. Not to mention this miserable side effect where only Guides ended up liking the Espers!
Those damn Espers probably just thought it was a bonus whenever a Guide fell for them. Even he was a perfect example of that. The moment he started liking Cha Jae-woo, hadn’t he been dying to guide him even more?
“…Fuck.”
“Fuck?”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“…”
“…Well, I did, but I wasn’t cursing you.”
Cha Jae-woo watched him, then brusquely turned his head away. He must have grown tired of this nonsensical conversation.
Without a word, Cha Jae-woo walked past him and plopped down onto the couch. A silent demand: Enough talking. Start guiding already.
Lim Haeyul hurriedly followed him, shuffling forward. Before taking Cha Jae-woo’s hand, he took a deep, steadying breath.
Fine. No point getting upset over something he couldn’t change. He had to face reality and set clear goals.
He didn’t want to keep harboring feelings for Cha Jae-woo. To do that, he needed to reduce the number of guiding sessions. But Cha Jae-woo’s condition was still so unstable that even daily guiding barely kept him in check.
That meant he had to try every method he could to stabilize Cha Jae-woo quickly.
“Cha Jae-woo-ssi.”
“…Ha…”
Instead of a reply, Cha Jae-woo exhaled heavily, clearly exasperated. Just when he was about to say something really important, this response made Lim Haeyul’s heart sink.
‘Fucking fake emotions.’
He forced his sagging mouth into a smile.
“There’s something I need to say before we start guiding.”
“Say it.”
Hurry up and get it over with, then start guiding already.
Even those two short words were loaded with impatience. Lim Haeyul swallowed dryly and looked at Cha Jae-woo. The realization that those bored eyes were locked onto him made his heart race uncontrollably again.
“I… I like you, Cha Jae-woo-ssi.”
